Now You Know How I Felt.

Blegh! I think this is going to be the last chapter for a while, but I am still writing it. I just want to write something else, so maybe I'll get started on my Merlin story.. if I can be arsed.. I've got a rough draft for a story for The Pacific, so that may crop up after Christmas.. PLUS, there's a special Christmas chapter for my previous story Frontline Girl, because I promised to do a follow on/ epilogue thing.

Anywho, this is a shorter chap and it's a bit shit.. but I hope you enjoy. Reviews don't hurt to write and I do actually like to know what people think

Enjoy me amigos!

Allie

Night of January 2nd.

When I saw him standing there, in front of me, I nearly died myself. He was just standing there, watching me with this pained look on his face. At first I thought he wasn't real, that I was imagining the whole thing. But then, when I saw his breath turn to little white clouds of steam, I knew it was real. My heart, at first, began to explode with unimaginable happiness, but it stopped itself. My sorrow had turned to happiness, but that was short lived. Anger burnt through my veins, ate at my brain, and I exploded into a rage, that deep down, I had wanted to say to him.

"You're a lousy shot! A fucking lousy shot!" I screamed at him. My whole body hurt, with the cold and sobbing, but my heart hurt most. "I told you! I told you I hated it and you thought it was funny! Well it wasn't! I watched you die! How do you think I felt, when you died in my fucking arms?!"

He looked at me, face set in stone. He never moved an inch, even when I hit him. I didn't even feel myself do it. My hand curled into a ball and it connected with his jaw.

"Beau-"

"NO! Don't you dare call me that! I've been here hours, crying over you! I've almost pulled my heart out, wondering why I could help Julian and not you! I blamed myself for this! You don't have the right to call me that any more. My name is Molly-Anne Beauclaire! Not Beau!"

My legs suddenly gave out from underneath me, and I fell into a heap on the snow, crying again. As my tears fell, so did the snow. Heavy feathers of frozen rain, drifted around me, trying not to touch me in my time of agony.

In front of me, the snow crunched, and my head forced itself up, as Hoobs knelt before me.

"Whatever I say, won't make what's happened go away... but you were right. Lip took the gun away and frankly I don't want it back... I know, that... it's going to be a while, before you can forgive me, and honestly I don't blame you if you don't want to... but... I'm an idiot.. and you're the best person out here to make sure I don't do anything else stupid.."

I looked up at him, letting out a shaky breath I hadn't known I was holding. He wrapped me up in his warm, wholesome arms, making me feel like I was in once piece again. Just like that I could forget that I was so angry, so close to pulling off my ring and throwing it into the snow.

Hoobs let his fingers absent-mindedly wander through my hair, curling through the ginger, dirty locks, as he held on to me for dear life.

"I'm not going to forgive you for this..."

"Good." he mumbled into my hair. "I don't want to forget how much I hurt you..."

"I'm not going to let you."

For the next few days, we never left each other's sides. Of those who had seen what had happened, they thought it was understandable. Least we weren't shoving our tongues down each other's throats every 5 minutes, right? Others, however, thought we were being too clingy. 'Others' being Dike the Dick. He made me stay in Skip and Pink's fox hole for one night.

"Sunny, he's not going to do anything stupid..." Pink shivered. Poor guy looked like he was dancing.

"I know.. but I just can't help worrying.." I replied, shaking with cold myself, as I glanced behind me, over the top of the fox hole.

The next day, we were all busy reinforcing our fox holes, when the German's hit. Shells cascaded from the sky, ripping up trees, tearing the earth apart, bursting ear drums with the sheer force of the blast. I'd taken cover with Shifty, not far from Malark and Bill's fox hole. We waited, with unsteady heaves of our lungs, as the shelling stopped. Lip went and called for everyone to stay in their holes, but as he passed, I heard the faint cry of a wounded man. I couldn't tell who it was just from the voice, but when Bill jumped up out of the fox hole he was in, I knew it was Joe Toye.

Slapping Shifty's hands away, I darted after Bill, eventually finding him trying to drag Joe to safety.

"Sunny! What the hell are you doing here?!" He asked crossly.

"I'm a medic, genius, I'm supposed to be here." I snapped.

"I gotta get my helmet!" Joe cried out, trying to pull away from his friend. Joe's leg had been completely blown off at the knee and he must have been in extreme pain, but I couldn't do anything until we'd got him to a fox hole. It was only a matter of time until the Germans began to shell us again, and we had to get him back.

"I'll get it later Joe, okay, just right now, we need to get you some place safe. Alright?"

Joe nodded, wincing, never complaining.

"I told you I'd get back to the States before you!" he cried out in pain again, trying to take his mind off of his missing limb.

"You ain't going no where Joe!" Bill told him.

That's when the shelling started again. Joe started shouting something about his helmet. Just behind Bill, was Buck. He was standing before his fox hole, shouting for us to hurry up, before we got caught in the blast. Joe was having none of it. He wanted his helmet.

"Bill, can you manage him?" I yelled over the noise. He shouted something back which sounded like 'yes', before I took off, running back the way we came.

All it took, was a few seconds before I'd picked up Joe's helmet and started running again, but it didn't do me any good.

The blast from a near by explosion hurled me to the floor, embedding large wooden splinters into my body, as I dropped to the ground. My hand still gripped tightly, onto Joe's helmet, even as my vision blurred violently. It went dark and quickly became silent, but everything soon rebooted.

I don't know what I was thinking, I'd suffered a pretty bad concussion as it turned out. I still got up and I still made my way to Joe and Bill. I stumbled, almost blindly, through the dense trees and destruction, finally finding them.

At first Bill, Joe, Malark and Gene didn't notice. It wasn't until Lip and George began to stare at me, that any of them looked at me.

"Holy shit..." George mumbled. I didn't understand what he was talking about, because at the time, I was in shock, a little more so than he was. In fact, 'holy shit' was the only thing that came out of his mouth for a few days, or so I'm told.

"Sunny..." Lip mumbled.

"I brought your helmet Joe."

"Sunny, come on.. sit down, right here, right with Ol' Bill."

"Luz, go get Spina and Hoobler. Now!"

I collapsed to my knees before I could get to Bill. I fell on to my side, struggling to breathe with every heartbeat and I drifted in and out of consciousness, before I figured Hoobs was by my side. There was blood every where, but I couldn't figure out where it was coming from, until I coughed, and he wiped it from my lips.

He's holding my hands now, like I did for him, a few days before. I know they're talking to me, but I just can't understand them.

"You know Gene, I never thought I'd die twice."

He looks at me in terror, silently praying that it's not my last confession. He says he didn't think I'd make it up Currahee, but I did, so I could make it through this, he says. Feeling my mouth curl, I look at Hoobs, before I feel my eyes begin to slide shut.

"Now.. you know.. how I... felt."