21. Alright

GPOV

My tires screeched as I abruptly pulled my bike into the Cullen driveway. My helmet caused my head to pulse, as an unexplainable anger built up inside of me. Edward's selfish ass should be here instead of with Carlisle and that wretched excuse for a human being, as if a doctor couldn't handle Bella's wounds.

I maniacally laughed at myself for referring to her as a human. Technically I was human too, but she and I were not equals. No, not a chance in hell was she my equal. I wanted to go inside and make a huge scene. Blaming Edward for this mess was easy. Yes, I was hanging out with werewolves unknowingly, but Christ he was sneaking into a human's room at night. I think he's easily to blame. I was positive Alice would take my side especially after what almost happened with Jasper; she had to be just as heated as I was.

Upon entering the house, I slammed the door behind me, making sure every one of them knew I was home and that I was pissed.

They were all gathered in the living room like usual. Jasper and Alice were separated in the corner, it appeared he was still ashamed and Alice was continually consoling him. Emmett was going on and on to Rosalie about what he would have done given the chance. She rolled her eyes and continued to file her nails.

I can't believe they were being this campy after what just happened.

I grabbed Rosalie's nail file and chucked it at the wall. "What the hell are you doing? This is not a time for doing your nails!" I yelled, giving everyone the crazed look of a woman gone mad.

Rosalie jumped up to reprimand me but Emmett quickly pulled her wrist back, pinning her to the couch.

Esme rose to her feet and placed both hands on my shoulders, "Gwen, calm down already! Getting everyone riled up again isn't going to help."

Just as I thought Esme and I were about to have a serious spat, Carlisle entered the room; I waited for Edward to enter behind him.

I kept waiting but Edward did not appear.

I glanced at Carlisle indignantly, "Where the hell is he?"

Carlisle just shook his head at me, "Quit being so brash. Edward will return when he feels like it. This family has bigger things to worry about than you and Edward having a fight!"

"You've got to be kidding me," I screeched, "Am I the only one who thinks a family meeting is necessary, like right now, not whenever he decides to join us!"

Emmett snickered, "Let me call Edward!" Rosalie jabbed him in the side.

This was not a joking matter and no one else in the room seemed to be as on edge as me.

Carlisle spoke, "A family meeting is most definitely in order so everyone sit down!"

"I can't believe we're not waiting for that moron to show up, after all this is his fault!" I remarked harshly.

I had wanted to blame Edward but hadn't really planned on doing so till the words inexplicably fell out of my mouth.

"Gwen seems to have a lot to say," Esme offered trying to give me room to make myself heard.

I then began my very long oration. I explained how I had been hanging out with the Quileutes without knowing who they really were. I then told them how I knew Edward had feelings for Bella but I didn't know he was going to see her in the middle of the night. I also told them how Jacob was very protective of Bella and they wanted the Cullens out of their town. I left out the part about Jacob and I fighting and the slumber party. I skipped onto the morning scene where Sam had caught Edward so they all went to confront him. I admitted to Carlisle that I told Jacob a little about who we were but thought since he already knew there was no harm.

Jasper looked beyond irritated when he listened to me recall how much they knew about us. He then demanded I tell him everything I knew about the werewolves. His growing intensity made my stomach churn. I reiterated that the Quileutes were not out to hurt us, they were just protecting their people and want us out of Forks immediately.

Carlisle was not surprised when I told him about how they had an earlier run-in with nomadic vampires and our kind had caused many problems for their elders.

I ended my long drawn out speech with an apology to them all. I had only found out the night before about the werewolves and I didn't mean to cause any trouble by not telling them sooner.

I could see in Alice's confused facial expressions that she was wondering why I had not come home last night but I was pleased when she decided to leave that out of the present discussion. I don't think my story would have sounded as valid if I included my sleepover at Jacob's house.

Just as I finished, Emmett chimed in, "Good story Gwen; I'm ready to hunt some werewolf, any takers?"

Jasper perked up at the prospect.

"You guys are underestimating them and you aren't going to hurt them, I won't let you," I chimed in.

Rosalie let out a tiny snarl my direction, "What do you care? They would have killed all of us if they had the chance, even that stupid Bella girl."

I took a little too much pleasure in Rosalie sharing my sentiments on Bella.

"Everyone stop being ridiculous," Carlisle remarked.

"However we handle this, we need to be very careful and calculated," he continued. "This could have been an isolated incident, we don't know if they still mean us harm. I need to meet with their leader as soon as possible."

"You're not going alone. I promise I will control myself this time," Jasper offered impatiently.

I interrupted, "Sam is not a bad guy, and they don't want to harm us, they just want us gone. He'll avoid bloodshed at all costs."

"Could've fooled me," Rosalie snorted. "I will rip him to shreds."

"You're so adorable when you're angry," Emmett smiled at Rosalie.

"Why do they want us gone? We haven't hurt a single human since we've been here." Alice prodded curiously.

"They feel threatened by Edward and his relations with Bella." I paused, "And, they can't go back to being human unless vampires are gone, unless we leave."

"What does that mean?" Jasper eyed me intently.

"I told you guys, they are only as they are because of us. Werewolves only exist because of vampires. They won't stop phasing or begin aging again until we are out of their neck of the woods." I reiterated, annoyed that no one listened when I said this earlier.

"This affects our decision," Carlisle said. I interjected, "What decision?"

"If we are staying in Forks," he said softly.

All I could think is we should definitely leave, then Edward would never see that awful girl again and maybe life could go back to normal. But then a horrible pain hit me in the chest. Jacob, what if I never saw Jacob again? That was not something I was willing to barter with just yet. The idea of Jacob was something that was so confusing to me. He was not concrete in my life like Edward was. Edward was my past, present and supposed to be my future. Jacob and Bella were merely speed bumps.

I did not want to leave Forks but I knew if we did leave then Jacob's life could return to normal. As far as I knew, and from the sadness behind his eyes, it seemed like he wanted to be rid of that life. I could give that to him. My family leaving could make that happen for him and his friends.

The rest of the afternoon was miserable. Daddy Carlisle put everyone on lockdown, which was ludicrous in my opinion because Edward had not returned home yet. If we all had to sit here and suffer then he should too, not to mention we had a major discussion in store. I spent the day fiddling impatiently. I spent an hour or two flipping channels only to pause on a couple infomercials that caught my attention.

The most frustrating part of the whole afternoon was the impending decision Carlisle would make. Would he really take us all away from Forks, and if so would I get to say goodbye to Jacob? Once again I felt like a rat trapped in a cage, a sentiment I hadn't felt since my earlier days at the hospital.

Once early nightfall came I finally heard the sound of the squeaky door handle turn, a sound I had been waiting for the entire day! Edward entered and the shame plastered across his face was a mere prelude to his horrific thoughts that quickly flooded into my head and heart.

I began to panic and my lungs closed up so tightly that I gasped over and over for air. I began furiously shaking my head back and forth, fighting the flood of tears that I knew were moments away from betraying me. I did the only thing my shell-shocked body would allow and that was take off for the stairs up to my room, slam the door and lock it immediately.

Just as I had reached the stairs Edward went for my arm but Alice snapped, "Let her go!"

I sat down in the corner of my room, rocking myself back and forth trying to bring myself out of the shock, but the images kept playing over and over in my head. I thought my heart was surely suffocating and my eyes burned with the most indescribable pain as tears began to fall. I let out a huge sob, which only upset me more because I knew everyone downstairs could hear the pain flooding out of me.

I despise being human. Why did trivial things like crying have to make me seem so weak? Sitting there on the floor, curled up in darkness I let the images of Bella and Edward together in some private meadow overcome me. There was no way he could have hidden these emotions and thoughts even if he tried. Some of these emotions I couldn't even fully grasp but all I needed to know was he did it. He gave away his first kiss to her. Everything I had been waiting for, holding out for he gave away so carelessly. The only thing that gave me slight pleasure was maybe he could hear my thoughts, my pain even from downstairs. I wanted him to suffer as I did. I grabbed a journal and pen from my desk and began scribbling the words furiously.

Dear Edward,

There is this feeling in my heart. It is an awful lot like glass shattering into a thousand pieces. A hole is left, unidentifiable of what once was. I gave up sunlight and aging, what little I had… all to be frozen in time with you. If it's not with you then I don't want this life. You're the only thing that makes eternity bearable. What have you sacrificed? I am suffering from some profound disorientation. You feel no guilt for the suffering you have caused me. I see it in how easily you kissed her. I waited my whole life to kiss you and yet I am still without. I was the patient one. I waited for you. You and I both know we were the real thing. Everyone wanted this for us, everyone but you. I was always enough till she came along. She has stolen the only thing that was ever mine. I accepted you and your family for who they are. I am the only one who sees you for what you are. I will always be the mirror reflecting the truth about you and yet I reflect it with pure and incandescent love. How could you? I hope you know the life you're choosing is an unhappy one. Bella will grow old, her bones will become frail, she will become ill and you will be forced to sit by and watch her die. I chose eternity; I chose to be eternally yours so that we would never have to part. I chose this because I could never cause you the pain of leaving in death or any other way. Where will you be when she is gone? I will not wait for you Edward. I worry this damage is irreversible. I cannot forgive you for giving her what was mine. I fear you have left me with a decision. Eternity is nothing without you.

I'm sorry but not as sorry as you will be.

Love,

Gwen

I knew my words were a bit melodramatic but I was hoping for a huge impact, poetic words that would ring throughout his head for years to come while he wallowed in my absence. And with that I left the note on my bed, grabbed a few belongings and crawled out my window down the siding of the house hoping to make my escape before Alice could spoil my plan.

Next thing I was speeding out of the driveway on my bike without so much as a glance behind me. I headed in the direction of the reservation swallowing every bitter emotion that still lingered on my open wounds. I wanted trouble to find me; I wanted to feel numb or anything other than the pain I felt from Edward's betrayal. The saddest part of this drive was there was no turning back. Edward would find my actions selfish and my family would not forgive me for leaving them. I had no other choice in my mind. My reason for living, my reason for being with these people had stolen everything from me. Edward could not understand what he had done to me and I wasn't about to sit around that house one minute longer and give him the satisfaction of listening in on my most inner private thoughts. Sure he would have suffered just knowing how I felt but I wanted him to suffer more by not knowing at all.

When I arrived at the reservation I wondered if I was even still welcome. How would Jacob react to my presence? If I was leaving town like I planned then I at least wanted to say goodbye. It was better this way. Better before I hurt Jacob by leading him on. He wouldn't want me now anyway. I was damaged goods, broken. Anything warm and bright about me had burned out the second Edward came home.

I crept behind Jacob's house and began to tap lightly in the window hoping he was there. He quickly lifted the window and looked down at me. "Stop being such a creep, you know I have a front door." he said amusedly.

Relief flooded over me as I was greeted with Jacob's warm humor that I remembered from better times. I pushed him aside and crawled in the window, ignoring his remark about the front door.

"Sorry, I didn't think your dad would appreciate female visitors this late," I apologized.

Jacob plopped down on his bed next to me, "He doesn't mind female visitors, just visitors who consort with vampires."

Why did he have to bring them up? I was in the midst of abandoning my vampire family and his reminder made the pain sting.

"I can't stay long, I needed to see you." Those words alone made me shake with nervousness. I had no real plan or direction as to where I was headed. I just wanted to be as far away from Forks and the Cullens as possible. Edward made his choice, the Cullen's indifference sickened me, so now I was making the first real choice I had ever made since leaving the hospital. Jacob's room was warm and I missed it even though I hadn't yet left it behind.

Jacob looked concerned, "What's wrong?"

I just sat there on the edge of his bed shaking my head back and forth in deep sadness.

His breathing hitched, "Did they turn on you!? Has your family tried to hurt you Gwen? We'll protect you, I swear!"

"No," I screeched, "They'd never hurt me, calm down." I tried to rationalize although Edward had most definitely hurt me, and sometimes emotional pain was far worse than physical. Not to mention the gaping hole in my chest felt an awful lot like a real one. Jacob's willingness to protect me in an instant and send for the others did make me feel better. But still, the sadness inside of me was infinite and could not be cured by his compassion.

I was in enough pain myself and somehow had to muster the guts to say bye to him. I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted to make it all better for him by telling him the Cullens would leave Forks immediately and his life could return to normal and Bella would be safe again. I couldn't offer any of that. Nothing about my leaving was going to do anything to help the werewolves. My leaving was selfish and yet felt like my only option.

If Edward was allowed to flee when in pain then so was I. The only difference was I had no intentions of coming back. It would hurt too much to come back. The only thing that felt right was erasing this part of my life. Moving on to a new place, new home, and finally living. Sometimes to really live you've got to be willing to die. I envied Jacob of his life and his willingness to die.

I felt my phone in my pocket vibrating incessantly and I knew it had to be one of the Cullens trying to find out where I had run off to. Perhaps Alice even alerted them of my intentions. This is why I had to keep it short. There was no time to waste.

I jumped up from the bed and lunged into Jacobs arms, swinging mine around him and squeezed tightly. I dug my head into the side of his neck and never wanted this embrace to end. I swallowed in every last moment of warmth I could.

Jacob leaned back a little, "Whoa, Gwen what is wrong with you?"

I stepped back from his embrace and looked into his beautiful dark eyes. All the emotion of the night before was trying to flood back into me but I would not let it. For this journey I needed to remain numb. That was the only way I'd make it out.

My jumbled words and unplanned speech came off in the least eloquent way possible. "I'm leaving Jacob, for good. I'm not coming back and I will probably never see you or the Cullens again. Please don't try to stop me, please don't alert the others as to where I am heading. Just know I am going to the closest airport and I will be fine."

It almost hurt to say those words more than it hurt to write Edward's letter. Hearing myself say the plan out loud was very different than hearing it inside my head. Jacob's skin began to look flush and sadness overcame his warmth. He was speechless, which was good for me as I had no real explanation or anything more to say.

"I had to say goodbye, I'm sorry." I said hiding all the sadness behind those words.

Jacob quickly grabbed me into his arms and hugged me tightly. He then whispered into my ear, "I'll let you go, but I know you'll come back."

I fought back all the tears building in my eyes. I so wished his words were true but that was not my intention.

I pulled myself away quickly and lunged for the open window. I began climbing out trying to hide the onset of tears. Just as I was on the ground Jacob leaned out the window, grabbed my face and kissed me on the cheek. As I took off running I heard Jacob yell something in Quileute. I had no idea what the words meant but they echoed in my head the entire ride to the airport.

The bike was an awful choice of transportation since the largest airport in Seattle was a good three hours away. I ditched the bike in a garage and rented a car using Carlisle's credit card. I reasoned that just because they knew where I got a car doesn't mean they knew where I was flying, hoping that it would throw the Cullens off if they did come searching for me. Alice's visions are one thing that always confused me. I was hoping between switching transportation and not picking a flight yet she'd be unable to determine my ultimate destination and come after me. When I entered the airport I went to a nearby bench and began fiddling through my stuff, looking for the credit card to make a ticket purchase. This whole running-away-thing was beginning to exhaust me. In my head I hadn't decided exactly where I was headed. I figured maybe I'd choose the flight option farthest from Forks.

All of a sudden I felt an eerie presence next to me. A sudden chill came across me, similar to the feeling I had when I first met Carlisle. I looked to my right and there sat a young blonde girl with porcelain skin. Her eye color and manner of dress gave her away completely. She just stared at me with the most menacing look. I was absolutely terrified since I had only heard about vampires with red eyes from Carlisle. It meant one thing and one thing only. They fed on human blood.

I thought perhaps I should just play dumb and slowly make my way to a different terminal but I knew that it was not by chance this vampire was sitting next to me at this very moment. I remained silent, trying to calm my breathing. I had absolutely no idea if she of all people could smell a scent on me, if I tempted her, was she hungry? She just kept staring at me with the most peculiar smile. Not a single wrinkle on her pale white skin. Her deep red eyes almost hypnotized me. I felt utterly helpless. I could not read her mind and so there I was for the first time since meeting the Cullens, human again. Wasn't this what I asked for?

Out of panic I began to slowly rise to walk away when her silky voice called, "Sit back down Gwen."

Her words commanded me and without a fight I took my place next to her on the bench.

"Who are you?" I questioned with all the courage I had left. The only thing that gave me hope was the thought that she probably wouldn't kill me in such a public place, at least that's what I hoped for.

"But it's much more important who you are," she said. Her words were a complete riddle to me as she obviously knew exactly who I was.

"I know what you are." I said boldly.

"Then you know what I can do to you before you even blink," she replied almost giggling with amusement.

She seemed so young but was clearly very old.

"What do you want with me?" I asked already terrified that she wanted nothing more to do with me than a snack. Perhaps the Cullens called upon this stranger to find me. Was I really that bad at running away?

What scared me most was I had no idea what special abilities she harbored. Could she read minds? Is that how she knew my name?

"You've been summoned," she said while handing me a piece of parchment with a blood red wax seal.

I stared down at the parchment thinking how medieval all of this was. That was when I noticed the giant V embossed into the red wax. My breathing hitched and my heart began to race. That V could only mean one thing. Volturi.