A/N: TRIGGER WARNING! In Carmilla's pre-game pep talk we learn a little more of what Deanna put her through.
When Carmilla woke the next morning she couldn't help but wonder if she would ever get used to waking up next to Laura. Every morning seemed to contain a new experience and this morning's might prove to be her favorite yet. She woke slowly, savouring the remnants of the most pleasant and erotic dream when she realized it wasn't a dream.
She lay on her stomach, the blanket somewhere below her behind and Laura's naked body pressed tightly to her side. She did her best to feign sleep as Laura ghosted her fingers over the many scars on her back and then leaned to kiss each one softly, her hair tickling her back as she paused a moment, her right hand moving to her side and brushed lightly against the side of her breast before moving onto the next and repeating the whole process. Carmilla wondered idly what Laura was doing, and after what seemed like forever, that she hadn't realized just how many scars her back had.
Once Laura had methodically made her way to her neck, she brushed her hair aside, ran her tongue along her ear and the whispered softly; "You awake yet?"
"No," she replied, her voice belying how turned on she already was. She cleared her throat as she rolled to her back; "What were you doing?"
"Waking you up," she replied innocently.
"Why were you kissing my scars?" she asked with wonder.
"They are a part of who you are," Laura said quietly as she met her eyes; "I knew I'd probably never get the chance to find them all if you were awake," she said sadly, although Carmilla couldn't detect any note of pity in her voice.
"I was awake," she corrected and smiled; "But, even though I couldn't figure out what you were doing, I didn't want to stop you." She closed her eyes and shook her head; she couldn't explain it to herself, how could she explain it to her? "Laura," she began; "from the moment I met you, you've made me feel like the most important person in the world, and," she reached up to push some hair behind Laura's ear; "somewhere along the way, not only did I start to believe it, you became the centre of my universe." Laura blushed and kissed her softly. "You make me feel so loved and adored…"
"And cherished," Laura continued and kissed her again; "and so wanted," she kissed her neck; "and needed," she met her eyes again; "When I kissed each scar I told it I loved it because they're a part of you and what makes you, you, and I love you." She said fondly and kissed her chest. "I made each one a promise; I'm going to make her pay for every time she laid a hand on you," she continued, her voice now having taken an edge; "For every time she made you doubt yourself, and lastly, and maybe most importantly, for making you believe that you aren't worthy of love." She leaned in and kissed her softly, only this time Carmilla tangled her hand in Laura's hair and deepened the kiss as she reversed their positions.
Laura pushed her away gently as her hands started to roam. She met her eyes and pouted dramatically in an attempt to lighten the mood, but Laura wasn't to be deterred.
"Do you know how you swept me off my feet, Kitten?" she asked. Carmilla smiled shyly and shook her head. "By just being you," she smiled. "You let me in, and I know, from my own experience, how hard that is to do when you've spent so long trying to be strong and trying not to feel. I know how scary it is to be vulnerable and break the habit of looking for ulterior motives. I knew I was in love when you opened up to me."
"I do love you, Laura," she shook her head; it seemed so inadequate after Laura's speech. "I know that might not seem like enough but I don't know what else to say."
"You don't have to say anything, baby, I already know, you show me every day," she said fondly. "Thank you for letting me take care of you this week and not asking too many questions."
"Would you have told me if I asked?"
"I wouldn't have had many answers for you," Laura admitted sheepishly; "Any time someone called I asked them if it could wait until after the fight."
"Why?"
"Because I didn't want to have to lie to you," she answered simply. "For example; Rick called yesterday morning to tell me the results of the analysis on the Jeep so I asked him if not knowing right away would put us in more danger. He got quiet a moment and then said no."
"You want to know what this last week has made me realize?" Carmilla asked.
"That your step-mother is certifiable?" Laura joked; "No. Wait. We already knew that."
"I realized that," she started, her tone such that Laura sobered immediately; "until she's dealt with there's no such thing as safe for us, only safer. I can pay triple what I should have had to have my home fenced in and turned into a compound but it only makes us safer, not safe. And that goes for everyone now living within that compound, not safe, only safer."
She shook her head and looked to the clock.
"Is that why you agreed to Steven and Betty?" Laura asked when she turned back to her. "It makes us safer?"
"Yes," Carmilla replied; "But enough about that for now. Perry is going to be here soon to braid my hair and I'd like to eat first."
"Carm?" Laura said softly, a hand on her arm stopping her as she went to get out of bed; "You shouldn't be ashamed of them, your scars." Carmilla turned to her and searched her eyes. "Not only are they proof you survived something that no one, let alone a child, should have to survive but," she smiled and ran her hand along her back; "they're beautiful, in their own way, and they only make me love you more."
"Well don't get used to them," she replied and ran her thumb over Laura's cheek; "I'm getting them tattooed over the minute her ass is dealt with," she pointed to the scar on her arm; "I'm planning a tattoo over this one after the Ultimate Fighter." Laura ran her finger over the scar thoughtfully. "But I'm not trying to cover them, exactly," she smiled and kissed her softly; "C'mon, let's have some breakfast and I'll explain," she said as she got up and held her hand out to her.
"Shouldn't we have a shower first?" Laura said as she followed; "We must stink of sex."
Carmilla turned and nuzzled into her neck.
"You might have a point," she said huskily; "but I'm going to need a shower after my run and I'm not sure I want to shower three times today."
"I suppose," Laura sighed dramatically; "I'll want a shower after your run too, if you don't mind me joining you?"
"Actually," she smiled and pulled Laura close; "I think I'd like that very much but I need you to let me focus, okay?" Laura smiled and nodded. "And please don't be offended if I put my music in, it's just part of my routine."
"I don't have to…"
Carmilla interrupted her with a kiss.
"I'm still processing what we just talked about," she said and rested their foreheads together; "And a part of me wants to forgo all my usual prep and lie in bed with you all afternoon talking but…"
"You can't," Laura supplied firmly and then kissed her softly. "It's okay, Carm, really. I don't want to mess up your pre-fight ritual. I just, I guess I want to be as much a part of it as I can. Is that okay?"
"Six weeks ago I couldn't have imagined my life as it is now with you in it," she said, the words so hard to find; "but now?" she smiled. "I can't imagine my life any other way." She kissed her softly as Laura tried to pull her back to the bed. "We don't have time, sweetness, but I promise I'll make it up to you tonight," she offered and pulled her toward the bathroom. "Let's freshen up a little and get dressed, I can eat while Perry does my hair."
They took turns in the bathroom and then met up at the sink to wash up a bit.
"I was so nervous when you gave me my sponge bath," Laura confided as Carmilla washed her. Carmilla met her eyes and smiled. "You were so gentle, so shy," she ran her hand through Carmilla's hair. "It was really very endearing."
Carmilla kissed her forehead and then resumed washing her.
"I was nervous too," she admitted; "but the, I don't know, the relief?" She shook her head. "Whatever I was feeling, it was so much greater than anything else." She put the washcloth aside and took Laura's face in her hands. "I don't know that I realized, until that very moment, how much you already meant to me," she sighed, kissed her softly and then made to wash herself. "And I was terrified of pulling you into the shit storm that is my life right now, that you'd get hurt even worse than you already have," she sighed as she soaped up the washcloth and starting washing herself, Laura watching her intently. "After what happened with the Jeep," Laura put her hand on her shoulder, "I guess I didn't really think she'd try to kill me, or someone I'm close to," she put her head down and gripped the edge of the sink. Unable to meet Laura's eyes as she voiced her worst fear, she kept her head hung as she continued; "Maybe I should walk away from all this. Maybe I should, I don't know, find some way to end this peacefully before someone gets hurt."
"You said it yourself, Kitten, you stopping won't stop her," Laura reminded her as she rinsed out the cloth and started to wash away the soap on Carmilla's body. "Besides, she has to be shitting bricks right about now, right?" she asked, Carmilla meeting her eyes skeptically. "She has to know about the Jeep by now, yes?" Carmilla nodded. "She has to know, or at least suspect, we've discovered the tampering in the other cars if for no other reason than they've stopped recording," Laura smiled. "I can almost guarantee she's more afraid than we are."
"Nothing scares her," Carmilla corrected.
"She knows, or suspects, that you know and can't help but wonder what you're going to do with that information," Laura told her and she starting to think maybe she was right. "Even without the mics she has to know about the Press Conference at the Convention Centre tomorrow."
"Convention Centre?" Carmilla questioned. "I thought we were having it here?"
"Apparently too many people want to be there," Laura advised her. "And we're staying downtown tonight, not here, but only my Dad and the Xanders know."
"Why?" Carmilla asked as she went to wet her hair under the shower. She looked back to Laura to find her watching her. "What? It makes it easier for Perry to braid." She finished wetting her hair and turned to find Laura watching her intently. "So, why are we staying downtown?" she prompted.
"Closer to the Convention Centre," Laura replied as she handed her a towel for her hair.
"True, but if it's solely for convenience sake, we might as well just go home for the night," Carmilla reasoned and headed out of the bathroom.
"Either way," Laura replied as she started dressing; "so long as I get you to myself tonight."
Carmilla smiled as she slipped a shirt over her head. She walked over to her and teased; "Now who's the sap?"
"It's just," she sighed; "If we stay here we'll probably get caught up in whatever party your cousin and his friends get going and I really don't want to be hungover and tired for the press conference tomorrow."
"I'm more than okay with going home and being alone with you for the night, Pup," Carmilla said as she tucked some of Laura's hair behind her ear; "Besides, we have a lot to talk about."
"It can't wait until the morning?" Laura whined.
"We'll see," Carmilla replied noncommittally and then looked to door when someone knocked. "Coming!" she called, grabbed a pair of shorts and slipped them on as she went to open the door.
"Carm!" Laura hissed, causing Carmilla to turn and laugh as Laura frantically finished getting dressed.
"Sorry," she apologized and opened the door. "Per!" she greeted and hugged her taller, curly red-haired manager.
"It's good to see you to, dear. Now," Perry pushed her away and took her face in her hands. "just how under are you?"
"One nineteen," Carmilla replied.
"Bullshit," Perry replied and shook her head.
"With clothes and runners," Carmilla admitted reluctantly.
"Damn it, Carmilla," Perry said in exasperation and made her way over to Laura; "Lola Perry. You must be Laura." Laura nodded. Perry turned back to Carmilla. "Want to explain your little stunt yesterday?" she asked, her hands on her hips.
"Carm?" Laura said tentatively, it was obvious she found Perry a little intimidating; "Breakfast?"
"Please," she smiled and motioned Perry towards the table while Laura prepared their cereal and yogurt. "You were at the weigh-ins?" Carmilla asked as Laura joined them, Perry nodded. "Why didn't you come talk to us?"
"I was a little busy," she replied tersely; however a small smile seemed to be playing around her mouth as she took out the tools she'd need to braid Carmilla's hair. "Fortunately your little display amused the woman I was escorting, though she was concerned with your weight."
"Out with it, who's here?" Carmilla asked.
"Shannon Knapp," Perry stated.
"Holy Hufflepuff!" Laura gasped, both Carmilla and Perry laughing at her outburst.
"Yes, well," Perry continued, composing herself; "Lucky for you the officials let you get away with it."
"What do you mean?" Laura asked.
"There are weight classes for a reason," Perry replied with a glare in Carmilla's direction. "I thought you were going to try to bulk up?"
"I did try, but you know how I get the week before a fight," Carmilla replied wearily and looked to Laura. "I rarely have trouble getting down to one fifteen because stress goes straight to my gut," she shook her head; "I barely have any appetite and what I do manage to eat goes straight through me." She looked back to Perry. "I did try," she assured her; "but then I realized putting on extra weight was only going to make me feel crappy," she could see Perry was about to object and continued before she could; "She was always going to have a size advantage, no matter what, at least this way I feel better than I have in months. I'm ready for this, Perry. I can beat her."
"You still haven't explained your little stunt," Perry reminded them as she started combing Carmilla's hair while she ate her breakfast.
"Which part?" Carmilla stalled; something was up with Perry, she'd never seen her so on edge.
"Let start with the coins," Perry prompted.
"That was my idea," Laura offered; "So was the stool. Carm didn't know about it."
"Where did you come up with that anyway?" Carmilla asked, smiling as she remembered the look on Danny's face.
"Pat Barry versus Stefan Struve, October two thousand and eleven," Laura replied with a smile while Carmilla and Perry wore identical looks of bemusement. "It was one of the first fights I watched with my Dad," she continued; "Barry is five foot nine and Struve is a full foot taller. Barry took the scale second and when it came time for the face-off he stayed on the scale, Struve went over for the face-off but he was still shorter," she shook her head and laughed; "When he stepped down the height difference was hilarious." She looked to Carmilla. "I'm surprised you didn't know that."
"I'm not," Carmilla replied with a shrug; "You've probably watched a lot more fights than I have. Hell, you've probably watched more fights than Perry and I put together."
"Because I've watched all of six, all of them yours," Perry replied, affection lacing her voice for the first time. "Why did you give Lawrence a sports drink?" she questioned.
"She looked on the verge of passing out," Carmilla replied tonelessly; "If she passed out the fight might have been canceled," she sighed; "She looked like shit up close, Per, I don't think she's well."
"Rumor has it she had to cut fifteen pounds in the last thirty-six hours," Perry supplied.
"So my little stunt probably really pissed her off," Carmilla sighed.
"If you were trying to get into her head I'd say you succeeded," Perry affirmed; "But I had to assure Shannon that you'd take her weigh-in more seriously."
"I've got the fight?" Carmilla asked excitedly and turned to her.
"Not yet," she replied and she put her hands on either side of Carmilla's head and turned it forward again. "But, and she didn't confirm this mind, I suspect she's here on Dana's behalf."
"How the hell did you get Invicta's president here?" Laura questioned.
"A flight in the Karnstein jet of course," Perry replied simply.
"You have a jet?" Laura exclaimed.
"It was Frank's," Carmilla replied nonchalantly; "Deanna finally figured out he was helping us and tried to bankrupt him about six months ago. I bought his jet just in case. Once he got everything settled he decided to leave it my name but our trip to New Mexico was the first time I was going to use it."
"Why have Will fly commercially from Montreal?" Laura asked.
"I wondered that myself," Perry commented.
"So we could confront Deanna, of course."
"Of course," Perry sighed. "Should I be worried about this press conference tomorrow?"
"I have no idea," Carmilla replied and looked to Laura; "My 'bad news filter' won't tell me what's going on."
"She let you get away with that?" Perry asked in shock, Laura smiled shyly and nodded. "I'm impressed; I've been trying to do that for the last year, at least for the week before a fight. How did you manage that?"
"She has her ways," Carmilla replied with a wink to Laura. "Trust me."
Perry spent the next hour putting Carmilla's hair into corn rows and then she and Laura went down to the hotel's gym, with Betty in tow, for their run. They didn't talk much until later that afternoon while they lay in bed after their shower.
"You never did tell me about the tattoos you have planned," Laura said as she ran her finger over the scar on Carmilla's right arm.
"If I had my laptop I could show you," Carmilla teased, she knew Laura wouldn't let her see it on the off chance she might glimpse a disturbing email. "I found a tattoo artist in Vegas who actually incorporates scars into the tattoo design. I'm getting a phoenix on my arm and a full back piece once this all over."
"Why wait on the back piece?" Laura asked.
"For one, a piece that size takes a while to heal and I can't afford the down time," Carmilla reasoned; "For another, I might need those scars as proof and I doubt a picture would really do them justice."
"Fair enough," Laura yawned; "What's the back piece of?"
"It's based on a piece of art I saw," she explained thoughtfully; "It's of a fallen angel, sitting holding his knees, a broken halo in his hands. It was in black and white and he had one demon wing and one angel wing in the process of changing, the only colour, one red horn and a single blue tear. My version is sort of the opposite; mine is a redeemed angel. He's losing his demon attributes and has his repaired halo in his hands, his wings are growing feathers and he's walking out of the fires of Hell."
"Do you think," Laura started thoughtfully as she continued to run her fingers along the scar on Carmilla's arm; "your artist could draw a complimentary phoenix for my arm?" She looked up to Carmilla, the surprise, she was sure, was all over her face. "Well, we kind of have complementary scars," she moved from where she'd been resting on her shoulder and kissed her. "We don't have too, I just thought it'd be cool," Laura said quietly when Carmilla still hadn't replied.
"Are you sure?" Laura nodded. "Tattoos are for life, even a non-matching tattoo is a big deal, especially on your forearm."
Laura turned to her stomach so she could look at her properly.
"Firstly; I said complementary, not matching," she clarified, which, in Carmilla's opinion, clarified nothing; "They'll look really amazing together or apart."
"Still, a forearm tattoo?" she questioned; "Tattoos aren't a big deal for fighters, but a journalist?"
"We'll just have to make sure it can be covered by a long sleeved shirt," Carmilla went to object but Laura wouldn't let her; "or there's makeup for that sort of thing." Carmilla still didn't answer; she was dumbfounded by Laura's suggestion. "What? You don't want me to?"
"Will you ever stop surprising me Laura Hollis?" Carmilla asked as she pushed Laura to her back and kissed her. When they came up for air again she studied her a moment. "Well," she sighed; "I suppose it could be worse," she laughed and laid her head on Laura's shoulder; "We could be getting each other's names."
"And what would be so bad about that?" Laura joked, "Maybe a small 'Carm's' on the inside of my wrist?"
"Actually," Carmilla said with a smile and looked up to her; "I like that. Can we do that before I leave?" Laura looked uncertain so she rushed to add; "You don't have to if you don't want to but…"
"It would be nice to have during the show?" Laura guessed. Carmilla's smiled, kissed her and then lay her head back down. "And you'll get 'Laura's'?"
"How about 'Pup's'?" Carmilla teased.
"You really want me to advertise, 'Kitten's'?" she joked.
"No," Carmilla laughed; "I suppose I don't." She sighed and got more comfortable. "I really need to try to get some sleep."
"Okay," Laura replied, kissed the top of her head and started rubbing her back. "I love you Carm, you're going to be amazing tonight."
"I love you too, Laura," Carmilla replied, tilted her head up and accepted Laura's kiss. "I'm happy you're here," she said and snuggled back into her. "I don't think I've ever been this relaxed before a fight."
"Glad I'm good for something," Laura joked.
"You're amazing for many things and many reasons," she replied and yawned; "Now let me rest."
She drifted off a little while later, the steady thump of Laura's heart beneath her ear, as well as Laura rubbing her back, comforting her in a way she never felt before. Safe. Loved. Unconditionally so. When Laura gently shook her awake a few hours later she couldn't believe how rested and relaxed she felt.
"God," she sighed as she sat up and stretched; "I don't think I've ever felt this good a few hours before a fight."
"Speaking of which. Up!" Laura prodded; "You need to eat and I let you sleep longer than I should have," she ordered, this time physically poking her in the side.
"Oh, you don't want to do that Cupcake," Carmilla warned and pinned her to the bed; "I can't stand being tickled," she growled and kissed her neck.
"Carmilla!" Perry called as she opened the bedroom door. "Oh for…" Perry shook her head and covered her eyes.
"We have clothes on Perry," Carmilla teased as she hopped from the bed and pried her hands from her face. "Dinner?"
"Yes, come on," Perry said, blushing as she ushered Carmilla through the door and led her over to the table where several travel containers of food sat waiting.
"I thought we'd be getting room service?" Laura questioned as she sat beside her.
"You haven't caught on yet?" Carmilla teased and playfully bumped their shoulders. "Have I eaten anything but the food we brought since we got here?" she prompted.
"You don't think she'd…" Laura started.
"Have someone dose my food so I'll fail a drug test?" Carmilla provided. "After the thing with the cars? I wouldn't put it past her." She took the lid off her plate and sighed at her meager meal.
"It'll get you through the fight without puking it up all over her," Perry reminded her. "Eat," she ordered.
"Maybe we should order anyway?" Laura said as she went to get the house phone. "I'll order like it's for the both of us and we can get your meal tested?"
Carmilla nodded.
"I'll clean this, then, so we have something to put it in," Perry offered, picking up her own empty container. Carmilla frowned slightly as she looked at the time, Laura had let her sleep long enough that Perry had gone ahead and eaten.
"Damn it, Laura," she hissed and started shoveling food into her mouth.
"What?" she asked, as she waited for the phone to be answered.
"I have to be downstairs in less than an hour," Carmilla said between mouthfuls.
"It's okay," Perry soothed as she returned from the sink; "We've got plenty of time."
Laura returned to the table once she'd place their order.
"I'm sorry," Laura said and laid her hand on her wrist; "I haven't been sleeping so great the last couple of nights, I, um, I fell asleep too."
"Why didn't you say something?" Carmilla asked in concern, though aware of the time and still eating.
"For the same reason you didn't say anything about your stomach," Laura reasoned; "It's just something that happens when I'm stressed."
Carmilla swallowed what she had in her mouth and then leaned over and kissed her.
"I want it to be this time tomorrow already," Carmilla said softly as they parted; "Fight over. Press Conference over and on the plane to New Mexico."
"I don't know," Laura said thoughtfully and leaned in to whisper; "I'm looking forward to tonight."
"Me too," Carmilla smiled, blushed and returned her attention to her meal.
All too soon the relative peace that was just her, Laura and Perry was shattered by the arrival of 'her boys'. Dark immediately took her aside and gave her a big hug. "How you faring, Carm?"
"Nervous. Scared. Like I'm going to hurl any second." She shrugged. "You know? The usual."
He laughed and hugged her again.
"You got this, Carm," he assured her. "Besides, Will told me she had to cut almost fifteen pounds to make weight, there's no way she's recovered from that."
"Why is he even still talking to her?" she hissed and glared at her little brother; "Will he never learn?" she thought angrily.
"I don't think she has anyone else," he said quietly.
She turned and frowned at him.
"It's not important right now," he said, trying to dismiss the subject. "You need to get dressed," he said with a nod to Laura who held her clothes ready for her.
She took her clothes from Laura and kissed her cheek.
"Thanks," she said with a smile but stopped her when she made to follow her to the bathroom. "I need a few minutes to myself, okay?" Laura smiled, nodded and kissed her softly. "Thank you. Get these clods out of here before I get back?" Laura nodded and kissed her again. "I'll see you all after the fight!" she called as she closed the bathroom door behind her and then slumped against it. She shook her head and pushed herself away from the door. After using the toilet she washed her hands and splashed some cold water on her face.
She looked to the mirror as she dried her face; "You can do this," she told her reflection as she put the towel aside. "Yes, she's bigger than you but she was always going to be bigger than you. You spent seven years fighting someone so much bigger than her. You can do this." Her eyes flicked to the doorway, so focused on her pre-fight pep-talk she hadn't heard the door open. She turned to Laura and beckoned her close. She leaned against the sink and took her hands before meeting her eyes. "You might have watched a lot more fights than me, Pup, and have a lot more martial arts training under your belt than I do, and yes, I know Danny is bigger than me," she took a deep breath as Laura kissed her forehead. "But I'm not a frightened little child anymore trying to survive at the hands of a woman so much bigger than me," she met Laura's eyes. "I'm a fighter and I'm going to kick that girl's ass on my way to my next fight." She shook her head and sighed. "What's an MMA fight compared to seven years of fighting for your life?" she asked and met her eyes. "That's why I've got this. Danny can't scare me. She can't beat me. The only one who can do that is me."
"She's nothing but a stepping stone," Laura affirmed; "You got this, Carm, I know you do."
She took Laura's face in her hands, her thumbs caressing her cheeks as she searched her eyes. Laura reached up and held her wrists. She pulled her in and kissed her softly.
"And that," she said softly as she hugged her close; "your unwavering belief in me?" she said as she met her eyes again; "That, if nothing else, is why I've already won."
Perry cleared her throat at the door.
"It's time," she announced.
"Just one more…" Carmilla kissed Laura deeply, chuckling at Laura's surprise and then moaning low in her throat as Laura responded. "Really looking forward to a few hours from now," she teased and smacked her behind as she pushed her towards a red-faced Perry and the door.
Carmilla slipped a pair of board shorts on over her skin tight fight shorts and a 'Karmma' sweatshirt over her head. Laura handed her her mouth guard, which she slipped in her pocket, and then took her headphones and MP3 player from her. She scrolled through her playlists, found the song she wanted and put it on repeat. She kissed Laura one last time and then slipped her headphones on as Ani DiFranco began singing; at first, just her voice and the sounds of the live crowd beneath her words could be heard. She took Laura's hand and followed her from the room as she let the words, along with all the anger she'd built up since her Jeep had blown up wash over as she closed her eyes and let Laura lead her.
"Amazing grace.
How sweet the sound.
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost
But now I'm found
Was blind but now I see."
She opened her eyes as the first strains of music from the Philharmonic orchestra sounded and followed Laura and Perry into the elevator. She leaned against the wall and pulled Laura into her arms as she shivered from the goosebumps she always got, no matter how times she'd heard the song, go down her arms at the live music.
"Twas grace that taught,
my heart to fear.
And grace that fear relieved
How precious did
That grace appear
The hour I first believed."
She looked to Laura as the words took on new meaning for her. She smiled and followed her from the elevator as the song continued:
"Through many dangers
Toils and snares
I have already come
Twas grace that brought me
Safely thus far
And grace will lead me home."
She followed her and Perry into a curtained off area and took the seat the official who was to tape her hands pointed to. She looked to Laura as he started, the words of the song really hitting home for the first time.
"And when this heart
And flesh shall fail
And mortal life shall cease
I shall possess
Within the Vail
A life of joy and peace"
Laura walked over and kissed her cheek as the song restarted and then moved behind her and placed her hand at the base of her neck, her thumb stroking the back of it. She lowered her head and started to focus. First she tuned out the music. And then the man efficiently taping her hands. Lastly, and perhaps the most difficult, the fingers massaging her neck.
She let the images, the ones she spent most of her waking life trying to forget, wash over her. Deanna backhanding her off the chair the day of her father's funeral the first to flit by. She'd left her alone while she healed, until the next time she pushed her just a little too far. Deanna was crazed the first few times she'd beaten her. Almost killed her on more than one occasion and hurt herself in the process a few times. As Carmilla learned to survive so did Deanna's means of attack evolve. It started with a wooden spoon but pretty soon it escalated into whatever was at hand; a metal coat hanger, a golf club, and yes, even her favorite studded belt. All that pain she'd suffered at her step-mother's hands; how many times had she'd wished Deanna would just finish the job and kill her already? Back then the only thing that kept her alive was her brother and the fear of what would happen were she not around to protect him. When she discovered, about a year before they left, she'd failed to protect him at all, it had almost crushed her.
She opened her eyes and looked to Laura as she took the Sharpie from the official and drew a small heart along with their initials on her taped right hand. He raised his eyebrow and shook his head at her as he handed Carmilla her fight sanctioned gloves. She slipped them on and then clenched her fists and punched each hand into the other a few times to soften the leather before holding them up for the duct tape to seal them. He took the marker from Laura and initialled each one before motioning for Carmilla to take off her headphones.
"One hour," he looked at his watch; "Depending on how the first few fights go."
She nodded and slipped her headphones back on, looked to her MP3 player and turned it to a dark techno number. She looked to her best friend and found him ready with the pads for her warm up. The three of them had worked together all week, Dark holding the pads in places she was aiming for and Laura shouting out numbers. She settled into a rhythm, all her training, all her hard work taking over as she imagined each punch, each kick, taking her one step closer to ending Deanna for good.
Dark motioned for a timeout and she slipped the headphones off again.
"You need to stretch," he reminded her; "and you don't want to take all your aggression out on me."
"Thanks sweetie," she said as she hugged him.
Someone knocked loudly one of the poles holding the curtains and startled all of them.
"Ten minutes!" they called.
"Shit," she looked around, "Was no one watching the fights?"
"It's been almost an hour, Carm," Laura said calmly as she showed her her watch.
"Okay, everyone out," she took Laura's hand as she made to leave; "You stay." She pulled her to the middle of the room as the curtain closed behind Perry. "Help me stretch?" Laura nodded and led Carmilla through all her stretches, making sure she held each one long enough instead of rushing onto the next. She heard the roar of the crowd for the first time, mixed with a generous amount of booing, and looked to Laura. "Guess broadzilla's on her way to the cage," she joked.
"You've got this Carm," Laura said fiercely as Carmilla took her face in her hands.
"Have I got you?" she asked as she searched her eyes.
"Always," Laura replied.
"Good," she said and kissed her; "that's all that matters," she added with a wink, slipped her headphones back on and started 'Amazing Grace' again. The curtain opened followed by Perry urgently motioning them to follow.
She kissed Laura's cheek and took her hand as they followed the security personnel out to the referee responsible for her pre-fight check. Laura brought her to a stop about five feet from him and pointed towards the crowd. Carmilla looked to where she pointed and smiled as she slipped her headphones off and blindly handed them to Laura.
Not only had Stan brought the friends that and helped with the tree, but it looked like everyone he knew had come along too. She turned to Laura and yelled over the cheering; "This why you don't want to stay here tonight?" Laura blushed and nodded. She shook her head, looked back to her fans and blew them a kiss; she'd never had a cheering section before. She kissed Laura on the cheek and looked to Danny waiting for her in the cage as they continued on thier way.
She looked to the official as she handed her MP3 player to Laura and slipped in her mouth guard. Laura helped her tug off her sweatshirt as he slipped off her shoes, Laura bending to grab them as she slipped off her shorts. She took out her mouth guard, kissed Laura one last time and finally turned back to the referee as she slipped her mouth guard back in.
He held his arms out and she followed suit. He quickly patted her down, checked that her nails were short and dull and then confirmed the mouth guard he'd already seen her put in.
"Any last questions?" he shouted, motioning towards the cage once she shook her head.
She met Laura's eyes one last time, the younger girl mouthing an; "I love you."
She mouthed the same back, blew her a kiss and made for the steps to the cage.
She stopped before entering, taking a moment to calm and focus herself as the anger, the rage, so recently tempered by Laura's love, came rushing back. "She's nothing but a stepping stone," she thought as she entered the cage and walked to her corner, her eyes never leaving Danny as she tried to assess how much she'd recovered from cutting weight. "Okay, maybe more of a stepping boulder," she mused, smiled and grinned only wider when it seemed her smile was unnerving Danny. "Is she actually scared?" she wondered as she tore her eyes from her and saw the banner Laura had made her for the first time.
"Carmilla 'Karma' Karnstein," she read; "Sometimes beaten, never broken." She smiled as she noticed the small heart with her and Laura's initials in the corner.
She turned back to Danny to find her staring at it and then slowly met her eyes. Then Danny did something that scared her for the first time; she nodded, smiled and mouthed the words; "Bring it."
Carmilla looked back to Laura as the announcer introduced them, Danny's introduction almost being drowned out by boos while hers almost suffered the same fate as Stan and his friends began chanting; "Karma".
"You got this," Laura mouthed. Carmilla nodded. "I love you!" she shouted, her words barely heard above the crowd and suddenly Carmilla was worried; she'd been sure she'd be able to hear Laura's instructions over the crowd but now she wasn't so certain.
"Fuck it," she thought as she turned to the referee, nodding when he asked if she was ready; "I can do this alone. I've done it alone all this years, I can do it again."
They walked across the cage towards each other, Carmilla raising her right hand to touch gloves before the actual fight began. Danny eyed her raised hand suspiciously, tapped her glove to it and then immediately assumed a fighting posture.
"I'm many things, Xena, but a dirty fighter I'm not!" she yelled over the crowd as they circled each other.
"Three!" she heard Laura yell and responded immediately by kicking the outside of Danny's thigh with everything she had. She stepped back and smiled, it had made the taller girl wince. "Two!" Laura yelled. She circled slightly to the left and nailed the inner thigh of the same leg with another kick, dashing backwards again before Danny's counterpunch could land and landing one of her own to Danny's ribs as she ducked under her arm.
Danny rubbed her ribs as she turned to face her, her face determined. Carmilla smiled and waved her forward as she circled, again gaining the center of the cage. Danny lunged at her with her signature right hook. Carmilla ducked easily and nailed her in the ribs again before stepping back.
"That all you got Xena?" she taunted.
Danny gritted her teeth and rushed her, attempting to get her arms around her middle to drag her to the ground.
"Bad move, Xena," she thought as she side stepped and punched her in the liver.
Danny stumbled a bit and reached for the cage to right herself. She turned to face her again, walking towards her like she was stalking her before unleashing a barrage of punches at Carmilla's head. None of which connected cleanly enough to affect her as she ducked under and hit her with clean right uppercut that knocked her backwards on to her ass.
She laughed and walked over to her; "Aw, look, big red down," she teased as she held a hand out to her to help her up. "Whatever," she said when Danny shook her head and walked away.
She looked to Laura in her corner and glanced at the clock when she mouthed 'time'.
"Four minutes?" she thought; "How the fuck have four minutes gone by?"
She turned back to Danny, rushing the tall redhead as soon as the referee indicated to continuing fighting. She tried to hit anything and everything she could, but that wasn't her goal; her goal was to back her into the fence. Danny tried to pull her into a clinch but Carmilla slipped out and pushed her into the fence instead.
"Sixty-nine!" Laura yelled.
Carmilla smiled as Danny was distracted, for all of split second, and glanced at Laura. She took a half step back, lept towards the cage, planted her right foot and pushed off just as Danny turned back to her. The redhead didn't have time to react as Carmilla's right elbow came crashing down across her jaw.
The two tumbled to the ground in a tangle of limbs, Danny out before hitting the canvas with Carmilla landing on top of her. She slipped off her back and made to hit her when she saw she was already out and looked to the referee.
"Keep fighting!" he yelled.
"She's out, you moron!" she screamed angrily.
"Keep fighting or you'll be disqualified!" he warned.
She glanced at the clock and looked back to Danny; she still hadn't stirred and her head sat at an awkward angle.
"Last warning!" the referee shouted over the crowd.
"Fine!" she yelled as she glared at him before, as gently as she could, placed Danny in a rear naked choke but applying no pressure. There'd only been thirty seconds when she'd glanced at the clock, if Danny managed to come to before the bell she could hold her down until it did.
She sighed when the bell finally rang and carefully laid Danny down, before shrugging the referee's hand off her shoulder. "Get away from me you incompetent ass!" she yelled and turned back to Danny when she felt her stir and quickly placed both her hands on either side of her head to keep her from moving. She leaned down and yelled into her ear; "Don't move, I'm worried about your neck," she pulled back and met Danny's eyes, shaking her head at the blatant distrust despite the fact that she hadn't cleared the fog from her head. She leaned back in and shouted; "I'm trying to help you, let me, okay?" She pulled back and Danny nodded only slightly causing her to wince.
"Get away from her!" a male voice shouted as he tried to pull her away.
"I'm trying to make sure she's okay!" she yelled at him, recognizing him as one of Danny's trainers as she shrugged him off; "Something you failed to do when she was clearly out and the idiot ref was yelling at me to keep hitting her!" She leaned back down to Danny; "Can you feel your hands?"
"I think so," she muttered and Carmilla was suddenly aware of how quieten it had gotten.
She looked up, spotted Laura and motioned her over with her head.
"Take each of her hands in turn," she instructed and looked back to Danny; "Can you feel Laura holding your hand?"
"Yes."
"Which one?" Carmilla questioned.
"Right one," Danny answered and she looked over her shoulder to confirm she was correct; "Good, can you give a squeeze?"
"Okay, you can stop now," Laura called; "I've only got one good hand right now!"
Danny smiled despite herself.
"Now the left," she said, continuing when she felt Laura tap her shoulder; "Go ahead and squeeze."
"She's good," Laura stated.
"One last check and I'll let you up," she told Danny and whispered to Laura; "Tickle her feet."
Laura did as she was told, causing Danny to laugh and finally push Carmilla away.
"Well, thank god, Xena, I thought I'd broken your neck," she sighed in relief as Laura offered her a hand up. "As much as I've considered it in the past I wouldn't want to end your career by accidentally breaking it," she joked and offered Danny a hand up to the crowd's cheers.
Danny smiled and took the offered hand up and then used Carmilla's shoulder to steady herself.
"Sorry, big red, you might have a concussion ," she teased and pulled the surprised redhead into an awkward hug; "We need to talk, you and I," she whispered and then leaned back to see if Danny had heard her. Danny nodded slowly so she leaned back in; "Tomorrow. The gym. The earlier the better."
"Eight?" Danny suggested and Carmilla nodded, somewhat surprised that Danny had agreed so easily.
Carmilla studied her a moment; was Danny's safety already at risk? She turned to Danny's trainers, none of them meeting her gaze. "Why aren't they chewing out the ref?" she wondered and then got her answer; Perry was already doing it for them.
She leaned in and whispered to her; "If you need a safe place to stay you can take one of the apartments at the gym," she offered, Danny so surprised that she jerked back in shock before wincing in pain. "At least come stay the night," she said as she leaned back in; "Let my driver take you to the hospital and then he can take you home to grab a few things before you come back to the gym."
"Why are trying to help me?" Danny asked.
"Because the fight is over, you lost, and you looked more terrified than ever," she replied evenly; "If your losing has put you in danger then it's my responsibility to see that you're okay."
"Why?"
"Because it'll be my fault if someone other than me hurts you," she offered and looked to Laura; "Besides, someone told me once you're not a bad person," she looked back to her; "I'd like to see you prove her right." She leaned back and patted her on the shoulder. "Who knows, maybe we can even be friends!" she joked.
"I wouldn't push it, Elvira," Danny joked back; "but I'll take you up on your offer."
"Maybe I can prove to you I'm not the evil bitch you think I am," Carmilla joked as the promotion's owner walked over to them.
"Like the fact that Laura seems to love you hadn't already made me question that," she said seriously and looked to the owner.
"You done?" he asked Danny who was still leaning on Carmilla for support.
"You must be kidding!" Carmilla said angrily; "She was out for almost two minutes! What the fuck do you think?"
"I saw that, Miss Karnstein, but I need to hear it from her," he replied calmly and looked back to Danny.
"I'm," she looked to Carmilla and took a deep breath; "I'm done." As he held a microphone up to his mouth she leaned in and said to her; "I wasn't supposed to quit."
Any questions Carmilla might have had were drowned out by the cheering crowd as the promotion's owner announced her the winner and Danny held her hand up in victory. She looked around in awe as she felt someone take her other hand and held it aloft, turning she found Laura beaming at her.
Next thing she knew she was yelping in surprise as someone picked her up and put her on his shoulders. Laughing and smiling as she fisted one hand in Dark's curly hair she waved to the standing crowd; each and every one of them cheering and yelling her name.
"If this is what winning feels like," she thought to herself and smiled as Dark put her down carefully before Laura ran into her arms and kissed her deeply; "I could get used to it."
A/N 2: So fellow Creampuffs, if I thought writing happy Hollstein was hard it was nothing compared to the brick wall I hit after episode 35. Even though I've known how the fight was going to go since the beginning and really, all of this was planned, it was tough. So I tried to write and then watched the finale. Yeah. Well I hope I did this chapter justice as its maybe the third most anticipated chapter so far.
On another note; my posting days are changing again thanks to my work schedule changing, again. I'll be posting on Tuesdays, hopefully for the first time this coming Tuesday. I only have one day off so I can't make any promises. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter and stay strong Creampuffs! Only nineteen days until Season Zero!
Song credit: Ani Difranco, 'Amazing Grace', 'Living in Clip." Gives me the chills every time I hear it.