Chapter 21
A/N: This is a bit of a longer chapter. FYI there is no more rape or non-consensual sex from now on, that doesn't mean that there's gonna be no sex it just might not take place between Jim and Spock. It also doesn't mean that there's gonna be no more angst because as you can tell from this chapter there are a lot more problems to come. Enjoy!
Feeling warm and safe Jim starts to slowly wake up, the pillow he is lying on is firm but comfortable so Jim hugs it closer. There's a pleasant light spicy scent in the air Jim breathes it in deeply, all in all Jim feels well rested for the first time in months, he doesn't want to move from this warm spot but his bladder is telling him that it needs to be empty, sighing slightly he opens his eyes and is shocked to find himself still in Spock's arms. Jim carefully pulls away from Spock not wishing to wake him and then runs into the bathroom with a clean set of clothes, he has a quick whiz and then takes a quick sonic shower and gets dressed, he peeks back in the bedroom to see if he has roused Spock but luckily it seems that Spock is still sleeping on blissfully away. Jim heads back out into the bedroom, cursing quietly when he stubs his foot on the edge of the bed. Jim quickly looks up but Spock has not moved. Jim takes the chance to have a good long look at Spock, in his sleep Spock looked calm and peaceful but there were still obvious marks of strain on his face, the weight he had lost looked even worse in the dim light and Jim has to hold back a gasp. He had known that he wasn't the only one suffering but he didn't realise how badly Spock has being dealing with it, for instance Vulcan's needed about half the amount of sleep that a human needed but here was Spock who had slept longer than Jim, Jim glanced at the clock to see how long he had slept and he is amazed to see that it is almost half way through alpha shift, they had spent the last twelve hours sleeping together. He couldn't remember waking up at any point in the night or having any bad dreams either. Jim watches as Spock begins to moan in what sounds like fear and realises he's not the only one who has nightmares about what had happened.
"T'hy'la, nooooo. So sorry, I'm so sorry... need you so much... cant be with him... love him... love you T'hy'la... never hurt you again Ashayam. My husband... my T'hy'la... need you... love you."
Jim goes over to Spock, he can see how much pain the half-Vulcan is in, he walks all over to Spock and sits down on the bed next to him, all the hatred he had felt towards Spock had now gone, he still was afraid of Spock but that had lessened as well, how can his feelings towards him change so much? He strokes Spock's hair, smoothing it where it had ruffled in his sleep. As Jim stroked him, Spock calms down.
"T'hy'la love you so much... mine T'hy'la."
Jim gently wakes Spock up.
"Hey, it's time to get up Spock."
Spock blinks slowly as he wakes up, he looks up and Jim and smiles, he still thinks he's sleeping.
"T'hy'la."
He reaches up with his hand and brushes Jim's lips with his thumb, sparks of pleasure shoot down both their spines, Jim flinches slightly and Spock notices the smile slips from his face. Jim doesn't hate Spock but he's doesn't want to be with either.
"You are awake Spock."
Spock pulls his hand away from Jim and sits up. He then gets up off the bed using the quilt to cover his modesty.
"I apologise Jim."
He walks over to the replicator and replicates himself a new uniform and then goes into the bathroom to get dressed. When he comes out he barely looks at Jim.
"Spock... go see if you are released for duty, and then you can work the rest of alpha shift on the bridge."
Spock smiles at Jim with his eyes. Hopefully now they can start working together and start on that epic friendship they were destined to have.
"I will Ji-Captain. What will you do?"
"I'm off duty for the next few days so bones can check on the baby to make sure there's no side effects from the surgery."
"Of course."
"Go set something to eat as well you look half starved."
Spock nods and moves towards the door.
"I will Jim. You must eat too, you cannot go without food and you are carrying our child."
Jim nods and Spock leaves, not long after McCoy enters the room.
"Hey bones."
"Don't you hey bones me. What were you thinking last night?"
Jim looks at the floor.
"I dunno bones but lately... I guess I don't hate any more. And I'm not as scared of as I was so I thought you know that I'd do it and hope that would be the end of it."
McCoy gives him a quick hug.
"Is it the end of it?"
Jim just shrugs.
"I dunno. I hope so."
A few days later
"So Jim, looking forward to being back in your chair?"
Jim smiles.
"Yeah I am. Bit nervous though, it's the first time I'm gonna be working with Spock on the bridge for more than two months."
That wasn't the only thing that he was nervous about; the previous day he had told his command crew that he was pregnant and although they had taken it well he wasn't so sure about the rest of the ship, he had allowed the command crew to tell their underlings and now he was worried in case someone said something or decided to transfer because they were uncomfortable with the situation.
"You'll be al-right kid, he wont do nothing on the bridge and besides he said he would leave you alone didn't he?"
Jim looks thoughtful.
"Yeah he did."
Jim finishes getting ready for his shift, takes a few deep breaths and winces when McCoy jabs him with a hypo.
"Ouch what the hell was that for?"
McCoy smirks at him so Jim throws a pillow at his head but he ducks in time and it misses.
"Oi watch it, that was just a shot of iron and copper supplements for you and the baby. You're gonna need one everyday from now on as she begins to suck all the vitamins out of you like a vampiric hobgoblin that she is."
Jim covers his stomach with his hands.
"Don't worry baby, he doesn't mean it really."
McCoy smirks again.
"Oh yeah and how do you know?"
"Because granddad you wouldn't have accepted the job of godfather if you did."
"Touché Now get out of here, don't you have a ship to run?"
Jim grins and leaves. God he cant wait till he can sit back in his Chair, it has been far too long. Jim had the feeling that today was gonna be a good day.
Meanwhile at the other end of the ship Spock has just finished making sure that his appearance was spotless, he knew Jim wouldn't be impressed but he did anyway. He is just about to leave his quarters to get to the bridge early when there is a knock at the door. He opens it and on the threshold is Uhura.
"Hey Spock, can I come in for a second. I've got something I need to tell you. I've been putting it off for the last few days but you have the right to know."
"You know you can tell me anything Nyota. What is it?"
She looks lightly nervous for no reason that Spock can ascertain.
"Well Spock I've been seeing someone, we are being discreet as the relationship has only just started but I wanted you to find out from me rather than someone who had accidentally found out."
"I see and whom is it you are dating?"
"It's er... well it's Scotty."
"I see. I am gratified that you wanted me to know."
She smiles at him.
"Well we are friends again and this is what they talk about and talking of which how are things between you and Jim?"
Spock stands slightly straighter, feeling uncomfortable talking about his relationship with Jim especially now there is some hope building in his human heart.
"Things are progressing well. He is allowing me to spend my shift on the bridge with him."
Uhura smiles again.
"That's good, I'm glad things are getting better between you two."
Uhura takes a long appraising look at Spock.
"You look better too. How are you feeling?"
"My condition is satisfactory. I have been able to meditate fully and sleep as long as needed. Would you like to accompany me to the bridge?"
"I would love to."
They walk together talking about little unimportant things that have happened on the ship (in other words they were gossiping). They both were relaxed and when there was no words from either of them they walked in companionable silence. They make it to the bridge were they see Jim has already taken the command chair early, he's just finishing a drink and handing it to his yeoman as they walk in.
"Morning Captain"
They speak in unison, Jim nods in acknowledgement and then they split and head to their stations. The day looks like it is going to be an uneventful one until they receive a call from star-fleet command.
"Sir incoming call from Admiral Komack, he is requesting a private conversation with you."
"Al-right lieutenant, transfer the call to my ready room. Mr Spock you have the conn."
"Acknowledged sir."
Jim gets up out of his seat and walks into his ready room. Spock stays at his station as there is only a 6.98% chance of an attack at the moment and his time is better spent at his science station. Jim sits down in his chair in the ready room and switches on the comm channel.
"Lieutenant you may put the Admiral through now."
Uhura nods and her face is quickly replaced by the face of Admiral Komack and he doesn't look happy.
"What the hell is going on Kirk? What's this about you being pregnant?"
"Well sir, due to unforeseen circumstances, I'm with child."
"I presume you are talking about when you were raped."
Jim winces internally at komack's cold disposition.
"Yes sir."
"I hope you're going to have an abortion. I cant have a pregnant captain in charge of the flagship. I presume that your doctor can arrange the necessary procedure."
Jim's heart stops beating for just a moment. Absolute anger fills him, he struggles to keep his temper in check.
"No sir I am not planning on having an abortion. No matter how the foetus was conceived I am going to keep it."
Komack scowls.
"Well then Kirk I am going to have to put you on extended maternity leave."
"What? Why?"
Komack smirks and Jim feels as though someone has just dumped a bucket of water over his head.
"According to your last mission report you had to spend an extended time in sickbay and on bed rest than a normal person would. So the pregnancy is already affecting your ability to command the ship. You will also not be able to do many of the jobs specifiably set for the flagship. I cannot send you into a battle nor can I send you on any away missions. Your last command on this ship is to order the ship back to earth and turn over command to your first officer."
"Why earth sir?"
"Because that is where the new captain will be picked up. Have a nice day."
Komack smirks again and the screen goes blank. Jim sits in his chair horrified, tears start to stream down his face and before he knows it he is sobbing into his hands. Finally he gets himself together and he leaves the ready room. Shaking slightly he orders Sulu to set course for earth and then he hands control of to Spock to the shock of the entire bridge crew. He then leaves the bridge and starts making his way down to sickbay as he is in desperate need of some support, he doesn't even make it half way before he collapses.
When he awakes again he feels empty and scared, he is obviously in sickbay and just as he goes to sit up, McCoy walks into the room.
"Don't get up kid, just lie back, everything is gonna be OK."
"What happened?"
McCoy sits down on the bed next to Jim. He puts his hand on Jim's shoulder in a comforting way.
"You collapsed Jim. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"What? What are you sorry about?"
"She didn't make it, you've lost the baby."
Jim stops breathing, it cant be right, he cant have lost her. Not his baby. Panic runs through him and Jim feels like he is falling, like the bottom the his world had just fallen out. She's gone and so is the reason for living.
TBC