When We're Older
Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! Also, the Reddin gene I mention in this story is based on the Reddin character from the 1994 movie Junior. You should really watch it if you like mpreg. It's a good movie, I promise (I also don't have any rights to it either!) I also don't really own anything, especially not songs or anything else for that matter.
Kurt sipped his martini and leaned against the bar, eyes scanning the crowd of people who were mingling out on the dance floor. He had fled to the bar a few minutes before, after finally becoming too annoyed with the constant questions about the whereabouts of his missing husband. Guest upon guest (spouses of the other Vogue workers) had barraged him with questions about Blaine and how he was doing and after a while, the fake smiles and pathetic excuses for Blaine's absence became too much and Kurt went to get himself a drink.
So, avoiding the crowds, he nursed his drink alone at the bar and watched as his co-workers went about pestering other people. Halfway through his martini, he realized that someone was standing right beside of him and almost jumped clear out of his skin.
"Chase told me you and Blaine broke up."
Kurt looked up and found himself staring face to face at Chase's husband, Paul. The man was tall, blonde, and handsome (long ago, at first sight, Paul reminded Kurt of his old NYADA ex, Adam) and even though he seemed kind of intimidating with his massive muscles and young Paul Newman-esque looks, he was a sweetheart through and through. It was no wonder to Kurt that Paul would be the one commenting on his break-up with Blaine, Paul and Blaine had hit it off ages ago, upon first meeting, and just seeing Paul standing next to him now, Kurt knew he was probably going to ask what exactly happened.
"We're separated right now."
"Are you guys divorcing?"
Kurt gripped his glass a little tighter and pursed his lips, "I don't know."
"I'm sorry to hear that. You and Blaine seemed like you were in it for the long haul."
"Yeah, well, things change," Kurt said sourly, downing the rest of his drink in one fell swoop. Paul reached out and patted his shoulder in sympathy.
"Chase said you two are expecting your first. Blaine mentioned being a carrier before-"
"He's having a boy."
"That's awesome... but... you said he's having a boy? Not we- Do you... do you not want the baby?"
Kurt set his empty glass on the bar and crossed his arms over his chest, "It's complicated, Paul. I just- I don't really want to talk about it."
Paul nodded beside him and finished his own drink, "You know, fatherhood isn't the easiest thing in the world, but it's the best job I think I've ever had. I mean, sure you don't get paid to take care of your little one all the time, but you're rewarded with thousands of things-"
"Paul, I really don't think-"
"Chase told me that he may have contributed some doubts to your ideas on impending fatherhood a few weeks ago, Kurt, and I'm here to say that even though he's right about some things, he completely told only the negative side of things when there's a million more positives to make up for that."
Kurt went silent and Paul continued on.
"Officially adopting Anastacia was the greatest day of my life, you know? Well, next to meeting Chase and later marrying him. I mean, I was a little depressed when I was younger that neither Chase nor I had the Reddin gene, but when we decided to try to adopt, it was something that we were excited about because we were going to give a home and a loving family to someone who might have not had it had we not stepped in. Luckily enough, we were blessed to get a beautiful newborn and while the circumstances behind her birth were not pleasant, she's still the most amazing person ever."
Kurt remained quiet, lower lip tucked between his teeth as he remembered Chase telling him about Anastacia's birth mother and how she had gotten pregnant while prostituting. She had given the child up right after birth because she couldn't take care of it and later on she fled the area and Paul and Chase had gotten the little girl. It was a strange story, but neither Chase nor Paul (especially Paul) cared about the circumstances since they had a gorgeous little baby to take care of.
Paul went on, "There are days that I do wish I had some more alone time to spend with my husband, but then Stacia will smile at me or say da-da and nothing in the world means more to me than that. Chase and I have our differences sometimes about stuff and I know he told you some things that aren't pleasant at all, but Chase is the worrier in our family. He freaks out about everything and is always afraid he's going to mess something up and sometimes I just have to grab his shoulders and hold him and tell him to take a breather before he gives himself a heart attack, you know?"
Kurt nodded. He and Chase got on each other's nerves sometimes, but they were so alike in so many ways that it was a little creepy.
"And with Stacia, every morning she coos at me and babbles and she'll give Chase kisses before he leaves for work and it's like... this is what life's all about. Some people would rather spend their time alone, but I like my hectic little household. I love making meals for Stace and watching her make messes. I like watching her learn when she watches her favorite tv shows. I like seeing her grow and change and sometimes I wish she was still a little baby because she's walking and talking somewhat and it was like only yesterday we brought her home and now she's a toddler and it's scary... but it's so worth it, Kurt. It's so worth it."
"Paul-"
"I know I shouldn't be preaching at you about babies, especially since you're on the fence right now with Blaine and everything, but if the baby is the reason you two are splitting, just remember that having kids isn't all that bad. I promise you, it's not always a walk in the park, but it's still fun and there's no job in the world like being a parent." He put his empty glass on the bar and turned to where Chase was standing with Isabelle. "It was nice talking to you, Kurt. If you need anything, just give me or Chase a call, alright? We're here for you."
Kurt nodded and watched his friend walk away, his heart slightly racing thanks to the images that had played in his mind of his and Blaine's potential child. Everything Paul had just told him had revamped itself in his mind and instead of envisioning Paul and Chase with Stacia, somehow his mind substituted him and Blaine with a little boy who looked like a mix of them. Just the very idea of their son made Kurt's entire being ache. Turning, he waved his hand in the air and got the bartender's attention, ordering another two drinks.
He definitely needed them now.
::::::::::
Blaine walked into the apartment hesitantly, still nervous to be entering his old home even though he'd been invited by Kurt to come see Jennycat. Kurt called for Jenny, smiling when the cat slunk around the corner and immediately went to rub against Blaine's feet, meowing as loud as she could.
"Oh Jenny, my baby," Blaine cooed, bending over as well as he could to pick up the cat. He wrapped her up in his arms and held her close, relishing in the soft, rumbly purrs that came from her chest. In the meantime, Kurt watched the two of them fondly, his eyes softening at the sight of Blaine and their cat reunited after weeks of being apart. It was obvious how much they missed each other and Kurt desperately wanted to tell Blaine to take her with him, but then he remembered the dangers of pregnant people owning cats and how if Jenny left, then all ties between the two of them would cease to exist (other than the baby, of course) and he wasn't sure if he was ready to deal with that yet.
"Do you want anything to drink?" Kurt asked, stopping his observance of the two to step into the kitchen. Blaine followed behind him and shook his head.
"No, I'm fine. Well, actually... can I have some water?"
Kurt went ahead and got out a glass to fill with ice and water for Blaine to drink. As he was doing that, Blaine sang to the cat, nuzzling his head against hers as he sang that silly 80s song to her that he always seemed to sing to her and her alone.
"I think she misses hearing that song," Kurt mused, watching as Jenny bumped her tiny nose against Blaine's chin.
"I miss singing it to her, that's for sure," Blaine commented as he kissed the top of the cat's head and placed her back on the floor. Graciously, he accepted the glass from Kurt and took a sip. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Kurt leaned against the counter and sipped his own water, eyes focused on Blaine as the man before him drank a hefty bit of his drink and went to wipe at his wet lips with his fist. Seeing the way Blaine's lips glistened in the brightly lit kitchen made Kurt's stomach churn and he bit his lip. God, I want to kiss Blaine so bad.
"I guess I was more thirsty than I thought," Blaine laughed and Kurt chuckled along with him, frowning when a sharp buzzing sound interrupted their moment. Kurt's cellphone was humming on the kitchen counter, the screen lit up with a picture of Isabelle.
"Oh crap. I need to take this. I'm sorry. Is wanted me to conference call her today and I completely forgot about it."
"It's fine," Blaine said softly, waving his hand at his husband to shoo him away. "Take it. I'm just gonna spend some more time with J."
"Okay. Thanks. I'll be right back." With that, Kurt dashed out of the room and Blaine carefully lowered himself to sit on the kitchen floor, stretching his legs out to let Jenny hop in between them and lay down. She rolled onto her back and purred loudly causing Blaine to laugh at the sight of her.
"Oh my god, Jenny. I love you. When the baby's born, you're gonna come live with me, okay sweetie?" He played with the cat for a little while longer until about fifteen minutes after Kurt left when someone began pounding on the front door. Blaine darted his eyes to the hall, waiting to see if Kurt would come to answer it, but Kurt didn't show up at all. "He must've not heard it," Blaine said to Jenny, placing his hands behind him to push his unbalanced body off of the floor. It took him a couple of tries to right himself, but he eventually got up and walked into the hall, peering into the peephole. A young man in a UPS uniform stood outside the door and Blaine opened it, smiling when the delivery boy grinned at him.
"Kurt Anderson-Hummel?"
"I'm Blaine, his husband-"
"Oh, oh okay! Well, would you mind signing here?" The man held out a tablet and Blaine signed his name, surprised when the delivery guy stepped back and pulled a dolly into their line of sight. On the cart was a giant box, as well as two smaller boxes, and Blaine's heart immediately leapt into his throat when he spotted the name Babies 'R Us scrawled on all of the boxes.
"Oh my god-"
"Congrats on the baby, by the way!" The UPS man said. "I can see why you guys needed all this stuff." Blaine stepped out of the way for the guy to wheel the dolly into the apartment and carefully, the man unloaded the boxes into the living room and bid Blaine a good day before he left. Once he was gone and the front door was shut and locked, Blaine went back to the living room and walked around the pile of boxes, his fingers trailing along each edge of the packages. He had no idea what was in either box but obviously they were for a baby and at the thought of that, Blaine placed his hand on his growing bump and frowned.
What was going on?
::::::::::
Kurt walked down the hall, one hand carrying his phone and the other holding a list of things he had written down to stick to the fridge. He was almost past the living room when something brown got caught in the corner of his eyesight and he froze, backstepping to pause in the doorway. Three boxes sat in the middle of the living room, all of them labeled with Babies 'R Us and beside them, perched on the edge of the coffee table, sat Blaine, wide-eyed in shock.
"Oh my god-"
"Kurt?"
"I didn't think this stuff was going to get here until tomorrow. Oh my god-"
"Kurt, what is all this stuff?"
"I- I- it's just some stuff I ordered the other night."
Blaine rubbed his hands over his belly, his eyes narrowed in doubt. "You ordered baby stuff the other night? Were you drunk?"
"I was- I was tipsy, but I just- Blaine-"
"Kurt, this doesn't make sense."
"It makes sense to me," Kurt said defensively, allowing a ton of walls to slam up around him as he waited for the inevitable storm to roll in. Blaine didn't look too pleased; in fact, Kurt was having a hard time gauging his husband's emotions at all. There was a blank slate there in place of Blaine's usually emotion filled facial expressions and Kurt was instantly worried. "What's wrong with ordering things?"
"Did you do it on Ambien? Because-"
"I had a few drinks at a Vogue function the other night, okay? Call it liquid courage if you must, but that's what happened."
"So you drank and ordered baby things?"
"Yes."
Blaine stood up, hands falling from his bump to feel around the stack of boxes. Kurt watched him curiously. "Well, what did you order?" Blaine asked, pausing in front of the giant box, and Kurt swallowed heavily and stepped forward, tossing his phone and list onto the couch. Cautiously, he stepped next to Blaine and went to tear at the box, barely noticing that Blaine had disappeared until the other man held out a box cutter. "This'll be easier than you tearing at the box with your hands and ruining your fingers."
"Thanks," Kurt said quietly, slicing the cutter along the heavy tape. He pried the flaps open and peered down inside the box, glancing over at Blaine to see if he was looking too.
He was.
As gently as he could, Kurt began lifting things out of the box and setting them on the floor. Beside him, Blaine gasped at the sight of the items coming from the box - there were sets of bottles, boxes of diapers, pacifiers, a bottle warmer, a diaper genie, and other random baby items. After that box was emptied, Kurt went to the other two and pulled out handfuls of cute baby clothes. Blaine made a small noise at the sight of the clothing and Kurt dropped the pile back into the box, turning on his heel to check on Blaine.
"Honey, what's-"
All form of conversation was cut-off when Blaine slammed into Kurt's chest, arms curling tightly around his frame as he nuzzled into his shoulder.
"Blaine?"
"Oh Kurt," Blaine pulled back and Kurt could see where his golden eyes were shining with unshed tears. Sniffling, the younger man pulled away and peered down into the box, taking out the tiny baby clothes to hold in his hands. Tenderly, his fingers trailed down the smooth fabric and across the light blue stitching that had 'I love my daddy' written across the front. "They're cute."
"I couldn't help myself... I just- I thought you'd like it."
"You didn't have to do this."
"I wanted you to know that I'm trying... because I am, I really am. I'll tell you again and again how sorry I am for treating you like I did because you deserve more sorries than I can give you. I love you, Blaine, and I'm falling in love with this baby more and more every single day and with you and even though I broke us, I want to fix us too... if you don't care."
Blaine brushed his fingers along a tiny red and blue outfit that reminded him of his old Warblers uniform and he smiled sadly, "Kurt-"
"You don't even have to say anything right now if you don't want to. I know I hurt you and I know you're scared because I didn't treat you right, but- but I'll do everything I can to prove to you that I'm sorry and that I love you with all my heart and I have since that day you turned around on that staircase all those years ago."
Blaine sniffled and gently cradled the baby clothes to his chest, blinking up at Kurt as the other man knelt down to his level. "Kurt, I-"
"I love you."
"I love you too," Blaine whispered as he leaned in and bumped his forehead against Kurt's. Kurt smiled at him and reached up to cup his face, lightly pressing his lips to Blaine's hairline.
"We'll get through this. We've gotten through tons of things before this and we came out okay."
Blaine stayed silent, but he didn't move away from Kurt's touch at all. In fact, he tilted his head to rest his cheek against Kurt's and the two of them just stood there, breathing in one another. A few moments went by before Kurt finally pulled away, smiling shyly at Blaine before he dug back down into the box and pulled out a tiny baby cardigan.
"Oh my god! That looks familiar!" Blaine gushed, taking the sweater from Kurt's hands.
"I knew you'd think so! You used to have a cardigan just like this," Kurt laughed as he watched Blaine unfold the miniature garment. It was a cream-colored jumper with small red lobsters scattered all over it. The two of them chuckled at the cute little sweater, Blaine practically crying with laughter over how adorable it was and how he wished he still had his old matching one so they could dress up as twins. "Maybe we can find you a new one," Kurt suggested, taking some more stuff out of the box and setting it down on the couch.
Behind him, Blaine held the cardigan close to his chest and nodded, whispering under his breath, "Yeah, maybe we can."
::::::::::
"Do you think it's stupid?"
"Do I think what's stupid?"
"That I'm going to ask Blaine to come to marriage counseling with me."
"Oh my gosh, Kurt, no. That's not stupid at all. In fact, you should have done that a million years ago. I don't even know why I didn't think of that - probably because I've never been married, but you know-"
"So you think it's not a dumb idea?"
"Didn't I just say so? If you think Blaine will say yes, then you have no reason to worry, hun. Actually, I think he'll agree anyway; he loves you that much."
"You really think so?"
"Quit worrying yourself to death and eat before I have to force feed you," Isabelle warned, pointing her chopsticks at his face. She waited until he took a bite of his sushi before she dug back into her tempura bowl. "Marriage counseling is a wonderful idea and you two will benefit from it immensely. If Blaine says yes - of which I'm sure he will, you guys will have the chance to hash everything out and move on before the baby comes, which would be for the best, I think."
"Why do you think that?"
"Well, do you really want to still be separated when your son gets here? I mean, there's labor classes and all that fantastic stuff to do before he comes and then you've got to be ready for the birth and everything - if Blaine wants you there, that is - and if you two are still broken up before all that, it'll just make things more stressful."
Kurt nudged his tuna roll, leaning his cheek against his other hand as he stared at the spicy orange mayo sauce that was drizzled all over his plate. "Things are already stressful now."
"But that's what the counseling is for."
"I know. I just hope he says yes. Part of me is terrified that he'll turn it down... because then I'll know it's definitely over and I'm not ready for that yet."
"You and Blaine," Isabelle started, pausing to take a drink of her tea, "are soulmates. You two complete each other and while you've had your ups and downs, you guys have gotten through it and came out stronger each time. I wouldn't be surprised if you guys do the same with all of this-"
"But I hurt him really bad this time."
"What you're doing right now, Kurt... going to a therapist and talking about the baby - that's you working on your issues to better yourself for him. What happened between the two of you was rough and painful and I know Blaine was hurt by everything, but you were also struggling, hun, and by taking action like you're doing now... that will only show Blaine how much you are trying for him. Blaine isn't an idiot, Kurt. In all the years I've known both of you, I've gotten to see you both grow and Blaine, while he does have his oblivious moments sometimes, he- he'll know that you're doing this for the sake of your relationship. He loves you quite a lot and even though you two hit a major bump in the road, he'll see what you're doing to fix it. He'll see."
"I hope you're right."
Isabelle shot him a look and then smiled, but Kurt caught the meaning behind the glance immediately: I hope I'm right too.
::::::::::
"Thanks for coming over today... and for coming to lunch with me."
"Thank you for buying lunch and making dinner... and letting me see Jenny."
"She's your cat too. You can see her anytime you want." Kurt paused outside of the door to the new apartment and frowned as he watched Blaine dig his keys out of his bag. It took Blaine a few seconds to locate his keys and then he slid the main one into the lock, easily opening the door. Kurt huffed, "That didn't take very long at all."
"I know," Blaine smirked, shoving the keys back into his bag. "This door is nothing like the door at our place. It doesn't stick or jam or anything." He opened the door wide and turned to look at Kurt, a frown dusting across his face when he noticed the sad look on Kurt's. "Kurt?"
"Why do you keep calling the apartment ours?"
Blaine froze. He honestly had no idea he had even called the old apartment theirs and as soon as Kurt called him out on it, it was like someone had dumped a whole bucket of cold water on his head. He was so embarrassed. "I didn't-"
"I don't mind. I really don't. It's just- this doesn't feel like home to you, does it?"
Blaine looked down at his belly and sighed, "Kurt-"
"I'm sorry. I keep pushing you and I shouldn't be."
"It's not home without you."
Kurt's eyes darted up, catching Blaine's for just a second before the shorter man looked back down at the floor. "What?"
"I've been here for weeks and it still doesn't feel like home to me. I miss you. I miss Jenny. I miss waking up in the middle of the night and having you asleep next to me. I miss waking up to Jenny laying on my legs. I miss being able to walk down the hall to the kitchen for a drink and not running into a wall in the process. I just miss it... and it's lonely without Cooper here too."
"Oh Blaine-"
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"
"No, don't apologize. This is my fault." Kurt stepped forward, closing the gap between the two of them as he pulled Blaine into his arms. Blaine curled against him, arms squeezing tight against Kurt's back and his belly pressing against Kurt's side. The telltale feeling of the baby kicking beat against his hip and Kurt smiled, pulling away to look down at his husband. "Blaine," he whispered as he cupped his hand beneath Blaine's chin and leaned close, his nose bumping Blaine's. "I just want you to know that I'm still fighting for us and that I'm so sorry. I love you so much and you never deserved what I did to you. Never. I will do whatever it takes to make up for what I did and I do want to be a part of your life again. I don't ever want you to feel alone or to feel unloved because of me ever again."
Blaine glanced up at him, long lashes fluttering as his gold-green eyes filled with tears. He blinked a bit and the tears spilled out, cascading down his cheeks quickly. Kurt used his thumbs to wipe them away and in the midst of trailing his palm against Blaine's cheek, Blaine pushed forward, his mouth closing onto Kurt's, all hot heat and terribly missed. Kurt's hand fell from Blaine's cheek to reach back and clutch the back of his husband's shirt, his lips moving against Blaine's as Blaine kissed him fully.
"Blaine," he panted, only pulling away for a second before Blaine tugged him back in for another kiss. Hands roamed along sides and tugged at hair for several heart pounding moments before Blaine pulled back, his breath heavy and faltering in the otherwise silent hallway. Kurt stared back at him, at his husband's kiss red, swollen lips and how debauched he looked; it was a look that suited him and one that Kurt missed seeing very, very much. "Honey?" He asked, noting the off look in Blaine's eyes as the younger man stood still in the doorway.
"Stay with me?" Blaine murmured, eyes everywhere but on Kurt, but still, even without locking eyes, Kurt could see how scared Blaine was, how terrified he looked at the question he was asking. He didn't want to be alone (it's not home without you) and Kurt could feel the pain flowing from Blaine as he stood there, heart open. Take it, it's yours.
Kurt didn't know what to do. He wanted to stay; god only knew how bad he missed being with Blaine in every sense of the word, but he could see the hesitance behind Blaine's gaze. He could see how lost Blaine was in the moment, how much he missed them but was scared to give Kurt all of his heart back considering how badly Kurt had broken it before. "Blaine-"
"I don't- just for tonight, please? I'm tired of being alone."
"I know."
Kurt stepped forward and let his hands fall to Blaine's stomach, pausing them over the active spot where their child moved. He met Blaine's eyes with his own and smiled, "I love you."
"So you'll stay?"
"Yes."
Blaine smiled in return and tugged Kurt into the apartment, their lips meeting as Kurt kicked the door behind them. It was the biggest chance Blaine had taken in the month or so they had been apart, but feeling Kurt's hands on his belly and feeling the emotion behind his kiss showed Blaine how much things were changing between them. He wanted this; he wanted their family back together again. And, even if it hurt him in the long run (of which he hoped it didn't), they would be together even if it was just for tonight.
A/N: Ooooh, my babies! What do you think's gonna happen next? Sorry for the delay everybody! I got home on Monday night and felt terrible (stupid flu) and I just now finally felt well enough to finish up this chapter. Hope you liked it. I'm so excited that we're almost at 300 reviews - that's insane! I'm so thankful for all of you amazing readers and that you guys take the time out to comment and discuss the story with me. You all are awesome and your comments are what keeps me writing. Thank you!