I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT

Chapter 18

Decisions

"You know you can stay with us long as you need Bella," Kayla reassured me as we walked down the beach on the reservation. Kayla was a friend that I had met through friends at school when all of us went to a movie together a few weeks ago, she was a sweet girl. "It must have taken a great amount of effort to just up and leave your home and your family," I mentally winced when she mentioned my family, in the back of my mind I wondered if I ever really been part of their family or just a human distraction.

"I truly appreciate that," I told her trying to make my smile genuinely happy. "I've actually been debating on calling my Uncle Garret in Alaska; he must be worried also." It pained me to a great degree to know that my choice to leave The Cullen's and drop of the face of the earth would hurt him as well. "I think I may sleep on it tonight; one more night isn't going to make a difference right?"

"Probably not," Kayla agreed throwing her one arm around my shoulder, giving me a light squeeze in comfort. Though it gave me little to no comfort at all; I would never tell her that out right and hurt her feelings that way. Not when I knew how much false comfort gave me all these years. "Well...I think I will go in and let you hash this out on your own; you are a smart girl Bella. I know you will do what's right for you."

I thanked her giving her a small smile. After Kayla had been ten steps away from me and about thirty steps towards her home, I began to think about all my options. I knew my family would never stop looking for me; so trying to change my identity and moving half way across the world wouldn't help. I did not want to be one of those girls in the movies that were always on the run, constantly looking over her shoulder for the people that were looking for me. I didn't want to live in the company of that kind of fear. I couldn't live in Alaska for the rest of my life either or I would be found for sure. My parents would be on the road and in town before I could disappear again. I could stay here on the reservation and pray that they would not come here searching for me. I couldn't trust that people would keep my presence here a secret for much longer; I would how ever be surprised if they did know and didn't cross the line to come and hunt me down, take me home and lock me up until the day I died.

There was one other option that I had been musing over for the last few days. It was a very dangerous option, but I would enable me to be free and be on my own in the world without having to constantly look over my shoulder. I would be able to defend myself against anything and everything that dared stand in my way. I knew for a fact my aunts and uncles wouldn't do it and neither would any of my family...but if I could find someone else to do it; far away and unreachable by my family until it was far too late. No one could stop me. They would be furious with me, most definitely disappointed or dare I say they would furthermore feel betrayed; the same way they betrayed me all of these years. Now I had to try—and I do mean 'try'—to sort out my anger and make the rational decision to become a vampire and leave behind everything and everyone I have ever known and loved. The parent's that raised me, the brothers who loved and protected me or my sister's who loved me and also protected me. That in turn left on person left to ponder over; Edward.

Or did he? Maybe it's been me all along? Was I the one with the problem; was I obsessed with trying to make amends for angering him that day ten years ago? Was it my own twisted logic that had me trapped in my own little world? Was it possible that everything I've ever surrounded myself with; all the letters and E-mails, banning everyone from his piano and bedroom, throwing fits and making wild demands or uttering empty threats...has been on me? That all this time my family has been trying to make me see that it is I that has been in the wrong the last ten years? I mean what perfect and godlike creature would want an obsessive human child longing for him? Maybe this was the reason he left in the first place; had Alice seen this outcome years ago? For all I knew I could be the one person who has been pestering him everyday for ten years straight; shame and guilt and disgust filled me as soon as I had processed this thought, I felt my eyes burn with unshed tears and a lump build in my throat. How could I could have been so naive, so utterly selfish, and foolish?

How did I make up for all the wrong I have done? I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. It was this moment that helped me make my decision, a choice that could or could not work in my favour in the end; I was going to call my Uncle Garrett. I ran towards Kayla's house, not realizing that it was nearly sundown; I had been out here for hours lost in my own thoughts. I snatched Kayla's phone off its cradle and dialled my Uncle's cell.

It rang only twice. "Bella?" His anxious and worried voice questioned with hopes high.

"Uncle Garrett," I whimpered, feeling like a small lost child who turned around to find her parents had disappeared in a busy supermarket.

"Bella, are you alright?" he asked with hurried desperation. "Are you safe?"

"I'm safe," I replied honestly; not daring to answer his first question. Guilt burned in my chest with a fevor I had never felt before. I felt absolutely horrid inside for putting my extended family though my messes.

"Where are you?"

"I can't tell you that." I told him, not daring to give away the one place I would never be found.

"Then meet me some place...any place," He begged. "I will come and get you right now. Everyone is so worried about you sweetheart..."

"Daddy is angry with me?" I wondered worriedly.

"No! No one is angry with you honey; I promise you Bella..."

"Is that Bella?" I heard my Auntie Katie ask my Uncle. "Is she alright? Is she safe? Is she hurt?"

"Bella is safe," He told her soothingly; I missed my family.

"I want you to come get me," I told him through the silent tears; I hadn't noticed I was crying. "I'm scared and confused Uncle Garrett. I don't want to go home, Edward will be home; daddy would have called him. I want to see him...but I'm afraid he might go away again. But I want to see him; only he will be gone when I get there. He doesn't love me anymore...I know he doesn't...not anymore. Will you come and get me?"

"I'm on my way, honey; tell me where to go and I will be there as soon as I can." He promised me. I could hear his car engine rev to life and his tires peel out of the garage, over the phone. "It's just me Bella, no one else." He reassured me quickly.

I gave Uncle Garrett directions to the place I wanted meet; I wanted it to be far away from where my family would not detect me leaving town or the state for that matter. I asked him to meet me at a small diner called Fork's In The Road Diner. It was just off the main I-90 highway; an older couple along with there two sons ran the place since they had opened nearly forty years ago. I had a hot chocolate while I waited for him to arrive; the owner Grace and her husband Harry took to me as soon as I had opened the door.

"All alone dear?" Grace asked me as I entered her establishment, glancing at her husband; who in turn gave her a knowing look.

"Not for long," I told her honestly looking out the large windows for my Uncle's car. "My Uncle Garrett is coming to get me." I told her not giving her anymore information than necessary. "But thank you for worrying over me; you remind me of my mother," I instantly regretted bringing up my mother; trying to be discreet I took the booth closest to the back of the restaurant, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to spill over the rims of my eyes.

"Can I get you anything while you wait sweetheart?" Grace asked sweetly, her long greying strawberry blonde hair in a French twist, her light blue eyes hid behind green and white horned-rimmed glasses that framed her thin face quite nicely. "How about a Hot Chocolate with whipped cream and a cherry?"

"How did you know I was going to order that?" I asked a little stunned; either this woman was very good at her job or knew my real intention as to why I was here in the first place. I felt a strong flicker of panic as I scanned the restaurant and the parking lot; looking for any sign of my parents or siblings. They couldn't have known I was here...could they? I hoped not; I was not ready to face them yet—or at all.

"You just look like the type," She told me cheerfully. "I'll be right back with that; would you like anything to eat, as well?'

"No, thank you," I told her, explaining that I was expecting my Uncle with in the half hour and wouldn't have time to eat a full meal, as we were leaving as soon as he arrived to collect me. Two minutes later she came back with a very large and tasty looking Hot Chocolate on her food tray; a whole unopened can of whipped cream sat beside it, with all the fixings that a Hot Chocolate should come with: Candied cherries, chocolate sprinkles, marshmallows and extra chocolate sauce. When I asked her about the whipped cream, Grace told me that she had several cans in the fridge that were going to expire by the end of the week and would rather see it used up than have to throw them out.

I wasn't about to argue with the woman's logic.

"So...how was it?" Harry asked coming with a tray to collect my empty cup and the half can of whipping cream, all the other ingredients I had used with my Hot Chocolate.

"Best Hot Chocolate, I've ever had!" I told him with my newly acquired sugar high happiness; I could feel the sugar flowing through my veins at the speed of light, with no sign of slowing down. The instinct to lace my running shoes and run for as long my sugar induced high would last, and have daddy or someone else pick me up after I had stretched and cooled down. "I'm surprised by myself," I told him glancing at the parking lot again, not seeing my Uncle's car yet. "I usually shy away from sweets all together. I don't think I've had this much sugar at one time in so long."

"I think your rides here sweetie," Grace said happily, more convinced that I was actually going to get picked up; I had a feeling Grace and Harry had seen a lot of run away teenagers in the past. I felt a little guilty, knowing that this was kind of the same thing; only I had some place else to go; I had never been more thankful for having a very large and extended family who loved and cared about me. Pulling a ten out of my backpack to give to Grace, she out right refused to take my money. "It was worth more to me that you are safe and sound tonight. Take care of your self honey."

"Take this too!" Harry shouted coming out of the back with a large to-go Styrofoam cup with the other half of my whipped cream can. "Grace would never forgive me, if I didn't get at least one of these cans of whipped cream...so save me here kid." He pleaded at me; Grace shot him a dirty looking swatting him lightly with her tea towel, calling him a liar and an old softie. It was too late before I realized that I had thrown myself at Grace hugging her tightly and whispering my thanks to them both; it was very out of character for me...but she reminded me so much of my own mother.

"Isabella," Uncle Garrett said jogging towards me with relief in his eyes and a smile on his face. "I'm so happy to see you sweetie!" He told me capturing me in his arms; instinctively I inhaled his sweet icy scent and felt more at home than I had felt in these past few weeks. "Are you ready to leave?"

"I'm just going to use the restroom," I told him, willing myself to let him go and use the bathroom; I was quick and found myself taking less than five minutes, and in another five we were on the road to his home in Alaska. "So how angry are you?" I whispered breaking the quiet but comfortable silence we had been holding in the car.

"I'm not angry Bella," He told me honestly and I believed him. "I wasn't being untruthful when I told you that no one is upset with you; worried of course, but not angry sweet pea."

"You haven't called me sweet pea since I was a child," I sniffed.

"I know," He agreed. "It just seemed like the right to say, at this moment in time."

The rest of our three hour drive was made in comfortable silence. As soon as my uncle stopped the car I was greeted by six blurring figures, the passenger side door opened so fast I didn't even know it had been opened until my aunt Carmen had grabbed me out of the car and into her arms. I didn't realize I was sobbing until I had pulled my face out of the crook of her neck. I clung to her with all my might, not entirely sure if I was crying because I was happy or sad or guilty or whatever slew of emotions had been festering inside me for the past few months. I could hear her sweet voice crooning to me, but unable to make out the words through my hysterical babbling. I could smell her sweet icy scent and feel her icy skin through my clothes. It felt like my home away from home. I was passed from aunt to uncle until everyone had taken their turn in comforting me, holding me, whispering words of love and comfort. A very small part of my mind kept tabs on making sure that none of my other members showed up. I was not ready to face any of them. Especially daddy or Edward, I knew daddy might not be mad but he would be disappointed in me and worried about me. I left in the middle of the night with only a note and no word for months on end. In my defence I was still too angry with them, I still feel horribly betrayed and hurt. I know I didn't handle it very well...at all, but what else could I have done? Sat back and just let everything fester and forgive daddy the next day and yet still harbour anger against him for who knows how long?

This was the right choice for me

And tomorrow I would make another right choice for me. I didn't know what the next right choice was for me yet...but with time, I am sure I would figure it out. But I knew that I had to figure it out and soon because the clock of my mortality was still ticking and it was only a matter of time before it stopped altogether.

One way or another.

A/N: So...this chapter took me forever. I warm you all no that this chapter is NOT beta'ed. I just decided to throw it up and kinda winging it up today. I have a lot of shit to catch up on and I don't know when I am going to get the next opportunity to get back to the grind. So please forgive any mistakes.

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