Chapter Twenty-One: Epistolary, 2000
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Dr. Reid
It is with great disheartenment that I am finding myself in the position of recommending your removal from your doctorate program. This will also result in the dismissal of your teaching privileges within the college. Please see me immediately so we may discuss this moving forward; your mind is incredible, Spencer. If it can be retained—perhaps after a deferral of study instead of a dismissal, I am eager to discuss how that can be so.
Regards, Dr. Kale.
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April 14th – He finally told me what happened. Haemorrhagic stroke. His gram is alive—she's alive. I feared the worst when he told me, and it was only when he was so intoxicated that he couldn't be sure it was me he was talking to that he admitted it. Why would he hide this? Why would he deal with this alone? She's alive, she's recovering… his sister kicked him out because he was drunk when he should have been there with her. I think… I think that may have been my fault. He thought I was dead. And now he isolates himself from his family because I wasn't dead, and he failed them despite that. It's my fault. And I need to make up for that.
April 15th – I haven't missed a day since he picked me up from Clary's. I know it won't last. But right now, I'm needed. And I've always been better at being strong for other people. Not like Aaron. His strength was intrinsic.
April 16th – Perversely, I think I might be an easier person to devote care to. Ethan is a volatile drunk. If he's not rancorous, he's listless. I prefer him angry. He lost his job. We're struggling. I don't know what to do. Fiona won't answer my calls. Was my descent this sudden?
April 17th – Once, weeks ago, he came home staggering. I woke to him almost tripping over me in my bed. Curious, I asked him why. Drunk, he answered. By long habit, he checks on me. Every night, before he sleeps, he checks on me. I've never woken to this? He's like a cat, despite how lightly I sleep… I think it says something about my level of trust in him that I don't wake to his poking his head into my room. I'm a little disconcerted by this, as well as dismayed. Because this shows that I trust him absolutely, but he fell that night and it was easier to allow him to sleep in my bed than to move him. He slept deeply and I slept beside him and I woke with his arm over my stomach. He… woke and grew angry. The trust, it seems, does not extend both ways. It's not the first time I've been accused of such conduct…
April 18th – I have a plan.
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DC Gas and Electric
Your leading energy company
Issue date: 24thMay 2000
Ethan Coiro
[Address smudged and unreadable]
Due Amount: $258.21
Due Date: 23rd April, 2000
PAST DUE.
IF PAYMENT ISN'T RECEIVED SOON, SERVICES MAY BE INTERRUPTED.
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To: Clary
May I ask a favour? It's Spencer Reid.
From: Clary
Got new phne didja? Finally. Wut u want?
To: Clary
I need you sober.
From: Clary
Dnt knw whre u go getting all demanding. Fck off.
To: Clary
Please
To: Clary
I'll pay you. I have some money.
From: Clary
Hrd bout that. U gnna get in trouble again.
To: Clary
Not from Hutchins. Please. Anything in return.
From: Clary
Anything huh? ;)
To: Clary
Anything.
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To: Ethan
Want to go out for dinner? There's nothing but beans and wishes in our cupboards right now. My shout.
To: Ethan
When I say my shout, I mean my moderately raised voice. $10 limit. Perhaps a Happy Meal each.
From: Ethan
Cn't drive. Been drinking. We'l order in.
To: Ethan
Well, shower and drink some water and I'll pick you up. Well, rather, I'll come home and then we'll both go in your car. Which I'll drive
From: Ethan
Wut
To: Ethan
: )
To: Ethan
I got my license!
From: Ethan
How? What? Who taught you to drive?
From: Ethan
Wait, who went there wit you? You need sometone with you over 21
To: Ethan
I already knew how to drive.
To: Ethan
And no one. Are you gonna celebrate with me?
To: Ethan
Eth?
From: Ethan
Fucking Clary. U idiot. U using again?
To: Ethan
I'm sober. I'm almost home. We'll talk then.
From: Ethan
U bring her home with you and Ill throw you both out.
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To: UNKNOWN NUMBER
Stay the fuck away from Spencer
From: UNKNOWN NUMBER
Sweetie, hes a grown man. how r u gnna stop him?
From: UNKNOWN NUMBER
Bsides, I no about his lttle crush. He dos tell me things. How sweet. Like a limp dick like u culd give him anything.
To: UNKNOWN NUMBER
Come near us again and see what I do.
From: UNKNOWN NUMBER
Stay sober 4 5 min nd I might b worried.
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From: Ethan
Powers out.
To: Ethan
That's what happens when you don't pay the bills.
From: Ethan
Funny. What do we do?
To: Ethan
I'll busk for candles. We can cook beans over them. One bean at a time.
From: Ethan
How romantic.
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Dr. Reid,
A short missive to ask that you do contact us at your immediate convenience. Your continued refusal of communication with Diana has her greatly distressed. It's been almost six months now—her treatment would progress far easier if she was assured of your well-being.
Regards, Dr. Berman.
Bennington Sanatorium.
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From: Ethan
Powers back on?
To: Ethan
That's what happens when you DO pay the bills.
To: Ethan
:3
From: Ethan
Who taught you to be so fucking mouthy. Also what the fuck is that
To: Ethan
It's a cat face. It denotes playful cheekiness. I'm being frisky
From: Ethan
It looks like a scrotum. Where did u get money?
To: Ethan
It does not!
To: Ethan
Mom
From: Ethan
Chinballs :3
To: Ethan
I hate you
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August 7th – I let Ethan glimpse this over my shoulder this evening as I paged through it. I let him see that every entry is full, even if he can't see the details. He won't read it closely. And I'm free to admit that that's a lie. But I'm functional, and I'm hiding it; what more does he want from me? I have a regular, if haphazard income. Unfortunately, I may need to reconsider this income. My face is becoming known at my regular destinations, and news travels fast of big winners.
August 15th – Gram is doing well. We finally visited her this weekend, the two of us. Fiona is terse with Ethan but warm with me. Specky has stuck. Ethan spent the whole weekend sober. That seems to have continued. He is… tired. Quiet. I can't help but think of what his gram said—that she would love to hear him sing again. So would I. But we're doing better.
August 16th – Spoke too soon.
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From: Clary
Got sumthin of urs
To: Clary
Pardon?
From: Clary
Found him pukin in a bin. Hes nt happy to c me. Managed 2 get him inside VU, doormn nt happy either. Cum get him. Hes nappin.
To: Clary
Ethan!?
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To: Ethan
Are you okay? Where are you?
To: Ethan
Guess it's my turn to carry you home, huh?
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From: Ethan
Sorry about last night
To: Ethan
It's okay.
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VelvetUnderground
ElliotKyle
Bar Manager Spencer,
202-555-0169 Mutual acquaintance pointed you out to me. I think we can do business.
Call me.
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September 15th –
September 16th –
September 17th –
September 18th – I miss music.