Yes I am alive, now that you know that I am sure you are ready to KILL ME! SORRY I have been MIA. My dad got really sick and he had to stay with my family so we could heal him. He is doing really good now and is able to be on his own, but he was a lot of work when he was here.
If you haven't checked out the outtakes for this story there is a really good side Abe and Janine story out there so go check it out after you read chapter 21!
Thank you to Bibi7 for lending her beta skills she is so fast you guys are lucky she's on her game!
Richelle Mead sadly owns VA and all original characters – Jake, Zander, Soraya, Annika, and the twins are mine!
My Milaya Chapter 21
Dimitri POV
"What the hell happened?" Roza barges through the door frantic.
"Rose, calm down, I think Lissa was able to tap into you, we've been trying for a few days with no success. I need you to tell me everything you were doing and the feelings you had – we need to pinpoint why it worked now."
Roza's face turned red and she looked embarrassed. She and Jake had been MIA the last few days and my wild imagination had thoughts of what she or she and Jake could have been doing to entice intense emotions. Just as quickly as those thoughts entered my head I let them go. It was not my business what they were doing.
She looked at me and the others then grabbed Lissa, Adrian and Oksana and ushered them into the hallway toward the conference room. Okay bad thoughts return.
I was left with Christian and the other Guardians to wonder what was going on with Roza.
The foursome returned. Adrian and the girls looked a little smug fighting smiles, while Roza looked nervous as hell.
She walked up to me. "So…um…yeah – Adrian thinks that…." She trailed off and looked at Adrian to throw her a life preserver.
"What Rose is trying to say is that we need to do an experiment with you to see what emotions trigger the connection from Rose to Lissa. Once Lissa can focus on how to tap into her brain and perfect the communication we think that she'll be able to perfect the connection and control it."
"Okay. So what exactly does that mean?"
Adrian cracked a huge grin while Oksana and Lissa fought smiles; Rose glared at all of them and then looked out the window sighing as she looked away.
Adrian rubbed his hands together mischievously. "Well we think you two should go off and see what types of things you can do to elicit extreme emotions."
"Oh" I looked at Roza and she gave me a smile which I think was supposed to be reassuring, but it just screamed how anxious she was.
"You know talk about your past, uncomfortable things, things that would make her nervous." Adrian continued to explain.
"Or extreme emotions, like what would be sparked by a kiss from a former lover." Oksana stated seriously with a straight face.
Rose did not like being put into a corner, she glared at Oksana. "We were never lovers." She said coldly to Oksana.
Oksana instantly looked remorseful. "I am sorry."
Roza looked at her just as remorseful. "I am sorry too. This is just weird."
Adrian shrugged. "Well Jake is MIA today and I think we need to work on this ASAP - so get on with it you two." He made a shooing motion towards us giving us his classic smirk.
Roza looked to me. "Let's go Comrade and see if we can get my BFF to tap into my brain." She gave me a genuine smile and I relaxed a little. She looked back. "Adrian can you call Alberta and tell her I am not going to the daycare for a little so we can work on this?"
"Sure Rose I'll call her now." I just noticed she had a white bag in her hands and I wondered what it was.
We walked out of the building in silence. "So where do you want to go?"
"How about your apartment?"
"Sure" We headed toward mine and Zander's place.
We walked into my apartment and Roza has an evil smile on her face. "What?"
"Oh I was wondering maybe I could dip Oksana's toothbrush in the toilet. You know a little payback?"
"Roza you wouldn't?"
She smirked at me. "No I wouldn't, but it is tempting. I wouldn't do that to her, but she did piss me off a little earlier."
"I am sorry Roza."
She held up her hands in front of her as if to say relax. "Look Dimitri its fine, I've just been avoiding one-on-one time with you since it seems we don't always behave when we are alone together. I just figured things out with Jake and I don't want to screw it up again. It's nothing personal your ass is just too sexy for your own good."
I was never a vain person, but hearing Roza call me sexy put a smug smile on my face.
She looked at me playfully. "A little smug are we Comrade?"
I shrugged not apologetic, I loved that she called me sexy.
"You have always been like a Russian God in my eyes? She said mumbling the words together at the end.
"What?"
She shrugged. "That's what I used to call you in my head, My Russian God."
"Used to?" I teased.
She shrugged and I could see sassy Roza was out to play. Without even trying we were flirting like crazy, yes Roza was right to keep away from me we always came to this same point. It was like we were magnets drawn to each other and the closer we got the heavier the pull was to come together.
She shook her head as if to shake off the feelings that always swirl around us and put some space between us by sitting on the smaller of my two couches. She patted the spot next to her. I sat down and immediately felt the warmth of her travel up my leg as we connected.
"So let's do this thing, I have a handsome little boy waiting for a chocolate donut."
"Zander?"
"Yes I promised him donuts for his morning snack." So that's what was in the bag.
"You spoil him."
She nodded not denying it. "I do, I can't help it, I love him."
"He loves you, thank you Roza." She was so good to him. I believe Zander loved her the same if not more than he would have Tasha.
"Don't thank me, I feel selfish."
"Why?"
She stared a beat longer than normal with sad tortured eyes. "Well I feel like you should move on, find a new wife, girlfriend, whatever, and have more kids. And well my relationship with Z might damage a relationship you would have with a future wife or girlfriend."
When will she ever hear me, believe me?
I held her hand, she looked down at our clasped hands and then into my eyes. "Roza, I don't want anyone else, please don't think like that. I love that you and Z are so close." I look down and collect my thoughts thinking how I should pose this to her. "I guess I am a little jealous, I want to be that close to you. I know it's silly, but Z and you have this connection, I wish you and I had the same thing."
She looked at me and her eyes grew bigger, she blinked a few times. "Comrade I do feel a connection with you, that's the problem. It's always been so natural between us, so hard to fight something you know you should and you know is wrong."
I was crushed, wrong. We were wrong? "Roza we maybe a lot of things, but wrong?"
She shook her head. "I am sorry I didn't mean it that way I meant that there's Jake and you had Tasha and it's just wrong."
She rubbed her hands over her face. "You know I am pretty stressed if she can't feel me now then I don't know if she can."
"What were you doing when she felt you before?" The curiosity was killing me.
Roza pursed her lips. "Um I was listening to Soraya Mazur tell her Dad that he didn't love her since he couldn't convince Jake to come Guard her."
"I am sorry Roza."
"It's like déjà vu. Remember the lodge?"
Here we go a walk through my past of hell and bad decisions.
"Yes Roza I remember, but I wish I didn't. Actually I wish I could go back in time and change some things."
She gave me a grim face. "I don't"
And she stabs me in the heart. "Oh"
"Dimitri, I don't want you to go back and change anything because you wouldn't have Z." She held both my hands. "I know I was hurt, but Comrade that little boy of yours is so special that I can't regret what happened, I just can't"
And neither could I. "You are right Roza, I couldn't go back if it meant losing Z. But please know that hurting you, even though I thought it was the best thing for you at the time, is the biggest regret of my life." As I spoke our eyes locked and I felt that same draw, the intense connection that has always been there. She looked away breaking our trance and I couldn't contain my sigh.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything"
"If Tasha did not die would you have had more kids?"
Shit anything but that. I paused for a bit so I could collect my thoughts. "Honestly?"
She turned back and looked at me. "Honestly, please." She pleaded with me.
"I really don't know. You have to understand that I just wanted to have a healthy child. The future was an unknown for me I tried not to think about it too much."
She scrunched her eyebrows together. "Why?"
Silly girl – I brushed check tenderly. "Because the thought of a future without you was too hard for me to think about."
Her eyes got huge and she gasped. "I felt her, it was flash, but I felt her. Man that is weird."
My phone rang; I saw that it was Adrian. He wanted to talk to Roza so I gave her the phone. She went into the kitchen to talk. I could mostly follow what he wanted from the one sided conversation.
She came in and looked a little frustrated. "So he wants us to try something else. He thought we should train and you should try to make me mad, but I promised Z I'd be there today so let's go to the daycare, see him and then we can head to the gym."
"Okay"
We walked in comfortable silence to Z's school. Roza held the donuts that she had for Z and I had some coffee in a thermos for us.
It was almost time for morning snack. Z spotted us and immediately ran into Roza's arms. She expertly picked him up at the perfect time, spun him around and hugged him. They had this greeting thing down; my heart grew every time I saw them do it.
"Laya you came? Yay!"
She rubbed his hair and kissed his temple. "Of course baby, I promised you."
"Oh - hi Daddy!"
"Hello son nice of you to notice me." I joked with him while chuckling at his antics. He gave an unapologetic shrug, but ran into my arms and gave me a classic Z bone-crushing hug.
"I love you Daddy."
"I love you too Z." I saw Roza watching us and the look on her face was pure adoration and love. But in my peripheral I saw Renatta headed our way. Great.
"Hi Dimitri long time no see."
"Hello Renatta."
She gestured between Roza and me. "Will this be a daily thing or is this just for today."
"We are on Guardian business, but are on a break so are spending some time with my son." I stated to her as opposed to asking her since it was not her place to question us. As I predicted she backed down, let out a small humph and walked away. She knew Roza was busy Alberta had called the daycare to tell them she would be out today and told the perimeter guards to keep an eye on the building.
We had snack with Z and his friends. The other kids seemed a little jealous so Roza promised them tomorrow she would bring enough donuts for the entire class. She was corrupting these poor little babes to be donut disciples like her. Z was hooked thanks to her, but I wasn't too worried as long as we kept the donut intake to a minimum.
Snack time was over and Roza caught me glancing at my watch, I wanted to get to the gym to test Adrian's theory before it got too late.
Roza picked up on my actions. She looked at Z and ran her hand through his hair. "Hey Zander your Dad and I need to do some Guardian business so we are going to head out, but we'll be back later okay?"
In perfect form he put a pout on his face. I saw Roza frown; she wasn't as immune to his theatrics as I was. He stomped his feet and crossed his little arms over his chest. "But who's going to rub my back when I fall asleep."
"Ms. Tanya"
"But she won't do it the way I like, like you do it." He climbed into her lap and hugged her, boy he was really putting it on thick.
"I am sorry sweetie, but we have to go. I promise I'll be back later and we'll play okay?"
He put his arm around her neck and lay on her shoulder. "Five more minutes, we play blocks then you go." He mumbled into her shoulder.
"Okay" She took him over to his favorite play station and they started on a block fortress.
They worked on this creation for a few minutes, more like seven not five. "Z it's time I have to go."
He jumped in her lap and hung on for dear life. "Please Laya, please don't leave me." He whined. Oh brother.
"Zander Christian." I warned, he popped his head up at me like a prairie dog and looked at me.
He drew out his theatrical good-bye to Roza for five more minutes and shed tears as we walked out. Once we shut the door she stood against the wall and dropped to the floor putting her head in her hands.
"Roza are you okay?"
I heard her sniff. "Sorry I need a minute."
"OH!" She looked up at me. "I felt her, Lissa she tapped into my head. I guess coming to see Zander was a good idea." She looked a little disoriented. "It still feels weird like I can feel her feeling me."
Adrian called and I handed Roza the phone. Lissa is trying to perfect the communication so it's more two way and not one sided with Roza double feeling Lissa, feeling her. Their communication is so complicated it made my head hurt a little. But I wanted to help anyway I could since a two-way communication between the two of them could be invaluable.
"You okay?"
"Yeah" I wasn't fully convinced.
"Can I show you something?" She raised one eyebrow at me, still can't believe she can do that now.
"Okay"
I ushered her to the camera room. We stood in front of the camera that was focused on Z's group. Ms. Tanya held him as a few crying aftershocks rocked through his body. Just as soon as he started crying he was fine and ran off with his friends to finish his fortress.
Roza gaped at me. "Wow…"
"I know. Its transition – it's hard for kids. See he's fine now. Okay?"
She nodded and dried the rest of her tears left on her beautiful face. "Yeah" She looked at me with grateful eyes. "Thank you Comrade I appreciate it. For a second there I thought you had no heart for my baby boy." Her calling Z that made my heart flutter.
"I am just a little more immune to his antics. The first time I left him and he cried I died a little. Then Momma taped how quickly he recovered and sent me the video via cell phone." I shook my head remembering how horrible I felt that day.
She took a settling breath as she watched Z and the other kids play with blocks. "Okay I am ready to go."
Lissa, Adrian and Oksana met us at the gym and they went into a private room while I set up for mine and Roza's work out. I hadn't worked out with her since we got back from Russia. I was excited; I had a natural smile on my face when Jake walked in.
"Hey D, working out?" Shit what do I tell him? Thankfully Roza walked back into the work out area so she got to deal with him. She pulled him to a corner to catch him up to speed.
"So Dimitri we need extreme emotions, fear, rage. " Adrian said. "It seems from what Rose told me that we've already had anxiety, love and sadness so we need to try some other stuff so her and Liss can perfect this. I'll talk to Jake and make sure he covers the passion emotion tonight."
My teeth audibly clinched, his words hurt me to the core. In a rare move he puts his hand on my shoulder in a comforting way. "Look sorry that was out of line. I know what it feels like to love her and not be able to have her, and then seeing another man with her." He shook his head to stave off the thoughts he spoke of. "But now that I have Anni things are different, maybe it's time for you to move on."
"I tried that once remember. It was not good for either of us."
He blew out a sigh. "True. Anyway man enough heavy shit; get to work Guardian."
I nodded at him and gave him an unspoken thank you for his words. His eyes told me he understood.
"Okay Comrade you ready. Um Jake is going help with some two on one drills with us after we warm up, but he can't stay the whole time." Oh bummer *evil grin*
I point outside. "Sixteen laps." I fight my smile as I hear Roza mutter under her breath, some things never change. I follow her outside there's no way that I am going to let her run without me. Jake stays inside and does his warm up in the gym. I think he was waiting for us to leave so he could talk to Adrian in private about what is going on with Roza.
Ooo ooO === Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO
"So Dimitri things seem good with Rose and Lissa, it's not perfected, but they are working on their two-way communication I think in a few months it will be well tuned. Then they'll need to learn about privacy." Oksana gave me sheepish grin. Mark and Zander were sleeping and we were having tea catching up on what had gone on the last few days.
"I think Roza has been able to block Lissa out in the past, right?
"Yes, but this is all new she has to learn all over again."
"Hmm" Was my non-intelligent response, but my mind was running wild thinking about how their bond has grown and changed.
"Not to change the subject, but I haven't had a chance to watch Zander that much since we've been here. Even though we are getting our own place soon please know that I would love to watch him whenever you need help. He's a joy; he makes me want one of my own so bad." That made me curious.
"Have you ever thought about having a baby?"
She looked at her tea cup deep in thought. "I am sorry I didn't mean to pry." I felt bad for prying.
"No no it's okay." She shrugged. "We've tried, but it hasn't happened yet."
"I'm sorry."
She looked at me almost apologetically. "No it's fine. I love Mark with all my heart no matter what. If we are blessed with children I will be thrilled, but if not I am fine with that too. He's my soul mate, either way I couldn't be happier."
"I agree. Roza felt I left to have a baby and not to protect her. I can't regret what I did since I have Zander, but if I would have listened to my heart and not my head I would have been happy just the two of us. But life had other plans." As the weight of my words settled around us Oksana squeezed my hand.
"Maybe life has taken you on a detour from your soul mate, but you have to have faith."
I studied Oksana wondering if her abilities allowed her to know what the future would hold.
"I may be able to brush and read minds, but I cannot predict the future. But Dimitri I know what you two feel for each other and I believe you won't have any choice, but to end up together." She knew what I was feeling, Spirit is an amazing thing.
As I tossed and turned that night I couldn't help but turn Oksana's words around in my head. I tried not to hang onto the hope her words gave me, but I couldn't help it. As much as I loved Jake like a brother it paled in comparison to my love for Roza. The more time Zander and I spent with her the more I saw that we were meant to be together - to be a family. I had hope and I knew that hope would give me the strength I needed to be patient. As I tried to sleep the Guns and Roses song Patience ran through my head on replay until I fell asleep.
Ooo ooO === Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO
"Bye Daddy I love you."
"I love you too Z I'll see you tonight." I looked around for Roza, but she had not gotten to the center yet.
I walked towards the Court central offices, towards our designated work room where everyone was, sans Eddie and Christian.
"Where is Christian?" I asked Lissa.
"Oh he had to go get the girls our babysitter is sick so they have to be here with us today."
"I can help with them." The little twins I have always loved, but since we have been at Court they have wormed their way into my heart and wrapped me around their chubby little fingers.
"I think I'll need to put them at the center soon they are mobile now and need to be with kids their own age. Plus Rose will be at the facility so she can keep an eye on them." The toddler room was next to Zander's class in the same building.
I watched and played with the girls while Lissa, Oksana and Adrian worked. Christian worked with the other Guardians on tactics. I wanted to be involved, but they promised to review everything with me when the girls took a nap.
"Dimitri, Brett and I are going to get lunch are you and Mark okay with just the two of you for a few minutes?"
"Sure Eddie we'll be fine." Adrian had already left with his Guardian to have lunch with Annika.
I started feeding Alexis while Lissa fed Annabel. Mark and Oksana were planning their move whilst Christian was online trying to buy new cell phones – apparently their phones still weren't working well in Europe and they all needed to get new ones.
Lissa gasped. "Oh my god Rose. Oh no, Strigoi!" Mark and I immediate went into Guardian mode. Shit it was only the two of us.
"Where?"
"She's at the center; she sensed them and evacuated the kids to the chapel. She's fighting them outside so everyone can escape. Oh god Rose."
"Mark, Christian get them to them to the chapel, I am going to help Roza." I looked Christian in the eye. "Don't let anyone get them." I turned to Mark. "Get them secure and get Alberta to send reinforcements."
Mark and Christian understood the situation and would protect everyone. Lissa assured me Zander was safe. I ran towards Z's school. I saw Roza fighting three Strigoi, she was amazing, but was struggling with the two male and one female Strigoi. She staked one of the males right before I approached.
As she pulled out her stake and the lifeless Strigoi dropped to the ground, as she watched it gave the female Strigoi a one second chance to lung at Roza. "Roza no" I jumped in-between them and felt a sharp pain in my side. My vision blurred, but I was able to raise my stake and stab it into the creature's heart. I saw the light leave her eyes and we both fell to the ground.
"Dimitri!" I heard Roza scream.
My vision was blurred, but I saw the last Strigoi coming at Roza. "Roza behind you!"
Realization hit her she turned and fought with the Strigoi until she was finally able to get the upper hand and stake him. It was surreal watching her, she was beautiful.
I felt dizzy like I was floating. I knew I was bleeding I could smell it, that Strigoi must have got me with a knife.
Roza dropped to the ground and leaned over me. "Oh Comrade…" She sounded wounded, strangled, her tone scared.
"Roza are you okay?"
"Yes, but Dimitri your side…" She sobbed. "She got you with a knife."
She inspected my side. "Shit there's so much blood." I saw her close her eyes and concentrate.
"I just called Lissa she's coming - she can heal you."
"NO! It's not safe."
"They are all dead it's okay."
"I am so tired Roza."
"Dimitri talk to me you cannot go to sleep."
I cupped her cheek her face blurred in and out of my vision, but I had to tell her how I felt. "I love you Roza, I'll always love…"
"NO! Comrade stop it, stop talking like that you are going to be fine."
"I am so tried Roza. Is Z okay?"
A sweet smile spread over her stressed features. I love this smile - this was her Zander smile - she always got it when she was around or spoke or my baby boy. "He's fine, he's with Christian and Mark, he's fine." She cooed as she tenderly rubbed my face. She made me feel so cherished.
"I love you and Z so much." I slurred - talking was so hard I fought to keep my eyes open as Roza spoke frantically above me. Here sweet words of her love for me were the last things I heard before I succumbed to the darkness that beckoned me.
Yes I waited forever to give you an update and I left you with a cliffy, but really do you think I could ever kill the Russian God. He's not going to die don't worry.
Reviews are better than chocolate donuts!