I apologize for the delay. I hope there are still folks reading this.
This is actually the third rewrite of this chapter and I'm still not in love with it. I figured you'd rather have this than wait another month... I'm being obsessive.
A glance at the caller ID said it was my dad and I rolled my eyes at myself for hoping otherwise. "Hey, dad," I said as a greeting.
"Hey, kiddo," he returned, his voice sad.
"Dad? What's wrong?" I asked, worried.
"I've got some bad news, Bella. Alice Whitlock passed away about seven-thirty this morning."
XOXOXOX
Have you ever been to the funeral of someone you don't know? It's an awkward situation I don't recommend. When I showed up at the funeral home, I couldn't leave my car. I sat there, worrying. I most definitely didn't belong there, but I wanted to be there for Jasper. God, Jasper! I couldn't imagine what he was going through. The guilt had been tearing me apart since I found out about Alice.
I was in love with another woman's husband. I had sex with another woman's husband. Oh, Christ! I took a deep breath and opened the car door.
I hadn't heard from Jasper since that night. My calls went straight to voicemail, and though it was expected, it made me feel unsettled. My dad was standing at the front steps, waiting for me. He held his arms open for me and I fell into his hug, my whole body trembling. The guilt and worry were too much to bear.
"Bella? Are you okay?" Charlie asked as he pulled away from the hug. He gripped my elbows, steadying me.
Not trusting my voice, I nodded, and we walked into the building. I have always hated funeral homes. They're always covered by a fog of grief and loss, they smell like dead flowers, and they're always freezing.
Jasper was sitting in the family section, all alone, but surrounded by people. "Let's go pay our respects," Charlie said with a nudge. My feet dragged as we walked toward Jasper and Mr. and Mrs. Brandon.
My dad shook Jasper's hand and spoke softly to him for a few minutes. I walked up to him slowly. "Jasper," I started. "I wish I knew what to say, but know I'm here if you ever want to talk or if you just want to sit around and stare at the wall. Okay?" I asked, begging him silently to look at me. He didn't. His eyes stayed focused on the floor. His body stiffened when I pulled him into a hug, and he didn't respond at all.
My guilt hardened into a stone and settled into my belly. It was easier with the Brandons. I could tell they had accepted their daughter's death and knew she was better off. Mrs. Brandon pulled me into a tight hug and whispered quietly, "Please help us keep an eye on him. He's struggling."
I nodded silently and followed my dad to a row of seats in the middle of the room. Throughout the funeral, my eyes kept drifting to Jasper. His eyes were vacant and he sat motionless during the service.
XOXOXOX
Six days later, my dad knocked on my door with a worried crease between his brows. "Have you heard from him?" he asked, as I pulled open the door.
I didn't have to ask who he was talking about. "No. Still nothing."
"Let's go," he said with a nod. He turned and walked down the porch steps and I followed in silence.
In the truck I sighed deeply as I leaned my head against the window. My stomach clenched as we got closer to Jasper's house. I rolled my head a bit and looked at my father. "I slept with Jasper," I blurted.
"What?" Charlie's wide, shocked eyes met mine for a second before returning to the road. He pulled into a gas station parking lot and turned off the truck. He turned to look at me, his face a mixture of shock and disgust.
"I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I really feel like I might throw up and I don't know if I need to go to his house and I'm pretty sure he hates me now, because he was with me when Alice died," I rambled without taking a breath. My poor father's face paled as several emotions flickered in his eyes.
"What the hell, Bella?" was all he could manage before he rubbed his hands roughly over his face. "Okay," he sighed. "I'm going to go check on Jasper now. You're going to stay in the car. Got it?" he asked in his dad voice.
I nodded silently, grateful that he didn't lecture me... yet. My head found it's spot back against the cool glass and I quietly watched the blurred scenery go by. When we pulled into the driveway, my dad reached over and patted my shoulder awkwardly. "We're going to talk about this when we get back to your house. Not in too much detail, please," he said and before I could form a reply, he was out of the truck and walking up Jasper's porch steps.
My eyes were trained on the front door as Charlie rang the doorbell. I watched as the wooden door opened and my stomach flip flopped when my dad disappeared into the house. My thoughts were scattered and nervous. "Christ," I muttered. Slowly, I drew in a deep, calming breath and let it out.
Minutes passed slowly as I sat waiting in the truck. Just as I was beginning to feel antsy, I heard my dad's voice, loud and strong, "Alright, Jasper. Good luck, Son, and have a safe trip."
My head whipped around and as my eyes settled on the porch, I caught a glimpse of Jasper. He looked... good. Somehow, I was startled to see him looking so put together when I was falling apart. I was so embarrassed by my thoughts, realizing just how self-centered I seemed.
Charlie was silent as he slid into the truck. The smell of cigarette smoke and peppermint soothed my frazzled nerves and I waited for him to speak... and waited. He didn't speak one word until we pulled into my driveway. He cut the engine and turned to meet my eyes.
"Jasper is leaving," he said calmly. "He specifically asked that you not try to contact him." I opened my mouth to protest, but he continued, "Now. Let's get in the house. We obviously need to talk."
I know, I know. The next chapter is definitely coming along easier than this one, so the wait will be minimal. I feel terrible for the wait between last chapter and this one, but know I'll never abandon this story. Real life is insane sometimes, but even if it's slow, this story will make it to the end.