Chapter 20: For The Best

Slowly and painfully time passed by. Cloud's memory was still off and I had been studying as much as I could about it. I needed to know about the Sephiroth cells experiment. Something inside of me told me that the reason he didn't remember Zack was my fault. When Cloud first returned from the Nibelheim mission that he'd been sent on four years before, he was determined to live for Zack to the point where he started to become him. And now, he couldn't even remember who Zack was in the first place. I was sitting at a desk on the SOLDIER floor of the Shinra building with books piled high next to me. I must've looked like a cram student with all of my hard work and concentration. Finally, I gave in after finding nothing for weeks. "Nobody's written anything about that experiment." I sighed putting my head down on the desk.

"About what?" Cloud suddenly approached me from behind. "You look like you're working really hard on something. I'm just curious on what it is." He smiled.

"It's nothing really," I said defensively and pushed the book I was reading away from me.

"Suspicious, Felicis. Are you really hiding something from me?" Cloud looked surprised, then a smirk rose on the corner of his mouth. "Maybe you need a break." All of a sudden I felt him tickling me.

"No!" I cried out in protest, half laughing and half screaming. I fell off of the chair and on to his chest, knocking us both to the ground. Immediately he grabbed me again, and pulled me on to his lap.

"No more studying for you." He said resting his head on top of mine. "I miss you already… ditching me for books."

"You're such a big baby," I scolded while trying to suppress a smile. "Fine, I'll ditch the books for now."

"How about forever," Cloud laughed.

"I don't think so," I replied turning around on his lap and patting his head with a smile. Then something popped in to my head. "Hey, Cloud. Do your remember that day when I told you to only be yourself?"

"Yeah, that was the day that we confessed to each other, right?" He blushed. "I don't really remember why you said it though. I just feel like it was really important, do you remember?"

"N-no, I don't really remember either." I stammered facing another failure in hoping that he would remember something about Zack. "Just forget about it."

"Sometimes you get really weird, you know? Ever since we ran in to that black haired guy. Are you sure he didn't do anything to you?" Cloud asked worriedly.

"No, he didn't do anything to me. It's nothing, just forget about it okay, Cloud?" I told him. "It's just that I wasn't feeling well that day. Right now… I'm probably just tired from all of this studying I've been doing." I stood up and began to gather up my books. "I'm just going to go back to the room and sleep."

Cloud followed me back to our room, walking quite a distance behind me. It was completely silent. Finally, he snapped. He grabbed my hand and spun me around with an angry look on his face. "I don't understand what the hell is going on, and I'm sick of this!" My jaw almost dropped. I'd never seen Cloud this angry before. "I'm just trying to figure you out these days, and I feel like all you're doing is pushing me away. It's pissing me off. This thing between us is never going to work if I'm the only one trying to make it work!" He cried. "Think about it and stop pushing me away!"

I quickly grabbed on to his shirt and pulled him to me, then I buried my face in his chest. "I'm sorry, Cloud." I said. "I'm not trying to push you away. Things have just been a little weird for me lately, but you don't have to worry about it because it's not that big of a deal. I didn't mean to push you away."

Cloud wrapped his arms around me. "I wish you would tell me what's wrong." He sighed. "But I won't ask for too much."

"Thank you Cloud." I replied. This was for the best. In the end, I really didn't want him to remember Zack at all. If he happened to remember Zack then he would know that I had lied to him. What would happen to us then? There was only one answer… he would definitely never speak to me again, all of my lies had completely reached the brim of the cup and I felt like any more lies would destroy us. Definitely, this last lie was for the best. This last lie was for the sake of keeping us together.

I'd managed to sneak away from Cloud for a little while and made my way down to the slums. I wasn't done figuring out what happened to Cloud yet, even if I didn't want him to ever remember I wanted to know what happened. This lead me to my last option, I had to talk to the one who had helped him escape and had read all of the experimental documents, Zack. As much as I wanted to avoid him at all costs after the night in the church this was for Cloud, and I felt like it had to be done. When I got to the church I peeked inside to see that he and Aerith were filling the wagon with flowers to sell. Somehow I had to talk to him without Aerith noticing me. Quickly, I flipped open my phone and sent him a message telling him to come outside. Almost immediately after the message was sent he flipped open the phone and read the message, then he put his phone back in his pocket. "I haven't seen you use that in a while," Aerith looked at him surprised.

"It wasn't important. Just some old SOLDIER stuff that still gets sent to my phone. It doesn't matter anymore." Then he went right back on with his business.

Realizing that he was still probably mad at me I figured that I had to get his attention a different way. I picked up a small rock from the ground and threw it towards him, hitting him square on the back. Quickly he turned around and saw me waving for him to come outside. He let out a big sigh.

"Aerith, some bratty little kid just threw a rock at me. I'm going to go see who it is," Zack explained as he began walking towards the exit.

"Don't scold them too bad Zack. I'm sure they don't mean any harm." Aerith told him.

"Don't worry, I know that," he smiled at her. When he walked out of the door he looked at me with a frown. "What do you want, Felicis?"

"Follow me, I want to go somewhere else and talk," I said pointing at Aerith who was still tending to her flowers. "Let's go to the park." He just sighed, nodded, and followed me.

"What do you want from me?" He sighed with his arms crossed.

"It's about Cloud," I began.

"And this is why I didn't want to talk to you. It's always about Cloud now." Zack began to walk away from me, but I quickly grabbed his arm and pulled him back in protest. He stared at me with wide eyes and I quickly released his arm.

"Sorry," I apologized. "I didn't mean to-"

"What, now that you're with Cloud you can't even touch me anymore? Seems like he's got quite the strong grip on you there." Zack stared at me coldly.

"Don't talk about him like that. He's your best friend." I scolded.

"Yeah, you're right. He's my best friend. That's why it sort of sucks for me that he and you are together." He said.

"You didn't think that it sucked for me when you were in love with my big sister while I liked you? Yeah, that sucked for me too." I snapped. "I didn't come here to argue about trivial matters like that though."

"Yeah, you came to talk about Cloud," Zack said in a thick taunting tone.

"Listen to me!" I hissed. "There's something wrong with Cloud's memory and I don't know why. It's like he thinks that he's you and that he's always been you."

"I could see him trying to be me. It was a start when he took you away." Zack shrugged.

"I'm being serious here Zack! He does not remember who you are at all! Now are you going to help me or not!" I was beginning to lose my patience with him now.

He sighed and scratched the back of his head, knowing that I was about to blow any minute now. "Fine, what do you want to know?"

"Some information on the documents that you read about the experiment that was done on Cloud." I responded feeling a sense of relief that he was finally cooperating with me.

"Well, you or someone else must've said something to him while his body was still adapting to the cell change. He made a decision, and you tried to alter it somehow… or at least I think that's how it was." Zack tried recalling the documents that he'd read.

"Cloud made up his mind, that he was going to live for you because I told him that you were dead… to protect you. Magically after that he started talking and acting like you, almost like he was your clone or something. I became fed up with him being someone that he wasn't; so I told him to forget about trying to be you because he was Cloud, not Zack. After that he magically became himself again, but then he forgot all about you." Then it finally hit me. Why had I not thought the timing of everything through? I was right, I was the cause of Cloud's memory loss.

"If that's what happened, then while Cloud was trying to please you by becoming himself again he must've lost his memory of me in the process. Since his cells were already weak the only thing that was keeping him from forgetting someone like me, who was dead to him, was to become him. Your request to be himself stopped him from acting like me and initially caused him to forget about me." Zack explained.

"No way," I laughed without humor and covered my face with my hands. "Something so unreal is happening… I really was the reason he lost all of his memories."

"Hey, Felicis. It's not really your fault. It's something that just happened. If it's anybody's fault it's Hojo's for experimenting on him in the first place." Zack attempted to cheer me up.

"No, it's definitely my fault." I shook my head. "How could I cause someone to forget their own best friend? It's horrible."

Suddenly I felt Zack's arms wrap around me. "It's not a big deal Felicis. Even I'm not mourning over that thought, so why are you?"

"Because I love him," I finally said to Zack once and for all. "Because I love him so much and I can't believe that I made him lose someone so important to him."

"Ah, geez." Zack muttered holding me even tighter. "Just shut up Felicis. It's not like I didn't already know that." It felt like if he let go of me he would drown so I didn't push him away, even though I knew that I should have. "If only you were just mine… it would definitely be for the best." He whispered in my ear painfully.