Disclaimer: SM owns all things Twilight. The rest of the words are mine, along with a suitcase that's soon to be full.

A/N: Please read the A/N at the bottom.

This chapter is coming to you today unbeta'd. I waited as long as I could for it, but it hasn't come back yet. I'm taking a chance that you would all rather possibly find a few mistakes than wait any longer. So here it is, in all its raw glory…

Chapter 21: The Worth of a Soul

BPOV

Time moved forward, relentless and unyielding. And yet, as the sun and moon turned round and round in their celestial dance, I remained motionless. I had seen the light change to dark, and then to light again many times. I could see and hear people around me. Life was moving forward, but I didn't know how to join it.

Rosalie's story haunted me now, as well as my own. I tried so hard to focus on her strength as she shared her tragic tale with me, but once she was gone from my sight, so too was her strength. And my weakness invaded my dreams.

In my most recent nightmare, I was once again reliving my assault. This time Edward came to rescue me, but as he approached he was tackled to the ground by my assailants. He fought until I heard the shot, and I watched his face drain to white, as the red oozed from beneath his body.

I woke up with a start, clutching my chest and gasping for breath. There was sweat beading on my forehead and my whole body trembled with fear. Tears formed in my eyes as my mind slowly went through the familiar process of attempting to separate dreams from reality. If only it was all a dream. I would give anything to wake up and have what happened be nothing but an echo of my subconscious imaginings. But it was real, and as I looked up and noticed the little stuffed kitten and balloons that Emmett and Jasper left in my room for me, I was once again reminded that I was not normal. They tried to do something nice for me, but instead of seeing it as a source of comfort, I saw it as a reminder of my embarrassing reaction to them. How would someone like me, ever fit to a family like this?

It seemed like everywhere I looked, and everything I felt emotionally and physically, just ground into my soul everything I now was, and everything I could never have.

I sighed.

No one was sitting with me at the moment, and these were dangerous times for my imagination. When someone was near it was easy to have distractions, but alone there was nothing to stop the dark and conflicting thoughts that overwhelmed me. Logic and love waged war in my head until it pounded in surrender. I ached to be consumed in a loving embrace, and yet I could not justify deserving such a desire. I felt like a parasite on their lives; leaching and consuming all that was good, and giving nothing in return.

Rosalie's story answered so many questions regarding her and Jasper's occasionally odd behavior, but it stirred up more questions as well. I wondered about what she'd said about Emmett's arms feeling like home. Could Edward's arms ever feel the same? There was nowhere I wanted to be more desperately, but would it feel like home if I was nothing but a thief? Stealing undeserved love and hospitality?

The need to be near him and feel his tenderness balanced precariously on the edge as the all consuming fear of male touch pushed mightily against it. When Alice and Rosalie had embraced me, something inside me sparked, and I was suddenly twelve years old again in the tender arms of my mother. The deprivation of loving touch had awakened such yearnings for what had been denied me for so long, but still, I could not bring myself to believe that I was worthy of such affections. Edward had reached out to me, and the spark of his touch ignited the conflagration of my guilt to such a degree that I had no choice but to pull away. The fear of being hurt at the hands of others, and the desperate desire for the touch of kind hands, spun me to new heights of confusion.

And knowing that Rosalie was where I was now, and that she was now strong, gave me much to think about. If she hadn't have told me her story, I would have never guessed that she had endured something so horrifying. It was obvious that something had occurred in her and Jasper's past, but to have it be something of that magnitude was nearly incomprehensible. She was so confident in most things, especially her love for Emmett. They were so devoted to one another, so carefree in their touching and affections. I would be lying if I said I didn't want what she had, and I couldn't help but wonder if I could ever find a way to be that strong. Did I have it within me to…live?

This was it. I had to decide. Did I have enough faith in the Cullens to accept their words as truths? Did I reach out and attempt to embrace this family as they had seemingly embraced me? What was my alternative? I had endured countless beatings from Charlie. I had endured countless abuses and humiliations at school. I had endured the cruelest of tortures. I had endured the embarrassment of being exposed for what I was to the Cullens. I had endured…and I had survived.

I was still breathing. My heart still beat. Alice was right. They may have taken my innocence, but I could not, and would not, let them take my soul.

With my new found resolve, my body seemed to move a bit more freely. The soreness was still present, but manageable. I could feel my strength slowly returning as I sat up, giving myself a minute for the dizziness to pass as I prepared to slide my feet to the floor. Cautiously, I swung my legs to the left and let them dangle off the side of the bed, before gingerly pushing myself up to standing. Once completely upright I found myself moderately stable, so I slowly walked toward the door. I hadn't left this room since I arrived, whenever that was.

With my heart pounding in my chest I turned the handle and opened the door. The dull ache in my feet was the only indicator that I was walking forward. I wasn't even sure where I was going but I needed to keep moving forward until I found it.

The stairs presented a slightly bigger problem as my joints were stiff from being bedridden for so long, but holding tightly to the banister I made my way down. As I neared the bottom, I could hear voices coming from the kitchen. A lot of voices. It sounded like they must all be home. The familiar flutter reappeared in my chest, and I tried to calm myself with a few deep breaths as I reached the bottom and continued to amble towards the chatter. They sounded so normal. Or at least what I always imagined a normal family would sound like. Even before my mom died, we were a small family that didn't seem to need much taking, and I often daydreamed of being part of a large, loving family that sounded a lot like this one. There seemed to be several conversations going on at once infused with random laughter. It was like music in my ears and I felt guilty when it all came to a sudden halt.

I arrived in the doorway to the kitchen. The Cullens were all frozen in whatever position they had been in mid-conversation like someone pushed a pause button. Some seemed frozen in shock, others in apprehension, but no one seemed to be breathing. It was an awkward few seconds and then all at once, someone hit "play".

The first thing I noticed was everyone's surprised greetings, and then I noticed all the boys take a few steps back. I regretted that they felt the need to do this, but I was grateful for their thoughtfulness. I was also grateful they took a step back. In my mind, I knew it was irrational to fear anyone in this family, including the boys, but my body seemed to operate on another frequency and it reacted in ways I couldn't always control.

"Bella!" Alice rushed forward and took my hand, leading me towards the table. "Are you ok?
What are you doing? Here! Sit! What can I get you?" Her questions, her everything, was so fast, and I found myself suddenly quite overwhelmed by the situation. My room had been almost like a cave with very limited contact with the others, and now that I had put myself in the center of them all, I struggled to stay connected with the resolve that brought me here.

"Alice, I'm fine." I nearly whispered, my voice rough from disuse. "I was just…" I sighed. I can do this. I can do this… "Lonely?" It came out as more of a question as I struggled to find a way to adequately describe what I was feeling, while at the same time limiting the amount of words I had to speak. I wanted to be there, I just wasn't sure I wanted to talk yet.

"Lonely? Does this mean…?" She looked so hopeful, her body beginning to bounce with anticipation.

With a deep breath, I gazed back into the eyes of my best friend. There was such determination and devotion there that I could almost feel her transfer strength to me. And for the first time in weeks, I joined the living.

"I don't... I don't want to be alone in my room anymore." I quietly declared. "I want to be out here with you, with everyone. I'm so sorry for taking so long."

Her eyes began to fill with tears, triggering my own. And then she hugged me fiercely; love, and joy, and protectiveness radiating through her embrace. And though my body ached in muted protest, I didn't care. I simply buried my face in her neck and wept with her. These were cleansing tears; tears that were closing one chapter, and opening another. To anyone else it would probably just look like two girls hugging and crying, but to me it was huge. I had done it. I had turned a corner, and I didn't want to look back.

I had forgotten the others in the room until Rosalie cleared her throat.

"Can I get in on this too?" She asked, tears trailing down her cheeks.

"Me too?" Esme's warm voice was just a whisper of strangled emotion.

Alice and I each opened one arm and welcomed them into our circle. I was completely overwhelmed by their love and acceptance of me. I was in pure awe of this family. This wonderful family that seemed, against all odds, to want me too.

"Dude. Are you crying?" Jasper's amused voice rose above the sobs.

"No! Shut up, man!" Emmett retorted.

"Yes you are, you big pansy!" Jasper needled. "Edward! Is he crying, or what?"

Edward held his hands up in surrender. "I'm stayin' out of this one!"

"You bet you are EMO-ward!" Emmett yelled.

As I watched this exchange between brothers I began to feel a tickle in my stomach that slowly rose up my chest and throat. And as Emmett prepared to defend his manhood with his fists, I felt a small giggle escape my lips. It was followed by another, and when I noticed everyone's stunned faces as they stared at me, I exploded into full hysterics. It seemed to take a moment for them to recover from their shock and then I was quickly joined by everyone in laughter. It felt as if a weight literally lifted from my shoulders as I spent a carefree moment with my would-be family.

Esme was the first to recover. "Who's hungry?"

A chorus of "me's" rang through the kitchen, with a "duh" from Emmett, who was obviously still a little out of sorts from the ribbing he'd received. Rosalie joined Esme at the counter. Edward threw me a wink that had a new set of butterflies twirling in my gut as he passed by on his way to help his mother as well. My cheeks flushed as I tried to reconcile the same excitement with the new fear that he made me feel.

The sandwiches were soon done and Edward approached the table with a plate in each hand. My stomach leapt into my throat and when he saw the rueful twist of my mouth he immediately shifted course to the other side of the table. He reached across and set the plate down where I had to reach for it a little. He was being cautious not to get too close.

"Thank you." I whispered, hoping he knew I meant it for more than just the sandwich.

"It's my pleasure." He replied with his signature smile.

I blushed again and then busied myself with my lunch as Alice and Rosalie took the seats on either side of me. The conversation around the table was light, flowing naturally and effortlessly. It would have been so easy to jump in along the way, but I was just enjoying listening to the people I loved, and soaking in the relaxed atmosphere.

The only interruption came when the doorbell rang. Esme rose to answer it muttering a "who could that be?" under her breath as she left. I heard the door click open, and then my fragile bubble of peace burst with such force that I couldn't breathe.

"Mrs. Cullen? Where's Isabella? It's been more than two weeks. I'm taking her home. Now!"

Charlie.

I felt the blood drain from my face as I began to tremble. The soreness in my body was instantly magnified, and my stomach knotted in anticipation of more pain. He had come for me. He would take me back, and he would...I didn't want to think it, but I couldn't help it. My hands fisted in my hair as the stink of booze, the sight of Charlie's face twisted in rage, and the sting of the belt on my back assaulted my senses. Alice's soft coo in my ear and arm around my shoulders held no more weight than air.

"I'm sorry, Chief Swan, but Bella is not here at the moment." Esme's voice was confident, yet strained. I wanted to scream for her to slam the door and run. What if he didn't believe her, and he hurt her trying to get to me? I folded over, retching at the thought of him even laying a finger on her.

"Where is she? I need her home. Tonight. I'm…uh…having a party, and I need her help." He was becoming more agitated. All the air left my lungs and I found myself on my knees. He wanted me home so that he could...so that they could... The contents of my stomach revolted against its captor, as my head spun in nausea. Alice and Rosalie were both kneeling next to me in an attempt to comfort me, but there was no comfort for this. He was the chief of police, and if he wanted me, he would take me.

"She's out with my daughters. I sent them on some errands. I don't expect them back for quite some time."

"That does not work at all." He spat.

His words were venomous, renewing my fear for Esme. And I couldn't understand why everyone was huddled around me when she was in danger.

"Help her. Please." I choked out as my stomach lurched again.

Emmett stood immediately, his face turning from concern to anger and determination, and headed for the door.

"Mom? Oh! Hey, Chief Swan. What can we do for you?" Emmett's casual tone did not fully mask the stress in his voice.

"I thought you boys were gonna be gone this weekend." Charlie accused, his voice now holding the slightest apprehension.

"Yeah, we decided to skip camping this weekend. We're supposed to be getting a pretty big storm. But of course, you would know all about that, right?" Emmett's patronizing tone didn't seem to faze Charlie as much as his presence did. His imposing form had an immediate effect and had Charlie backing down almost instantly.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to swing by the hospital and speak to Dr. Cullen then. I expect her home as soon as she gets back."

"I'll speak to Bella as soon as I see her." Esme's carefully worded answer seemed to satisfy him.

"You do that. Good day." He grumbled.

"Good day, Chief." Esme answered, shutting the door as casually as she could before rushing back to the kitchen.

"Bella? Bella, I'm so sorry. I should have never answered the door. Are you okay?"

My mind was in overdrive replaying everything that happened in the last few minutes. Charlie hadn't forgotten about me. He wanted me back home. He was having a… Panic ripped through me again, making it hard to breathe, as tremors continued to attack my body.

"Please don't send me back! I'll do whatever you want. I can't go back. I can't be there for another party. Please." I begged through my now full blown sobs as everyone in the room stiffened.

Esme knelt in front of me, grabbed my shoulders tightly and looked me square in the eye.

"You do not ever have to go back to that house. Do you hear me? Never!"

I searched her face and found nothing but determination and conviction. Stunned by her aggressiveness, I simply nodded my understanding before being enveloped into the maternal embrace that I have craved for so long. And as I allowed her warmth to fill me and calm my shaking, I made a new decision.

I pulled back enough so that I could see her face.

"P-please call your friend at the FBI. I'm r-ready to tell him what they did to me. I want to be free."

A/N: Well my lovelies, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we saw some real progress from Bella in this chapter. Yay! The bad news is, I am leaving town tomorrow, and will be gone just over a week. Boo! What does this mean for you? Well, the first thing it means is that review replies for this chapter may be a little slow in coming. I will do my best to reply to as many as I can before I leave, and I promise to respond to all as soon as possible. The other thing it means is that there may possibly (most likely) be a delay in next week's posting, but I promise to get it posted as soon as I am able.

Thank you to my amazing team of pre-readers, hand-holders, and ledge talker off-ers: CatMasters, Hev99, and Nostalgicmiss. And extra huggles to Hev99 for going on a word hunt and finding half of this chapter. ;)

And finally, thank you to all of you who have put this story on alert, added it as a favorite, read it, and reviewed it. You are all awesome and I love you!