Sorry I haven't been updating as quickly... I was out of town for a few days, then I had a bunch of work related stuff to deal with. On the plus side, I just bought some new work clothes. =D

On the other plus side, I bought muffins.

Sooo I'm going to write this chapter. I'm going to write it so hard.

And hope that you guys like it, And review it..

So review it maybe? x]

And I do solemnly swear, Nerdy Sebastian WILL have an ending, I've outlined the entire story, I know how I'm going to end it and I will not stop writing it until it is done.

Though.. I don't know how many chapters it will take to finish it... So I can't estimate when it will end.

But hopefully within the next month or two? =3

I'm in the car with my parents. Ciel is beside me pounding on his gameboy as the radio plays loudly.

Reaching up I tap my mom on the shoulder.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Sebby?" She turns to face me, her long, black hair almost completely covering her right eye as she does so.

"My stomach hurts, I think I'm going to throw up."

Her eyebrows pull together, she turns to my dad.

"Vincent I think we need to stop."

"We can't stop now, hun. We're almost home. Do you think you'll be ok until we get home, buddy?"

My arms cross over my stomach. I knew I could probably wait until we arrived home, but I just wanted this feeling to go away now.

"I don't think so." I reply, trying to look as sick as possible.

My dad lets out a sigh, Ciel glances up from his gameboy to me. He says something I can't understand, it sounds gargled but I nod at him anyway.

My dad turns the car to the side of the road. As we roll to a stop, he switches the car into park.

The next thing I know it's dark.

It's so loud.

I want to cover my ears, hide from the noise.

Instead I open my eyes.

I'm upside down, Ciel hangs limply beside me, crimson blood spreading over his forehead and into his hair.

It takes me a moment to register the pain in my arm. Looking up I see my arms hanging above me, one looks fine.

The other bends at a weird angle, the whiteness of my bone visible through the surface.

Reaching forward, I grab for my mom who doesn't respond. I scream at her but no sounds come out.

I can see lights flashing, blue and red. The sound of voices yelling and machines going.

My door suddenly disappears, a fireman replaces it, Bending down, he looks inside.

Our eyes meet. Horror plays on his face at what is surely a grizzly scene.

He opens his mouth, he's speaking to me but I can't hear him.

Shaking my head, I frantically open my mouth and try to scream but again, nothing comes out.

A second fireman appears, together they cut my seatbelt and carry me from the car.

I'm carried to the ambulance that awaits, but my eyes never leave our car.

Broken glass and bits of our car scatter the street.

Multiple police cars, ambulances and firetrucks block off the road from curious drivers.

Red and blue lights bounce off of every surface.

The paramedics try to take me away, but I kick and scream, my eyes never leaving the car as I watch them pull Ciel out of the wreckage.

A large glass shard lodged in his eye.

He's carried to the ambulance adjacent to mine, but he's not moving.

My eyes quickly dart back to the car as I fight against the paramedics, screaming in silence.

My heart is pounding. I'm terrified.

The entire scene disappears.

I'm standing in the hospital, beside my mom's hospital bed.

The white, blanket is pulled over her face, all of the machines are off.

I'm all alone, staring at someone who was just here a few hours ago.

Next I'm at my dad's bed.

The same scene.

Nurses stand around me, they hug me as tears streak my face.

I'm so confused.

All I am is confused.

I did this.

This is my fault.. If I hadn't.. If I hadn't made them stop..

My mouth cracks open, a scream rips out of me as I drop to my knees holding my head in my hands.

Why?

I awake in a cold sweat, panting heavily as my heart pounds inside my chest.

The urge to vomit weighs heavily in my throat, although I don't feel sick.

Staring at my ceiling, I try to push the memory of the dream from my mind. I haven't had that dream in such a long time, I had hoped it was gone for good.

Sitting up, I notice my boxers are completely soaked in my sweat as well as my bed and pillow. Glancing at my clock I notice it's only five in the morning.

'I can't go back to sleep now..'

Shakily, I climb out of my bed and grab my towel off of my computer chair.

I move quietly to my bathroom before turning the hot water on as far as it would go.

I wanted to scald these images from my brain, I never wanted to remember this.

Stripping my boxers off, I let them drop to the floor before stepping under the boiling water. My skin redden's instantly as the water slides over my exposed skin.

Pain gnaws at me but I don't dare move, this pain was all that was keeping me from completely breaking down again.

Dropping my head, I bring my hands up to my face as the tears seep out anyway.

My parents... Ciel's eye..

If only I hadn't made them stop.

I could've waited until I got home.

I could've waited.

"Sebby are you sick?"

I look down at Ciel who looks back up at me with concern plaguing his innocent features.

Shaking my head, I pull my cardigan down over my hands as a cold wind slices through me.

"No, I'm just tired." I force a smile, but I can't even convince myself with it.

My feet drag, almost as though they're filled with lead as we walk down the wide, city, sidewalk towards school.

My hands grasp the black straps of my backpack which loops over my shoulders, I couldn't deny that today I was feeling particularly depressed.

I didn't want to go to school, I didn't want to do anything but hide in my room but my Aunt wouldn't allow it.

Ciel looks back up at me, I can't help but meet his gaze before my eyes fix on the black eyepatch which covers his right eye.

A large glass shard, lodged in his eye.

Immediately I begin to wish I was alone, so I could go to the bathroom inside one of these stores and push my fingers down my throat.

'Anything to make these memories go away..'

"Alois said you and Claude can come with us on Halloween if you want?"

I blink for a few moments as the image of his limp body hanging upside down in the car slowly dissipates.

"Oh.. I was invited to a party already.. I just need to ask Claude."

A smile spreads over Ciel's face as we stop at a crosswalk.

Cars pass by us, I can't deny the sudden urge to step in front of one.

"Really? That's awesome! Who invited you?"

"Grell and his friends.. It's at Golden Gardens."

Ciel's smile grows even wider, I notice his nose is a bit red from the cold air.

As we cross the road, I can see the courtyard is a little less congested than usual, probably due to the cold front that caused the temperature to suddenly drop to fifty degrees.

"That's lucky! Golden Garden's is so cool." Crossing his arms, Ciel jumps onto the sidewalk.

"I want to go."

"You guys can if you want. It's not like the beach is reserved or anything."

Ciel remains quiet, pulling out his phone his fingers rapidly type before he sends a text message shooting throughout the airwaves.

As we approach the school, dread quickly fills me as I again wish I was home in bed.

'I need to wash my sheets anyway..'

"Well I'll see you later." I wave Ciel off, watching Alois quickly take up residence beside him.

My gaze turns back to the ground as I slowly walk towards the school building, climbing the stairs I pull the door open and step inside the obnoxiously loud establishment.

Nobody says anything to me as I walk to class. Perhaps I had finally succeeded in becoming invisible at will.

As I enter my classroom, I look up for a moment only to see I was the first to arrive.

Dropping my backpack on my desk, I slide into my seat before immediately laying my head in my arms and closing my eyes.

I'm tired, and I'm hungry. I had refused breakfast, the guilt was too much to bare.

How could I ever tell apologize to Ciel for essentially killing our parents and ruining his eye?

I'm certain he blames me, how could he not? I don't even want to think about the time we spent after the accident..

He wouldn't look at anybody, he wouldn't talk, he wouldn't eat, he wouldn't smile.

He just laid in silence on his hospital bed, day-in-and-day-out, unmoving.

Crushing my face into my arms harder, I fail to notice Claude take his seat beside me. His hand slides over my back, causing me to jolt upright.

Locking eyes with him, I see a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips. His black hair holding the same perfect position it always held.

"Are you okay?"

My eyes slide away from his, dropping to his desk, and then to mine.

"I'm fine, I'm just tired."

Claude tilts his head to the side, his gloved hand rubbing at my back.

His mouth opens slightly before he closes it again. Surely he doesn't believe my excuse, but he doesn't question it.

I drop my head into my arms again, not wanting to look or speak to anybody.

'I just want to disappear.'

School had gone by slowly. I hid in the bathroom at lunch, successfully avoiding Grell and his friends.

I hate feeling this way, it's miserable and lonely.

But I can't tolerate myself right now, I can't look at myself.

I hate myself.

My hands carefully slice the lemon before me as Claude works silently beside me. He had made multiple attempts at conversation all day, each of which I shot down politely.

I could tell his patience was wearing thin, he wanted to talk to me but I wouldn't allow him.

At one point he had asked if he had done something to upset me, which I had denied.

It's not you, it's me.

I finally finish slicing my lemon and grab the next one. It's taking me much longer than usual to slice the fruit, I could tell it was bothering my Aunt by the way she continuously peeked out of her office or hovered around us asking unnecessary questions about the knives we were using her the pastry nozzle Claude had selected to ice the cake.

I hear Claude sigh as he carefully crafts a flower atop the white frosted cake.

Upon finishing slicing my lemon, I gather all the slices into a bowl which I cover then place in the small fridge below the counter. Turning around I grab all the ingredients I had gathered earlier for a cake. Dropping them onto the counter I begin adding each dry ingredient to the mixing bowl I had set aside before dropping in the wet ingredients.

Reaching for the whisk I had set out earlier, I quietly begin to mix all the ingredients together. I could almost physically feel Claude's annoyance at this point.

My Aunt's head pokes out of her office for the millionth time, she points at me before motioning for me to enter her office.

Setting the bowl down, I silently oblige, knowing I was likely going to be lectured.

Pushing the door open, I step inside the small office. My Aunt sits behind her desk, paperwork piled all around her.

"Close the door please."

After closing the door I clasp my hands together in front of me, a little nervous at this point.

"Sebastian.. Are you feeling ok? You're not sick or anything are you?"

"No.. I'm fine I just didn't sleep well last night."

Narrowing her eyes, she points her pen at me.

"You're not getting bullied again are you?"

"That's not it, I'm just tired."

She still doesn't seem to buy my excuse, and pushes onward.

"Did you and Claude get into a fight?"

Shaking my head, I deny it, promising that-that isn't it.

The suspicion on her face never falters even as a sigh escapes her.

"Okay, alright. You can go. Just.. Promise me you'll tell me if something is bothering you? I'm your Aunt, I do care."

A weak smile forms, my head bobbing.

"Yes, I know. Thank you but don't worry, I'm fine."

I can see my Aunt shaking her head in disbelief as I exit her office. I didn't like lying to her, but this isn't exactly something I can freely admit.

Returning to the counter, Claude casts me a curious glance mixed with concern. His hands carefully line a cake with ribbons of frosting as I return to mixing my cake batter.

I was feeling for anything, even a spiders thread to pull me from this emotional rut.

'I don't want to feel like this anymore.'

Claude sucks in a breath, never looking at me as he begins to talk.

"I was thinking.."

"Hmm?" I respond, hating that my lack of desire for conversation was clearly bothering him.

"I.."

Claude stops, taking a moment set his pastry bag down and look at me.

I don't look up from my mixing bowl, not wanting him to see my guilt.

"I want to meet your parents." He finally spits out.

My hand immediately stops moving, I stare into the mixing bowl with a blank expression.

Claude doesn't say anything, watching me instead as I do nothing.

"Why?" I question, annoyance plaguing my voice.

"So I can prove that I'm serious about this relationship!"

"Are you?"

"Yes, I am. And I want to show it to them too."

Slowly, I begin to mix the cake batter again, assaulting every bubble of dry mix that I can see with my wire whisk.

"Okay."

My voice is monotone, my eyes never moving from the bowl.

"When do you want to go?" Excitement fills Claude's voice, I can tell he's smiling but I don't look.

'Even though I love his smile.. What the hell is wrong with me?'

"We can go after work if you want. Do you have a car?"

Finally I lift my eyes from the bowl, locking eyes with Claude who seems confused.

"But.. Wait, they don't live with you? And won't they be bothered by us just dropping by like that on such a short notice?"

Shaking my head, I think back to where they live now.

"No, and I'm sure they won't mind."

"I have a car. I'll have to go home and get it though. How far away do they live?"

"Not far, it'll take about ten minutes from here."

I don't feel anything but fear as I consider the possibility of him being weirded out by knowing my parents are dead.

'That doesn't make sense though. Why would he be freaked out?'

'Who knows? Why does anybody do anything?'

"Then after work I'll go get my car and we can go! Should I bring anything?"

A small smile forms on my lips. A real smile.

"Flowers... Bring flowers."

Bad feels..

I know..

Sorry guys.

.

~Sebastian