Chapter 21. Revelations
The next month was spent mostly in the library. Ursa committed fully to her studies. It felt good to be doing something at least a little productive, even if it wasn't her first choice.
She also received replies to her letters.
Dear, Ursa,
Your mother and I are very glad you are adjusting to life in your new home. Yes, your husband is in our prayers. Please tell us if you hear from him. Bo is still attending the Fire Bending club meetings. He says it isn't the same without you there, though he is not offended by your absence, understanding you have new responsibilities and expectations placed upon you. Quon is joining me in the office more frequently. He has applied to the Capital City College for the upcoming semester. We anxiously await their reply. Your mother has taken up music again, though she has given up teaching Bo. (Which all of our ears are thankful for.) It is nice hearing her play once again. She misses you terribly. I am my same usual self. Not much to report there. We hope we will be allowed to visit you in the near future. Please write again.
Father.
Another came from her home town.
Dear Ursa,
I'm so happy you decided to write. I'm glad you've found your fortune in the Capitol. We're doing The Fisherman's Bride for the fall play this year. You would have been perfect for the role of the Island Queen. Mrs. Tao was very happy to get your letter too. Her health is holding up. She says to make sure you drink the tea she sent you and to write if you want her to send you more. She also says to make sure you continue to practice your fire bending. We miss you. But we're carrying on. I miss you. A lot. I think about you from time to time. But please don't read too much into that.
Ikem
The snippets of her old life, writing back to her, filled her with melancholy nostalgia she couldn't explain. She was happy to receive the letters, but reading them was painful in a way she didn't expect. She folded the replies in a box for safe keeping.
But no letter came from Ozai. She had sent the first letter a month ago, and three more since. Surely it would not have taken this long for the messenger to reach Sozin's Island. It was far north, but only a few days trip by boat. She thought about the fight they'd had on the day he'd left. Was he angry with her?
The loneliness didn't go away, even though the boredom did somewhat. She looked forward every week to having tea with her father-in-law. While he had offended her somewhat with his old-fashioned ideas on propriety, he was still family. All old people were old-fashioned anyway.
On this day she was particularly anxious to meet with him. There were things she wanted to talk to him about, but wasn't sure she was ready. She had a lot on her mind. Either way she looked forward to pleasant conversation.
She prepared the tea carefully. Azulon had taught her the finer points of the art, how certain types needed to be brewed at certain temperatures. How different spices could be mixed with the leaves to achieve different flavors. She knew by this point exactly how her father-in-law enjoyed it.
She carried the tea tray up the stairs to Azulon's chambers. His door was already open, and he was already sitting at the table waiting for him. She set the tea tray on the table. Even after all this time, she was not used to seeing the old king in casual clothing.
"Close the door, my dear," he said. "Lest we have all the servants and guards eaves dropping."
She complied. "Are we talking about something important?"
"Oh you know how it is," Azulon said. "This palace has paper-thin walls as it is. We don't need to encourage the gossip further." He took the tea pot and attempted to pour himself a cup. His old hands shook as he did.
"Let me help you, father," she said. She took the pot and poured his cup for him.
"Thank you, my dear."
They drank the fragrant brew slowly, savoring it's expensive taste and smell. In her days as the daughter of a low-level official, Ursa had never tasted expensive tea before. Being royalty had it's charms, she was learning quickly.
"Tell me, my dear," he said. "How is it working out with those tutors I've hired for you?"
Azulon had selected and hired all of the tutors himself. Ursa had not been given much say in the matter, to her disappointment. But she couldn't complain. Of course, he had hired all women. He was serious in his intention to avoid even the appearance of impropriety.
"It's going well," Ursa said. "My mathematics tutor is very patient and helpful. I was surprised how young she is though. I think she might be younger than I am. I like the naturalist too. I never thought the natural sciences were interesting but she makes them interesting. And she also helped me with..."
"Go on?" Azulon said.
"I was feeling unwell," Ursa said, looking down at her teacup. "She knows about human medicine, and she had some ideas as to what it might be."
"I'm sorry to hear that, my dear. What did she say?"
Ursa was careful. She trusted her Father-in-law. But she also wasn't sure how much she wanted to share at this point. "Well, it was just some ideas. I'm feeling better today."
"Ah," Azulon said. "And what about the other instructors?"
"My writing tutor is nice. My Fire Bending teacher. She didn't believe me when I told her how much I know already. She wanted to start me on the basic forms. She doesn't think Black Island Style counts as real fire bending. Which hurt my feelings a bit. Because I really did practice and train and work hard when I was growing up in Hira'a."
"Perhaps you can humor her for the time being," Azulon said. "You will impress the Capitol Nobility if you can master both the regional styles and the traditional style she wants to teach you."
"You're right," Ursa said. "She's a bit rigid, but she's not terrible. My history tutor on the other hand..."
"You dislike her?" Azulon raised his eyebrow.
"We were talking today about the unification of the Earth Kingdom during the Second Age. We were reading about The Black Prince of the East, and how he finished his father's work of conquering the western provinces."
"The Black Prince..." Azulon's eyes lit up. "An interesting figure he was. Not even an earth bender. But he was a brilliant strategist. Did you learn about his cavalry?"
"Yes," Ursa said. "It was interesting, how he had mounted archers, unlike any his enemies had fought before. And even against the earth benders of Ba Sing Se they were successful. I wanted to learn more about him. I asked my instructor if there were any other books in our library about him. I wanted to know if our soldiers in the Earth Kingdom were using any of his strategies. She dismissed the idea outright. She disagreed with me, and in fact she was rather angry about it. She said that of course fire bending was superior to any strategies that might come out of the Earth Kingdom, and I as a fire bender should know that."
"It isn't," Azulon said with a small shrug.
"What?" Ursa said.
"Fire Bending is not superior to Earth bending in combat. Earth bending is more versatile. It can be defensive as well as offensive. It is difficult for a lone fire bender to go against an earth bender if he is not particularly skilled. Our victories in the Earth Kingdom have been much like the Black Prince's, a product of innovative strategy and novel technology. The Fire Nation troops are disciplined, and our organized industry has served us well. Bending is only one tool of many a nation needs to fight a war. I learned that the hard way during my own military career."
"Really?" Ursa leaned forward. Azulon was full of stories. And if Ursa was lucky she might get to hear one of them.
"Yes. You can tell the old woman the Fire Lord himself disagrees with her!" He chuckled.
Ursa laughed too. "But of course," she said. "It makes you wonder why we haven't conquered the Earth Kingdom yet. If our technology is as good as it is."
Azulon set his tea cup down. "You're tongue is quite free, Princess Ursa."
She looked down at the floor. "My apologies sir. I meant no offense. I just was... curious."
Azulon stared at her a moment, and then laughed heartily. He gave Ursa's shoulder a pat. "Of course you were, my dear! What use do I have of people who refuse to speak honestly?" He took a deep breath to recover from the laugh. "We could speak for hours and hours about the victories and defeats of the war, and why we have won this and lost that. Perhaps a different time."
"Yes, sir," she said. A wave of relief washed over her.
They poured themselves second cups of tea.
"Father?" Ursa said. "I was curious... has my husband written you recently?"
"You have no need to worry yet, my dear, he is no doubt still undergoing his training in the northern islands. It will be another six weeks at least before he is sent to the front."
"So he has written you?"
"His brother keeps an eye on him for me."
Ursa was annoyed. A yes or no answer was what she wanted. "It's just he has been gone for more than a month, and I haven't heard from him at all. I've written to him a few times."
"The letters take a long time to travel, Ursa, and he is quite busy with his training. If he has gotten them, he may not have had time to reply."
"Maybe I should write him again," Ursa said.
"Hmm..." Azulon hummed as he took another sip of tea. "It is best not to distract him to excess, my dear," he said. "The war is troubling enough for him, and concerns from home may only increase his stress."
"It could also cheer him up," Ursa suggested.
Azulon shrugged. "Even joy can be distracting."
Ursa sighed.
"Something else is on your mind..."
Ursa didn't answer right away. She wasn't sure she wanted to reveal her news yet. It was too early to know for sure. But the lack of contact with her husband only served to frustrate the matter.
"No, Sir," she said.
"I can spot a lie," Azulon said. He reached forward and placed his old hands on hers. Their warmth radiated through their paper-thin skin. It was a kind gesture, but also somewhat overwhelming for Ursa. "You are speaking only to me, my dear. Whatever is said between us is said in the deepest confidence. The door is closed." He looked her in the eye and a smile stretched over his lips. "Speak, my dear."
"Perhaps another time, Father," she said.
"It saddens me that you do not trust me, Ursa," he said.
She looked off toward the wall, avoiding his gaze. Now was not the time. Not so soon. "I will tell you when I have more information," she said. "I don't have much to tell you now."
"Well, perhaps we can enjoy the suspense together?" he said.
She didn't say anything. He was not making conversation anymore. He was interrogating her.
He sighed. "Oh, I suppose I will find out soon enough," he said. "After all, the walls here are quite thin, as I said before."
The conversation fell into an awkward silence. Azulon did not remove his hands from Ursa's.
"Maybe we should get some sleep, Father," she said. "It's far past sundown."
He nodded slowly. His old eyes were fixed upon her hand, which he squeezed in his own. His brow creased.
"What is it?" Ursa said.
"I was lost," he said. "In memory."
"Of what?"
"Oh, things long past, of realities that have long since ceased to be."
Ursa wasn't sure what to say to that. She pulled her hand away. "It is very late. I think I'd best return to my chambers."
"Surely you can stay up for a bit longer?"
"I'm afraid not. I really must be getting to bed."
Azulon folded his aging head in his hands. He was quiet for a minute. Ursa watched him. She wasn't sure what emotion he was displaying, or whether it was genuine.
"I suppose a lonely widower like myself grows accustom to such oppressive isolation. With my children off to war, and my wife long gone... It has been so long since..." He looked up. His face was sad and pained. "Since she died, it has been..." He gave a long shaky sigh and took Ursa's hand again. "Please do not leave me."
Ursa felt her skin beginning to perspire. Very quickly the evening had gone from casual and pleasant to desperately uncomfortable.
"Father, I need to retire," she said softly. "And you look exhausted. You really look like you use some sleep."
"You do not understand, Ursa... the pressure I face as king. How lonely it is with no equals to confide in. My friends, my lovers, they come to me out of duty, or for a chance to gain favors with power, and not out of true friendship or affection... I beg you not to leave me."
"You need sleep!" Ursa said. She stood up. She took hold of Azulon's arm and helped the old man rise. She walked him into the main room of his chambers and to his his grand bed.
"Thank you, my dear," he said. He rubbed his eyes. "I... I'm sorry. My emotions have overtaken me, I'm afraid."
"I understand," Ursa said. She helped him pull off the outer layers of his robe, then pulled back the blankets so he could lay down. "Do you want me to send in one of the servants? Do you want perhaps another cup of tea?"
He sat down slowly and looked up into her eyes.
"Or a glass of water?" she offered.
His hand reached up, and brushed her cheek. The feeling of his skin over her face caused a painful electric tingle to run down her spine. Her body tightened like a spring coil.
"Stay..." he said.
She tried to back away, but at that moment, his hand reach forward and grabbed at the fabric of her dress. He did not loosen his grip as she pulled backward. His other hand wrapped around her wrist, and began to heat up and steam. She yelped at his fire bender's heat. She desperately tried to pull away but he did not relinquish.
"I will not be denied!" he growled.
"Let go!" she shouted.
"You have no right to disobey your king!"
"I'm married to your son!"
"I own my son. I own you!" he hissed.
His hand was beginning to burn through her sleeve and onto her skin. A primal instinct awakened deep within her body. She balled her free hand into a fist, lit it with fire bending, and struck the old man on his left cheek bone.
He cried out. She slipped free. He collapsed onto the bed grabbing at his face. She stepped back. He pulled his hand away, revealing blood pouring from his nose. He stared at the blood for a moment.
And then his true fire bender's fury revealed itself. His hands began to glow. He rose from the bed, slowly, lighting the bedspread and canopy ablaze.
"You will pay for that, you insufferable whore..." he stepped forward.
The temperature of the room rose. He gathered a ball of fire in his hands. She stepped back further, heading for the door, afraid to take her eyes off him. With a furious yell, he hurled the fireball at her head. She raised her hands in front of her and separated the flames before they could hurt her. The curtains and carpet behind her were not so lucky. The room was beginning to fill with smoke.
"Stop!" she cried.
"I am the lord of this land!" he said. "Blessed by the Heavens with Divine Authority."
"Please, I'm-"
"I will not be denied!"
"I am pregnant with your son's child!"
He paused.
She widened her stance and held her hands in front of her. She would fight back if she had to. His fists cooled. His face relaxed. He looked at the flames he had released into the room, and with a wave of his hands, he extinguished them. But the damage had already been done.
"Go," he said. "To bed if you so insist." His voice was quiet. He turned and braced himself on a nearby chair, becoming once again an old man.
But Ursa had lost all sympathy. She turned and fled, not even bothering to close the door behind her.
Ursa's handmaidens noticed she was shaken when they came to prepare her for bed. She still had not gotten used to having servants. There was a dynamic with them that continually felt foreign for her. They had seen her in sleeping and waking, had brushed her hair, drawn her baths, dressed and undressed her, but they did not know her. They were not there for her to confide in. And it was equally uncomfortable for these hired girls to see their mistress so clearly distressed. They understood the dynamic as well. No questions would be asked.
She dismissed the handmaidens and collapsed on the bed.
She had spent her wedding night on this bed. Her husband was on her mind. She longed to curl up in his arms, more than she had ever longed before. She remembered the cold and uncomfortable way he had talked about his father. He had tried to warn her not to fraternize with Azulon.
But he had not told her the truth. Her longing turned to anger. He had known Azulon's true nature. Surely he must have, growing up in this house. And he hadn't told her. Or maybe she was being too harsh. Perhaps he didn't know the truth fully. Or perhaps he was not free to reveal his father's secrets. Perhaps threats or abuse had silenced him. Or maybe he didn't understand how naive Ursa actually had been.
She didn't sleep. She got up and paced, and then tried to distract herself with a book. And then went out onto the balcony to move through her fire bending forms. She tried again to sleep. But the night wore on and sleep did not come till after dawn.
And just as she finally drifted off, a knock came to her chamber door. Slowly she came to consciousness. The knock repeated. She stumbled out from under the blankets, covered her body in a cotton robe, and answered. She blinked sleep from her eyes to see a palace guard standing before her.
Her stomach sank.
"My Lady, I am here to summon you to the Fire Lord's private office," the guard said.
She snarled and slammed the door in his face.
The guard knocked again. "Princess Ursa," he called. "My orders were to escort you to his office, and if you would not come voluntarily, that I was to bring you by force. In chains if need be. I'm sorry My Lady."
She took a deep breath. She had to act carefully from now on, balance her risks, and made hard choices. And perhaps today it was best to give Azulon what he wanted. "Give me a moment to get dressed," she said.
When she emerged the guard was still there. He walked behind her silently, taking no chances that she would stray from her destination. A part of her was thankful the guard was there, so she would not be forced to confront the Fire Lord alone. But that was silly, because a lowly palace guard would be no protection against the Nation's Divinely Appointed Governor. And it was no use any way, because when they reached the office, he pushed her inside alone and closed the door.
Ursa stood with her back against the door. Azulon sat in front of her. He looked tired, and furious. The gentle old man was gone, and the true Fire Lord appeared in his place. On his face was a mark where she had struck him in self defense. She wondered how he had explained that to his guards and servants. Though, like her own servants, they probably knew better than to ask questions.
"What is this!" he said to her. "What is this insolence. On your knees, girl!"
She dropped to the floor and pressed her face into the woven carpet.
He took a moment to collect himself before he spoke. She could not see his face. "You understand, Ursa, that you are forbidden to speaking of this to anyone? Not a word!"
She didn't answer.
She heard his hand pound upon the desk. "Answer me!"
"I think my husband ought to know," she said.
"Least of all your husband! For the love of..." He seethed. "By order of your King. By penalty of death. Not a word of this is to be spoken to anyone. Not to your husband! Not to your family! Not to the servant girls! Do you or do you not understand?!"
"Yes, sir," she said. She was glad her face was to the floor so that he could not see the tears pooling beneath her eyes.
"Speak, woman! I am an old man and my ears do not perceive mumbling!"
"Yes, My Lord," she choked, louder. "I understand."
He scoffed. "I have already extended you mercy unwarranted. I should have you executed for the insubordination you showed me last night. Out of compassion for my grandchild and love for my son, you have been spared. But further insolence will not be tolerated."
"Yes, Sir," she said.
"I did not give you permission to speak!" He continued. "And if I change my mind, that is my right. As King. If I order you jump from the palace balcony to your death, you will do it. If I order you to my bed, you will come. If I order you hand over your child to starving wild wolves, you will do it. Your life is given to you as a gift, Ursa of Hira'a. As long as you walk in my house, within the borders of my nation, you are at my mercy. And never again will you take that for granted."
Water leaked from her eyes and nose. She could hardly breathe. She dared not move to wipe it away.
"Look at me," he said.
She lifted her head. He snarled at the sight of her tears.
"And I have further orders. You are not to mention this child, if it even exists, to my son in any of your letters. Out of mercy, I will mail the letters you have written thus far. But every single scrap of paper that leaves your hand will personally be read by me. I will not have him distracted. His work on the front is too important. The letters you send to your family will also be inspected. If I read anything in them but unadulterated joy and gratitude of the status I have given you, the consequences will be beyond your imagination. Do you or do you not understand?"
"Yes, My Lord..." she said.
He inhaled and exhaled. "Well?" he said. "Is there anything you have to say in your own defense? Or are you just going to kneel there like a sniveling dog?"
She looked down at her knees. "Perhaps..."
"Perhaps what!?"
She flinched. "Perhaps it would be best if I stayed with my family. Until Ozai comes back to the front."
Azulon pinched the bridge of his nose. "The absolute insolence... I give you a chance to repent, and you dare ask for a request... No! You will not go to your family, you stupid child! Do you think I am so thick as to let you out of my sight? Let you spill my secrets and yours for the world to hear? Let you take my grandchild and run? For the love of heaven and and all the stars within it... Absolutely disgusting! Get out of my sight!"
She stood and retreated out the office door. The guard saw the tears streaming down her face as she left, but he said nothing. It was not his place.
Ursa remembered her first day in the palace, when she had watched Ozai emerge from a meeting with his father. He had turned in rage and struck the wall, knocking a vase from its table and shattering it on the floor. The rage had startled her. It had been foreign to her. But in this moment, she understood it perfectly.
She headed back to her chambers. She desperately needed a cup of tea and some sleep. And most importantly, she needed to think. It was going to be a long several months.