Hmm, well, how about another update?

I'm starting to get my writing mojo back! Woo!

Who's happy? Me! You! Everybody wins! Woop woop!

Ooh, my ex's new gf txted me off of his phone today, she was having a massive nut saying "He is not yours anymore you fucking slut" raa raa raa.. I was like "Crazy lady say what?" It was so random hahahaha. So I just had to say that.

Anyone else have crazy psycho ex's and ex's new partners? I'd love to hear about it lol I'm in the mood for a good laugh.

Lol, it's fucking funny.

Previously, In Jasper's POV

"Bella, please." I started, my head was thrown back against the tree, rebounding and getting dangerously close to her face. "Bella, this isn't you. Come back, Belle." I tried. A menacing smirk spread across her face. It was dark, and evil.

Definitely not Bella.

I was thrown again, I could feel myself hurling through the air. And into another tree. She was standing in front of me again. She cocked her head to the side, looking down at me.

I slumped against the tree.

The blood was rolling down my forehead now. Crouching down to me, she reached out a finger, sweeping it up. She put it to her mouth and licked it. I sighed.

"If you're going to kill me Bella, then I want to see you before I die." I told her. She froze, slightly. Almost rooted to the spot.

A howl tore through the air, all I saw was a flash of brown, and Bella was gone. The brown took her away.

"Jasper?" I heard a deep voice. I looked up to see a tall man. He was tanned, muscled. My brain slightly recognized him, but I just couldn't register it.

"You're okay now." He told me. I wanted to laugh, what was this? Broke back mountain? I didn't want to get saved. Let alone by a man.

But I didn't have time to do anything else. The blackness took over, and it was just so welcoming.

Please heal me, feel me, kill me, it's not easy
Everything I had is what i had to give
and what I have is not enough for me to live
Suffer
Somedays I cannot cope at all
Do I have to get on my knees and crawl?
Who's to blame? Is it my fault?
Is this what my life does? Is this who I once was?

Straight Line Stitch - Bleeding Heart Theory

Bella POV.

I pressed the monster in me to the back of my mind, feeling my eyes turning back to their natural red.

Shit, what had I done?

Oh fuck. No, no, no, no. No!

I kept looking through my memories. Begging them to not be true. But I saw it. Felt the blood lust.

I had hurt Jasper. Badly.

Was he even alive? Fuck, I would never forgive myself if-

"Bells?" I heard a whisper. I realized the wolf on me had phased back and was now laying on top of me naked. I looked up in to Brady's eyes.

He was fearful, sad. His eyes held pain at having to pin me down. They changed to relief when he noted my eye color. His arms wrapping around me tightly.

"Don't you ever do that again!" He growled into my throat. I brought my arms around him.

"I'm sorry. Is- Is he okay?" I whispered. Brady pulled back and looked at me.

"He's fine. Sam's taking him back to Emily's. He figured it would be safer since he's bleeding and all." I winced at the words, knowing that I had caused this. I had hurt him, been so intent on.. draining him.

I couldn't deny that fact. The fact that I.. I wanted to kill Jasper.

Jasper wasn't safe with me.

I was angry. Infuriated.

Why the hell did he have to come back here? Why the hell did he have to come to Forks, the fucking dreary little fucking town that nobody really knew about? Why the fuck didn't I just die?

Why did I become a vampire?

Why didn't I just die?

Death.. It would have been so much more peaceful, so much easier.

Why the fuck didn't I just die?

I should be dead.

"Bells?" Brady whispered. I couldn't look him in the eye. I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I just lay there. Maybe if I pretended to be dead, my body would actually think it was dead.

Brady started to shake me, but I closed my eyes. The shaking got harder until I felt a pressure on my face. On either side of my face. When did I get on my feet?

Brady held my face, a hand on either side. He was staring me down from his 6'3 height. For a 16 year old he was massive.

"Belle, it's not your fault-"

Those words echoed in my head.

It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.

Those fucking words!

But it was my fault! It fucking was my fault that Jasper was how he is right now!

I growled, my red eyes burning with hatred. Not directed at Brady, but myself.

I tore myself from his loose grasp, telling my legs to run away. I couldn't be here, not now.

So I ran.

I ran as far and as fast as I could. I didn't utter a single word. I just kept going as fast as I could.

Brady knew when I needed time to myself. I knew he wouldn't chase me down. I just needed to clear my head.

I wouldn't be gone long, right?

Keep telling yourself that, you really are pathetic. You left him in that state. You tried to destroy him.

I tried to kill him.

I wanted to kill him.

No, Bella, shut up! Stop it! Cut it the fuck out!

It's not your fault.

It wasn't my fault! I wasn't in control.

And that's what the problem was.

I wasn't in control.

Jasper POV

I woke up on a double bed. The walls were polished wood, just like the floor. A few pictures were hung around the room. Mostly wolves.

I sat up, pushing the deep blue blanket off of me. A knock at the door made me jump, but I quickly regained my composure.

"Can I come in?" A woman's voice sounded through the door. I nodded my head dumbly before realising she couldn't see and muttered 'yes'.

The woman had long dark hair, it was straight, but curled at the ends. She was tanned, with caramel colored skin. Her brown eyes held wisdom, and the left side of her face had three huge scars, starting from her hairline, down to her chin. But instead of hiding behind her hair, she had her fringe clipped back with a bright yellow hair clip.

"Hi. How are you feeling?" She asked in a comforting tone.

"Good." I replied honestly. "A little stiff. But good." I smiled. She smiled back.

"Are you hungry?" She asked. I nodded, eagerly jumping to my feet.

"Um, if you don't mind me asking," I started. She stopped and turned to me, seeming to get what I was saying.

"I'm Emily. Sam's wife." She smiled.

"Sam?"

"You haven't met Sam? He's the Alpha. He leads the pack."

"Wolves, right?" I asked. She nodded. "How many?"

"Quite a few. They're all downstairs if you would like to meet them. If you don't feel up to it, I could kick them out." She smiled. I shook my head.

"It's fine." I told her and followed her down the stairs.

"Sit anywhere." Emily smiled. I vaguely noted Jake and Sam. Sam was definitely the one that found me.

"How do you feel?" Sam asked.

"Man, Bella totally went feral on his ass!" One of the boys said. Another one punched him in the ribs. "Fuck!"

"Shut up, Jared!" Jake hissed. Jared held his hands up in defeat.

"Ignore him," Sam started. "I'm Sam. You already know Jake, That's Embry, Jared, Quil, Seth, Leah, Colin, Paul, and Brady."

They all said their hello's and hey's.

"So, where's Bella?" I asked. They all looked to Brady. I had half expected them to look at Jake, wasn't he the one with the close connection?

"Jake is Bella's best friend, true. But Brady is more like her child, or brother." Sam explained when he saw my confused look. I nodded, looking toward Brady.

"When I tackled her off him," He thrust a thumb in my direction. "She didn't move. Her eyes went back to red, but she looked so confused. Then she was projecting her hate, so I hugged her. It didn't stop, so I picked her up and tried to get her to look at me, I was talking but she couldn't hear me.

"It was like she was in her own hate consumed world. I tried to pull her back out of it, I really did," I could see the tears forming in his eyes as he choked on his words and knew he really did have a deep connection with Bella. "She just flinched back and.. ran."

I felt my eyes widen. She ran? Why would she-

"Where to? You chased her, right?" Paul asked. Brady shook his head. "What? Why the fuck didn't you go after her, you idiot?" Paul was vibrating by now. I vaguely noted Emily flinching and stepping back.

"Paul, get outside now!" Sam yelled. Paul stood, almost in a robotic manner and ran to the door. He jumped off of the deck before bursting into a silver grey wolf, his clothes shredding around the new frame.

Any other time I would have been laughing about that, thinking how crazy I was. But not now. Now I was worried about Bella.

Would she be okay? This was all my fault, if I hadn't bled.. If I hadn't been so stupid-

"She needs space. You know that better than anyone, wouldn't you, Jasper? She always told me about you. I know you gave her space when it was needed. Don't you understand?" He pleaded with me.

Half of me was shocked at how much this kid knew about the past Bella and I shared, the other half of me was too numb to be intrigued.

I nodded.

"I know what you mean. She'll be back. Soon." I didn't know who I was trying to convince.

Wow, was that heavy or what?

It was going to be more of a funny chapter, but it kind of took on a will of it's own.

Don't worry, Bella isn't doing an Edward, she won't even be gone for a day. She will be back to Jasper in a few hours, I swear!

I hated how Edward lft Bells in New Moon, so she won't be doing this to Jasper.

Just clearing her head and getting back in control.