Call The General & Morning Mr. Blue Eyes

Greg's Home

Dean bounded into the kitchen "Hey dad. Smells great. You got in late last night. How are the guys?" Dean grabbed one of the pieces of bacon off the plate and leaned on the counter munching on it as his dad made eggs to go with it.

Greg smiled at the endless energy of youth "They are settled in at Jules. Eggs are almost ready. Why don't you pour us some juice?"

Getting the glasses and pouring the orange juice Dean asked "Can I go over and say hi yet? It's Saturday. Maybe we could all watch a game on TV with them."

"I'm not sure Dean. I'll ask Sam and Spike but I'm not so sure Sam is up for visitors yet. He's pretty tired still" Greg deflected not wanting to tell Dean the full story.

Sitting at the table as his dad put a plate of bacon, eggs and toast at each of their spots Dean frowned. "There is something going on you don't want to tell me about isn't there?"

Greg shook his head. They didn't call Dean the human lie detector for nothing. He took several bites of eggs while he considered how to answer his son. "To be honest they need some time. They went through a lot. Sam is having trouble sleeping so Jules plans on keeping the house quiet, so he is not disturbed when he does nod off. Let's give them a week and maybe next Saturday would be better."

Finishing his breakfast Dean responded "Thanks for not treating me like a child. Just let them know I was thinking about them and hope they are feeling better soon. Can I hang out with Clark at the mall today?

"Suzy and Paula going to be there too?" Greg asked.

Dean smiled "Yeah and Dave, Wayne, Beth and Debbie too. The original plan was to all go to a movie or play laser tag."

"Sure. I can drop you off at the Lane's when I pick of Eddie today" Greg answered.

"Great. When do you want to leave? I'll call Clark and set things up" Dean stated.

Greg finished his bacon and said "About eleven. I have a phone call or two to make and shower before we head out."

Dean grabbed his dad's empty plate "I got the dishes today Dad. You still looked wiped out. Bet you could use more sleep too."

Rising and going to the sink Greg pulled his son into a hug and said "Thanks. If I haven't told you in a while I want you to know you are a great son and I'm very proud of you. I love you Dean."

Dean was a bit stunned but hugged his dad back and said "Love you too Dad."

Greg pulled away and lightly patted Dean's cheek before he headed off to make his phone calls. Dean watched him go wondering just what all happened to Sam and Spike to make his dad extra huggy lately. It must have been pretty bad. But he didn't mind the extra attention. He had a lot of missed years to fill with his dad.

He turned back to the sink and quickly cleaned up the breakfast dishes. As he was drying a glass it slipped from his hand and shattered on the floor. He called out "Sorry dad, it slipped I'll clean it up."

Sitting in his favorite recliner Greg had pulled out his phone and located the General's personal cell number. As his finger hovered over the call button he heard the glass shatter and Dean call out. He returned "You okay?"

Dean replied "Yeah, missed me. Sorry bout the glass."

Greg responded "Just glad you're okay."

As he heard Dean sweeping up the fragments of glass Greg recalled another shattered glass several years ago. One afternoon he ate lunch alone here and was lost in the feeling that his home was cold and empty as a glass slipped from his hand and shattered on the kitchen floor. It was an afternoon after Sam was shot in the chest. He remembered being inspired by the hope that the General had held onto for so many years to reconnect with Sam.

That led him to realize that his relationship with Dean might only be cracked not completely shattered. It gave him hope that he might reconnect with his son someday. That hope had become a reality and now he didn't take a single day for granted with his son because in his line of work he knew how easily it could all be taken away.

No matter how old his son would get he would always ensure he knew how much he was loved and how proud he was of him. He would always worry about him too.

Greg took a deep breath then pressed call. He was dreading making this call. He did not want to possibly dredge up unpleasant memories for another father. The General and Sam had both been through so much pain already. His call was answered on the second ring.

["Braddock" the General answered.]

"Hello Sir, this is Greg Parker."

["How's my boy doing? Has he run the nurses ragged trying to sneak out of the hospital yet?" General Braddock said lightly. He had been apprised that the wounds Samuel sustained were not life threatening. Terrible and painful and would require some rehab but his son could handle that, he always did. He was extremely proud of Samuel and always amazed at how hard he worked to recover from injuries.]

"His physical wounds are healing just fine. He is now at Jules home with Spike recuperating" Greg informed him.

[General Braddock heard the good words but it didn't quite match the wary tone "Parker you said physical wounds. What's wrong?"]

Damn the General could read him like an open book "Sam is not doing so well." Greg went on to give him a full status then he said "We cannot see how Sam would react in this manner to the abduction. We even watched the video and did not see anything that would account for it. However, we do have a theory and a few questions for you that might help us figure out what is going on. If we can figure out what is triggering his fear then we might be able to help him."

[He did not react to the mention of the video. He had already blown a gasket over that when Ryan called and informed him of its existence when he gave him Samuel's status the day he was rescued. He was glad he had already known because it allowed him to remain relatively calm.

But God dammit he was always so fucking far away when Samuel needed him. It was upsetting that Dr. Tansy was sidelined given what Parker was telling him. The General asked in an even tone that belied how he really felt "What is your theory and how can I help?"]

"We think this fear might stem from a childhood trauma. Can you think of anything that might have happened to him that caused a great deal of fear and might have a scent associated with it?" Greg asked trying to leave the question wide open and not leading the General in any particular direction. He wanted to see what the General recalled before getting more detailed.

[The General thought back on Samuel's childhood. It was not a happy one. It was mostly his fault. He tried but he screwed up over and over. Sara's death was a big factor that set them all on a path of sorrow. But fear? What had caused fear for Samuel as a child? He racked his brain. Samuel did not show fear. As a child he had been sullen, quiet, dutiful but mostly sad.

"I'm thinking. Beyond Sara's death I'm having a hard time recalling anything that caused him excessive fear. He has fear of hospitals stemming from that. Hospitals have a distinct odor. But he has been in so many since then and never had this type of reaction. Fear is not an emotion Samuel typically shows outwardly. You say this fear is debilitating and causing him to back away from everyone?" Braddock stated.]

"Yes Sir. It is not like him" Greg responded.

["No it is not like him at all. He meets things he fears head on. It is not like him to pull away. I'm coming up blank. Is there anything more you can give me to go on?" his mind still thinking back trying to recall anything that Samuel showed excessive fear to.]

Greg shared "We believe the odor that is triggering his fear is cologne called Dominion. It was very popular about thirty years ago. It has a strong lime, musk and cedar scent."

[The General paced in his hotel room. He could not recall having ever heard of cologne of that name. Most men in his command smelled of sweat and dirt most the time. "I cannot recall anything based on a name. I'll have one of my staff locate some so I can smell it and see if it prompts any memories that might account for this."]

He knew it was a long shot that the name would evoke memories. Greg was glad the General was willing to go the extra step to procure some and see if it jogged his memory but he could help here. Greg offered "We have a bottle of it obtained from Dr. Dayton. I could have it shipped overnight to you."

[The General smiled, Samuel's team was always on top of things "That would be great. Send it to me at the Egerton House Hotel in London. Suite 1256."]

Greg made note of the name then said "There is something else. We have no idea if it is related in any way; it is one of Ed's gut feelings."

["Samuel puts a lot of stock in Ed's gut feelings. What is it?" Braddock asked.]

Knowing it was another long shot Greg started "This is way out in left field, but the new head of security at hospital. Ed, Jules and I all had a negative reaction upon meeting him. The guard used excessive force and bruised Jules wrist preventing her from entering ICU."

Rubbing his head with one hand he continued "He wore a heavy dose of the cologne. Today we will be reviewing security tapes of the hospital. We want to see if Sam's episodes of heightened fear while in the hospital correlate to when the man was present near Sam's room." He stopped a moment as the image of Sam cowering in the corner of the ICU hit him again.

[General Braddock wasn't quite sure he was following how he could help with this so when Greg stopped briefly he asked "Sounds like you have that under control but how can I help?"]

Pushing the image away Greg said "Ed got a military vibe off of him, high and tight haircut, military slang and bearing. We all know Sam still has enemies in the Army. Perhaps Sam may have had a run in with him at some point. I know we are grasping at straws here but it is all we have so far. We were hoping you either knew the man or could look into him. His name is Gaston Dupont."

[Rage exploded upon hearing the name Dupont. Swirling memories and guilt assaulted the General. He felt like he was sucker punched in the stomach. His breaths came in ragged gulps. Pain and the desire to kill coursed through his body. He had failed Samuel so many times but that time was the absolute worst.

That time was all on him, it was entirely his fault. He had trusted the bastard. He left Samuel in the care of that son of a bitch for nearly three months. He sank to the floor of his hotel room unable to speak as the memory of it all came flooding back.]

The extended silence on the phone worried Greg immensely. He waited a minute more before he queried "Sir are you okay?"

[Forcing himself to pull it together the General ran a hand across the back of his neck. He took several deep breaths. If Dupont was anywhere near Samuel he would kill the bastard. He wished he had done so back then. Only his brothers had stopped him from committing murder.

They had convinced him to court martial the son of a bitch instead of seeking his own vengeance. But then the damned panel of judges came back with the verdict that there was not enough physical evidence to convict the bastard of aggravated assault and send him to Club Ed* for the rest of his sorry life. They only had enough to hand down the punishment of dismissal with disgrace from Her Majesty's service.

Some of the rage he was feeling entered his voice as the General said "The name Dupont is familiar. What did you say the first name was again?"]

Greg could hear the controlled rage and answered "Gaston."

[No that wasn't the name. But the memories now unlocked after so many years were running rampant in his mind. He responded "Gaston Dupont is not the Dupont I know. Years ago when Samuel was eleven there was a serious incident involving a Drill Sergeant named Gerard Dupont."]

Greg wasn't so sure he wanted to know what happened given the reaction of the General but he asked his question anyways "Could the incident be responsible for Sam's fear?"

[He thought back to that time and he could not remember Samuel showing fear. He was extremely withdrawn, exceptionally quiet and his eyes were far sadder than usual when he returned from Ottawa. But he had not witnessed excessive fear. But then again by the time he had returned to base Samuel had been out of Dupont's clutches for nearly two weeks and the bastard was in the brig awaiting transfer to Edmonton.

Getting up off the floor and slumping into the chair at the desk William Braddock answered "Possibly. Quite possibly."

He then confessed "Although I was not there when it occurred. By the time I got there I saw no fear. But I can assume that at the tender age of eleven Samuel would have been terrified. Especially if it went on for as long as I suspect it did."]

"I don't want to pry into Sam's past, but is there anything you would be willing to share about the incident that you think might help?" Greg asked hesitantly.

[God he felt like a horrible parent, never there when his son needed him. He didn't really want to divulge the details mostly because Samuel probably wouldn't want people to know but it might be important. Part of him felt like he would be taking the wrong step with Samuel again and he wondered how long it would take for them to get back on good terms after he divulged this to his boss.

The General took a deep breath then relayed the details. "What I'm about to tell you is deeply personal and I hope that you will use discretion. Samuel may not forgive me for divulging but I think it might be important. When Samuel was eleven Yvonne became very ill. She had been ill many times before but this time it persisted for months."

"I went back to Ottawa to be with her as the doctors tried to determine what was wrong. Eventually they determined she had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, CFS. Yvonne does not like to let people know she suffers from CFS. It was one of the reasons she could not live full time at the desert base. I wanted her to have the best medical care and she could only get that in Ottawa."

"CFS is also the reason she is not with Samuel right now. She has been so fatigued lately she is in no shape to travel alone and I cannot leave at the moment."

There was a knock on his door so the General said "Hold just a minute please I need to see who is at the door." He got up to answer the door.]

While he was waiting Greg got up and went to the kitchen and poured a glass of water then sat at the kitchen table. The information about Mrs. Braddock explained a lot. He had always wondered why Sam's mother had only visited her son and not lived with them in the desert. It also likely explained why Mrs. Braddock did not stay with Sam when he was in a coma after he had been shot in the chest.

He knew that CFS could be debilitating and difficult to live with. Poor woman he thought, but then he realized that she probably would not like him to pity her and why they kept her diagnosis close. From all his interactions with the Braddock's he could see they were strong and proud and did not like to be seen as weak. As he waited he heard the General tell whoever it was that he needed thirty minutes.

[The General stopped at the mini-bar in the room and was tempted to help himself to a scotch but pulled out a soda instead. He took a quick drink then said "Sorry, need to head out in a few minutes so let me give you the short version. Later if you have any questions I can answer them."

"So I was in I was in Ottawa for nearly three months as they diagnosed Yvonne and determined appropriate treatment. I left Samuel at the desert base because he did not do well in Ottawa." He did not want to delve into why.]

Greg heard the hesitation and said "Sam has shared with me why he lived in the desert. I understand."

[William was somewhat stunned Samuel had shared that with his boss. He briefly wondered under what circumstance Samuel would share something so personal with his boss. But pushed that away to continue "Okay. Well I left Samuel in the care of Sergeant Gerard Dupont and his tutors Corporal Royce Duffy and Private Theo Brock. I checked in with the Sergeant on a daily basis. All seemed in order until I got a call from Corporal Duffy."

"Duffy was worried because he had not seen Samuel for nearly two weeks. He told me that the last time he saw Samuel he was concerned because he had a black eye and bruising on his forearms. He questioned Samuel about it and he said Samuel told him he fell from the climbing rope. But Duffy was suspicious because he said something did not seem right about it and Samuel's behavior had changed significantly while I was gone."

"According to Duffy Samuel had become increasingly withdrawn and quiet. He would stand or pace instead of sitting down for his lessons. He had asked Samuel several times over the months what was wrong and he said nothing. He thought Samuel was just reacting to me being gone so long and all would be fine when I returned. So he did not call me knowing I was dealing with Yvonne's illness and not wanting to add more stress."

"What changed Duffy's mind was that for the past twelve days when he arrived for tutoring Dupont told him Samuel was busy with a special training project as a surprise for me and to take the day off. He apologized for waiting so long to call me but he trusted Sergeant Dupont because Samuel had been in his care for nearly nine months."

"But when he arrived at the house on the twelfth day he found Dupont kicked back watching TV drinking beer and he became belligerent when Duffy asked about Samuel. Told him the brat was off doing the special project and to just mind his own damned business or he would put him on report."

"So he called me. His call alerted me something was very wrong because in the same period of time I was given daily reports from Dupont that Samuel was doing well in all his studies, which would have meant he was spending time with Duffy who was his academic tutor."

"After I got off the phone I contacted Lieutenant Johnson, commander of the base MPs. They went to the house and questioned Dupont. His story changed for a third time and he claimed he had not seen Samuel for twelve days. He told the MPs that he was trying to protect Samuel from my wrath for running away. That he had been searching for him for twelve days."

"By the time I got a flight back the MPs had Dupont in the brig. An extensive search had been implemented with all hands on deck. Private Brock who was in charge of Samuel's physical training mapped out a dozen or so routes they took on their daily runs. Brock and Duffy located Samuel about eight miles from base hiding in a burnt out old building. It was a place Brock and Samuel had come across on one of their really long runs."

"I was told that Samuel was extremely dehydrated and appeared to have a badly sprained ankle. He did not resist when Brock picked him up. Duffy knew of Samuel's dislike of the hospital and had the medics take him home and treat him there instead of the hospital. The bruises he had seen were almost gone; just faint shading."

"When the medics left, Duffy and Brock stayed with Samuel as Lieutenant Johnson questioned him. At first Samuel said nothing. He refused to answer a single question. He refused to say why he ran away or where he got the supplies he had taken with him. He had taken a knife, sleeping bag, MREs and water. Not nearly enough to last twelve days. The medics estimated he had run out of food four days before and water two days before he was found."

"Duffy said that Lieutenant Johnson became annoyed and thought Samuel was just acting out by running away. In his frustration Johnson stood over Samuel and yelled at him calling him a brat and told him he deserved whatever punishment I would dole out to him. Duffy said that's when that Samuel came unglued and scrambled into a corner of the room."

The General's anger was rising and had to take a moment to compose himself. He could not keep the anger from showing in his voice "Samuel started pleading with them not to hurt him anymore that he promised he would do better. He kept saying he was sorry and promised his groupings would be tighter. They said he started crying and promised that if they didn't hit him that he would be faster on the trigger and that he wouldn't miss the target again."

"After some coaxing by Duffy and Brock, Samuel told them what happened. Apparently shortly after I left Dupont began assaulting and humiliating Samuel. It started slow with cuffs to the back of his head, whacks with his hand on Samuel's buttocks or being shoved into a wall or down a short flight of stairs."

"Samuel recounted that it mostly happened on the shooting range when they were alone and he did not perform up to Dupont's standards. He said it got worse over time and Dupont would strike him repeatedly and tell him he was a worthless brat if his groupings were not tight enough or he was even slightly off mark on the target Dupont designated."

"For months he only hit him in places that were not visible to others. Dupont mostly hit him in the stomach, on the back or whipped his butt and upper thighs with a belt. He would also make Samuel lay motionless with his eye on the scope for hours and would not allow him to use the facilities. If he moved or eventually wet himself Dupont would verbally berate him and strike him. Samuel ran away the day Dupont escalated the abuse and struck him in the face knocking him unconscious."

The General could not and would not share the rest with Greg. Some things were too private. They could never prove it but Duffy and Brock were convinced that Samuel had been sexually assaulted by Dupont the day he was knocked unconscious.

It was solely based on things Samuel told Duffy and Brock after Lieutenant Johnson left. Samuel told them he finally tried to stand up to Dupont. When he missed a shot on the range and Dupont kicked him in the stomach he stood up and told Dupont he would tell the General that Dupont was hitting him. Dupont laughed and told him no one would believe him and that he was a worthless brat no one cared about, least of all his father.

Then he punched Samuel in the face knocking him unconscious. Samuel reported that when he woke up he was alone in the ammo depot at the range and he was in just his boxers. He dressed and headed home in the dark. He said he felt dizzy, kinda funny and sore in private places and he had to take a shower because there was gross sticky stuff all over his face, stomach and private areas.

Unfortunately too much time had passed to do any sort of rape kit to gather evidence and Samuel's clothes he had worn that day had already been washed. He had a specialist come in to talk with Samuel to try and find out what happened but Samuel had clammed up completely by then.

He became very withdrawn and refused to talk about any of it. It was almost like he blocked it out. The specialist said that was not uncommon with traumatic events in children and it was better to not push and to allow it to come out when the child was ready to talk. But Samuel never did talk about it even after a year of sessions with the specialist.

They decided to keep that part of the abuse out of the official charges because they could not prove it. He had failed to protect Samuel from the abuse but he would not let his son be subjected to further abuse by the questions Dupont's slimy barrister would likely ask if they included those charges.

It was bad enough that Dupont's barrister had somehow managed to require Samuel to be in attendance at the court martial to give his testimony. If they were to ask questions about sexual assault that would most likely push his son to shut down completely.

Thankfully the presiding judge took Samuel's age into consideration. Instead of having to enter the main courtroom and face Dupont the judge had Samuel come to his chambers. The judge questioned Samuel himself with no barristers allowed to examine him. The rest of the panel and court watched via a live video feed.

It was heart breaking to hear his son report what happened to him at the hands of Dupont with no emotion like he was reading a dry technical manual. Sometimes he thought it would have been better if Samuel had cried, they might have believed him. But he knew that Samuel rarely cried in front of others and never cried if he was around. Samuel knew he was watching because the judge told him everyone could see and hear him. So Samuel had closed himself off emotionally.

As soon as Samuel was done, he had his brother Erik whisk Samuel back to the hotel so there was no chance of Samuel seeing Dupont. He and his brothers Ryan and Mark had stayed for the full hearing. It was a good thing that Mark and Ryan were with him. If they were not then Dupont would have been dead on the courthouse steps after the verdict was read and he would have been in Club Ed for life for murder.]

Greg had listened and it distressed him greatly that Sam had been physically and verbally abused by a man who was supposed to be taking care of him. He interjected "Sir, I think it might be related. Maybe the torture he endured along with the odor triggered these memories. When Sam backed into the corner Jules said he was pleading like a little boy saying he was sorry and promising to do better. If I may ask Sir, what happened to Gerard Dupont?"

[The General hung his head and pounded on the desk in frustration "The bastard got off. A court martial was held in Edmonton. There was no physical evidence proving Samuel had been repeatedly assaulted by Dupont while I was gone. The panel said it was Samuel's word against Dupont's word."

"Dupont had an exemplary service record. Dupont had some slimy barrister that called into question Samuel's credibility because of what happened to him after Sara died and the fact he was still seeing a therapist. The slime ball made it seem like Samuel was just making the claims to seek attention or to get out of trouble with me for running away. Then he indicated that if Samuel had actually been abused he would have cried when telling of the account to the judge. But Samuel did not shed one single tear because Samuel could never cry in front of me."

Lost in the memory of watching Dupont exit the court house with a damned smirk on his face the fury the General was feeling took over his voice "The only thing that they could prove was that Dupont had lied to a superior officer and failed to report Samuel missing in a timely manner. For that he was given a three month prison sentence and a Bad Conduct Discharge. The prison sentence was reduced to time served while awaiting the court martial. The bastard walked out of court free and clear that day."]

The fury and exasperation of the General came loud and clear over the phone. Greg could not believe what he was hearing. Sam certainly had a shocking childhood. How in the hell had he managed to survive and become the honorable, decent man he knew and cared about. It spoke again to the seemingly endless resilience Sam had to deal with adversity and still come out on the side of good, somehow better and stronger for it.

Drawing a steadying breath Greg asked "We have nothing to prove one way or another whether this man might be related to Gerard Dupont. Do you know if he had any brothers? Do you think Gerard might have changed his name?"

[Fighting to regain his composure William said "I do not recall. I will have my staff pull his service file and check. It's been nearly twenty years and it is likely he has changed. But do you think you could send me a picture of this Gaston Dupont? If it is actually Gerard I do not want him within a mile of Samuel. Hell I don't want him living but short of murder I have no way of making that a reality."

Disgust and guilt edged into Braddock's voice as he related "I trusted that man to care for my son. He was a good drill sergeant with high standards and the men seemed to respect him. In the six months he was with me before I had to go to Ottawa he only showed concern for Samuel. I never saw anything that would lead me to suspect he was capable of what he did to Samuel."

The rage re-infused his words "But I unequivocally believe my son. That man is guilty of a heinous crime inflicted on a defenseless eleven year old boy, my son. Dupont is lucky we have never crossed paths again. I'm not entirely certain I could stop myself from killing the bastard if I ever see him again."]

Greg fully believed that the General would have stopped himself from committing murder but that he still would have wanted the man dead. Greg thought if he were in the same situation and Dean had been abused he could very likely be driven to murder. But acknowledging that would not help the General deal with his sense of betrayal. He had been betrayed several times by men he trusted. Being in a position of power would make him a target for such.

Sadly the betrayals he was aware of all harmed his son. That would be difficult for the man to bear. He began to see where Sam's resilience and ability to move forward on the moral high ground probably came from.

Greg finally said "Sir, I will send you a photo once Ed obtains the security tapes. I assure you we will take good care of your son. He is safe with us. I will update you later on his condition or you can call Jules at any time. She seems to have a special way with Sam. If anyone can help him I'm sure it will be her."

The two spoke a few more moments about Sam's condition and then hung up. Greg rubbed his face briskly as he considered just how much to share with the team. The General said it was intensely personal and he was right. He decided to keep the part about Mrs. Braddock to himself. He would tell enough of the rest so the team would understand there was an incident in Sam's past that might have triggered this fear.

They would begin looking into Gaston Dupont's past. They needed to know if this person was related or possibly Gerard himself in order to protect Sam. Part of him wondered what Sam would do if confronted by his childhood abuser. Would he remember or not? Would he snap?

Then he thought if this man was Gerard would he remember Sam? Would he go after him now or stay away? Did he harbor any ill will toward Sam seeing that his military career was ended? There was no way to know the answers to those questions right now.

So until they knew more they would keep Sam under very close watch. Sam was in no condition mentally or physically to protect himself right now. Damn he wished Dr. Tansy was available to help with the emotional side of the equation. But he was telling the truth about Jules. She and Sam still had a connection. They needed to allow Jules to take the lead on how to handle Sam.

Greg headed toward his bedroom to shower. He rubbed his neck as he thought that a warm shower just might loosen up his tense muscles. The past two weeks had surely taken a toll and he had never felt so tense.

As the hot water cascaded over his shoulders, Greg's muscles relaxed slightly but not completely. He had a bad feeling that more trouble was lurking around the corner waiting for Team One.

Jules's Home – Sam's Room

Jules yawned as she woke up feeling calm and warm for the first time in nearly two weeks. She blinked awake and smiled. She had not meant to but she had fallen asleep in Sam's bed and she was still mostly sitting up. She stretched her arms and rotated her stiff neck thinking this was not the most comfortable position to sleep in. But she looked down at her lap and smiled again. Sam's head was still in her lap where he laid it last night.

Listening carefully to his breathing she determined he was actually still asleep. She smiled again. It appeared he had not moved all night. He may or may not have woken up during the night but she was happy he felt safe enough to stay in her lap. She hoped he had slept the entire night. Sam really needed sleep.

Jules did not want to move and wake him but she had to use the bathroom badly. So she lightly raked her fingers through his hair. Sam's eyes flicked open. Jules could feel his body tense as he woke, that told her the wariness and fear persisted. It broke her heart. She knew it was too much to expect that one night home would resolve it but she had hoped.

She decided to act as normal as possible and so she softly spoke words often used when she woke up in his arms "Morning Mr. Blue Eyes." Jules waited for him to connect with her eyes. When he did she tried to hide her sadness at the fear and anguish that still reflected in his eyes.

Jules caressed his face very gently not wanting to touch any sore spots. Tenderly she asked "Did you finally get some sleep my love?" After the last four days she did not expect a response but she still wished for one.

After a few moments and no response Jules continued "Sorry to wake you but I have to move now, nature calls. I won't go far and I'll be back shortly okay?"

She gave him a small smile then as he stayed quiet she said "It's okay you don't have to talk if you don't want to. You take as much time as you need my love. I'll be here when you are ready. But right now I really have to go."

Jules carefully lifted his head and shimmied out from under and replaced her lap with a pillow. She bent down and gave him a light kiss on the forehead. She saw it as a small win that he did not pull back or shy away. A quick glance at the clock told her that Sam was due for pain meds in about twenty minutes.

She brushed his hair once more and said "I'll be back in a few with your meds and a little something to eat. Spike and Wordy are here too. Just call out for Wordy if you need anything before I come back."

Sam's eyes closed as she took a tentative step back from him not really wanting to lose the touch. Her fingers brushed over his feet as she rounded the end of the bed. Jules unlocked and opened the door then headed to her room to quickly shower, change then get his med.

Heading to the stairs she saw Wordy in the kitchen making toast. Jules called out softly "I'm gonna grab a shower. Can you pop a piece in for Sam for when he takes his meds? Also can you check with him if he needs to use the restroom?"

Wordy looked up and smiled "Sure thing. How'd Sam sleep last night?"

Jules called over her shoulder as she raced up the stairs "Tell ya in a minute, really gotta go right now."

He smiled as he put a piece of bread in the toaster for Sam. When he had come downstairs twenty minutes ago he had tried Sam's door and found it locked. Wordy contemplated the reasons why she would lock the door and the only one that made sense was that she wanted to be very close to Sam and did not want to be accidentally discovered. He debated whether to let her know he suspected. He decided to keep quiet for now and act as if everything was normal.

Sam lay with his eyes closed. He thought he had dreamed being in Jules lap last night but apparently he had not, it was real. He had felt a sense of comfort for the first time in days. The ever present fear had diminished ever so slightly as his head lay in her lap. Her soft hands caressing his face felt good. He wanted to stay like that forever.

If Jules was caring for him like that she had no clue what he had done. He could not bring himself to speak to her. He knew that if he opened his mouth he would have to tell her what he had done, how he had betrayed her. Sam was not ready to face that yet. He felt cowardly and weak but for now he needed her comfort and love. So he stayed quiet.

Eventually he would have to talk. But he needed to be stronger physically. He needed to be able to walk. Because once he told her he would need to walk away from everything and everyone that mattered to him. Nothing was ever simple or easy for him and he screwed up so many times.

He should have followed the rules. But the heart wanted what the heart wanted and his wanted Jules. So he risked it all and had lost. Part of him wished he had died before having to betray her. Her heart would still be broken but at least she would still love him.

A single tear slid out as he thought, if only I had been more aware in the fishery, I could have prevented all of this. Then a small thought entered his muddled mind Jules had seen the video. The guy from Interpol said she had. She already knew he betrayed her. Spike also had seen the video and he had talked to him in the hospital. Neither had shunned him and walked away.

An ever so tiny spark of hope entered his heart. Did Jules forgive him? Did Spike forgive him? Was everything he cared about really lost to him?

He inhaled deeply and smelled Jules familiar scent on the pillow. It relaxed him and he slipped off to a more restful sleep clinging tightly to the spark of hope.