Little bit of fun with food. Nothing's mine. Nothing's yours... unless you're Andy Riley or Janet Evanovich, in which case I'm honoured that you would take the time out to read my ameture writing! Criticism welcome.

LIE # 90

Peigi was jockeying for a new MP3 player and therefore was being the most helpful person on the earth. She went to the supermarket with her mother and didn't make any fuss and upon their return brought in the groceries. They were babysitting two year old Michael from down the street as a favour to Mrs Herbst and he kept following her everywhere. He carried a bottle of milk into the kitchen, doing his part, but as he was lifting it up onto the bench it slipped from his hands.

He started to cry, big crocodile tears, and Stephanie ran to pick up the milk as Peigi comforted him. "It's okay, Michael. There's no need to cry over spilt milk! Look, my Mummy has it all cleaned up already? See?"

"But-Milk-Feels-Pain!" he gasped out, rubbing one eye.

Stephanie gave Peigi a stern look, obviously under the impression that Peigi had told him this. "I've never heard that one before, Mum; honestly."

Deciding to put it aside for a moment and comfort the little boy. "It's okay. This milk is extra tough, a little fall like that wouldn't hurt it."

000ooo000

LIE #91

"Hey Michael," Emmet called to the two year old later that day. The boy came running. "Did you know that eggs talk to each other after you shut the fridge door?" He shook his head and followed Emmet to the kitchen and stood while he opened the door and pointed out the two egg boxes; one full, the other with one left. Upon closing the door again Emmet motioned for Michael to come closer to the fridge and press his ear against the door.

Peigi, who was hiding behind the fridge began a dialogue in different voices. "Look, Sarge, a survivor!" "My whole platoon… WIPED OUT…"

"Wow!" Michael exclaimed. "I have to tell my mummy that one."

Peigi and Emmet chuckled silently as the kid skipped from the room.

000ooo000

LIE #92

Stephanie stood in the kitchen making the kids lunches. When she pulled out Pegi's lunch box and discovered she hadn't eaten the tomato from her salad she called her in to ask her why.

"You know you need to eat all your vegetables if you want to grow up big and strong don't you?"

Peigi nodded. "Strictly speaking though, Mum, the tomato is not a vegetable." Stephanie rolled her eyes, how could she forget, tomato was a… "It's really a kind of dolphin."…fruit…

"Dolphin?" she asked, utterly perplexed.

"Yes dolphin, didn't you know that, mum?"

Steph shook her head in disbelief as Peigi continued getting ready. The tomato was a dolphin? That was rich.

000ooo000

LIE #93

Emmet came bounding down the stairs and into the kitchen several moments later to put in his order for today's lunch. "Can I please have a penguin biscuit?" he asked as he had down the past three days. "Everyone else in my class takes penguin biscuits in their lunch."

"Is today a red day?" Stephanie asked the boy without looking up from the sandwhich she was making.

Emmet looked at the calendar. "No. But why can't I have a penguin biscuit?"

"Do you like eating penguins, Emmet?" the boy shook his head in reply. "Well it takes the brains and beaks of four penguins to make a penguin biscuit. Brains are a red food, as is chocolate."

Emmet screwed up his nose and thought for a moment. "I'll have a salad, without dolphin."

My God, Steph thought, where did they get these crazy ideas?

000ooo000

LIE #94

"Guess what I learnt in Home Ec. today!" Peigi told her father as she sat on the visitors chair of his Rangeman office.

"What did you learn in Home Ec. today?" he asked glancing at her over the top of his reading glasses.

"Never eat the pork, bacon or anything else that comes from a pig if you're in India."

Ranger was intrigued. "And why's that?"

"Because, when you go to the toilet in India its just a big hole in the floor and underneath the floor is where the pigs live and they eat our poo." (A/N:I'm not actually sure if this is true… my grade nine Home Ec teacher told me and well… sometimes you just can't tell if they're lying… she seemed pretty serious about it…We'll treat it as fact for the benefit of the lie that shall follow)

Ranger nodded. "I wouldn't eat the bacon in Denmark either."

Peigi sat up a little straighter. "Why not?"

"Because they use it as bank notes." He shrugged and returned to the form he was filling out.