Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

Thanks as always to my beta venomaddict, and to Cullenfest for pre-reading ;)

It's time to leave Edward and Bella to some private time during their last couple of days before school starts, but Edward's newfound humanity is affecting a lot more people than just them though… This chapter is shorter than most, but Emmet is a lot less verbose than Edward and Bella, he uses the f-bomb a lot more than they do too. I leave you with; A bear with a sore head.

Emmett

I had been sitting in the same tree since it was still dark.

I'd watched the sunrise, as little as it was visible today, through the thick clouds and misting rain. The cold and wet didn't bother me, but I missed the pleasant warmth of the sun on my skin. Hunting during the summer had been a blast, and Rosie and I had made the most of the sun this year, in the peace and privacy of the forest.

Let's just say, my baby sparkles in all the right places.

Not that much of that kind of thing had gone on during our hunting trip over the last couple of weeks.

Rose had been relentless. We had covered thousands of miles in a week and a half, searching from one end of the country to the other for her goddamned unicorn. But nothing had come of it, as Alice had already warned me would be the case. I had hoped that maybe after a few days of searching and not finding anything, she would give up, remember how great life actually was, and then carry on with what we usually did on extended hunting trips…

The longer we looked though, the more agitated she became. She began to vent at me; how jealous she was that Edward lucked out, how much she desperately wanted the same, how much she hated her life.

Our life.

Now, I'm not feeling too despondent. Every time she said it, she always said she wanted my babies, not just any babies, mine. And I'd do anything for her, and if I could, I would search under every rock on this whole planet to find something that she wanted this badly…

Alice had set me straight on Friday night when we got back though. Me and Rosie weren't going to be finding any unicorns, however long we looked for, and I decided that enough was enough.

You see, I like my life. I get why Rosie wants more, I do, but me? I'm happy.

I get to wrestle grizzly bears when I want, have great sex with my beautiful wife, and pretty much do whatever the hell I like most of the time. I don't have any worries. I can't get sick. I have enough money in the bank that if I wanted to buy myself a football team, I could.

Though that might be difficult to explain to Rosie…

When Carlisle told us we weren't going to be getting into a fight with the locals after all (shame that), I had hoped we could stay at home for a bit, and work out what we wanted to do next. We weren't enrolled for school or college this year, so I'd thought maybe another honeymoon might be in order.

Rose had other ideas of course, and was currently off hunting again, for her very own white whale.

When I refused to go with her this time, she didn't even yell. I'd expected her to; maybe I'd feel better if she had. She just kissed me, and said she was sorry, before she walked out of the door, for who knows how long?

Which is why I'm sitting in this fucking tree.

I'd seen the sun rise, and a couple of hours later I watched as Charlie loaded his police car up with fishing rods and drove off.

I'd listened carefully as Eddie and Bella woke up an hour or two later. I'm not a complete fucking stalker (unlike some), so I wasn't sitting in the tree outside her bedroom window. Who knows what the fuck my pervy little brother got up to in that tree during his stalker period? I don't want to know, so I'm staying well away.

No, instead I was sitting in a tree on the opposite side of the road, listening as they stirred, not wanting to wake them, as from what I'd heard it hadn't been a great night. Edward seemed to wake up every hour or two, doing anything from shouting to whimpering, and every time Bella woke with him, and comforted him. I even remembered that people like to sleep in on Sunday mornings, and these two were going back to school tomorrow. I thought they had enough shit to deal with in their lives.

Plus, I needed to talk to Edward in his best mood possible; as it turned out, I needed a little favour from him. You see, according to Carlisle, the reason Edward was able to find this damned creature was that he still possessed his v-card, and I was hoping he might want to come and be bait for me.

Not for me, you understand, for the unicorn. I mean, if I was going to bite him, I'd have done it already.

That was the plan. Right up until I heard what he and Bella were up to as soon as they woke up this morning.

If I wasn't so pissed off right now; I'd be pleased that Eddie finally worked out what to do with it.

While I was glad for my little bro that he was finally getting laid, it left me without a plan. I sat in my tree, and unfortunately continued to listen, as they proved to me quite how too late I was to make use of his v-card, and tried to figure out what to do next.

I heard the footsteps long before they landed on the branch next to me, but I didn't move to greet them as they were both settled down on my branch.

"Hey Emmett," Alice said, from one side of me.

"Hey Bro." Jasper had settled on the other side, leaving me sandwiched between them.

"Hey," I replied, not quite able to rouse anything more interesting.

I could feel Jasper trying to cheer me up, and it worked to some degree. I looked up, and shifted my gaze between them for a moment.

"Why did no one tell me that Eddie had upped his game? It might have saved me a wasted trip," I grumbled.

"Sorry Emmett, it wasn't the first thing that came to mind when you got back last night…" Alice grinned her cheeky little grin, and she knew she was forgiven. "… you know, what with being at war with the wolves, and Edward and Bella suddenly vanishing from their future. I guess that should have all paled into insignificance compared to the fact that Edward finally got laid."

"Maybe you should have published an announcement Alice," Jasper drawled, in his own smart-assed manner.

"Emmett would have come anyway, he wants to talk to Edward," Alice said confidently, and she was right.

"I do, but not right now."

"Why… Oh. Well, they can't do that all day…" Alice wrinkled her nose slightly, only now paying attention to the noises coming from Bella's room across the street.

"You'd think." I seemed to have been listening to this for quite some time.

We sat quietly on the branch for a while, Alice pumping her legs back and forth madly, as if she was on a swing. As we sat, and Eddie continued to boink my baby sister's brains out, my annoyance at the whole fucking situation boiled over.

"Am I the only one who can see how fucked up all this is?" I virtually yelled, pretty suddenly. Anyone else would have been surprised by such an outburst, but both Alice and Jasper had been sitting waiting expectantly for it, for some time. Boring fuckers.

"How do you mean, Emmett?" Alice asked me, stopping the legs waggling as she turned to look at me.

"Well, last night for a start. I mean - MAN! What did they think we were going to do with him if he came home? The way Bella dragged him down to Furface central, you'd think we'd been ringing the fucking dinner bell on his arrival!

"I mean, it's his home! Not here! Esme was so pleased that he was coming home, ok, not the best circumstances, but still. I fucking resent the insinuation that as soon as he came back home he wasn't safe! He's a lot safer with us than he was down with those sorry fucking furry assed bastards! But, oh no, off they run, somewhere we can't even follow them to check they're ok, I mean - CHRIST! Did Bella seriously have no idea how goddamned dangerous her little flit was last night?

"Someone needs to fill that chick in on all the details soon, before she gets the Volturi raining hell down on all our asses. And why did she do it? All because, they seem to think that if he comes back home, one of us is going to fancy a midnight snack. DUDE! GET A GRIP! As if I'd want my lips on him anyway. Urgh!" Once I get up a head of steam, I find it hard to stop. It's a problem, I know.

"And now Rosie's gone after her own fucking unicorn, and with the amount of sex we've had - she's not got a hope in hell, according to Carlisle, but she doesn't care. So she's gone. And Edward's gone. And even Bella's gone. And I miss them!

"I just miss them all. Home doesn't feel like home anymore," I mumbled as my tirade ended. I felt a bit better, but that might have just been the happy chappy vibes that Jasper was sending me.

"I know Emmett." Alice put her teeny tiny little arm around me, well, ok, half way around me, but the thought was there, and gave me a squeeze.

"I thought the point of being a vampire was that nothing ever had to change." I could hear that I sounded like a sulky child, but I felt a bit fucking sulky, to be frank.

"It's really not been very long since Edward changed you know, Emmett. It's only been two weeks, we have to give him a chance to calm down and get used to the way things are now," Alice said. I put my arm around her, and gave her a proper hug.

"I'm sure that they didn't mean to hurt us yesterday." Jasper dropped down out of the tree as he spoke, wandering further into the forest, away from the house. Alice and I followed him, I think we'd all heard enough this morning about how fabulous Bella thought Eddie was in bed, to last us all a lifetime.

"You know how Edward is prone to overreact," Alice agreed.

"They were both so stressed out in Seattle yesterday," Jasper said, sitting down on an old fallen down tree, as we prepared to wait for the end of the show in Bella's bedroom. "Edward was doing his best to hide it, but he was terrified, and stressed as hell. Bella wasn't much better; she's feeling very tense and anxious at the moment. She's taken on so much in looking after Edward while he finds his feet; it's taking a toll on her."

"They didn't spot that you were following them, did they?" I asked. Carlisle had decided that he wasn't happy with Edward and Bella being out of our sight while the threat of the wolves was in place, and had sent Jasper to watch them early Friday morning, as soon as he had spoken to Edward on the phone. Jasper had found that this task meant that he had to follow them around Seattle all day, having his very own stalker moment.

"No, I kept my distance. I just stayed close enough to be able to keep an eye on them." He shrugged as shortie sat in his lap, and I crashed down onto the forest floor in front of them both. "To be honest, being too close to the pair of them is hard work for me at the moment."

"Huh?"

"Their emotions are so intense right now, it's quite overwhelming. Both of them are so extreme in their emotions, love, passion, happiness, fear, anxiety. Lust. I really don't know how they're taking it; they're giving me fucking whiplash, just being in their proximity."

"I don't think they were being that unreasonable yesterday, anyway." Alice said, snuggling into Jasper far too closely for me to want to watch.

Man, I miss Rosie.

"They seemed to think, that we were going to eat him, Alice," I growled, still feeling pissed.

"But that wasn't really the problem Emmett, not really and truly," she insisted. "Bella feels like Edward's her responsibility at the moment, plus everything between them is crazy intense right now. She doesn't want him out of her sight… or bed."

"Yeah, I heard about that all right." Those are memories that I hope my vampire brain can get shot of pretty quickly.

"Not just that, though you're not wrong. What I mean is, you were here this morning Emmett, he's still having nightmares isn't he?" she continued.

"Yeah."

"You know Bella, she worries. The thought of leaving Edward alone overnight with us… I think it would have driven her crazy."

"Then she should have come with him. I'm not so keen on her being around the mutts either." I still felt hard done by, but I was starting to get over it. A bit.

"Er… Charlie? He's been remarkably good taking Edward in, I don't think any of us should want to throw that back in his face."

"And Edward is still genuinely afraid," Jasper managed to get a word in edgeways, while Alice gasped for breath. "I'm sure it's mainly instinctive, but at the moment he's got a lot to deal with. I think we all need to give him a bit of a break here. Esme didn't hold it against him."

"What's he having nightmares about anyway? Life seems pretty good to me…" I just didn't get it, what had him so messed up? I thought he'd wanted to be human?

"I think it's his mind processing everything." Jasper looked off into the distance for a second.

Oh yeah, shit, he's done psychology like 3 times at college. Man, this could get long.

Jasper obviously caught my boredom, and rolled his eyes at me, as he continued anyway. "The human mind processes what's happened to it during the day while it sleeps, I wonder how much of the dreams Edward's having are like he's playing catch-up, processing the events of the last ninety years. Add that to the fact that he is all too aware of how frail he is now compared to what he's used to, his new human instincts sending adrenaline round his system every time he gets a bit stressed, and the biggest guilt complex walking this earth, I'm not surprised it's leading to broken nights really.

"His mind can probably still remember every human life he's taken, every time he's had to fight another vampire. To be honest, he would probably benefit from therapy in some shape or form.

"I'm not sure how well that would play out though…" Jasper barked a short laugh, and Alice suddenly did the same.

"He'd get committed if he actually tried to explain what was going on!" Alice giggled.

"Yes, I can just see it," I agreed. "'I'm having nightmares because I used to be a vampire, oh, but I'm not anymore…' - one way ticket to the loony bin." I could see Jasper nodding, and I started to see his point.

"He's still Edward." Alice smiled a sad smile as she spoke, and I could see that she missed him as much as I did. "He will come around Emmett, give him time."

"Ok… I suppose." Yeah, yeah, alright.

So, where did that leave me? A couple of weeks ago I was looking forward to getting a new baby sister, now I seem to have lost my brother as well as her. Plus, to top it off, like the biggest fucking cherry on the cake, my Rosie had gone.

"Emmett…" Alice called me, and after a couple of seconds I looked up at her, still feeling pretty fucking crappy. "Rosalie is already on her way home. She'll be back in a couple of hours."

It took me a good half a second to absorb what she'd said, I was so happy.

"She is? Why the hell didn't you say so already Tink?" I jumped up and grabbed her off of Jazz's lap, and swung her around my shoulders a couple of times.

"She literally just decided for sure, Em. Will you please let me down; I am not a Barbie doll!" I set her down on her feet, and she scowled at me, but I could see that she was smiling really. "And, why don't we just go and see Edward. I'm sure they can't still be Rocking the Casbah, he is only human these days… Oh." She rolled her eyes as she grimaced slightly. "Maybe we'll give them another twenty minutes. But then, let's just go and see them. I'm sure they'll be pleased to see us!"

We waited in the forest a little longer, until Alice called the all clear. The thought of arriving at some inconvenient moment didn't really appeal to me… Eddie was going to be getting enough shit from me once I got there anyway, I didn't really need to see the evidence.

Alice was right, of course, and both Edward and Bella were thrilled to see us. I stayed for a couple of hours, and managed to get both of them blushing so hard they were making me thirsty. I didn't know that Eddie blushed as a fleshy, but now it's my new mission in life to make him do it. He's nearly as funny as Bella these days, except he doesn't fall down as much.

We hung out, and I realised that actually, I did still have my brother; I just could actually beat him at wrestling these days. The third time I pounced on him and pinned him though, Jasper took his side and yanked me off, which I thought was a bit harsh, seeing as he'd sat on me, like, a million times over the years.

He then dared me to eat his breakfast, which of course I did. What I didn't realize was that the little fucker had made a fake breakfast, and whatever that fatty muck was that he made me eat, came barreling back up pretty damn quickly. Everyone seemed to think that was hysterical, but dude, it was gross.

A while later, Alice suddenly went all wobbly eyed on us, and announced that Rosie would be home in ten minutes. So I made my goodbyes, and set off, ready to meet her, and make up in the same way we always did.

Hell yeah!

It wasn't until I was about half way home, that I realized that Alice hadn't actually told me why Rosie was coming home, just that she was. I'd assumed that she was just coming home, but what if she'd found what she was looking for? What if she was half way to being human again? What if she had the thing slung over her shoulders, ready for me to take a bite? Did I want to?

I stopped running, as fast as I had begun. I continued on my way home, but at human pace, not actually sure what I was going to be faced with when I got there. I really didn't want to be human again. Life's too good, too easy as it is. Why would I want to go and get old and fat? And to be honest, I know Rosie likes babies, but they always sounded a bit like hard work to me…

What am I going to say to her if she turns up with a unicorn over her shoulders?

Fuck!

Ok, probably, but what next?

My pace slowed, until I was virtually going backwards. I was seriously beginning to consider turning tail and getting the fuck out of there, when suddenly my baby stepped out in front of me.

"Boo!" she said, knowing full well that she didn't make me jump, but it's a game we play. I tend to be the boo-er, rather than the boo-ee though…

"Baby!" In a fraction of a second she was in my arms, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck and her legs round my waist.

"I'm sorry Emmett," she mumbled into my neck, in a tone that I hardly even recognised from her, she actually sounded sorry.

She looked up and kissed me, her tongue plunging into my mouth as she gripped me tighter with her thighs. My dick immediately recognised her presence, and tried to make himself known, but I tried to just control myself for once, for God's sake. I needed to know why she was back.

After a pretty fucking spectacular kiss, I eased her away slightly, and looked into her rather sheepish eyes.

"I'm not the psychic one Rose; you have to tell me why you came back." I made every effort to be serious, as I needed to know the score here. If I let this go on much longer, I'd do whatever the woman asked me, as my brain would no longer have anything to do with my actions. I really didn't want to come round from a hard-on induced mental break, only to find I'd chowed down on unicorn and was no longer able to move faster than a speeding bullet.

"I said I was sorry Emmett." She pulled away from me and crossed her arms. Classic defensive posture, she actually felt bad about something.

Ok, this should be good. "What are you sorry for, baby?"

"For crying out loud, Emmett," she growled, but then seemed to calm herself. "I'm sorry I went without you, ok? I realised that if I can't be human with you… I'd rather not be. Alright?"

"Ok baby." That was probably the best, and most thorough apology anyone in the world has ever received from Rosalie, so it would do me. "I love you Rosie."

"I love you too Emmett, you big ape."

And, now I know I've not got anything else to worry about, I'm pretty keen to get down to some rocking of the Casbah myself….

A/N – I always say it, but always mean it; Thank you to everyone who reviews, every time my email pings, it just makes my day!

I have 2 fabulously funny recs for you this week:

Bad Fauxmance – Stella Luna Sky, Edward's pretending to be gay…. Only one chapter and a prologue up so far, but so funny! In my favourites.

The Misapprehension of Bella Swan Regarding the Inferior Intellect of Hockey Whores – hunterhunting. Edward's the hockey whore in question… again, so funny. I'm reading this one on Twilighted, why not pay a visit?

Til next time,

Ria