21

Shay went to the med room and stayed there for the rest of the night, not bothering to even glance at a monitor. She just didn't give a damn anymore. She ran on autopilot, not joking around with the guys like she usually did.

Trina paid a visit. Sitting up on the exam table, she was quiet, watching Shay work on her laptop. "You know…" Trina sighed. "Um. What the hell is going on with you? I feel like I'm in the dark here."

Shay rubbed her eyes and glanced at her friend. "Look…I'm sorry I didn't answer the door or the phone last night, but I wasn't in the mood to talk to anybody."

Trina raised an eyebrow. "I didn't go to your room."

"You didn't?" Shay frowned. "You're the only person I know who is that persistent."

"Uhh…well…me and Kane," Trina said with a laugh. "What?" She saw the look that crossed Shay's face. "When Bubba and I got in from eating, he was walking in the hall where your room was. Maybe he was the one knocking."

"I don't think so," Shay said softly. Knocking was not his style. Breaking down the door when she didn't answer-that was Kane. And why the hell would he be at her door? After what he'd said to her…

"He looked like somebody had just kicked his dog or something," Trina said with a smile. "Kinda weirded us out. Usually he just looks like…well…Kane." She shrugged. "What did you do that boy?"

"I really don't want to talk about this right now," Shay said as the med room door opened and one of the trainers stepped inside. Trina nodded thoughtfully.

"Uh…we're having a meeting after the show. You going to be there?"

Shay groaned. She had forgotten. Every pay per view they gathered all the talent and backstage help together, going over any issues that needed to be hashed out. It invariably ended up being social hour. Shay did not want to go; unfortunately the bosses had deemed it mandatory.

"Come on. Bubs and I will escort you," Trina said, trying to draw a smile.

"Great." Sarcasm was her fallback position. "If either one of you makes one joke about a threesome…"

Trina giggled and slid down from the table. "I promise we'll behave ourselves. We'll make an appearance, then we'll get the hell out of here. All right?"

Shay nodded. She shut off the computer and stood to follow Trina toward the main arena. The show was coming to an end, the fans were trickling out. A crowd of wrestlers and backstage people had formed at the entrance to the stage. They were waiting until the people had cleared out so they could gather down around the ring, as was the usual practice.

Trina left Shay leaning against a wall and went to find Bubba. From her corner she watched everyone come and go, chatting excitedly about the show they'd just put on.

"Hey…" Deep voice. Right beside her. Shay turned warily and looked up at Mark. Shit, she hadn't seen him in months.

"Taker." She always called him by his wrestling name. As did most of the roster. It was just a habit.

He was looking at her, concern evident. What the hell was with people and this pity crap? Shay wished he'd just go away. They had not been particularly close, just talking occasionally back when he'd traveled with Raw.

"You Ok?" He asked. He'd lowered his voice. Shay shrugged.

"As Ok as I ever am. Why?"

"Because that brother of mine is an idiot." Mark said, shocking her.

"What?" Shay looked at him. The look on his face was dead serious.

Mark sighed. "I know what's been going on." He saw her move and reached out, taking her arm. "Don't run off. I'm not gonna pressure you into anything."

Shay sagged back against the wall. "What the hell does he want from me?" She asked. Mark shrugged.

"He likes you. Maybe more than likes you. In case you hadn't noticed, he doesn't handle that stuff very well…"

"No shit." Shay brought her hand up and rubbed her temple. "He has a funny way of showing it."

"He's afraid of you."

Shay burst out laughing. Several people turned to look at them.

"That's a good one. What could I possibly do to him? Kick him and bruise his shin?" She asked sarcastically.

"Not physically," Mark corrected. "You know what I'm talking about. Don't be so hardheaded."

"Me, hardheaded?" Shay looked at him, incredulous. "Look, it's obvious that he's talked to you." At Mark's nod, she went on. "I don't suppose he told you exactly what he said to me."

"Yes he did."

Shay raised an eyebrow. "Oh, and that makes me the hardheaded one? He told me he fucked me because I was an adequate distraction. What was I supposed to do, melt at his feet?"

"He's just very confused," Mark said softly.

"No shit."

Mark frowned at her. "Maybe he's not the only one."

"What does that mean?"

"Kane has never had a…girlfriend. Well, except for that one chick a while back. But that was just for the show." He shrugged. "He really doesn't know how to handle something like this."

"Something…like…what?" Shay said slowly. "I was not his girlfriend. Just a…a…piece of ass to him."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Right." He sighed heavily. "Look, I'm not going to go through and tell you everything that he said to me. At this point I think I am the only one he even bothers to talk to. But I will tell you this…he's so damn sorry, Shay. He's regretting what he said to you. It's killing him."

She couldn't help it. "Good. I hope it's a long slow death then."

Mark surprised her again. "I know you do. You're hurting. He hurt you. I just wanted you to know that it's not just a one way thing."

"I never hurt him," Shay said, losing all of her fire.

"No. He hurt himself." Mark rubbed a hand over his eyes. "Just…keep in mind…he's never gone through anything like this before. Ever. Don't hate him for giving in to his nature. It's the only thing he knows that he can count on."

Shay closed her eyes. "I told him that I…"

"Yeah, I know." Mark squeezed her arm. "That you hate him. It's what he wanted. Then when you said it…I don't know. Reality check. He wanted you to hate him because he thought it would be easier to break off with you that way."

"Your brother is a moron," Shay said flatly. Now it was Mark's turn to laugh.

"No argument there." He said with a smile.

"I can't go through all this again. I just can't."

"I understand. I just thought…" Mark sighed. "I know how Kane is, better than anybody else around here. You were getting close. He's not some cold emotionless monster. He let you in, farther than I've ever seen him let anybody get."

"For all the good it did." Shay glanced around, noticing the people around them were moving into the arena. "I can't change the way he is. He said so himself. I can't even be his friend now. It hurts too damn much to even think about him." She finally admitted, meeting Mark's eyes. "I'm sorry if he's hurting. But there's nothing I can do about it. He brought it on himself."

Mark nodded. "I know it. So does he." He gave her arm a pat and stood straight. "I'd say something stupid like 'give him another chance' but I know that he's dug himself a rather deep hole here."

"There's an understatement," Shay said. She spotted Trina, pulling Bubba along behind her, heading in their direction. She glanced back at Mark, who was still looking at her in concern. "I'm not going to go crawling to him every time he pitches a fit. I'm not going to be his outlet when he gets frustrated. I can't put myself through that. I thought I could, but look what it got me…" She shrugged.

"I know." He smiled at her. "I'm through playing go between here. He's going to have to fix this on his own, if it's even fixable. I just wanted you to know…" he shrugged.

"Thanks. I think," she was more confused if anything. Mark wandered off toward the stage entrance.

"What was that? Trading war stories with Taker?" Trina asked, pulling Shay from her thoughts.

"Something like that," Shay managed to smile at them. Bubba was grinning. "Uh…you promised no threesome jokes."

"Damn it!" Bubba poked Trina in the ribs. "What am I supposed to do now?"

"Just stand there and look adorable Bubbles," Trina said sweetly. Shay smiled in relief as they playfully argued, leading her toward the stage entrance.

The smile died on her face when she saw him. Leaning against the ring, arms crossed. He was scanning the crowd. She quickly averted her eyes, not wanting him to see her looking at him. She could feel Kane's eyes on her. Damn him. He had said he didn't want her anymore…why couldn't he just go away and let her mope and get on with her life?

Nudging Trina and Bubba, she turned to their left, away from the side of the ring where Kane was standing. They sat down several rows back from ringside. Shay forced herself to follow Bubba and Trina's conversation, throwing in her two cents occasionally. If she could just pretend things were normal, then maybe they'd go back to being normal. She could hope anyway.