Out of the Gray & Into the Black Chapter 21: Part IV, 5: A Small Peace, an avatar: last airbender fanfic

5 – A Small Peace

Silence.

No cheering, no cries of support.

Only silence.

The Fire Lord stared out at the stunned faces and felt his world fall away from him. Would his reign really end like this? With his name being stricken from the record, and forever marked in history as a pretender?

The king with no legitimacy, and who had wielded false power.

The exile who'd come back in empty triumph.

The perpetual failure.

At his back, he felt his lady's presence, her tense frustration and slow anger at the reaction of the people they were trying so valiantly to defend. She took a step towards him, standing just close enough to take his hand in hers, the simple touch lost in the folds of the elegant robes he now felt he didn't deserve to wear.

All night, he'd spent drawing up battle plans for the defense of the capital city, to save these people, who now could not even muster a single drop of loyalty for him. He'd been energized by the early morning air, by the brightening sky as dawn crept towards them, and he'd lit the brazier signaling the Fire Lord's presence on the top of the steps leading into the palace. His people had gathered, curious, and he'd spoken.

Azula was returning and with her, Ozai and Ursa's second son. A challenger to the throne. And his promise that he would not back down without a fight, that he would defend their way of life. He would not sully their hardships, their small battles to rebuild their country, to a woman who only wanted the power, and to a boy who was nothing more than a vehicle towards her goals. The Fire Lord would fight, not for himself, but for all of them.

Then...

The Silence.

The Fire Lord started to step back, to retreat into a palace that would now feel colder, but his wife held fast, her expression stubborn, determined, and her hand tightened on his. Hold, she seemed to be saying. Give them a chance.

So he held.

And then...

The Firebenders that stood as his honor guard began to cheer, and the soldiers bordering the crowd joined them.

They had known, before anyone else, the kind of man he was, and that was why they followed him. That was why they had resisted the riches that traitors offered in exchange for their weapons. That was why they lent their voices to his support first.

A scattering of applause. A few cries.

And then like a wave, the crowd broke, yelling their praise, their thanks. He let out a breath, allowing himself a small moment of joy, because he'd finally reached them. His father's decree may have named someone else Fire Lord, but for the people, he was the Fire Lord. That was what mattered, because without them, there would be no Fire Nation.

"I think I lost about ten years of my life there," Katara whispered in Zuko's ear, even as she grinned at their people, one hand up in a wave.

He couldn't answer. But he smiled.

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Hours later, Zuko found himself alone in his study. Since all this had started, he'd felt unbalanced and uncertain. The specter of his sister, the endless threat she presented, haunted every step of his reign. For every small victory he'd achieved, she'd pull him down. Somehow, she always did. He'd had plenty of practice keeping a stoic facade, but behind closed doors and away from observant eyes, he'd needed to stop and take a breath, several breaths on days when nothing went right, to make sure he didn't collapse in on himself. It wasn't uncommon for him to wake up in the middle of the night, gripped with fear that he'd made a critical error that day. On bad nights, he imagined he heard his children screaming for him, could almost see their blood on his hands.

In this, it had taken all he had to keep from breaking into a full-blown panic. He'd recognized the kind of gamble he was making, and he'd closed his eyes before he stepped off the edge. It had all been too much; the possibility of his mother being found, the knowledge that Azula had her claws in their brother, and, of course, the challenge to his throne. Zuko knew how easily he could have collapsed under it all, if not for Katara, his uncle, and the constant reminder of his children's futures. He'd put on his crown and his mask, given them an untouchable, infallible leader, but inside...oh, if they only knew. He'd made his peace with having to force his will on reluctant subordinates and subjects if he had to—but that only would have made things so much harder. To fight a battle on two fronts, though he'd been prepared for it, would have broken him.

There was only so much a man's spirit could take.

Zuko knew he'd walked a fine line from the beginning, when he realized his ambitions weren't enough to keep him on the path, when his own generals mocked him and his people spat out his name. He'd learned to rely on others, with or without their knowledge, to keep his sanity.

Mai.

His children.

Uncle Iroh.

Katara.

They kept him steady by being there, and by giving him something to protect and care about, because otherwise...he didn't even want to think about it.

It was a fine, fine line.

But now, now, he had the chance to rise above it all, because on this day, he finally saw that all the years he'd spent ignoring the snide comments, batting away the scorn, and keeping on his path had paid off. His people believed in him and his crown. He'd wanted to run screaming down the corridors, when they'd acknowledged him that morning, but he had to keep his poise, though his hands shook from the strain. His councilors had sworn their loyalty, his soldiers had shouted his name and promised to die for him before they would lift a sword for Azula's puppet, and his governors had offered everything in their coffers for the hard times that were sure to come.

And he'd accepted it all with shaking hands.

They'd all had to make a choice and they'd chosen him. Because of that, they were all united under the banner of the Fire Nation, truly united. This was the truest test of their desires and loyalties, and he had passed. Ten years ago, if someone had told him this was going to happen, that those grumbling, temperamental masses would lend him their strength one day, he would have laughed himself right off his dais. On top of which, he probably would have thrown the messenger in the dungeons for spreading rumors about the Fire Lord.

Zuko should have been feeling bone tired, unable to even lift his hand, but his blood sang with victory. Somewhere out there, Azula was fixing a target on him, but he was ready for her. His people were ready. The Fire Nation wasn't going to allow itself to be a pawn in her endgame anymore. For Zuko, that was enough. Even if he fell, they couldn't. They wouldn't.

So Zuko sat, a pot of fragrant jasmine tea that would have made his uncle proud at his elbow, and ruminated over what was to come next. All that was left was for him to put his pieces in place, and wait for her to come. Just as it had always been with them, he had to wait for her signal, but the ending to this would be different from all their other battles, large or small.

Running footsteps jolted him from his thoughts and he straightened in his seat when a familiar figure in blue flung his door open. Katara stood at the doorway, a piece of parchment in her hand. Her expression was bordering between excitement and anger as she slammed the letter on his desk, upsetting his tea. Zuko eyed the puddle next to his sleeve with mild distaste.

"Very dramatic," he said dryly.

"He knows," she threw at him.

"Who knows?"

"Sokka knows about everything, and he's gone after Azula in the South Pole. The South Pole. My home!"

"That's just like her," Zuko said with resignation, sliding the letter out from underneath Katara's hand. "Logistically, hiding in the South Pole is infinitely more difficult than, say, somewhere in the Earth Kingdom, but in her calculations, the blow to our confidence would be worth it. Seeing as there aren't any fireworks lighting up the southern skies, or Azula in a box at our doorstop, I'm going to assume that he hasn't found her, yet."

"He's going to need help," Katara said.

"You can't leave," Zuko said, his eyes darting over to her. "If Azula has outrun Sokka, you're needed here."

"And you'll miss me," she said matter-of-factly. "But that wasn't what I was going to say. I wrote Aang."

"Good."

Katara's eyebrows arched. She rested her forearms on his desk and peered at his face.

"You're not angry?" she inquired suspiciously.

"Why would I be?" Zuko said, feeling strangely calm about the entire thing. "We're all working towards the same end, and it's time the Avatar stuck his nose into this because it's no longer a domestic problem. If there's one thing Azula's pretty good at, it's uniting everybody against her. I wonder if that's ever entered her war calculus."

She smiled bemusedly.

"Yes, that's true. So, what else do you have in store for me, Your Highness?"

He studied her, remembering the way she moved when they sparred, the way her eyes were peaceful despite the fierceness of her expression when she fought him. He wanted to keep her safe and at his side. He couldn't help but remember that last battle with Jet and Azula, and it pained him to put her in harm's way again, but he knew that by doing that, he would be holding back one of the greatest advantages he had over his sister.

His Waterbender.

"I want you to start patrolling with the navy," Zuko said calmly. "As the commander of my flagship."

Katara gaped at him. Zuko chuckled at her expression and she didn't chastise him—she wasn't even blinking. Essentially, he had just given her command of the Fire Nation Navy, and the implications of his decision ran deep, shocking her into speechlessness. The Navy was the strongest arm of his military, and in this particular situation, the most important. And he wanted her to lead it.

"Oh?" was all she managed to say, her voice a mere squeak.

"Out of everyone here who's well-suited to being our guardian at the gates, I would think an accomplished Waterbending Master such as yourself would be perfect for the task," he said lightly, but added, "There's no one else I could trust to be the first line of defense."

"The first line of defense, huh?" she echoed, a small smile curving her lips. "That's a lot of trust in me, Zuko."

"And it's not misplaced," he said firmly as he smiled back. "Because I love you."

Katara's eyes widened at his words, and they stared at each for several breathless heartbeats. He wasn't afraid of her answer, because he couldn't imagine her refusing him now. She couldn't deny him anymore than she could deny herself. If there was ever a time for honesty, it was today. It was that kind of day.

"Are you trying to kill me?" she gasped. "That's a lot to say to a girl in less than five minutes."

Zuko shrugged.

"I suppose you're feeling invincible now since your people love you and don't want to kill you anymore," she rambled, more to herself than him. "Or you need to sleep. How much rest have you gotten, Zuko?"

"Katara," he said quietly. "I'm a little sleepy, but I'm absolutely certain that I love you."

She stopped talking.

"Oh," she breathed, her eyes going soft.

Then, she stood and went to his side, cupping his face with her hands. Her blue eyes sparkled with something that made his heart beat a little bit faster, and though they were nearing another turning point in their lives, a point that would be marked with blood and sacrifice, he'd never felt more at peace. Zuko remembered her support as he stood at his most vulnerable, her hand in his yet again, and knew that there was no one else he could trust more than her. He reached out, his hands on her hips, and he drew her closer.

"I love you, too," she said quietly, and as she dipped her head towards his, her hair fell forward to hide them, briefly, in a world made up of two. "I won't let you down. I'll protect you, Zuko."

"Stay with me tonight, Katara," he murmured, looking into her eyes. "I...I want to share that last place with you, make you more than my wife in name. Stay with me."

She looked down at him, her expression tender as she considered his words. A faint blush spread across her cheeks, but she didn't look away from him, didn't move away even though he'd tightened his hold on her in case she did.

Then, she kissed him, and that was all the answer he needed.

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The next day came too soon. Zuko opened his eyes to find his lady curled up at his side, her arm tight around him. Hours had slid past them as they shared his bed, and each other. He didn't want to wake her, but it was almost time for her to go. He wanted more nights like this, when he felt like he was drowning in her, and she whispered his name in a voice no man had ever heard before. But they were out of time. He just wished he'd had the courage to approach her sooner, though he wasn't too sure if she would have been so agreeable if he'd asked earlier. Most likely, he would have ended up with some kind of physical and mental injury.

With a gentle hand, he brushed the hair from her cheek, tucking it behind her ear so that he could get a better look at her. She looked peaceful, satisfied, and fit perfectly in his arms. He wasn't likely to forget how she looked at this moment any time soon.

Not that he wanted to.

"Wake up," he ordered sternly even though he was smiling.

"Five more minutes," she murmured, turning away from him and burying her face in the pillow.

He grinned. It didn't surprise him that she wasn't a morning person, and he reached out to pull her against him. She didn't struggle; instead pulling his arm tighter around her waist and letting out a happy sigh. He kissed her bare shoulder, burying his face in the curve of her neck.

"They'll be leaving in an hour," he said against her skin, feeling her shiver.

"There's time," she said, not opening her eyes but turning around to face him.

"We've finally found something we agree on," he said, meeting her halfway.

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Hands behind his back, Zuko surveyed the soldiers and Firebenders standing before him in full battle gear, their lines and backs straight as they awaited his blessing. The various flags of their clans fluttered in the breeze, the only movement in the courtyard. His generals were arrayed on either side of him, their orders in hand. His admirals, including his wife, were already at sea, and would not be back until this was over.

Zuko himself was not in armor. His uncle had protested, and he hadn't even bothered telling Katara or else he would have gotten his ear yelled off, but he'd promised himself he wouldn't put on armor unless they were at war. And this was no war. He wouldn't grant Azula the honor of calling her power play anything of the sort.

But that didn't mean he wasn't going to treat it like one.

"Defend your homeland," he said, his voice echoing in the perfect stillness. "Defend your families, your homes. Defend the lives you've led and the lives you will lead. Remember that you are sons of the Fire Nation and she's yours to protect; as a soldier, this is your most important duty. "

They bowed, moving as one. Zuko nodded at them. Glancing sideways at his generals, he bowed slightly.

"Gentlemen," he said. "I am humbled by your support. My life is in your hands. Don't let me down. Don't let all of us down."

They were surprised at his words, at the simple honesty in his tone, but he saw them stand up a little straighter, and their eyes shone a little brighter.

"My Lord," General Jin said, holding one fist over his heart. "You have our loyalty. To the death."

Yes, this was the leader he wanted to be. The one that people chose to follow willingly.

"Then, let us prepare for our visitor," Zuko said, smiling humorlessly.