Chapter 19 - The man...and the wolf

I wrote out parts of this chapter last night. I really hope everyone loves it. This is actually one of my favorite chapters. This is 100% Sam's POV.

As always, Stephanie Meyers owns the characters :-)

Seeing Bella's tears killed me everytime. If it was up to me she would never cry again, happy or sad tears. I would do anything to keep her from ever again shedding even one tear.
Holding her in my arms as she cried all night long was agony. I knew I had to leave for this vision quest and I knew I had to become one with my wolf and a true alpha, but at the cost of hurting Bella absolutely killed me. I almost said to hell with this wolf thing. She was laying there in my arms and throwing off all those horrible feelings, hurt, sadness, and fucking need. She needed me and I was leaving her.
The truth was though, I was kind of excited. My wolf didn't hurt Bella. But, watching her smiling and laughing made me fucking jealous. She always smiled at me. Fuck, that smile could just about bring me to my knees. Paul once explained imprinting as your entire world revolving around one person. You would do anything for her, be anything for her, and give up anything for her. And man was he right.
Ever since the wolf in me came out and attacked Paul I have felt stronger, like my wolf is right under the surface just waiting to come out. When Jacob insulted Bella in the kitchen on Friday, I could feel him edging closer and closer. He was ready to attack. Why I held him back, I still don't fucking know. I wanted to fucking kill him, but I wanted to do it. I didn't want to have the excuse of my wolf coming out and doing it. And the reason I wanted to took me back to all those damn feelings she puts off. Self loathing, disappointment, hurt, sadness, need, and then my alpha order made her feelings turn toward pride. Her feelings on the back porch though, were by far the worse. She was on the verge of a full on panic attack. And I would never tell her, but I wasn't planning of phasing right then. I was out of control. The feelings coming off her were so strong that the wolf needed to phase. I don't know now what is worse, seeing her cry or feeling her trying to hold it in because I asked her to stay strong. I knew as soon as I was a couple miles out she would break down.
I knew it was going to hurt her, however I didn't prepare myself for the onslaught of pain I would feel through our connection. I almost turned around. My wolf would understand that she needed me. It was Old Quil's voice that stopped me mid turn.
"Alpha, STOP." It was almost a whisper, and all the sudden I knew what an Alpha Order felt like. I froze in place. I could hear the ground crunching and knew he was getting closer.
"She will be fine. Going back now would only make the pain last longer and we have work to do. Phase back." I took a couple steps back and calmed myself. Felling myself let go of my emotions was never going to get easier. I thought of laying with Bella until I was in control enough to phase back.
Feeling the air shift around me I came back, starting with my hands and then letting it continue to my feet. Soon I was back human again.
"Very good, Alpha. Come over here, and drink this when you are ready." I followed him to the fire he had built and sat down next to him. I hadn't brought any clothes, assuming I would stay as a wolf the entire time. Old Quil threw me a towel to put over my lap and handed me a drink. I quickly drank it down and he started to pray.
Closing my eyes, I felt the prayer wash through me. All my worries and problems with the pack were gone. All the memories of my mom, my dad, the look of fear on Billy Black's face as he was seeing me phase, Jacob pushing for the fight, knowing something was wrong with Leah/Jacob's imprint... it was all gone. The only thing was Bella and my wolf. I felt her love wash through me, then her pride. It felt fresh, like she was there with me. I opened my eyes and saw a man in front of me with his head bowed. As he looked up I felt myself become alert. It was me. Me with golden eyes.
"Easy there human, you look like you've seen a ghost."
"Who are you?" He shook his head and poked at the fire.
"Who the fuck do you think? I'm your wolf." I just shook my head, not understanding.
"You're not a wolf."
"I can phase too, you moron. You really thought I wouldn't be fucking human too. Don't you think if you can phase to a wolf, then I can phase to human? I'll admit, I've never done it before, my human doesn't let me out that often." He said glowering at me.
"So how are we suppose to become one? I don't have a fucking clue on how to do this."
"You think I do? You keep me locked up all the damn time, I can't even see my fucking imprint." I jumped up and glared over the fire.
"My imprint, wolf." He just smirked at me.
"No Mr. Alpha... My imprint. You forget so easily that I'm the one that made you imprint on her. Technically she's mine."
"This is your problem, young alphas. She does not belong to either of you, she belongs to both of you. Everything is both of yours. You are the same." Old Quil was there, speaking softly to both of us.
"I'm nothing like this fucking pussy. He wouldn't even let me mark my fucking mate." I looked down in shame.
"Don't you think I feel shitty about that. I know you won't hurt her. That was the problem, now I know you won't hurt her. I just don't know how to bond with you, or whatever the fuck we are suppose to do."
"Don't try and kid yourself, Alpha. You hate my fucking guts. You hate the pack. You hate the wolf. I would even venture out to guess that you hate the fucking imprint." I was up, across the fire, and in his face.
"Don't fucking say that. You don't even fucking know her. I would never hate Bella. Bella is... she's... everything."
"Did I fucking say you hated her? No, I fucking didn't. So open your damn ears. I said you hated the imprint. And you fucking do. You hate absolutely everything to do with me."
"Yeah, cause your fucking dangerous."
"Find a new excuse. I hurt one person. If he would have been back a foot instead of up in our face then it wouldn't have happened. He was trying to make us phase. The dumbass was too close. Shit fucking happens. Get over it." I had never thought of it like that before, but he was right. He had tried to get me to do the same thing to Paul and I told him no. He had pushed it and been stubborn about it. That it was what needed to happen, so he wouldn't phase infront of humans. I just wanted to give him a little bit longer.
"Billy is an idiot, I think we have established that when he wanted you to take Paul in the woods and make him phase. You may be forgetting, but he even rubbed your nose in the fact that it was dangerous for him around people. And that you didn't want what happened to him to happen again. He always says he doesn't blame you. That is because you aren't to blame, neither am I. Maybe he didn't know you would phase right then, but he knew you would soon and he was practically in our face." I just nodded and let him talk. I was having quite the turning point. I had never thought that Billy was trying to get me to phase. He had read all the ledgends of our tribe. So he knew being angry enough would make me phase. He provoked me, just like he wanted me to do to Paul. Now he wanted his son to be alpha. Wolf must have heard my thoughts, because he responded.
"Yeah, like that would ever work... His son is a whiny ass baby. We will have to fight him or make him submit. This has to end. Everything you say he challenges you on. Then to bring my imprint into this pisses me off." I growled.
"My imprint."
"Keep fucking thinking that and we will never get out of here." Even I knew she was both of our imprints, but I am not going to give in easily. I looked across the fire and saw him smirk. Did I really look that fucking annoying when I smirked like that?
I kept looking at the fire. I knew he could hear into my head, and I hated it. But I had to get use to it. If him and I were going to be one then we had to get our shit together. I needed to get back to Bella. My chest was hurting and I knew she needed me. I layed back on the ground and closed my eyes. We weren't getting anywhere arguing, so I was going to sleep.

When I woke up the first thing I saw was Old Quil. He had stopped praying and was starring at me.
"You still are not one with your wolf, Alpha. You can only drink this tea once more. Use your time wisely. You need to get back to Bella." I nodded as he handed me the tea and started his prayer. I closed my eyes and nothing else mattered, only me, my wolf, and Bella. When I opened my eyes he was laying on the other side of the fire with his arms behind his head. I picked up a rock and tossed it over.
"Wake up, we have to get our shit together." He sat up and rubbed his eyes.
"Where is the fire, Alpha?" I rolled my eyes at him, but gave him his answer.
"I can't drink the tea again. This time it has to work. I can't be away from Bella any longer. I don't even know how long we have been out here."
"We've been here three days. At least I think we have. You went to sleep and stayed asleep for two night falls." I've been away for two nights, this must be killing Bella. I rubbed my chest again. I thought about all the love I had for Bella and tried to push it out to her. I had felt her feelings before drinking the tea so hopefully she could still feel me. At least feel my love for her and give her a little bit of peace.
"I love her too ya know. Fuck, I love her. She's smart, and beautiful, and her smile is fucking amazing. I know you saw how she was laughing. Man, I fucking miss her." He rubbed his chest and for the first time with him, I felt guilty. I was keeping him from his imprint, too.
"She loves you, too. I want her to smile and laugh with me like she was doing with you that day. She was so pretty and carefree. She really does deserve to be that happy. Her mom never gave her happiness. I know she is happy with me, but she deserves so much more."
"Let's just try it out. If I hurt her, I swear you can put me away forever. I won't fight you with it at all." I shook my head.
"No, if we do this, it has to be forever. We can't give us both to her and then take us away. There can't be anymore you and me, we have to be one, together. I'm ready, I just need you to promise me one thing." At his nod, I continued.
"We can never phase to close to her. We can't hurt her that way." He swollowed strongly and nodded. I nodded back and walked over to him.
"So how are we going to do this?"
"I guess we just lay down and go to sleep, together. When we wake up... Hopefully we will be one." He nodded his head and layed down on the ground. As I layed down beside him he had me laughing.
"We are not going to hold hands and sing coom-by-ya, right? We just lay here and go to sleep."
"Yeah, just go to sleep." And with that, I closed my eyes.

Waking up on the ground by the fire, I saw Old Quil. He was folding up his blanket and packing up his stuff. I didn't even have to ask if it worked or not. It did. I was one with my wolf. I was the wolf, the wolf was me. And the only thing on my mind was Bella.
"Thank you, Old Quil." Hearing myself talk was awkward. My voice was deeper. I felt stronger. I wasn't fighting for control or fighting with my own feelings. I was at peace. Well, as at peace as I could be without my imprint. My imprint, there was no voice in the back of my mind demanding it his. We were finally one.
Letting out a deep breath, I looked over to Old Quil as he spoke.
"Go to your mate, Alpha. I have a feeling she has been missing you." He didn't have to tell me twice as I spun around and phased mid air, then I was running. Phasing felt amazing. No control, just phasing. It felt amazing not having to hold onto any emotion. Just running through the woods.
My pack must have heard me. Paul's voice entered my head.
"You did it, Sam. Good job. Boy is Bella going to be happy to see you. She has missed you something aweful." An image of Bella flew into our thoughts as Paul pushed her forward. She was cooking in the kitchen and Emily was cooking beside her. When she turned around I froze. Her eyes were swollen from crying and there was only sadness in her eyes. Her cheeks looked too big for her face. That is when I noticed the weight loss.
"How long have I been gone?"
"Just a week. I had a meeting with Carlisle and explained everything to him about you being gone. I had to call him to come check on her yesterday. She fainted in the kitchen and hit her head. She didn't want to leave the house and she was clear if we were going to call the doctor that he was coming there. He said she had a mild concussion and should be fine, but she needed to eat." I started running again as he continued to show me the entire week.
On Monday, she didn't eat or sleep, but made dinner for everyone and left a plate out for me incase I came home. My stomach rumbled as I saw the large plate of food she had left.
On Tuesday, she didn't eat, but had gotten a couple hours of sleep. What I saw next broke my heart. She was in the kitchen and yelling at Quil. He had gotten my plate off the counter and started eating it. Paul had to push him out of the house before he phased around her. Quil had come back later and appologized, but she was crying to hard for her to hear him.
"He really didn't know it was your plate, Sam. Everyone had already eaten when he came in. He saw the plate and thought it was his." I just kept running.
On Wednesday, noone touched the extra plate of food. She didn't eat, but Emily had washed her hair when she was in the bathtub. Emily had finally talked her into eating a muffin.
Thursday, her dad had came by to check on her. Leah had said something about her being sick because I had to leave. Sue came by with soup and sat her down at the table until she ate.
Friday, Sue had come by again and made her eat every meal. She had started looking better. But, every meal there was my extra plate that noone touched.
Saturday, she looked better than Friday and Sue had hung out with her and helped her cook. They had a cookout and everyone was there. Everyone was there, except Jacob, Leah, and Collin. Collin and Leah had been on patrol.
"What happened with Jacob?"
"At Billy's, Charlie was livid with him. Apparently Seth told Charlie about what happened the other morning. If he wants to see his imprint again, he will not go near Bella. So he hasn't gone near her."
"I'll deal with him now. Where is he?"
"He's at Charlie's house. Leave it alone for now, go see Bella." I growled at it made Paul hault. I turned and headed his direction.
Seeing him across a field I roared out a command.
"DO NOT COMMAND ME, BETA." I saw Paul drop to his belly and roll over onto his back. I felt his anger, but I also felt how proud he was of me. I turned and headed to Charlie's house and went in search of Jacob. This was going to end once and for all.

When I got outside Charlie and Sue's house I barked out and Jacob came out dragging ass.
"PHASE NOW." I barked out and he looked scared as he phased from the command. I heard all the wolves in the woods behind us.
"What the hell did you do to me?" I blocked my thoughts and didn't answer the question as I turned around and headed into the woods.
"Come on, Jacob." When I didn't hear the woods crunching behind me I gave the command.
"FOLLOW ME, JACOB. NOW!"
"What the fuck is going on? TELL ME NOW." I spun around quickly and tackled him, bringing my teeth down to his neck.
"DO NOT COMMAND ME, WOLF." He whimpered, but soon stopped himself from showing defeat. I turned quickly and continued the walk to the clearing.

Hearing growling from ahead, I trotted up to the front of the pack. All of The Cullen's were standing on the sidelines of the clearing. I walked up and looked toward the bronzed hair younger Cullen. Since he read minds we needed him to comunicate.
"Is there a problem?" I thought toward him and he interpreted it to Carlisle. Carlisle spoke up.
"Actually Alpha, there is. The pup over there has came to us to discuss the treaty. When Edward heard you were back we came out to see what was going on." I growled and turned to Jacob. He started to bow and then stopped himself and stood up to his full height, barely coming up to my shoulders.
I looked back to the mind reader and thought.
"We are actually here teaching the pup a lesson in manners. I'm tired of him thinking his father speaks for the pack. He either submits or we fight." As he interpreted what I said I turned to Jacob.
"You heard me Jacob, submit or fight." I heard whining from a wolf around us and turned my head to Leah, while still keeping Jacob in my sights.
"Leah, you can not interfere, I can have the other wolves hold you back, I can order you, or you can leave. What would you like to do?" Leah bowed her head in defeat.
"Order me please." I nodded.
"You know I have tried to over look this for you and Bella's sake, but unfortunately I can't any longer." At her nod, I continued. "LEAH, YOU WILL NOT ATTACK, AND YOU WILL NOT INTERFERE." I saw her sink to her belly under the command.
"Do we need to leave, Alpha?" I shook my head no at Carlisle's question and backed up. All the wolves backed up around Jacob and I, forming a circle. The vampires needed to see who was Alpha as well.
"So sure of yourself, Sam?"
"Cut the shit Jacob, FIGHT OR SUBMIT." I saw him start to submit and then changed his mind as he stood to his full height.
"I am the grandson of Ephraim Black, I was not meant to bow to a Uley." And I attacked.

Feeling my paw connect with Jacob's face hurt me as I felt his pain go through the pack. I kept on though. I shut down my mind before he could see my next move. Then bit Jacob's front leg and heard it snap. He just growled out at me as my paw hit his face again. I tried to get my teeth around his neck, but he moved his neck quickly and I got his shoulder instead. As I latched down to the muscle, I tore it from his shoulder and spit it to the side.
"SUBMIT, JACOB." This time he had to. He had loss use of both front legs. He layed down on his stomach and whined, opening his neck for me to bite.
I bit strongly and held on and spoke through our mind connection.
"YOU WILL NEVER CHALLENGE ME AGAIN. YOU WILL LEAVE NOW ON A VISION QUEST AND NOT COME BACK UNTIL YOU CAN SUMBIT WILLINGLY. YOU WILL NEVER HURT MY MATE. WHAT YOUR FATHER IS SAYING IS FUCKING BOGUS. WOLVES FIGHT FOR ALPHA AND YOU JUST LOST, PUP." I looked back at the wolves and they were all bowed. The vampires stood back with their heads bowed as well. Noone was making eye contact, which was smart. Noone needed to question me right now.
"Someone take him to Old Quil. Tell him what I ordered and I'll visit him later. I'm going to claim my mate. Stay away until I call for you." I turned quickly and ran off. I was going to find my mate.