First of all, I hope you all have spent Merry Christmas and I already wish you a happy New Year!
That said, let's get down to business. I know it took me some time but with all the stress over the last two weeks I hope you can forgive me. Now, for all of you who are getting a little bit impatient with me and want to see some action, here's a small 'table of contents' about how I plan to proceed from this chapter on.
1. Wolf coming home and unit two together with Logan discovering the secrets of the Alliance.
2. Planning the counterattack and deploying forces.
3. Fight.
Now as I said, this is my planning. And as I like to quote Murphy I'm just saying this: No plan has ever survived initial contact. But I will do my best to not hold you up for too long with theory anymore but unfortunately it's an important part, so bear with me if you can, please.
And one last thing: This chapter will deal with a lot of emotions. Most of all during the last part you will see some things that might not be the characters usual behavior and at first I did not intend to write it that way until I had a rather extreme and sad experience on the 23. with a close friend of mine who works for the Disaster Response Team of the Swiss Army. Let's just say it wasn't pretty. Those of you who know somebody who has suffered from PTSD at one point of his life or have experienced it yourself will probably know what I'm talking about.
This is NOT to keep you from reading; it's just supposed to be a small warning. Don't like, don't read.
And of course once again a huge 'THANK YOU' to my reviewers!
Jasper's Imaginary Friend: Well, I hope you could sleep a little bit during the last weeks *g* and there's no need for crying (I know, I know, I'm just too merciful) Thanks for your review. There will be some information about the hard drive in this chapter and a detailed part about it in the next. Hope you're still out there.
cappys: Thanks to you, too! Okay, about the family discussion: Another part is in this chapter and I have to admit I had a rather hard time writing that part and I'm still not really sure if I got it right. I hope so. And well, you just know me. Couldn't kill 451. Tried to, but couldn't. And Sandoval? *grin* yep, that was one of my more twisted thoughts *gg*.
452max: Glad you liked it. Yes, Max and Alec are gonna have another talk…of some…sort…uhm. Ah, just read *g*. Thanks to you again, too!
Taeniaea: And of course a huge thanks to once again, too!
"Kyla, you have to rest!" Max said to her older sister in an almost pleading voice. "You have been here for five days now!"
"I will rest when he has woken up" the slightly taller woman informed her briskly, not taking her eyes off the unmoving form in the other room. Max exchanged a worried glance with Artemis, but the sniper could only shrug. Ever since Wolf's heart had stopped Kyla had barely ever left the infirmary and if she did it was only for a few minutes. She hadn't eaten, hadn't slept and she looked worse than they had seen her in a long time. Her body was still healing and she needed her strength for that but nobody dared to force her out of her room and away from her partner.
The only one who had tried was Artemis and Max still felt very uneasy when she remembered that moment.
When Wolf's heartbeat stopped they were all shocked and watched the doctors' attempts to reanimate him with terror and fear. After about four minutes – the longest four minutes of Max's life – and several shocks with the defibrillator the monitor suddenly picked up a weak signal and they all sighed in relief, some could barely suppress a sob. But Kyla didn't make a sound, didn't even move a muscle. She was still standing in the same spot and stared at the bed with wide eyes and pale as a ghost.
Finally the doctor entered their room and looked at them with his lips firmly pressed together.
"Don't even ask, I know what's on your mind. He's alive but I don't know for how long. The seizures keep coming in shorter waves and the next one could be even worse. And we won't be able to do that again!" he informed them briskly. "We gave him so much stimulants and adrenalin his heart can't take another one."
"Will he survive?" Lydecker wanted to know.
"How should I know? We don't even know what's going on in his body. We have to watch him closely, but I can't tell you anything yet. Now leave, I have no use for so many visitors. I will inform you if anything changes."
"You heard the man" Lydecker ordered them silently. "Let's go."
One after the other they left the room.
"Kyla, are you coming?" Blade asked, but her sister didn't move; in fact the Asian X5 wasn't even sure she'd heard her. "Kyla?"
"Come on, Kyla, there's nothing you can do for him right now" Artemis tried and approached her sister slowly. When the black-haired X5 didn't move she grabbed her arm and tried to guide her towards the door when the older transgenic suddenly shook her off violently and barred her teeth at her sibling and made a threatening noise none of them had never heard before. It was high-pitched, partly a hiss and partly a growl but most of all it was so utterly feral everybody in the room froze instantly.
"Let her" Lydecker decided after a brief moment of hesitation. He knew if he ordered the female X5 to leave she would do it, simply because she wouldn't – couldn't – refuse an order if it came directly from him. But he understood all too well why she wanted to stay and silently he agreed with her. "If she wants to stay that's fine by me; we need somebody to keep an eye on him anyway. Let's go."
That had been five days ago and Max could tell her older sister wasn't about to move out of her free will. At the sound of a door being opened she turned around just as Ares entered the room. He glanced at her and she answered the silent question with a brisk shake of her head.
'No change.'
He sighed and went to Kyla's side, watching Wolf's unmoving form for about a minute before he spoke up.
"Lydecker sent me. You are both needed in Briefing Room four." He looked at Kyla who didn't even move. "It's an order, Kyla, so go. I will stay here until you get back."
Slowly, the black-haired X5 turned towards him and eyed him intensely. To Max it seemed like there was some sort of communication going on between them, something she didn't understand but after about a minute Kyla nodded and to Max's surprise moved away from the window that separated her from her partner. Max and Artemis were quick to follow her out of the room but not without giving the Delta soldier a grateful glance which he returned with a casual nod.
Once outside the three women marched through the grey corridors without exchanging a word and Max could tell Kyla didn't like being away from Wolf at all but nevertheless the grim determination on her face remained all the same when they arrived at their destination where the rest of their team together with Kara and the Colonel, the former Manticore black ops and Logan were waiting for them. When everybody was seated the Lydecker gave Jondy a small nod which the brown-haired transgenic returned before she began.
"As you all know, Logan, Max and myself have been trying to decipher the information on the hard drive we found on Wolf. Nothing we did worked and it seemed like something was missing. Now when we were talking to the prisoner, Victoria Gibbs, Logan came up with something: Renfro is not military. She's a politician, of some sort at least, and she doesn't know about our usual procedures. We on the other hand tried all the time to get past her protections like we always did. We used military decrypting, our usual procedures and so on. When Logan pointed out that Renfro wasn't like that we had like some sort of epiphany." Jondy suddenly grinned and although they could see she was tired the pride in her eyes was obvious. "Four hours ago we connected the information on Wolf's hard drive with the one you brought back from your mission in Italy, Kyla, and it looks like we finally brought the walls down. Separately the intel on both hard drives was mostly not useable but connected they started to repair each other – in a very twisted and strange way, I agree, but it works. The program is still running and from what we can tell until know it may take us more than a day to reconstruct all the data. But it is there and we will have it at our disposal very soon."
"What kind of information are we talking about?" Alec wanted to know.
"Everything" Jondy smiled. "I could only look at small parts of it but there's everything. Operations, locations, agents…the list goes on. We might have found the Holy Grail of this war."
"Why would Renfro – or anybody in Manticore – keep such intel?" Coleman voiced his doubts. "That makes no sense."
"Yes it does" the Colonel corrected his friend as an understanding smile crept over his face. "Lizzy isn't like we are, Patrick. Mister Cale is right, she isn't military, she's more like a politician – a very back-stabbing and conniving one. Of course she would keep something like this for herself. It's the perfect information to blackmail somebody if she would ever have to go against somebody in her own organization."
Logan just nodded and silently agreed with the older man. He and Jondy had discussed this already and had come to the same conclusion.
"How long until you can give us definitive intel?" Lydecker was watching her attentively. Jondy was a very calm but perceptive young woman and if she thought this was big it most certainly was. He could feel how the soldiers in the room – ordinaries and transgenics alike – grew more confident and attentive by the second. It seemed like they had stumbled upon something really important.
"A few days" she informed him. "We have to sort it out, analyze everything and combine what we can use. But it shouldn't be too long. There is, however, something else."
Immediately waves of concern and slight worry started coming from the X5s when they heard the slight hesitation in their sibling's voice.
"Some of the first data we were able to decrypt are video files. As far as we can tell they have been intentionally placed on the hard drive in a way we would most likely look at them first. I would like to show you but I must warn you as well: You are not gonna believe this!" Despite her words Jondy had a wide and happy grin on her face.
"Do it" Lydecker ordered her briskly and Jondy nodded towards Logan who tipped in a few orders into his laptop and suddenly the big screen behind him came to live and everybody gasped in surprise.
"Son of a bitch!" Sergeant O'Neill whispered in awe while Lydecker himself was too astonished to say anything.
"Hey there, whoever you are" Agent Sandoval greeted them. "Well, I certainly hope it's you watching this now, Colonel Lydecker, and if not at least somebody who has connections with unit two. And if it's you, Director Renfro, well, let's just say I will see you in hell!"
The video recording had been made in what seemed to be an old storage room, most likely in one of the barracks at the Wyoming facility which weren't used anymore. Sandoval was sitting on a chair in the middle of the dimly lit room, but he was not alone.
"If you're watching this, Colonel" Sandoval continued after a short pause, "you have most likely succeeded in rescuing X5-451 and I hope you made it safely back to wherever you are at the moment. You will have to watch him closely, his medical condition is…difficult, to say the least. But I'm sure you would like to hear the details from the expert."
He looked at the white-haired man who was sitting to his left who nodded briefly before staring into the camera.
"As you have most likely found out already X5-451 has undergone PsyOps and reindoctrination" Doctor Cottle began, his gruff voice somehow calming the present transgenics who remembered the grumpy but still gentle physician all too well; he had always been one of the few ordinaries back at Manticore who treated them with respect. "I will not go into the details now, because first that would take too long and second you wouldn't understand it at all. No offence, Deck!"
The old doctor had a small smirk on his face and X5s and ordinaries alike gave the Colonel a few glances and grins as well while Lydecker himself could only shake his head at his old friend's humor.
"Renfro and a scientist by the name of Jashuri Ogawa have discovered a way to directly influence the brain chemistry of a person. It's all very complicated but basically they inject a subject with a mixture of psychotropics and something they call nanites. These are microscopic robots, programmed with a special task. I'm sure you have already discovered them but I can assure you they can't harm you. They were matched specifically with 451's genetics so they won't be able to do anything to any of you. Once in the body those nanites start to manipulate the subject's brain and with enough time they are adapted and numerous enough to change his thinking patterns, his beliefs and ultimately his actions." At this a somber look was on the old physician's face. "I can assure it is painful, much more than anything I have ever seen. And the nanites have a failsafe. Every four weeks they need to be recharged, so to speak. If this isn't done they will start to attack the body, ultimately killing him. Now because the three of us were pretty sure you would eventually get him out I have taken some precautions. If you have already found the medical surveillance chip in his shoulder: Leave it where it is. If you've taken it out: Put it back, right now! I managed to have a look at Ogawa's files and I developed a countermeasure to the nanites' failsafe. The chip contains inactive nanites which I have programmed to fight the original ones Ogawa injected him with. It will take time and I can't guarantee you it will be successful, but it's the best I could do; I hope it will work. Now once the original nanites will start their attack 451 will develop high fever and he will have seizures much like the ones we already know. In the end the whole process will lead to a cardiac arrest so you will have to reanimate him. An electric shock – for example from a defibrillator – will activate the medical ship and set free my countermeasures. It will take them several days to get rid of Ogawa's work, but in the end all the nanites should be destroyed and then removed from his system along with the ones I gave him. Again, this will be painful and there's no guarantee it will work but if you manage to keep him alive until he wakes up he should make a full recovery and if a full body scan reveals no nanites anymore we were successful."
At Lydecker's silent sign Logan stopped the video feed. The old officer looked at Jondy, his face like stone and his eyes full of dread.
"Tell me" he began slowly, looking from Jondy to Nova and then back to Jondy again. "Tell me we did this right."
To his relief Jondy smiled calmly and nodded.
"We did, Colonel. I spoke to the physician on duty before I called you here. The medical chip is still in Wolf's shoulder and they used the defibrillator and it was only after this that he started to get a little bit better."
Lydecker closed his eyes and exhaled deeply and he could feel how everybody around him relaxed a little bit and heard also several relieved groans and the whole room seemed to hold less of a tension than a second ago. The former CO of Manticore allowed himself to feel a tiny bit of hope and nodded at Logan. "Play the rest of it!"
The video came to life again and this time it was the third man who spoke up.
"Now maybe you wonder what I'm doing here" McGinnis said with a tiny grin. "For now I will not do anything, just because I'm in no position that could provide any advantage at the moment. I will be your silent guardian, Deck. If you want to finally beat Renfro you will have to come back, fight her right where she is and if you want to do that you will need the support of some people in Washington DC. If there is any information, any message you need to give to them, contact me. For now I'm of no interest to Renfro and I will make sure it stays that way."
He nodded at Sandoval to signal he had nothing more to say and the bald-patched man faced the camera again, his expression almost grim this time.
"I know this must seem unusual to you, Colonel, the three of us conspiring against Renfro, most of all myself." Lydecker nodded briskly, most of all to himself and almost involuntarily. "I know I have been working under her command for some time, but that doesn't mean I'm working for her. I work for the United States of America and if you remember correctly, Colonel, during the time when I was your subordinate you never had any complaints against me or my loyalty. If you need a proof for my loyalty, ask Eyes Only – or Logan Cale if you prefer – if he has been contacted several times now by somebody who calls himself 'S' who's been giving him intel about Renfro, when she's leaving the base, when she's coming back, how strong her escort is and so on. He will be able to show you the e-mails I've sent him. If Renfro is a traitor – which we clearly believe she is – you need to find evidence and bring her to justice, that's our goal. I'm not loyal to a person, Colonel, I'm loyal to my country and its ideals. I hope you still are as well."
He breathed deeply before he continued.
"Now, everybody who's working at the facility gets scanned before leaving the compound so there is no chance any of us can bring this information to you. I will hide this video on a hard drive I will give to X5-451 whenever he leaves the compound to escort Director Renfro. As her advisor I also gained access to her personal laptop. I found a lot of electronic files on it but until now I've been unable to decipher them. I hope you will have more success. There are also additional information about the reindoctrination process 451 went through. We know there is something going on, something big, but until now we couldn't find out what it is. Let's hope with what we're giving you here you will. Anything else?"
He looked first at McGinnis who shook his head and then at Cottle. The physician hesitated for a few seconds and then nodded before facing the camera again.
"Deck…you have to be careful. That boy went through hell and I really mean it. There are some video files from his reindoctrination sessions on this hard drive; they can give you some sort of idea of what I'm talking about. I can assure you he resisted for as long as he could but everybody has a breaking point. He did what he could to buy you and his team as much time as possible and whatever he has done after that was not his own will. He did some…rather extreme things to avoid the reindoctrination but you will get that from the files as well. When he wakes up, just remember one thing: The nanites dictated his actions, it was not him. As soon as they are gone it will be for him like somebody flipped a switch within his head. He will be back to his old self but he will remember everything he has done. I know he is strong – they all are – but perhaps he will need more than his own strength to overcome this one. Watch the other video files we send you but be advised, they are not pretty, not at all. We did what we could, now it's up to you. I really – we really hope to see you soon, together with Wolf. Godspeed, to all of you!"
After that the screen went black.
Nobody spoke a word and for several minutes they were all lost in their thoughts, trying to wrap their minds around what they'd just heard. Finally Lydecker stood up and slowly walked towards Jondy and Logan who were waiting with calm patience.
"You contacted the medical wing?" he asked Jondy who nodded quietly.
"They're conducting a body scan as we speak."
Lydecker nodded and turned towards Logan. "And it was you who found out how to crack the code?"
"Actually your prisoner gave me the idea" Logan informed him quietly. Somehow he felt like speaking too loud would be like an insult for Max and her siblings who were watching him closely, all of them in some kind of semi-shock from what they'd just seen and heard. "As Jondy said already, the program is working as we speak but it will take several days until all the files are decoded and organized."
"I don't know how much this means to you, Mister Cale" the older man said slowly, carefully choosing every word, "but thank you."
Logan just nodded, surprised by the Colonel's open gratefulness but even more by the emotions in the old officer's eyes. Perhaps Max was right and he had really changed. He still wasn't working for Lydecker and would never do so, but he had come to understand what the older man was trying to do was the right thing. In a very twisted way this was like an Eyes Only mission, tracking down and bringing down the bad guys, only on a much higher scale.
"Alec, inform Colonel Meyer about this" Lydecker ordered, feeling nobody in the room would move if he didn't make them to. "Jondy, get some sleep, you need it. You as well, Kyla."
"Understood, Colonel" was Alec's short response.
"Yes, sir."
"I'm needed in the infirmary, sir" Kyla objected quietly, but without the usual stubbornness she had displayed during the last few days. She – like everybody else in the room – was still trying to understand and believe that this video was real and true. This time, however, Lydecker wasn't gonna accept it.
"I'm giving you a direct order, Kyla" he said a little bit more sternly. "You will eat and get a few hours of sleep. As long as Wolf's condition doesn't change you are not allowed in the infirmary for the next twelve hours, understood?"
"Yes, sir!" the female X5 nodded with gritted teeth.
"Nova, contact the physician on duty as soon as that body scan has been done. I want the report on my table while the ink is still fresh."
"Wilco, sir" the blond medic nodded.
"As for the rest of you, return to your quarters. You will be informed as soon as there is any change. Any questions?" Nobody spoke up and Lydecker finally nodded. "Dismissed!"
One after the other they left the room but just when Max wanted to leave Lydecker held her back.
"Max, care for a walk?"
"Sir?"
"Relax" he said with a reassuring smile when he saw her confusion. "There's just something I'd like to talk to you about."
Hearing this Max tensed but nonetheless nodded and followed him out onto the corridor. The others had already left and the two of them slowly started walking towards the general direction of their quarters.
"What do you want to ask me, sir?" she inquired when he didn't say a word for several minutes. He glanced at her and gave her a calm smile which somehow confused her even more.
"I think we need to talk about that letter, Max" he finally informed her and she briefly closed her eyes. She should have seen that one coming!
"I…suggest we should" she agreed rather reluctantly.
"Why did you write it?" he wanted to know.
"I'm not sure." She was searching for the right answers. "I guess I wasn't entirely sure whether we would make it back or not and I…I just wanted you to know."
"I see" he murmured. There was a moment of silence between the two of them until he continued. "You see, a few months ago Meyer asked me what I was feeling for you and the others; at that time I didn't know the answer. I knew I didn't see you only as soldiers anymore but I wasn't sure what exactly I was seeing in you and your siblings either. I think today I do."
"Colonel, I…" Max tried to interrupt him but he cut her off.
"Max, you don't speak when a superior is speaking to you" he reminded her but despite his words there was none of that sharp command tone he usually used. With the hint of a smile he added: "I'm pretty sure I taught you that during basic."
"Yes, Colonel" she agreed and grinned a little bit sheepishly. "You did. Sorry."
"It's alright. You see, Max, I never had children of my own, so I don't know how an ordinary father should feel and act." Max could hear how he was searching for the right words and how difficult it was for him to speak about this particular topic at all. "But I do know that when I look at you, or Kyla, or Havoc – at any of you – I feel like you really are my sons and daughters. I'm not sure if I even have the right to do so after what we did to you when you were children but that's just the way it is. It's twisted and strange and most certainly also false but I can't help it. I know I will keep sending you out on missions, just because I have to and because you still are soldiers, but I will also do what I can to protect you even if it means my own demise."
"Colonel, I…" Max started but trailed off, his words shaking her to the core. She breathed deeply and began again. "When I said in that letter that I thought it would be a good thing to have somebody we could call our father I never had the picture of a happy family with a dog and the white fence in my mind. In my mind I saw somebody I could trust with my life, somebody who would protect us if necessary and who understands us. I know what we are, Colonel, and I know what you have to do. I never wanted you to change your behavior towards us or to treat us differently; we are soldiers. As I said before, in my memories of my childhood and during the years you were hunting me after the escape I hated you. I saw the cruel and determined officer who didn't think about anything else but his mission and I haven't forgotten those days, but I understand it better now. I had to learn the hard way that what you were teaching us has saved my life, both before and after my recapture. I saw how you cared about us. Perhaps not in a way and ordinary father would care about his children but we aren't ordinary children. I could see and feel you treated us with respect and loyalty, you chose to protect us when you didn't have to and you understand our problems and fears."
She stopped and he continued to listen to her closely.
"I don't know if you are caring about us like a father would usually care about his children because I never had one" she continued. "But I know that if I could choose one, it would be you, Colonel."
Hearing this Lydecker gritted his teeth and swallowed, pressing his lips together. Max was looking at him, not sure if she had found the right words to explain what she was feeling. Slowly a smile – both sad and happy at the same time – appeared on the old man's face and he slowly reached out for her, pulling into a gentle hug. Max closed her eyes and returned the gesture, a happy and relieved expression on her own face. They didn't speak, even after they'd let go of each other they just kept looking at each other and somehow Max couldn't help but feel that this way they were able to tell each other much better what they were meaning, what they wanted to say but didn't find the right words to do so. Finally, they both chuckled at the same moment, feeling a little bit embarrassed by the weirdness of the situation.
At silent nod of Lydecker they both continued on their way to their quarters, not saying a word anymore but feeling strangely at ease. Max knew there was still a long road ahead of them but apparently she had said the right words and he didn't hold her feelings against her.
When they approached her unit's rec room he suddenly spoke up again.
"I need to talk to Kyla about this, too." Max glanced at him and nodded. Yes, she had heard her older sister in that hotel, too. "If you can, don't talk to the others about this. I feel about them like I feel about you, but they need to find out for themselves what they want, alright?"
"Absolutely" Max agreed. She had been thinking the same thing before already. "Colonel? Thank you for hearing me out."
"Thank you for being so honest with me, Max" he smiled. "I will see you later. Get some sleep as well."
"Will do. Good night, sir!"
Lydecker departed and Max entered the rec room, feeling more relieved than she had in weeks. A silent smile remained on her face as she got herself something to drink from the small fridge.
"What are you smiling at?" Alec wanted to know. He'd had a brief talk with Meyer and was now lying on one of the old couches while Havoc and Nova – who'd apparently already gotten back from the infirmary – occupied the other. The rest of her unit was apparently in the showers or already in their respective quarters.
"Nothing, just a little talk with the Colonel" she replied and sat down next to Alec. He quirked an eyebrow and gave her a smirk.
"A little talk, hm?" he asked suggestively. "Something I should know about?"
"How come you think it's any of your business?" Max retorted in the same tone.
"I'm pretty sure there needs something to be done in my quarters" Havoc suddenly spoke up a little bit hastily. "Don't you think so, Nova?"
"Absolutely!" the blond X5 agreed and the two of them got up and left the room, closing the door behind them but not before the female medic gave them a last and clearly amused glance.
"What was that about?" Alec asked looking at the door a little bit confused. Before Max arrived the two of them had seemed rather comfortable.
"How should I know?" Max sighed and emptied her glass before grimacing. Orange juice, not really what she needed right now! She briefly glanced at Alec and suddenly didn't feel that comfortable anymore. Lately she always felt tense when she was alone with him. No, scratch that, she was always tense when he was around, never mind how many other people were there was well. Fortunately he didn't seem to notice and just shrugged and after that they remained quiet for a few minutes before Max suddenly remembered something. "I wanted to say thanks for what you did outside the infirmary."
"You're welcome" he replied shortly but suddenly his cocky trademark grin found its way back on his face again. "You didn't answer my question, though."
"Yeah, right. Like that's ever gonna happen!" she snorted.
"Come on, it's not a difficult question, is it? A simple yes or no."
"Alec, just shut up or you're gonna lose more of your brain cells!"
"Nah, Jondy's not here and you are not fast enough" he simply replied smirking and so matter-of-factly she couldn't help herself and lashed out, intending to smack him like she and Jondy used to do when he just wouldn't shut up. However, although still lying on his back, Alec managed to catch her by the wrist and blocked her friendly attack. Max on the other hand was so surprised by his swift reaction she lost her balance and with a surprised yelp landed on top of him.
Time seemed to freeze.
They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, surprise and astonishment all too evident in both of their eyes. Their faces were only inches apart and Max could feel the warmth of his upper body against hers through the fabric of her shirt. She just couldn't bring herself to look away from his amazing green eyes and suddenly realized that they had never been so close to each other before, not even when they were sparring. She could feel his every move, his heartbeat against her chest and sensed how his body tensed up even more but not in anticipation of another attack but something else and – Gods! – since when did Alec smell so…interesting? Without noticing she brought her hand up to his cheek.
"Max?" Alec felt really strange, too, and having her so close didn't help much. Not. At. All. Damned, did she just start to purr?
His voice broke the spell. For a split second Max seemed to stare at him in confusion before she suddenly jerked back and stood up as fast as she could, retreating from him a few steps. Slowly Alec sat up without ever breaking eye contact, feeling just as puzzled.
"What did just happen?" he wanted to know.
"I…I don't know" she admitted hesitantly, looking at him almost timidly like she expected him to be mad at her.
"Are you in Heat?"
"No, not for another few weeks" she informed him briefly, gaining a little bit more confidence again. She turned towards the door. "Gotta blaze."
"Hey, wait a second!" He jumped up and blocked her way.
"Alec, let me get out!" she growled but sounded less sure again.
"Not before we talked about this!" he replied with determination.
"Alec, please!" Great, there went her self-confidence. He reached out for her and she involuntarily took a step back which caused him to look at her even more surprised.
"Max, I'm not gonna hurt you! What's going on?"
"I know you won't. It's just…it's difficult, okay?" When he reached out again and held her by her shoulders she invisibly shuddered when his touch sent shivers down her spine. What the hell was going on with her? So okay, she liked him sometimes but that was no reason to behave like a lovesick schoolgirl!
"We have time" he offered. "Explain it to me."
"No!" she snapped and tried to get past him again, more forcefully this time, but it seemed like his patience was finally worn out. He grabbed her and pressed her against the wall, making an escape impossible. He wasn't using all his strength – Max knew – or his actions would've hurt her but it was clear he wasn't going to accept a 'No' that easily. She glared at him in sudden anger.
"What the hell do you think…?" she hissed but stopped and froze when a threatening growl escaped from somewhere deep in his chest. He just starred at her, his eyes darker.
"Alec" she whispered, unsure of what to do. She knew he would never hurt her but she had never seen him like this. "What are you doing?"
"What is going on, Max?" he demanded to know, his voice deep and husky. "Why are you trying to avoid me?"
"I'm not avoiding you!" she objected but at the same time wasn't able to avert his gaze. He was so close again, his scent was all around her, making it impossible to think. He growled again and leaned in even closer.
"Max" he whispered hoarsely and she could feel his hot breath against her ear and neck and she shuddered. When he looked her in the eye again something within her snapped. Her hesitation and incertitude was still there but it was like her human conscious and doubts were gone and her feral side took over. It wasn't Heat but something else, something she had never experienced before but it didn't frighten her. Everything just felt so right. She didn't really think anymore, instead she brought her hands up until she could feel the hard muscles of his chest beneath her fingers. Her pupils were dilated, her breathing quickened and she relaxed under his intense stare, feeling herself drawn towards those intense green eyes. They were so close to each other now their lips almost touched.
"Alec…" she whispered barely audible but this time it didn't sound uncertain anymore but more like a plea and a question at the same time. She closed her eyes, her doubts gone and when he kissed her ever so gently her reality ceased to exist.
A few minutes later Jace and Brin were approaching the rec room and looked surprised at Havoc and Nova who were sitting on the floor close to the door.
"You don't want to go in there right now" Nova informed them, a huge smile plastered on her face.
"Why not?" Brin wanted to know. "The Colonel having a private party or what?"
"Nope, but you're close" Havoc smirked. The two newcomers frowned but then it dawned on them.
"Who?" Jace asked.
"Take a guess.
"Let's see" Brin began. "It's obviously not the two of you and Wolf and Kyla are out of the question for now as well."
"It can't be Ares and Blade either" Jace added. "He's still standing guard in the infirmary."
"That's correct" Nova grinned, enjoying the confused look on her sisters' faces.
"Then who?" Brin sounded more and more helpless.
"Who's left?" Havoc suggestively quirked an eyebrow.
Suddenly Jace began to grin as well and finally started to laugh. Brin looked at her, clearly somewhat infuriated that she was the only one who apparently didn't have a clue what was going on. She watched Jace for about ten seconds until she snapped: "Well, are you going to fill me in or what?"
"Think, Brin…who…who's left?" Jace asked, gasping for air and still unable to stop laughing. Brin frowned and mentally went through every name in her unit and suddenly she turned towards Havoc and Nova again, eyes wide with disbelief.
"No!" she stated firmly but the two just nodded and now the Asian X5 started to grin as well. "Do they know you know about it?"
They shook their heads and Brin's grin grew wider. "My little baby-sister and Mister 'I'm-always-perfect'. Oh, this is great! We're gonna have so much fun!"
Several hours later Max woke up, feeling unusually calm and comfortable. She was lying on the couch in the rec room and for a moment she was confused. Until she felt somebody's arm around her waist and a strong and warm body pressed against her back. That was also when she realized that she was naked and the only thing covering her body was a very thin blanket – she had no idea where it came from.
Alec, she thought with sudden uncertainty as the memories of what had happened between them came back to her mind. She moved carefully until she could look at his face. He was still asleep and there was a serene expression on his face. She tried to get up without waking him but out of instinct his grip suddenly tightened and he opened his eyes, looking around sleepily until his gaze came to rest on her. Max mentally cursed herself for not being able to slip away without him noticing. They would have to talk about it, she knew, but she just wasn't ready for this right now. She still didn't know what she saw in this cocky, egocentric and braggy, yet also extremely loyal and brave young man. What he'd done to her – what they'd been sharing – had been beautiful, intense and also very pleasurable in a way she'd never experienced before, she had to admit that, but her incertitude of what exactly she was feeling towards him was making her anxious.
Why the hell did something so complicated have to feel so good and so utterly right?
"Max?" he asked, his voice still a little bit heavy with sleep. "What are you doing?"
"I wanted to get out" she admitted truthfully, cringing at the surprised and also a little bit hurt look that answer got her.
"That's odd" he said, frowning. But then he grinned again. "Well, you're not going anywhere, I'm quite comfortable with our situation as it is."
He moved to kiss her but she held him back.
"Alec, please don't." He stopped, a confused look on his face.
"What is it? Did I hurt you or something?"
"No, you didn't, don't worry" she assured him. There was the caring Alec again, the one who would try to talk to her and comfort her when she was upset. "I just…I don't really know what this is about."
"Well, I hope I don't have to explain the thing with males and females getting together, right?" And there was that cocky bastard again who annoyed her and who – for some reason she could not explain – still had found his way into her heart. Nevertheless she scowled and hit him on the shoulder for that stupid comment.
"Be serious, just for a minute, okay?" she demanded sternly. "I'm…I'm confused, Alec, and I need to think."
"About what?"
"About this. About us. I really like you, Alec, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for this. It almost destroyed Kyla. I just want to be sure."
He looked at her for a very long moment until to her surprise he smiled sadly and sighed. "Okay, I understand. Take your time but just promise me you won't run away from this, Maxie. I will not be far."
"Thanks, Alec, and I will not run from this. I just thought you would be…" she began but trailed off and bit her lower lip.
"What? Angry?" She shrugged and nodded at the same time which made him grin for some reason. "I'm not that bad, Maxie, after all you ended up with me, didn't you?"
She couldn't help but laugh at this twisted but just so very Alec-like logic. She became serious again and eyed him with a soft light in her eyes. Without a word she then started to get dressed. She didn't really want to get away from him, it was rather the opposite. But she needed to find the right questions and answers first. Somehow this seemed stupid but she just knew that if she didn't make this right after their first heated night together they would break apart again. Before she left however she turned towards him again and found him looking at her with a slight and contend grin.
She bent down and gave him a quick and light kiss on the lips and then was out of the rec room before he could even try to hold her back again.
Alec sighed deeply and stood up after a few minutes as well, got dressed and left.
"Busy night?" he was greeted once outside the room.
"What are you doing here, Blade?" he grumbled, not in the mood for another talk. He somehow could understand Max's reaction but that didn't mean it didn't frustrate him.
"Just checking on the two of you." Her voice left very little to his imagination. Great!
"Perfect!" he growled. "Does everybody know already?"
"I guess so. You weren't very discreet, after all." Blade was not at all disturbed by his rudeness and started walking at his side.
"Leave me alone, I'm not in the mood for your games right now."
"I don't care." At his warning growl following her statement the Asian X5 only gave him a slight smirk. "Stop threatening me already, Alec, you know you can't take me."
"What do you want?"
"Max looked a little bit confused when she left. I don't think she even noticed I was standing there. I guess she told you she needed some time for herself, right?"
"This is none of your business, Blade" he hissed angrily, trying to hide his surprise. "Leave it!"
"It is my business" she stated calmly, "and you will hear me out or I will make you, temporary CO or not. Max is my friend and my sister, Alec, has been from the very first day I met her, and I will not allow you to do anything that is against her wishes."
"What are you suggesting?" he gasped, his shock at her words even worse than his anger. "I would NEVER…!"
"I know, Alec" she interrupted him, realizing he'd misunderstood her. "That's not what I meant. I know you would never hurt her, not intentionally and certainly not like that. Come on, even a blind fool could see the two of you are head over heels in love. But I'm afraid you don't see why she's so reluctant to accept her feelings."
She sighed and for a few seconds Alec could see the worry in her eyes before she faced him again.
"She's been outside for so long, Alec. There are still many things about her nature – our nature – she doesn't know or understand yet. When I first experienced this with Ares I was astonished and also scared of how much my feral side took over before I began to understand and accept it. We have known the effects of our feline DNA for much longer than Max has and I suppose this is frightening her because I'm sure she never experienced something like that outside. It it's just not possible with an ordinary. Look, I'm not here because I think you and her being together is a bad idea – quite the opposite – but because I'd like to help you understand. I'm your friend, too, Alec. You just need to understand how confusing this can be for a female, alright?"
He eyed her attentively, his anger gone and replaced with a weird curiousness.
"How do you know all this? You turned psychic over night or what?"
"No, but I can read people. It's an important skill if your job is to stop human beings from breathing. I'm just asking you to take it slow and to understand that Max has a lot to deal with right now."
"I see" he finally said much more friendly than before. "It's not that I don't want to give her time if she needs it, it's just all so damned complicated with you women sometimes!"
"As if your species would be any better!" Blade retorted immediately and was relieved to see a hint of a smile tucking at his lips. "Now come on, you need to eat something. I know I was starving after Ares and I have been…"
"Stop right there!" he cut her off with an almost shocked expression. "That's a mental image I definitely don't need."
"Why? Perhaps you could learn something?"
"Yeah, right!" he laughed and after a few seconds she joined him. They needed about half a minute to calm down after that.
"Gods" Alec gasped. "Thanks, Blade, I needed that!"
"You're welcome" she replied, glad he seemed to be a little bit happier. "We've all been waiting for you two to finally get through your thick and stubborn skulls that you're meant for each other so yes, Alec, I'm happy for both of you. Just take it easy and keep me posted and you'll see this night will not be the end but the beginning."
Before Alec could answer to that Nova suddenly appeared around the corner, out of breath.
"He's waking up!" she gasped.
Not even a full Alliance TAC team would have been able to stop the three transgenics after that while they blurred to the infirmary.
Fortress Delta, 36 hours later
"…Manticore black ops are mainly used to guard the perimeter along with some of the X7 units. A detachment of about three dozen enhanced Alliance soldiers are stationed in one of the old barracks in sector C. They're not integrated in the daily routines but are always ready to repel an attack. Perhaps Renfro is also using them as her personal escort after your last attack." Wolf's voice was cold and concentrated as he revealed to his superiors and fellow transgenics what he knew. "Other than that I don't think there have been any major changes. That's all I know, sir.
Lydecker observed his soldier silently. He was rigidly standing in the middle of the room and although the dark circles below his eyes were a clear indicator of his tiredness and exhaustion he didn't show a sign of weakness. His eyes just like his voice were void of any emotion and hadn't he known better he would've thought the X5 he had known since the day of his birth was back. But that wasn't true.
"That's an awful lot of information" Colonel Meyer spoke up. He was – just like several other members of his command staff including Ares a part of this hearing where they intended to find out if Wolf was really back or if Renfro's brainwashing was still intact. The rest of unit two along with several Delta platoon leaders were sitting in the back of the room listening attentively to what the X5 had to say. "How did you get that much intel, soldier?"
"I was Renfro's pet, Colonel." For the first time since this meeting began about an hour ago Wolf didn't sound deadhearted and surprisingly it wasn't anger or rage they detected in his voice; it was disgust and self-hatred. "After my reindoctrination she was sure I would do whatever she asked me to do. She didn't even try to keep her involvement with the Alliance a secret but of course forbid me to talk about it to anybody. I would have said anything and done anything she told me to."
"I see" Meyer murmured more to himself and glanced at his papers before looking at the young X5 again. "Very well. I know what you've been going through hasn't been pleasant at all and I wish I could say I trusted you, but that is not the case. Tomorrow you're gonna be tested one last time, after that we will be sure if you are really on our side again or just keeping up a façade. Tonight you are allowed to return to your old quarters. There will be guards stationed outside that room and if you should try to leave your quarters without my personal permission and an escort you will be shot on sight, am I clear, soldier?"
"Yes, sir!"
"Dismissed!"
Wolf saluted sharply and left with the four Delta transgenics who would guard him for the time being. Kyla followed them quickly and one after the other the rest of the X5s and Deltas left until there were only Meyer and Lydecker left.
"Is that really necessary, Chris?" the former commander of Manticore wanted to know. "He's been through enough."
"I wish I could agree with you, Deck." Meyer sighed and started massaging his temples. "But you know you wouldn't act differently if this was your base. The body scans indicate no nanites in his body anymore and since he's woken up he seems to heal normally. In a few days he'll be back to his usual self, physically at least. But we do not know. We just can't be sure if he's really back or if that's just a shell of the X5 you once knew, looking for a way to get back to that witch Renfro."
"And what do you want to do to find out?"
"Like I said, we're gonna test him. Don't even ask, you're gonna find out soon enough. Now, how's that hard drive thing going?"
"Jondy has reported that all the files have been decoded. She and Cale are organizing the information together with some of your tech guys as we speak. They will be ready tomorrow morning."
"Good. Meet me in Command in two hours."
Lydecker nodded briskly and turned towards the door when his friend's voice held him back.
"Deck?" Meyer gave his friend a long and earnest look. "I hope he will be okay. I really do. But sometimes after having done everything in our might as comrades we have to do our duty as soldiers."
When they arrived at his old quarters the Delta soldiers stopped, watching Wolf closely as he slowly approached the door. They didn't speak for which he was grateful and didn't seem to mind that it took him almost an eternity to finally bring himself to open the door. Perhaps they could feel how difficult this was for him and or perhaps they were just following orders. He didn't care. Slowly he entered what had been his home for some time, an eternity ago and in another life. Everything looked just like he remembered. The room was tidy and clean, the two lockers closed and although he could detect that Kyla had continued to live here ever since he'd been taken away it was like he'd never left.
Behind him the door was closed and he spun around only to see Kyla who was watching him calmly. Even in the dim light he could clearly see her and he was somehow relieved there was no pity in her eyes. He'd gotten enough of that from the others already and he didn't need any more of it.
He didn't deserve it. Cottles assumption had been right; he remembered everything.
"I left everything as it was" she said quietly. "If you want to take shower first I tell the guards."
He just shook his head and turned away, unable to bear her gentle eyes anymore.
"Then you should get some sleep. You're still exhausted and your body needs to recover."
He didn't move like he didn't know what to do so after a few seconds of waiting she carefully stepped closer to him. When she touched him in order to help him out of his uniform he jerked away like he'd been burned and gave her a shocked look. Kyla froze but wasn't surprised. That had to be expected. Gods, he looked so lost!
"You need to sleep and you're not gonna do it in your clothes!" she stated firmly but friendly.
Finally he gave her a brisk nod, but did not look in her eyes, before turning away. He took off his jacket, boots, socks and BDUs. Then he just stood before his bed, hesitating. Back at Manticore sleeping had always been a bad idea. The PsyOps guards liked to come to him while he was asleep, dragging him to reindoctrination again. He'd started to reduce his sleeping hours to an absolute minimum. Before he could reach a decision a slender but strong hand gripped him by the shoulder. He tried to get out of Kyla's grasp again but her voice held him back.
"Shhh, it's okay." Her voice was understanding but not pitying. "I know you are afraid but nobody's gonna attack you here. You are safe."
Slowly and gently her hands guided him towards the bed. When he was lying on the mattress she covered him with the grey blanket. He couldn't help but stare at her, feeling guilty and ashamed all over again. Why the hell did he have to be so weak?
When she noticed his stare she gave him an inquiring look and he averted his eyes quickly and turned away. But not before he did she caught his expression of desperation and some sort of broken-hearted longing.
The black-haired woman was barely able to suppress a sigh.
"If you need anything, just tell me" she whispered but didn't get an answer. Not that she had expected any.
She stripped down to her shirt and pants and lay down herself but never took her eyes of him. He was lying there motionlessly, his back towards her.
Her thoughts travelled back to that moment in the infirmary when he'd woken up. At first his gaze had been unfocused and he had been confused. Then he seemed to recognize the infirmary of Fortress Delta and finally his eyes had found hers. She had almost broken down in there when she had finally seen him again. Not a mindless drone, not Renfro's killer but him! Her partner, her lover, her mate! Meyer could order as many tests as he wanted to; she knew it was Wolf staring back at her. After the first wave of near-hysteria and overflowing joy had faded away she started to understand that he was still a long way from his old self. She could see the self-doubt, the self-hatred and disgust and she understood it all too well. He had always been very proud and never allowed himself to think of failure as an option. In her eyes he hadn't failed; nobody was able to withstand torture indefinitely and they all knew Renfro was an expert when it came to that. But he was thinking that way and that would be the first thing she had to change. That was why she didn't treat him with pity but sympathy, trying to show him she understood and was there if he needed somebody to rely on. He would find his way back, she was sure of it, but he needed time and she was determined to stay at his side for however long she had to.
After about thirty minutes his calmer and shallow breathing told her he had fallen asleep already and she allowed herself a tiny smile, realizing how tired he must have been. Usually he would never allow himself to drift off in his situation but she wasn't about to complain. About a minute later that smile vanished immediately when she saw how his whole body tensed and he curled up into a fetal position. She was on her feet and at his side in a second but didn't dare to touch him yet. When she saw what was going on she cringed inwardly. He was trembling and behind closed eyelids she could see his eyes moving rapidly. His hands were closed into fists and his face twisted in imagined pain. Whispering a silent prayer she knelt down onto the cold floor, reached out and took one of his hands into hers, experiencing the strange feeling of a flashback. He continued to rock back and forth but she didn't dare to try and wake him up out of fear he would only be more shocked and lash out at her.
After endless minutes he started to calm down slowly. First the trembling became less and died away, then his muscles relaxed and finally he opened his eyes but not sleepily this time but fully alert. His gaze found hers almost immediately and this time he didn't turn away. She knew he'd been dreaming about being back in PsyOps and like all those years ago his pain and despair broke her heart. She felt her own eyes fill with tears.
"Wolf!" she chocked. "Relax. I'm here. I'm here."
They didn't speak a word after that but remained in their respective position for a long time until she could see he had calmed down – at least as far as his current condition allowed him to. She gave him a small encouraging nod and tried to stand up but stopped when he didn't let go of her. Curiously she looked at him and could clearly see his silent plea. For a second she hesitated, not sure if it was a good idea but then nodded. He moved, making enough room to allow her to lie down behind him but never let go of her hand.
Cautiously she nestled up against him and he shivered when he felt her breasts pressing against his back. Much to her surprise he didn't try to move away so she got a little bit bolder and wrapped one arm around his upper body. For a long time they were just lying there like that and Kyla enjoyed – really enjoyed – the closeness and breathed in his scent. How she had missed him!
"Thank you" he suddenly whispered barely audible, the first words he had said to her since he'd woken up.
"Always" she replied just as quietly. After a long time she asked: "Do you want to talk?"
"No, I don't" he said with bitterness. "But I have to."
And so he started to tell her about everything he had experienced, starting from that cursed night when he stayed behind near Strasbourg, about how Renfro had greeted him in Manticore's medical wing, the new reindoctrination procedure and the missions he had executed as Renfro's spawn. He talked for nearly two hours with a blank voice that expressed his feelings better than any anger, frustration or yelling could have. Kyla remained still, holding him close and listened attentively. When he had finished there was another long silence between the two of them.
"How can you do this?" he finally wanted to know.
"What do you mean?"
"This. Being with me in the same room. Helping me…holding me."
"Why shouldn't I?"
"I tried to kill you. I really – I mean really – wanted to kill you in that forest. How can you…?" his voice broke.
"Shhh" she whispered against his neck. "In the end you didn't and it wasn't you. What I saw out there wasn't you, Wolf, and it wasn't 451 either. It was something else. I don't know what it was but I know it's gone now."
"How? How can you be so sure?"
"Because I love you."
Hearing this his mind went blank. He gritted his teeth but couldn't hold back anymore. Although Kyla couldn't see his face she could smell his tears.
"It's okay" she whispered, kissing his barcode and burying her face in his neck. "Just let go. Let go, Wolf, let go."
And he did. Weeks and months of torture, guilt over having failed his siblings and the shame and fear of his own weakness found their way to the surface, washing away all his self-control like a flood wave. He uncontrollably sobbed in the arms of his mate like he had never before in his life while Kyla held him as close as she could, whispering soothing words of love and comfort into his ear. When he had no tears anymore his body mercifully allowed him to fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion. Kyla never let go off him and vowed to herself to never abandon him again for as long as she would live.
I think the only special expression I used is this one:
Wilco = Will comply
Okay, that's it for now. As I said the last part wasn't pretty but I can very well imagine even an experienced soldier could react that way in such a situation.
I hope I got the other parts right. If you don't think so, please tell me, I always appreciate constructive criticism!
Now, as I said. The next chapter will be about the Alliance and their plans and the first stages of planning the final battle. And Wolf will be 'tested' a final time. Don't hate me, it's not that I like having him suffer.
Anyway, please tell me what you think.