Chapter Twenty-One: Stop Every Clock

Bella's POV

"Jasper?" I asked as I stood in the doorway to our small living room. It had been ten months since the wedding, and Jasper and I were living a happy life in our small apartment just outside of Dallas.

"What is it?" He asked, not looking up from his computer. It was the time of year where his boss was promoting two people, and Jasper and I needed the extra money. We weren't going broke, it's just, everyone could use the extra money a promotion offers.

"It's time." I said, placing my hand over my huge stomach. He looked up at me, like a deer caught in the headlights. I wasn't due for another two weeks, and Jasper wasn't quite yet there in accepting he was going to be a father.

"W-what?" He asked, rushing over to me. "You aren't due for two weeks!"

"I know. But...she wants out now." I said cupping his face. We hadn't planned on getting pregnant so soon in our marriage. We were barely out of college, and we'd both just started jobs. We knew someday we'd want kids, we just wanted to be steady for the two of us, along with another person. But, I'd gotten sick a few months ago, and it counteracted the birth control I was on, and we'd been carless.

"We're...we're having a baby?" He asked, a smile taking over his whole face.

"Yeah...you ready?"

"No!" He answered honestly. He'd openly told me he was scarred about having a kid, scarred he or she would turn into what he was when he was young. But, after talking to his mother, and myself he gradually grew to love the idea of being a father. But, I knew whenever she was born, he wouldn't ready until he held her. Esme told him Carlisle had been panicking everyday she was pregnant with Jasper, and until he held his son, he was freaking out.

"You will be once you're holding her." I whispered as he kissed me passionately. "We're having our daughter, Jasper."

"We are." He said as a contraction hit. They hadn't been bad so far, but this one killed. I tightly grabbed his hand as he coached me through it. "Let's get going." He said, grabbing the bag I'd packed weeks ago. He led me to the car, and helped me inside. The hospital thankfully wasn't far from our apartment, and it didn't take long to get there.

Jasper filled out the paperwork, and I was laying in my hospital bed only half hour later. Jasper called our families in between contractions, but other than that his attention was on me the entire time. My water finally broke after forty-five minutes of labor, and we were finally on our way to becoming a family. As time went on, the contractions got worse, but no closer together. I had never been so happy to see my mother walk through a door.

"Mom!" I screeched. I still wasn't far enough along for an epidural, and it hurt like hell. "Where's Dad and Alice?"

"Alice was over Edwards and Daddy's parking the car." She told me. Edward and Alice's wedding wasn't for another year, but his job transferred him to Houston, so every other weekend, she'd drive down to be with him. My little sister was four hours away, and I prayed she'd get here in time before labor really started progressing.

But she was able to get there in time since five hours had passed since my water broke and my labor wasn't progressing at all. My mother said she'd been in labor twelve hours with me, and it had taken Esme fifteen for Rosalie to be born. Jasper and I waited it out as patiently as we could, but I could tell he was getting antsy waiting for her to arrive.

"You know, we still haven't picked a name." I said to try and stop him from pacing. He looked over at me and smiled, sitting down next to me.

"You're right." He said, kissing me hand. "I guess she can't go through life known as Baby Girl Cullen."

"Hmmm...I don't think so." I said as another contraction hit. Jasper gripped my hand tightly, guiding me through it. I couldn't imagine going through this without him by my side like my Aunt Ellie was when she had Jada.

"I like Jocelyn." He whispered. "Jocelyn Ellen." He said and tears began forming in my eyes. We'd never talked about having our kids to have names of our family. I cupped his face with me hand, smiling at him.

"It's perfect. Where did you come up with Jocelyn?"

"I was listening to the radio on the way home from work, and they were having one of those contests...and the girl who won's name was Jocelyn and I just liked it." He told me, making me laugh. He refused to pick up a Book of Names, saying he wanted to figure out his kids name on his own, with no help. Emmett had been sent to Chicago for a year to help his company's new firm there. It killed Rosalie to be so far away from him, especially with the wedding so close, and insisted on moving up there with him. They were getting here as fast as they could, and Rosalie refused to miss the birth of her first niece.

"Have you heard from Rosalie?" I asked after another hour went by and only one more centimeter dialated.

"Yeah, they're waiting out a layover in Tulsa. Emmett said they should be here in another three hours."

"Doesn't matter...she's never coming out!" I cried. It had been eight hours and I was only three centimeters dialated.

"She will. It's just so nice in there, she probably doesn't wanna come out." He said, kissing my stomach.

"Look at you making crap up from me! Why is it taking so long?"

"I don't know, baby. Both our mother's had long labors, maybe it's like hereditary." He said as the doctor came in. After another check-up, I was no where near ready to deliver, and he said we'd probably be here all night. Labor was hell. Pure hell. Another three hours went by, only two more centimeters closer to pushing, and Rosalie and Emmett finally arrived.

"Bells!" Rosalie exclaimed as they came into the room. "How're you feeling?"

"Shitty. I've been here eleven hours...and I'm only five centimeters."

"How many more do you have to go?" Emmett asked. He'd never been near a pregnant woman that he can remember and has no clue what pregnancy or labor is like.

"Ten." Jasper answered as he rubbed my back. Even though he was scarred to death, he was here for me and that's all that I cared about. I knew once she was born, his fatherly instinct would kick in, and I wasn't worried. Twelve more hours went by, and I was finally at ten centimeters. A tear streamed down my cheek when the doctor told me we were about to become parents.

My mother and father came in and gave me one final kiss before they wheeled me down to delivery. Jasper was given a pair of green scrubs, and he stood by my side and held my hand as they prepped me.

"Okay, Bella, another contraction is about to hit. When it does, I need you to push as hard as you can." Dr. Johnson instructed. I felt the contraction hit, squeezed Jasper's hand, and pushed with all of the energy I had left. It was the worse feeling I'd ever endured, and it seemed to last forever. I felt the instant relief after she was born, but heard no cries. I looked at Jasper wearily and he only smiled and nodded.

Everything was a blur. My daughter had been taken from the room, and we didn't even get a glimpse of her.

"What? What is going on?" I panicked. The doctors stitched me back up and wheeled me back to my room. I was hopeful Jocelyn would be there, and I cried when she wasn't there waiting for me. After another half hour, and very grief looking Dr. Johnson stepped into the room.

"Dr. Johnson?" Jasper asked as he finally looked at us. "What's going on?"

"I...I hate having to tell you this. Things like this...they're never easy." He said, and I swear I saw a tear escape his eyes. "I'm so sorry to tell you this, but your daughter...she didn't make it."

"Did-didn't make it?" Jasper asked, standing up, while keeping his grip on me.

"She was stillborn, Mr. Cullen. We think the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, and she sufficated."

"But...we were just at the doctor last week." Jasper argued. I was numb, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. My daughter had died before she even had a chance to live.

"It does not take long for something like an umbilical cord to wrap around a baby's neck, and kill him or her." He said as Jasper fell into his seat and began to cry. "I'm so, so sorry." The doctor said before leaving. Except for Jasper's sobs, the world was silent. I couldn't hear, breathe, I couldn't move. This was supposed to be a day full of smiling, and laughing, now it was a day filled with tears and questions.

"Baby?" Jasper asked as his sobs died down. "Bella, please say something."

"I didn't do anything wrong." I said, tears forming in my eyes as Jasper hugged me. "I was careful and always did what they told me to do."

"I know. I know sweetie. This isn't your fault." He whispered, kissing the top of my head. Jasper held me until my tears died down, and my eyes had gone dry. I was shaking so violently, Jasper thought I was going to have a seizure.

"I want my parents. I want Alice." I sobbed after the doctors had checked on me. Jasper left me with one of the nurses while he went and got my family. They all came in, including Esme and Rosalie, tears already in their eyes. My mother walked over to me and hugged me tightly as I cried again. I looked around and saw that Jasper was no where to be found.

"Where's Jasper? Where'd he go?" I almost panicked.

"He's outside with Emmett and Edward." My father told me

"Don't let him drink!" I called before falling into my mother's arms again. I cried myself to sleep that night and woke up with Jasper sleeping next to me. His face was red and wet with tears. He opened his eyes and placed his forehead to mine. My mother and Alice were asleep on the couch, and Jasper told me my father took everyone else to a hotel since there was nothing they could do there.

The autopsy confirmed what the doctors thought, and Jocelyn had died from lack of oxygen because of the chord. I was released from the hospital that day and I was grateful to find the car seat had already been taken out of the car. The ride home was silent and tearful. Jasper was trying so hard to be brave, but I could tell he was loosing his battle.

It was an eery feeling walking into our apartment without a baby in my arms. Last time I was here, our lives were hopeful and happy. Now, we just stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do. Jasper called his office, telling them he wouldn't be in for a while before walking me into our bedroom. Esme and Rosalie must have come by and removed the bassinet and changing table from our room, and locked them in the nursery where the door was closed.

I'd never felt so lost or lonely until that moment. Jasper made me some soup, and I tried eating it, but it just made me sick. Jasper and I were supposed to be starting our family, and that was ripped away from us. I knew we could always get pregnant again, but this was our first child I had been pregnant with, and it would never be the same.

Four months had gone by since Jasper and I lost the baby and things were getting easier. We had both decided we didn't want to keep the nursery the way it was, and chose to have a garage sale. Esme and my mother handled it, and Jasper and I didn't have to watch our child's things being sold to happy couples expecting their own baby. We made a lot of our money back, but the nursery was still painted.

Edward and Jasper spent an entire weekend painting it back to green, and converting it back into a home office. We would someday have to paint it back and place baby things in it, but for now this is how things had to be done. Jasper had been the perfect husband through this entire mess, and didn't let me slip into a depression so many people do once this happens. He had me attend a group session, full of mother's who had experienced loosing a child.

The group was helping me heal, and slowly things got better. I was careful with my birth control, but Jasper and I eventually got back into our regular sex routine. Rosalie and Emmett's wedding was approaching fast and I was actually excited for the first time in four months. I was going through my drawers, looking for the locket Jasper had given me a few years ago, and found the dress Jocelyn was supposed to wear as the 'flower girl' I picked it up, and fell apart.

"Hey, sweetie are you ready to...oh Bella." Jasper sighed, walking over to me and taking the dress out of my hands. "Shhhhh." He soothed.

"She should be here, Jasper. I should be putting her into this dress." I cried. Through these last few months, I rarely broke down into tears. I knew that once I started, I wouldn't be able to stop. I'd only had two other breakdowns, and they had been when Jasper was at work.

"I know, honey. I know." He soothed, stroking my hair. He just sat with me and let me cry, even though we were already running late. He was the best man, I was a bridesmaid and I knew they wouldn't start without us. "But, Jocelyn is with my dad right now, and she would want you to go to this wedding, and enjoy yourself."

"I know...but it's so hard, Jasper." I sobbed. He didn't say anything else. He just held me tight until my sobs died down. After receiving a very annoyed call from Rosalie, we picked ourselves off of our bedroom floor and fixed ourselves up. The drive to the church didn't take long, and Rosalie ran to hug me once she saw my puffy eyes. It only took a few minutes to get organized and were walking down the aisle.

Once the doors opened, I saw Jasper nearly burst into tears. Rosalie was his baby sister, and she was marrying his best friend. It was a joyous occasion all around. Rosalie had asked my father to walk her down the aisle, saying he'd always been there for her once Carlisle had died. It was the first time I'd seen my father cry since our father-daughter dance at my wedding. He looked just as proud as he did the day he walked me down the aisle. I smiled when I saw the pictures of Carlisle dangling from her bouquet.

I saw Emmett dabbing his eyes as she continued down the aisle, and I could tell he wasn't going to make it through the whole ceremony. He'd barely made it through mine and Jasper's. I whooped and hollered along with everyone else once they kissed as husband and wife, and it was good to feel happy again and want to celebrate. Pictures didn't take as long as they did for our wedding, and the reception was in a hotel ballroom, not an old barn. It was time for the speeches, and Rosalie had asked both me and Alice to give one. Alice finished speaking and it was my turn. Jasper kissed me on the cheek before I stood up and stummbled to the stage, I could already tell I'd had too much to drink.

"Hi, I'm Bella. Rosalie and her brother moved next door to my family when she was just a sophomore in high school, and I'm proud to now call her my sister. I have known Emmett and Rosalie for a long time, and I can say I've never seen any couple more perfect for each other, than these two right here. The way they look at each other, the way she blushes when he looks at her, even after six years of knowing each other, the way they fit together when they're next to one another. I just want to say..." I was able to get out before I heard a babies cry in the crowd. I looked over and saw a mother, carrying what looked like a two month old, out of the room.

"I would just like to say...don't get pregnant too fast. Bad shit happens and you will always resent him for getting you pregnant, Rosalie. You will always love him...but a part of you will always hate him...because your baby just might not make it!" I screamed into the microphone. I tapped it, making sure it was on. "So, my advice...don't have sex...EVER! You'll get knocked up...be nine months pregnant...the baby won't make it...and your body will be ruined!" I shouted before I saw my father and Jasper come up to me.

"You made me fat! You made me fat for no reason!" I yelled, poking Jasper in the chest. "You had sex with me and made me fat! And for what?"

"Bella, come on. Let's go home." Jasper urged.

"Why? So we can fuck and you can get me pregnant again?" I screamed at him, causing him to turn red. "Well I don't wanna have sex! Ever again! Because I don't wanna get fat again!" I shouted before my father was pulling me off the stage. "Congratulations to the happy couple!" I said as I was being pulled down the stage. My father helped get me into the car, so Jasper could drive us home. The last thing I remembered was looking over at Jasper who was looking angrier than I'd seen him in years, and then I passed out.