"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That's what I hope to give you forever."
– The Notebook
Love is a funny word, isn't it? Love? What is love? Some might say love is a force of nature. However much we may want to, we can not command, demand, or disappear love, any more than we can command the moon and the stars and the wind and the rain to come and go according to our whims. Love is inherently free. It cannot be bought, sold, or traded. You cannot make someone love you, nor can you prevent it, for any amount of money. Love is chemistry. Love has many guises. Love is a passionate commitment. Love drives all great stories. Love blinds us.
Love? Love is undefinable.
People say love is capable of anything. Being in love is.. crazy. Overwhelming. Amazing. Hectic. Messy. People are obsessed with the idea of what love is. People are in love with the idea of being in love. Love is bigger than you are. You can invite love, but you cannot dictate how, when, and where love expresses itself. You can choose to surrender to love, or not, but in the end; love strikes like lightening.
It's unpredictable and irrefutable.
Chloe Beale never thought that on the 12th of July, at approximately 8:20am, she'd meet the love of her life in a little coffee shop in L.A. She never thought that said person she fell in love with would be a small, passionate-yet-sarcastic, loving singer/DJ named Beca Mitchell. She never thought that it'd take her less than three months to fall in love with this woman. She never thought that she would be in a relationship with this woman for two years, to the point where she thought that life without her would be unfathomable. She never thought that she would marry this woman. She never thought that she'd be the one to propose to her on the top of the Eiffel Tower, with people surrounding them taking pictures and posting them on SheKnows and JustJared. She never thought that three months after they married..
Her wife would almost die.
If you would have told Chloe that all these things would happen to her before she was even thirty, she would have just laughed at you and thought that you were crazy. Hell, she wouldn't even think about it that much, because she'd know that there was no way that it would happen. None of those things.
But then life threw her a curve ball and she had to go with it. It may very well be that it is not the curve ball itself that surprised her, but it was the disappointment from her past expectations not being fulfilled. Life is capable of throwing us a curve ball, but you can either dodge the ball and get on with it, and end up losing the game. Or you can go for it. Swing your bat the hardest and hit the ball back at life, and just hope that you win. When life throws you a curve ball, instead of striking out, swing that bat and smash it out of the park. Maybe you'll regret it, maybe you won't. You won't know until you try, will you?
We all face tough times. We all go through things that others may never even know about. This is why we have to remind ourselves to show compassion. Be thoughtful. Be courteous. Be kind. Be generous. Be loving. No matter what, there is light at the end of the tunnel. The sun will rise tomorrow. Life will keep moving, and growing, and changing. And you will find peace and rest, even if the storms of life are looming today. Take care of yourself, and stay strong. Some of the most beautiful sunrises come after a night of storms.
Fate is another funny word. Before Beca Mitchell, Chloe never believed in fate. She never thought that there was things in life that were destined to happen, or turn out or act in a particular way. She didn't think twice about the people she met, and whether she would ever see them in her life ever again. Admittedly, after Jessica, Chloe stopped caring about most things in life apart from the necessities. Being healthy. Having a roof over her head. Having clothes on her back. Having a well-paid job. At 25, Chloe Beale's life consisted of searching for jobs in little corner shops, worrying about whether she will be able to afford the rent, and hanging out with her three best friends; Ryan, Stacie and Aubrey.
But then she met Beca.
And lately, she finds herself thinking.. what if she hadn't gone to that coffee shop that day? Three years ago, what if she had decided to go to a Starbucks instead? What if she had decided to sit somewhere else in the shop, not opposite Beca? What if she had just ordered her food and walked out, not knowing that her soul mate was sitting a few feet away from her? Would they have met each other or crossed each other's paths ever again? Would they somehow have found their way back to each other? She doesn't know. She asks herself these questions everyday. And she never gets any answers.
She finds herself wondering what life would be like now that she has Beca. If she didn't take that chance with Beca, then where would she be right now? Truthfully, she thinks she'd probably be at a dead-end job, hating her life. She thinks that the reason she'd get up everyday would be for Aubrey, Stacie and Ryan only. Would she have met a different person and being happy with them? Would she be miserable for the rest of her life? Who knows. Would she have known three years ago that she would be sitting here right now with her wife, in front of Beca's parents graves? Nope. Would she have known that right now, today, she would be feeling as if her life is finally coming together once again? Not in a million years.
But that's the thing with fate. You cannot control it. You cannot stop it, and you cannot start it. Fate doesn't care what you think of it, or whether you believe in it or not. Fate just pops up at the most random times, and you just have to roll with it. Like Jean Kwok once said in Girl In Translation; "Sometimes our fate is different from the one we imagined for ourselves." Chloe never imagined that she would meet a woman named Beca Mitchell and fall in love with her three months later. But it happened. Fate happened. Fate brought them together, whether they liked it or not.
"We should go back home, it's almost midnight." Chloe whispered quietly, her leg clicking when she moved it slightly.
The two had been sat there for hours, talking about everything. Mostly everything to do with the past, and their relationship, and how great they were together. They didn't speak a word about what had happened with the baby. And Chloe was glad that the brunette hadn't brought it up. They didn't talk about anything bad, actually. They talked about when they met, and how Beca was so smart and confident when she asked Chloe on a date. They talked about their first date, and how they went to the beach afterwards for a stroll. Chloe told Beca that walking along the beach hand-in-hand then became their thing, and her heart almost stopped beating when Beca said that they should go to the beach tomorrow.
They talked about everything. How Beca would always play the piano and guitar and sing for Chloe. They talked about how whenever they went to award shows, they would practically be attached at the hip. They talked about how they were Hollywood's favorite couple, and Beca couldn't believe that people actually favored them over most other couples. They talked about how whenever they went anywhere together, they'd try and embarrass each other as much as possible. They talked about how good Beca was with her fans, and how they would always do live streams with each other. They talked about how they always replied to fans on twitter and they would go absolutely mental. - At this, Beca laughed because she couldn't even remember making a twitter account, never mind getting up to almost 10 million followers.
They talked about their first kiss. The first time they made love. Their first fight. The first time they said I love you. The first kiss in the rain. The first time Beca talked about wanting to have kids together. Their first interview together as a couple. Their first vacation together. Their first everything. And Beca promised Chloe that they would relive all of these firsts all over again. (And Chloe couldn't even fathom how much more she fell in love with Beca at that moment.)
The brunette stood up first, holding a hand out to help Chloe up. Their hands never broke from each other's grasp after that, except for when they had to get in and out of the car. Now and again, Beca would stroke her thumb across Chloe's soft hand, and Chloe couldn't help the butterflies in her stomach at the intimate touch. The whole week after that seemed to go the same. Little touches here and there, whether it was just their legs resting against each other when they sat down to watch TV, or their hands brushing against each others as they walked. Longing stares as they sat down to eat a meal. They would get distracted by each other's eyes, long enough for them to forget where they were for a while.
Four days later, after Beca had a nightmare, they started to sleep in the same bed again. They would lay side-by-side, their bodies barely touching, but they would always wake up with either Beca's arm draped over Chloe's waist, or Chloe's head resting on Beca's shoulder. They would watch movies together and Beca actually started to enjoy them - mainly the reason was that she loved being next to Chloe, but after watching a few, she kinda got used to them. Occasional glances when they thought the other wasn't looking. They started to get more comfortable with each other.
Beca would remember the slightest things, like how they used to cook together or take showers together, or how they would play board-games. She would remember other slightly bigger things, like how they always went to movie premieres or award shows together, and they supported everything that they did. She remembered small facts like how Chloe took two sugars in her coffee, and how her favorite thing to bake was red velvet cupcakes. They would hug each other for long periods of time, just for any excuse to be with each other; close to each other. To confirm that this was in fact real. The redhead started to kiss Beca on the cheek again, like she always used to do. They started holding hands more often out in public. They would stay in bed for hours just staring at each other, lovingly touching each other's cheeks or waist, basking in each other's presence. Yet, weirdly, the only thing they hadn't done yet was kiss.
14th February - 5:38pm
"I like this. It's nice." Beca said as she and Chloe sat next to each other on the beach. The cool February breeze blew over them, and the shoreline washed up a few feet away. The redhead was sat with her legs stretched out, her head resting on Beca's shoulder as the brunette was sat cross-legged with her arm wrapped around Chloe's back. They had been there for about four hours, just watching the sea and talking about everything.
"Best valentine's day ever, right?" Chloe asked with a smile, and Beca nodded without hesitance.
"Definitely."
"You have no idea how much I've missed this." Chloe responded in a hushed whisper, and Beca's arm around her back tightened for a second.
"I keep getting flashbacks of just the tiniest things." Beca suddenly said, and Chloe lifted her head to look at her. "If I'm just making music and I get distracted, I think of you and.. and it's like.. nostalgia, or deja vu or.. whatever it is. I picture things in my head that I swear I've already seen before. Even it's just the smallest thing, like you telling me you're proud of me after I write a song, or me giving you a goodnight kiss. I just.. I remember it. It's so familiar, and it feels.. amazing. It's surreal. I can't think of any words to describe it."
"Love." Chloe replied immediately, and a smile spread across Beca's face. "It's love."
"You're amazing, you know that?"
"I'm not-"
"-No, Chloe. You are. I don't know why you deny it. Honestly you're amazing, and you're beautiful, and I'm not just talking about your appearance. Just who you are is beautiful. I can see how you really care about things. How you care about me. I can tell what you're passionate about because your eyes sparkle and you get all giddy. And when you smile and laugh, it's.. it's the best part of loving you."
"I honestly don't understand how you're so good to me." Chloe shook her head with a teary laugh. "I mean.. I thought I'd gotten used to all the butterflies by now, but it seems like just.. every time you look at me, my heart feels funny. It feels like it's gonna burst out of my chest, and I seem to get all nervous and blushy when you compliment me."
"Ditto."
The redhead laughed, leaning in to rest her forehead against Beca's, and immediately, the brunette closed her eyes as she cherished Chloe's touch.
"In all seriousness though, Chloe. You've made this so much easier for me."
"I have?"
"You have." she whispered, scooting closer to the redhead and placing a hand on her thigh. "You've been so strong. It seems like God had some sort of thing about tearing you down, after all the things that had happened to you, but you got through it. You basically said 'fuck you God, you can't do anything to me that I won't overcome' and that's what you did. You overcame every obstacle the world had to offer, and you have no idea how much I admire you for that. I mean, just about every shitty thing you can think of has happened to you, but you didn't give up. You didn't give up on me, or our marriage. You were so patient, and I'm so glad that I found you. I'm so glad you didn't file for that divorce and let me go home with Jesse and Aubrey. I'm so glad that I fell in love with you again."
The redhead's bottom lip trembled as she tried not to cry once again. "Can you not make me cry in public, again" she resorted sarcastically, and Beca laughed as she opened her eyes and detached her forehead from Chloe's so she could look her in the eye.
"Sorry, but I just feel the need to let you know how much you actually mean to me."
Gently, Chloe pushed a stray strand of hair behind Beca's ear and slowly moved her hand along her jaw, beckoning her to move in closer. The brunette followed, inching her face closer to Chloe's as she rested her weight on one hand while the other stayed on Chloe's thigh. Seconds later, their lips connected and all the pent up emotions from the past few months were finally transferred from one to the other. (And sure, they normally would have found it strange kissing in public like this where almost anybody could see them, but they didn't really care.)
The brunette could feel the redhead's tears against her cheeks as their lips moved against each other's - or maybe they were her tears, she wasn't sure. All she was sure of, was that kissing Chloe made her heart race, and her stomach do flips, and her toes were tingling. She felt Chloe's soft fingers stroke down her jaw, and she was pretty sure that there was nowhere she'd rather be than here right now.
Unfortunately for both of them, oxygen became a problem, and there was only so much kissing you could do in public before people would start to take pictures and complain about "too much PDA" on gossip websites. So they pulled away, smiling at each other when they both felt another swarm of butterflies in their stomachs. (Seriously, when was that gonna stop?)
"I love you so much." Beca whispered without hesitance, and Chloe bit her lip as she tried to stop the huge grin spreading on her face. Because surely it would have split her cheeks if she would have smiled any bigger.
"I love you too."
"I want to make love to you."
The redhead's eyes widened, and if she would have been able to do anything, she would have probably choked on air. But she couldn't do anything. It seemed like she was paralyzed, glued to her spot. She couldn't move. Beca just blurted that out, in public, where anybody could hear.
How could she respond to that? Well, she didn't have time before the brunette stood up and held a hand out for her. She started to panic slightly, remembering that the two hadn't been intimate with each other since before everything happened. Since before Beca almost died. Before she forgot everything. Before Chloe lost the baby. Before they fell in love with each other again. But before she could say anything, Beca pulled her up so they were standing opposite each other, and she pulled her in close to her.
"I don't want to just have sex with you." she whispered in a small, vulnerable so that only Chloe could hear. "I want to show you how much I love you. Show you that I'm never gonna let anything bad happen to you ever again. I want to hold you close and show you that you are worthy of being loved. I want to make you feel amazing, like you have made me feel amazing over these past few months. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up the same way." she leaned in, moving her mouth so that it was next to Chloe's, and her voice dropped into a hushed whisper. "I want to love you like you've never been loved before."
The redhead shivered visibly, and she looked around to see if any paparazzi were around. (I mean, the tabloids would have a field day if they heard what the brunette had just said to her.) Without saying anything, the redhead slowly leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to the brunette's lips, smiling against them when she felt Beca kiss her back immediately. She pulled back and linked their hands together, quickly pulling her along up the beach.
A few paparazzi approached them as soon as they made it to the sidewalk, but they were in too much of a trance to answer any questions. The bright flashing lights of the camera sent shooting pains from Beca's eyes to the back of her head where she had been injured, so she had to cover her face. After noticing this, the redhead pulled her in closer and wrapped her arms protectively around her as she escorted her to the car.
The drive home was spent with loving glances and soft touches. The brunette basically sat on the edge of the seat so she could be closer to Chloe. She kept her hand on the redhead's thigh, occasionally stroking it to make sure she was still there, to confirm that this was real. That this was happening.
Seconds after they made it home, the door was slammed shut and they were standing in front of each other. Neither of them said anything. Nothing needed to be said. The brunette was the first one to step forward, holding Chloe's left hand in her right hand. She led them upstairs into their bedroom and closed the door gently behind her, as if everything was now going in slow motion. She reached a hand up to cup Chloe's cheek as her other hand gently rested on her hip.
"You're beautiful." she whispered, leaning up and pressing her lips against the redheads. It took a second for Chloe to respond, and the brunette pulled back slowly with worried eyes. "We don't have to do this. One step at a time, okay?"
"No, I want to do it. I'm just scared." she admitted in a small voice, and Beca guided her head towards her so she could look her in the eyes.
"Don't be scared. I'm right here, and I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. Just tell me when to stop." she husked, and gave the redhead a reassuring smile before she attached their lips again. This time, Chloe kissed her back immediately, and lifted her arms above her head as Beca slowly peeled her shirt off of her. She did the same with Beca's shirt, and she shivered as their bare stomachs touched slightly.
One by one, they took each item of clothing off of each other, making sure to take it slow and careful. The brunette was as gentle as Chloe had ever remembered her, and she slowly found herself relaxing against her touch. They made it to the bed and Beca slowly lowered the redhead so she was laying down, and the way her skin contrasted with the white sheets made the brunette gasp in appreciation.
She admired her wife's naked body for a while before she slowly leaned down to hover over her. She ran her hands over every expanse, taking her time to worship her. To cherish her. She moved her fingers up Chloe's chest, up her neck until they stroked the redhead's jaw, and Chloe shivered again.
"You have a nice jaw." Beca commented, moving in to press a kiss to the redhead's jaw bone. She moved her hand up to stroke through the redhead's hair, and placed another kiss to the scar on her forehead. She placed another soft kiss on her nose, then her cheeks, then her eyelids, and eventually, her mouth.
"You have nice lips." Beca murmured against her lips, and pulled back slightly. "You have nice eyes. And nice hair. And your body is perfect."
The redhead smiled softly, and she found herself believing everything that Beca was saying. The way Beca's eyes sparkled when they trailed over her body made her heart almost stop beating and her stomach twist in so many ways that she never thought was possible.
Beca's lips pulled her out of her trance when they attached themselves to her breast and - when did she even make her way down there? - The redhead let out a sharp gasp as Beca's mouth closed around her nipple, and the brunette stopped immediately.
"Are you okay? Do you want to stop?"
"No." Chloe answered without hesitance. "No, keep going. I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"I'm sure."
Their bodies moved against each other slowly, nothing but heat and passion extricating from them. Admittedly, Chloe wasn't the only one that was nervous about this whole turn of events. Because of the incident causing Beca's memory to disintegrate, Beca had no memory of ever losing her virginity. Therefore, this was technically her first time. She tried to keep her nerves at bay though as she ran her hands down the expanse of Chloe's hot, beautiful body. And it didn't take long for her to feel comfortable.
"Have I mentioned how unbelievably gorgeous you are?" Beca asked, but before Chloe could even form a coherent thought, the brunette's lips were back on her breasts. Her whole body felt like it was buzzing as soft lips made their way down her torso.
Kisses were placed on her breasts, on her abs, on her ribs, on her bellybutton, and on her hips. Then they were placed on her abdomen, and her heart almost stopped beating as she felt Beca's breath against her heat. But the warm air was soon gone as Beca kissed her way back up her body again.
"I love you." Beca whispered with as much love as she could muster. Their eyes met as their bodies pressed against each other, and Chloe let out a breath of air, not even noticing the tear fall down her cheek. Not until the brunette brought a hand up to wipe it away, and then press a kiss to where it had trailed down.
"I love you too." the redhead breathed out, pulling Beca in to kiss her again. Her hands running through the back of Beca's hair, being careful not to go near where Beca had been shot. The brunette pulled away after a minute to catch her breath, and Chloe slowly moved her head to the side so she could see her injury. Because of the scar from the stitches, a patch of the brunette's hair hadn't fully grown back yet. Slowly, the redhead leaned in and placed a gentle, loving kiss to the scar, and Beca smiled down at her with glossy eyes.
"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on." Chloe whispered, and the brunette shook her head as a tear fell from her eye. She crashed their lips together once again, their bodies moving in perfect synchronization. The kisses were now hungry and desperate, trying to find something in the sea of emotion that they felt like they were drowning in.
Neither of them said anything. They didn't have to say anything to know what the other was feeling. To know what the other wanted. It felt so right to the both of them. They made love slowly, and there was no way that either of them would regret this in the morning. They made love as they stared into each other's eyes. They could feel the love and passion as they touched each other gently, and they sensed it in their body language. No words needed to be said other than the hushed I love you's in each other's ears. Finally, they weren't afraid anymore.
They didn't need candles or romantic music in the background. They didn't need glasses of champagne or rose petals scattered on the bed. No special lighting was needed, or bathtub filled with bubbles. They just needed each other. They just needed to be here, together. Here at this exact minute in each other's embrace. For once, absolutely nothing was stopping them. Tonight was about them.
Their bodies ground against each other. Their hips moving together with each thrust. They lost track of time as they both savored the feeling of making love to each other. It was beautiful. They were beautiful. The soft moans escaping Chloe's mouth were beautiful. The quiet whimpers and groans coming from Beca was beautiful and the panting and rocking of the bed that echoed around the room was beautiful.
Their bodies spasmed as they came together, their moans reverberating off of the four walls of their room. Their bodies gave out and Beca collapsed onto the redhead and she slumped against her as she tried to catch her breath. The redheads hand stroked up and down her back soothingly. Neither of them could speak, but both of them knew what they were thinking.
They wanted to make love again. And yes, they would make love again. It was portrayed in their eyes and the way their bodies fit together like a jigsaw as they admired the feeling of hot skin pressed flush against each other. It was an unspoken agreement. They would make love every day if it meant that they could be together like this. They wouldn't have sex, and they wouldn't fuck. They would make love. Because they were absolutely and irrevocably in love with the thought of being in love with each other. And they wouldn't change that for the world.
A/N: This was the result of me being ill. So I apologize if this went quickly, or whether it was too rushed. My mind is kinda all over the place lol. There will be two more chapters after this and then it'll be over. (aaand *queue sad faces*)