CHAPTER 20

James PoV

Something was wrong.

I had never pried myself about having a sixth sense, hell I was completely dense most of the times. But not today. Something was different, off, and it really made a worried mess. I had tried to call Kendall, thinking that perhaps I was just missing him too much but as always, his phone was unresponsive sending me directly to voicemail. Then I turned my hopes to Carlos and Logan, they told me that they had last seen Kendall when he headed to hockey practice and after his crazy schedule the last week, they really had no idea where he was.

At the moment I was making a remarkable performance trying to act normal in front of potential associates. Of course I really had no clue about the details of the deal and my grandfather would probably give me shit for that but I couldn't bring myself to fully hear what they were saying, the whole presentation was a blur. I was only glad that I decided to bring my trusted assistant, Mia, with me to Washington, she was taking notes clearly noticing that I was not into the presentation.

"Is there a problem James?" she asked as the men talked among themselves.

"I don't know…do you have any calls for me? No one has tried to contact me?" I tapped the table with my fingers awaiting her answer.

"No…are you expecting one?" I shook my head seeing the executives move to start another rant about how incredible their company was and how perfect a deal for us it would be.

I was supposed to be excited about this; this had been my project from the start, the great boost the cosmetics division needed to be international. Why I felt like I wanted to run the fuck away from here? I really had no idea but again, it didn't feel good at all.

I raised my brow when Mia excused herself to answer the phone outside looking slightly troubled. I swallowed seeing a hundred different scenarios play in my head, I truly hoped that my gut was wrong and that it was only Nicholas complaining about something.

That hope went to the dump the second Mia came back looking pale.

"What is it?" I asked not caring that I had interrupted one of the expositors.

"It was from the hospital" my mouth went dry hearing her words.

"Is she…?"

"She´s dead" I felt her words like a slap in the face. I felt sick, like suddenly all the air around me had disappeared. I had known she had little time left, after my last visit I had made sure to read her whole medical history knowing that Kendall was not likely to share anything. I had also asked them to call me if something happened.

"Fuck" I whispered passing a hand through my face. Kendall. If I had problems getting around the idea of her death I couldn't even imagine how he must´ve been.

"Mr. Diamond?" I looked at the suited men around me; all of them had weary expressions waiting to hear what I was going to do next…

The hell, what was I still doing here?

"Sorry gentlemen but we´ll have to reschedule" I stood up and began gathering my things.

"Mr. Diamond, we are under a really tight schedule…I hardly think…" began one of them.

"Mr. Simmons, my mother in law just died, I don't care if you don't want to wait some more to close the deal, but I have to leave" said this I began walking out followed by Mia "Please call the captain…"

"Already on that, he says they´ll be ready in half an hour" I nodded taking long strides until I reached the stairs and practically jumped down knowing that the elevator would go slower. When I arrived at the parking lot, I got inside my car hitting the gas. I needed to get there fast.

After the fucking worst six hours of my entire life, I was finally there. I ran through the hospital´s entrance not caring about the angry shouts behind my back as I made my way to the nurse´s station.

"I´m here for Jennifer Knight" I told the nurse looking around in case Kendall was there while the woman checked the computer.

"I´m sorry sir but she…"

"I know" I choked closing my eyes not wanting to see her sorry look "Is her son in here? Kendall Diamond" I didn't even stop to think of how wonderful his name sounded with my last name, I needed to find him.

"Yes we transferred him to a room a couple of minutes ago" I froze. What? What had happed to him? "He had a nervous breakdown, we had to sedate him" she explained probably seeing my horrified look "I just need your name and relation to the patient before I tell you where"

"James Diamond and I´m his husband" I passed a hand through my hair hoping for the woman to hurry the hell up.

"Room 204" the instant my brain caught up with those numbers I ran to the second floor.

"201…202…203…" I stepped outside the room and took a deep breath before opening the door. Inside it was dark, the only light being a small lamp next to the bed where Kendall was resting. He looked so small, so broken. I fisted my hands gathering strength before letting out a breath and making my way to the chair next to him.

I sat fixing my eyes on his face feeling my gut clench at the sight of it. He looked thinner than the last time I saw him, his cheekbones looked sharper and his skin lacked more color than usual. He was curled up hugging his middle, like he was trying to hold himself together against the world…the fucking world that took away the most important being in his life, the world that married him to a douchebag and that pulled a bill above his head long before he could even call himself a man.

I raised my hand and caressed his cheek feeling my heart break for him. I had never felt so deeply for anyone in my life, I would give anything to make him happy, to keep him in my arms every day for the rest of our lives and to erase that aching aura from him. All I wanted to do was to jump on that bed and hug him, tell him that things would be fine but I was not sure I could, even if I refused to believe that he didn't feel anything for me I was not sure about the length of those feelings so I decided for taking his hand instead.

"I love you" I whispered kissing his knuckles "I will take care of you, either you want it or not" I promised before closing my eyes and letting out a long breath. I had to find a way to help him, to take away his burden and to make him open up to me. I pressed my lips together not moving my gaze from him, part of me wanted him to wake up so I could get lost inside those emerald eyes again, but I knew he needed the rest, he looked exhausted and drained "I hope you´re not planning on running away from me" I voiced my thoughts knowing that his mother had been a great influence on keeping us together, I really had no idea about his plans now.

I sat there for a couple of more hours, the doctors had already come and checked on him telling me that the sedatives were already off, that he was sleeping because his body needed it and that he could wake up in about an hour. I had listed to them telling me about Mrs. Knight death; how desperate and lost Kendall had looked, this somehow didn't surprised me. She had been the center of his life for so long, it was fair to understand that he would feel somehow lost without her, without a purpose to drive him forward.

Fuck, I remembered how I felt when my grandmother died, she had been the wise mind behind lots of advise, keeping me on track and guiding me to be a better men…of course I had been nothing like Kendall and I had ended up doing the exact opposite of what she had taught me.

Sometime after midnight I decided that I could drift off a little bit, I was a little jetlagged and tired from the trip, not to mention the lack of sleep that came with missing his body next to mine at night. I sighed trying to get comfy in that awful metal chair when I heard the unmistakable sound of a vibrating phone, I looked around spotting Kendall´s phone on the nightstand, I took it seeing the caller ID.

Jett

I really had no idea what pushed me to answer it.

Kendall PoV

I didn't want to wake up. I was beginning to think that I could happily die inside this blackness; let it swallow me so I couldn't feel anything, not the hurtful lump in my throat, the emptiness in my chest or fucking ache that enclosed every inch of my body. But even if I refused to acknowledge it, I could already feel the blissful darkness drifting away from me making me painfully aware of my surroundings. First I was conscious a soft bed beneath me and a thin sheet covering my body, then a constant aching in my muscles probably because of my position. And finally, a warm set of hands.

One of them combing my hair, letting its fingers caress my scalp with such care that for a second I could´ve thought that I had imagined it, because it almost reminded me the ghostly caress of my mother´s fragile hands…that simple thought, made me catch my breath at the wave of sorrow it created.

Desperate to drift my mind somewhere else, I made an effort to concentrate in something else, the other hand that was firmly grasping mine, like it was a way to tell me that I had to come back, that that was the way for me to hold on to any sanity that I could have left. A little voice inside my head thought that maybe it was all a dream and that no one was there. That I was alone, that she was gone forever and I would continue like this until I could not keep going or someone decided to end me…maybe that was the best option.

Die, rest…what was the difference? I just wanted it all to be over.

Suddenly, I began to feel cold. Not in a normal way, more like the lack of warmth that came from inside of me, crawled its way up shaking my body and forcing me to curl further into myself hoping to survive the dread that threatened to consume me.

Kendall

That voice. I knew it, it was him. James…but how? He was away, I had sent him far away, he couldn't be there.

Kendall

His voice called for me convincing me that maybe he was there after all. He spoke softly and hesitant, like he feared I could break any moment. Too late, I was already broken and every piece fought to dig inside my soul making every breath painful.

She was gone. The reason that kept me going every single day was gone and now I had no idea what I had to do, where to go or if I even wanted to keep on going.

Kendall, wake up.

I grasped his hand as I felt it moving away, he couldn't leave me, not him… I needed to see him, to hold him and never let go.

Love, please, open your eyes!

My breath hitched hearing the urgency in his voice and decided to make an effort and open them. At first I was completely blinded, not for the light, but because everything looked blurry. Then I realized that those were my own tears so I blinked a few times feeling them roll down my face finally clearing my vision.

And there he was.

He was looking at me through worried eyes as his hand anxiously caressed my hair and face. I wanted to ask him what was he doing there, he had mayor business back in Washington, he shouldn't be here…but the only sound that came from my lips the second I opened my mouth was a strangled sob and he didn't even take a second before his arms were securely around me.

And I could not hold it any longer.

I cried.

I cried for my father, the fucking bastard that didn't give a shit about his family. The monster that dared to show us as a perfect happy family when he knew that me, his fucking kid, had seen him fucking countless sluts over the years. The sick addict that had gambled everything until his last breath, not caring what could´ve become of his wife and son.

I cried for my mother, my beautiful mother that had been taken away so unfairly. That had suffered most of her life but at the same time, had always kept a bright smile for me when she knew I needed it the most.

I screamed in rage for myself, deciding to be selfish just this once. I yelled for the kid that had sought revenge on innocents, hoping that they suffered more than him so he could think that his life wasn't a complete hell. For the boy that had lost everything, including his childhood for the sake of his dying mother. For whoever I was today, that couldn't make the man he loved happy because it was too dangerous, too painful to be around him.

I asked him fucking why? Why her? Why us? Until my throat gave up and I could only whisper curses as my fingers dug inside his back. I knew that it must´ve been painful but he didn't say a thing. He just kept hugging me; letting me get it all out awaiting the moment when my body couldn't take it any longer. Somehow his body had migrated so he was resting next to me on the bed, keeping my head firmly on the crook of his neck as his arms enveloped me giving me his much needed warmth.

I began to feel my eyes heavy as my body, drained from all I had asked from it, decided that it was time to shut down for a while. My breaths kept a stubborn hitching even after all the tears were gone and his shirt was soaking wet. His hands made calming circles around my back as I tried to gather the strength to look at him, but I was too ashamed, too vulnerable to really do it.

James PoV

I felt him gradually relax against my chest. I felt guilty thinking that I was glad it was over, but I was. He hadn´t cried silently, just letting mute tears go their way, he had cried like everything he did, giving it his all. I had felt every sob, every groan and scream right through me, I had felt his sorrow, his hate and frustration over his own life.

He had let me see everything that had been stored deep inside of him for most of his life and all I could do was to hold him, to let him know that I wouldn't let go, not now, not ever.

"I love you" I whispered kissing his hair and my heart gave a leap when instead of pushing me away, he seized me even harder making sure that every part of his body was in contact with mine and a couple of minutes later he fell asleep.

I watched how his body seemed a lot more peaceful, probably because he had decided to let part of his burden go and I could not be more grateful for that. I closed my eyes knowing that even if I was tired I wouldn't be able to sleep, not while I heard Jett´s words roll around my head every second.

Poor Kenny, he has no idea that I already know who the secret little boyfriend is…tell me James, what are you willing to do to protect him?

Hehee cliffy… :P

Owww Thank you, thank you so much for all the faves and reviews! Really you make my week :)

Now I know it´s short but I wanted to update today, what did you think about this chapter? Ohohohoo I wanted to write this for some time now, this will get interesting! So, love it? Hate it? Review?

P.S. I´ll go camping next week so I won´t be able to update, be kind to me and don't kill me haha

Take care!