Vacuous Heart of Blood

Author: MoonStarDutchess

Chapter 20: Feelings

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist and gain no profit from this fanfiction. All I own is my idea.

When Roy made his way back into his room, the first thing he noticed was the screen in front of the tub was moved and Riza was no longer there. He had to walk further into the room before he could see her. She was lying on her side in front of the fire place and he could hear her steady breathing in the typical sleep pattern. He walked over, sat the mugs on the mantle, and bent to check the changes in her appearance since her changing. Small chill bumps prickled upon her skin in spite of being in front of the roaring fire, a testament to the vast temperature drop her body was undergoing. He'd observed earlier that her skin was paler but it was only now, when it contrasted starkly with the dark rug under her, that he truly noticed how pallid she became. He caressed the side of her face before resting his hand on her shoulder and shaking her.

"Wake up. You need to drink some more blood."

She groaned and opened her eyes. After blinking once and staring at him for a moment, she heaved herself into a sitting position and grabbed her stomach when it lurched. He handed her one of the mugs, keeping the other for himself. "I was sleeping so well too."

"You need to drink and eat a large amount since your body is adapting to your new self. Sleep isn't needed as much."

"Says you," she said and followed with a yawn before taking a sip of the cup's contents. "Blood is the best tasting thing I've ever had. That's horrifying."

"But a normal feeling."

She peered down into the mug. "Wonder if chocolate still tastes as good as it did when I was human."

Roy knew she wasn't posing the question to him but answered it anyway. "It does. Chocolate is a favorite food among vampires. Gracia commented that all food tasted better since she changed."

Riza nodded and took another drink of the blood, swishing it in her mouth before swallowing this time so she could get the full taste. It certainly was easier to drink when it wasn't pouring out of a dead body.

"This is human blood?"

Roy laughed and flopped down on the couch behind her. "No, not at all. We don't hang up dead humans and drain their blood. It's animal. Deer I think." He rested his hand at the back of her neck and massaged it. "You are having a difficult time."

"No, I'm fine."

"No you aren't. Would you rather have died than been changed into one of us?"

"You don't know how it feels when you are human one moment then the next you are a creature that you thought was only in books and legends. How am I supposed to feel?" She finished off her blood and put the mug on the side table.

"You always seemed like you were up for an adventure. Consider this one."

She jerked away from his hand and shot to her feet. Her upper lip curled like a beast; he found it extremely arousing. "Adventure!" she screeched and he cringed. "Is that what you call this? My life has never ever been mine to control but I knew my world. I knew what was expected, what to do, and how to hold out." She paced past him twice and then stopped and folded her arms in front of her chest. "I almost had a way out of that life!"

"Killing yourself is a coward's way."

"I wasn't going to kill myself. My father was going to send me to a place I loved in Creta." Her body slouched as if all the anger and her energy evaporated. She moved to sit beside him on the couch and leaned forward. "I was going to live and die peacefully. Then this happened."

"I see."

She looked at him and her lips perked with a brief smile. "I'm sorry. I should be blaming Archer, or even Ivan for this. I shouldn't be lambasting you. If I wasn't so nice I'd go to Archer's house and kill him. I don't know what to do now. I don't know how to be a vampire."

"I can't relate to you completely seeing as this is the world I was born into. But from what I've seen, and comparing human and vampire lifestyles, it isn't so abnormally different that you'll be shunned. And women can work and be perfectly accepted in vampire society. Most just choose to marry though."

Riza wrinkled her nose. "Why?"

"They like it."

"Different strokes for different folks."

"If you fall in love you might be very anxious to marry. Even, dare I say, enjoy it. However, I do understand your apprehension to mating with someone forever."

"You share it?"

Roy nodded.

"Well it doesn't matter if I fall in love or not. I'm pretty much damaged goods."

"Don't refer to yourself like an item that's to be bought or traded. If you didn't like people treating you that way as a human then don't treat yourself that way now."

"Force of habit," she said.

"Get over it. It's annoying."

"Yes your majesty, so sorry to ruffle your . . . bat wings."

Roy grinned. "That's better." He adjusted his posture and swung his arm over the back of the couch behind her shoulders. "Losing your virginity before you're married, or blood bonded as we call it, isn't a big deal for either sex in vampire society. You can fuck as many people as you'd like."

"So you're saying vampires are more liberal?"

He shrugged. "I suppose you could word it in that manner. I prefer to say that we just don't give a shit."

She deliberately redirected her gaze to the fire as her cheeks heated. "Even so, I don't think I could have sex without some feelings there."

"Do you consider being aroused a feeling?"

"I meant emotions."

"Emotions won't matter much when you're in heat."

She jerked her head towards him. "In heat? You mean like a canine?"

"There are seasons when vampires are more prone to lustful urges than others. It's not a big deal."

"But we do have control over it. I mean I'm not going to jump on any man that-"

"Or woman."

"Whoa… what?"

"Quite a few vampires are bisexual."

"So you and that Maes fellow have a-"

"Don't go there Riza," he warned. "I'm only heterosexual. Besides, I wouldn't tear myself away from the female populous for even a moment."

"Lucky us." She scooted away a few inches when a predatory look washed over his features. Then she found herself on her back and him leaning over her with the same ravenous gaze he had when they first met. She still had no ability to sense his quick movements.

"Yes, you are lucky." He trailed his tongue down to lick the side of her face before moving to her lips to tease with a brief kiss.

"But why?" She met his gaze without hesitation and searched for answers within the darkness.

"Why?"

"You took me, pleasured me, then you go through all that trouble to save me. I want to know your reasons."

Roy scrambled for an answer and finally decided to reveal the least emotionally invested one. "You interest me."

"I was just a human."

Roy grabbed her hair and pulled her head back, revealing a greater portion of the front of her neck. She found the pain that would've been there before she turned wasn't present. In fact, his roughness felt amazing. She bit her lip as his teeth descended to its middle, scraping along rough enough to pinch, but not hard enough to draw blood. "If I knew that then I wouldn't be as obsessed with you as I am now." His lips engulfed hers and his tongue plunged into her mouth, moving around her teeth and meeting her tongue.

She pressed herself against him, desire hissing in her body like acid, and a need to possess every part of him envenoming her subconscious like a poison. Then she screamed in pain and pushed him off, causing him to flip over the other side of the couch and onto the floor. He leaped to his feet, breathing like a bull about to charge, and jerked his gaze over to the couch. When he saw she was no longer there, he looked to the fireplace. She was pressed back against the rough surface and breathing heavily.

"What's wrong?" he asked before he saw the answer. She was holding her shoulder. Pale grey streams of smoke rose from around her hand and between the small separations of each finger. He looked where she was lying previously and saw a small stream of light. He moved over to the window where there was a small crack in the curtain and lapped one part of the fabric over the other to block the sun before looking back at her. She bit her lower lip to keep from whimpering. He'd seen the most manliness Changlings cry after getting a sun injury so he was very impressed with her.

He walked over and took hold of her wrist. She growled at him and he grinned before pulling her hand away from the wound. "I thought you said that the sun didn't hurt us."

"I never said anything of the sort." He looked down at her injury and cringed. The skin was as dark as her blood and there were some slits where the sun had melted it. To the human eye it'd look like cuts but he could see that the edges where the gashes opened were burned. "It just drains our energy. Well purebloods anyway. It injures Changlings as you can see. Another reason I need to change you to a Halfling soon."

"Why not do it now and get it over with?"

"I want to let your body adapt to being a Changling first. If I could have changed you into a Halfling directly it would have been a lot easier. I wasn't planning on you …" He saw her look down and clamp her teeth together, as small tears formed at the corner of her eyes.

He stepped forward, lifted her off her feet and carried her over to the king size bed in a dark corner. The further away she moved from the fireplace the more her shivering increased. "I'm cold over here but my shoulder is bur-" She bit back a hiss and then buried her face at Roy's shoulder. He could feel tears wetting his skin but didn't say anything. It was amazing she'd held off crying for as long as she had.

"It will be healed by morning if you stay in the dark. As for the cold, we'll have you covered up in a minute. It will warm in here later."

"I didn't think vampires got cold,"

"Changlings and Halflings do. With purebloods it depends on if we regulate our bodies like humans or not." He put her down on her feet and tucked the bed down. "You'll have to sleep here tonight since all the other bedrooms are taken."

She nodded and lay down on the bed, cringing as her shoulder hit the mattress. She sat back up and sighed before offering him a kind, yet frustrated, smile. "Guess I…" she bit her lip as another swipe of pain lashed her.

"You'll have to sleep on your right side."

Roy turned to go away but Riza grabbed his wrist. "Are you going to sleep or do you not need it?"

"I'll sleep in front of the fireplace later."

"Why? We've slept in the same bed before. Sort of."

Roy stared down at her hand holding his wrist. It was shaking; whether it was because of her pain or the cold or something else, he didn't know. He looked into her eyes and saw exactly what he saw in the mirror when he let himself open up. She didn't want to be alone. She understood what he'd long denied and would continue to deny.

"You aren't the same man."

"What?"

"The man that took me over and over again at my house and outside isn't here right now is he?"

His anger screamed in his brain and he surrendered to its yells. He yanked his hand away from her. "From now on don't touch me without my permission. Understand?" He was expecting her to snap back at him but instead she smiled softly, nodded and turned to lie on her side, her back facing him.

A bothersome feeling, one he rarely experienced, hit him like a cloudburst. She was just concerned for him and he'd gone and snapped her head off without reason. He stalked towards the bath, ran the water, jerked off his clothing and got into the tub. He muttered as he sank himself under the water and stayed there, eyes open and looking up at the ceiling through the blurry haze of liquid.

Guilt was such a foreign emotion in him and she'd even managed to bring that out without trying. Hell, she brought out a cavalcade of things that he never thought he was capable of feeling. If he wanted, if he got angry enough, he could rip almost anyone into tiny pieces without a second thought. If it was someone he knew then he might feel bad for a few days but it wouldn't weigh on his mind as much as just the acrid tone he used against Riza. It was stupid, anserine, idiotic, and downright ridiculous! Yet it was truth. He lifted himself from the water by grabbing onto the tub's edges then dried off before donning his night clothing.

He turned to go back over to the bed to make up with her, not to apologize verbally but to at least smooth things out a bit. Roy moved the hair away from the side of her face, careful to avoid her still healing shoulder, and leaned closer. She still smelled so damn good. He ran his index finger down the side of her neck while longing to feel his teeth sink into her vampiric flesh. He mourned the fact he'd never be able to drink her blood.

Even though drinking her blood would be nothing but a burden upon him- and from what he knew she would consider it a bane as well- it didn't keep him from wondering if she tasted as good blood-wise as she did when he tasted other parts of her?

Roy shook his head. It didn't matter. He refused to get attached to a woman too much in any way. He'd go back over to the couch and sleep, and let her think he was angry. It was for the best. He turned to go over to the couch but then turned back.

He had trouble making up his mind. He argued two sides but finally went with the logical, and more masculine, desires. He didn't want to sleep on the couch when there was a nice warm bed with plenty of room and a curvy vampiress laying there willing to share it.

He lifted the covers, noting her shivers as he did so, and got under the duvet. He closed the curtain around the bed with a small rope beside him, and nestled down with her, wrapping one arm around her waist. The last thing that crossed his mind before he fell asleep was dismay that he was lulling off so quickly when usually it took much longer.

/-/-/-/-/

Riza's stomach growled and her throat itched as she sprang from sleep. She froze when she felt an arm draped over her, and saw Roy's face close to hers. He was still sound asleep; his mouth shut with no sign of that he was taking any breaths. She moved her head to his chest and listened.

No heartbeat. Amazing.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

She jumped and sat up straight. "I was just listening to your heartbeat."

Roy sat up with no signs that he'd been asleep showing on his face. Come to think about it, she wasn't sleepy or had trouble waking like she normally did.

"Listening for lack of heartbeat in other words," he said. "Are you still having a hard time believing all of this is real?"

Riza shook her head. "No, I was just curious."

"Why don't you just admit you wanted to snuggle?"

Riza reached up to fix his messy hair but then pulled her hand back like something bit her.

Roy motioned to her hand. "Why'd you do that?"

"You said not to touch you," Riza said and pointed at his hair."Your hair is ruffly."

"Ah," Roy looked away and ran his hand down his hair to flatten it. "I'm . . . Last night I was a bit narky. I don't mind if you touch me with good reasons."

"It's okay. I shouldn't anyway," she said and moved to the edge of the bed. She moved the curtain around it just a crack to check for sunlight. "Besides, I would be petulant too if I got saddled with something like me."

She squealed when he seized her around the waist and threw her on her back as easily as one would a ragdoll. He pinned her against the bed. "Stop talking about yourself like that!"

Riza opened her mouth but was too surprised to speak. How could he criticize her for talking the truth about herself when he did so brusquely when they first met? "You um… need darker curtains."

Roy's hold relaxed and his sights fell into her eyes. "You are… I wasn't exactly planning to have a Changling share my bed."

"Well, I can just leave when the sun sets. It's not as if it's very interesting here anyway." By god's name! Am I flirting?

His grip tightened once again and he leaned down until their noses touched. "And that means you want it to be more interesting?"

"No, that's not what I meant," she stammered and felt her cheeks flush. "It's not what you're thinking!" She looked away when his familiar lip-quirk appeared. He moved his head down beside hers, and his lips moved to brush against her ear.

"Funny," he whispered, "you smell like you mean exactly what I'm thinking." He kissed her ear and her body shifted. Chills disbursed through her and she almost moaned as he continued to kiss and lick the shell of her ear as if she was some sort of sweet. Desire pooled in her belly and she almost moved her arms to wrap around him but he pulled away. She was both disappointed and relieved.

"I'll go get you some breakfast since you can't come out of here for. . ." He crawled to the edge of the bed, open the curtain, and peered at the sun's position on the drapes and said, "Another hour." He moved the curtain and stepped out as Riza shifted away from the small stream of light. "I'll be back in a few minutes." He secured the curtain so that it occluded the light and she heard him exit the room. She shifted herself back under the blankets and moved to her left side. A thought shot through her brain and she sat up. She touched her shoulder where the sunlight burned the nightgown and her skin. While it was still tender, she was amazed that the scar was shut. In fact, all of her injuries from the night before were completely healed.

She moved closer to where Roy was laying, the area just as cool as the rest of the bed, and ran her hand across it. His presence was comforting to her but she didn't want to use him as a shield or as a security blanket, or a wall that blocked out the rest of the world. She wanted to be able to take care of herself and right now she felt like she was trapped in a fabric drenched cage and an enemy was outside wanting to eat her. If she was going to become more of a vampire, then she wanted it over and done with so she wouldn't be any trouble to him. It was only now that she realized what trouble she was for her father. That he didn't deserve her spoiled behavior.

/-/-/-/-/

Riza never remembered dozing off so she was surprised when a voice roused her from sleep. "Miss Hawkeye, are you awake?" she heard Pinako say.

She sat up and stretched. "Yes."

Pinako shifted the curtains carefully so she could sit a tray of food on the bed followed by a pair of slippers and a cloak. "Lord Mustang said after you eat please come downstairs. Slip the cloak on whether its night or day. Apparently you two are going out."

Riza minded her manners and didn't dig into the food and blood before her, even though it looked so good and her stomach cried out for it. "All right," she said. "Thank you."

Pinako chuckled and started to turn away. "Ma'am?"

The old woman turned back to her. "Call me Pinako please."

"I was just wondering why you are chuckling. You did it in the hallway last night too."

"The boy," she said. "I've known Roy since before his stalling and he's never-"

"I'm sorry to interrupt but what is stalling?"

"That is when a vampire stops aging. As for my chuckling, I laugh because I've never seen him treat anyone quite like he treats you. You're like a china doll to him."

"Thank you for telling me that," she said.

Pinako bowed her head and left the room.

Riza sat surrounded with complete bewilderment as she picked up the warm blood and drank it, not paying much attention to its taste. What Pinako said was- it didn't matter. He'd already stated he was obsessed with her, which might have been scary and unwelcomed if it were anyone but him.

He seemed to take special precedence when it came to her desires, and she was determined to figure out why before she left his "care".

/-/-/-/-/-/

"Though it's against my better judgment, I am going to trust you not to tell anyone in the village about my house here or about Riza. I can trust you can't I?" Roy said to Ivan as he stood at the door ready to leave into the dark evening.

"Don't you want to get even with Archer? I am more than willing to tell you his whereabouts."

"I'm sure Miss Hawkeye knows where he is if she decides she wants revenge."

"What about her family?" Ivan asked.

Roy looked at him quizzically. "Her family has nothing to do with her. She's a Changling now and doesn't belong in that world anymore. Its better they think she's dead so they won't look for her."

"And if she doesn't agree with you about being away from them? What then?"

Roy narrowed his eyes. Ivan was pushing his patience again. Why was he questioning the situation so much? Then Roy saw it. A familiar flash he saw in other people's expressions. "She'll let me know," he said with a tone that made it clear Riza was his responsibility now, and Ivan had no say in her future.

Ivan tilted his head up at Roy for a moment, lips pressed together tightly; his jaws clenched for just a moment before relaxing. He turned and left the home. Roy walked out onto the porch and Ivan stopped when he made it to the walkway. He didn't cast so much as a glance in Roy's direction. "I've never seen this place or Riza Hawkeye. I'm just a normal man with a normal job and a normal . . . family . . . to take care of." Roy noted his disappointed tone when he spoke of family and figured the man didn't exactly relish his situation very much on that front.

"Well that's good. We are all just normal people," Roy said. He waited on the porch until Ivan was out of sight before huffing and walking back into the house. He would've slammed the door if Maes hadn't been standing there.

"Are you really going to trust him?"

Roy stalked into his study. Maes followed him.

"He won't reveal where she is," Roy said as he jerked the cork out of the decanter and poured a glass of whiskey. He swung it towards Maes as he poured himself a large helping of the liquor.

Maes took the glass, growing increasingly confused at his friend's sudden flare of anger. "I know that, but the fact you trust him with so much is surprising. Why th-"

"Bastard is in love with her." Roy shoved the cork back into the bottle and kept his hand on its top.

"What?"

"You heard me Maes."

"He told you that?"

"He has the same look my younger brother has when he looks at his wife Ran."

"But he mentioned having a family. He's married."

Roy laughed. "You think that actually matters?" He's committed his wife, but that doesn't mean he can't be in love with her. And he is. In that short little time too."

"And that angers you?"

Roy pivoted around to face him. "Damn right it does!" When he saw the knowing smirk on Maes' face he wanted to slink down to the ground and slither out of the room like a snake. Roy stomped over to a chair in front of the fireplace and sat down.

"You are-"

"I don't want to hear it."

Maes shrugged and went over to sit in the chair to his friend's left. "When it hit you I knew it would strike like an avalanche."

"Shut up. Nothing has hit me. I'm just angry that he's not completely dedicated to the vampiress that he's bonded with. Loyalty is something I value to the utmost in a person."

"Bull . . . shit. . ."

Roy kept his eyes on the flames dancing in the hearth. "Even if I were, which I'm not, she isn't." Bad wording there Roy.

"Bull . . . shit. . . "

"Would you knock it off?"

Maes laughed. "At least be open to the idea of being in-"

"Don't say it." Roy slouched in his chair, very unbecoming of a vampire of his social standing. He wouldn't have done it in front of anyone other than Maes. He straightened when someone knocked on the door. So much for being comfortable in his ungraceful posture for more than a few seconds. "Come in," Roy said.

Pinako walked into the room and to the right of the door. "I've taken Miss Hawkeye her breakfast and the other items."

"I want you to prepare the room where Ivan was staying so that it's safe for her. Put blackout curtains over the windows and on the bed. She can't have any sunlight in the room whatsoever or she'll be injured or worse."

"We should also do something about the clothing for her. She can't very well wander around the house in a nightgown and slippers. "

"I'll take her into Matilinsorcica tonight to get her some things, so that won't be a problem. Please just focus on making her room as safe as possible."

"Yes," she said and left the study.

"You aren't going to continue to let her sleep in your bed. She won't be out of it very long after all. Once she's changed to a Halfling you aren't going to be able to control yourself."

"I'll control myself just fine," Roy said and shifted. He cursed. Maes was right. Every time he saw her now he wanted to take her no matter where they were. It was going to be more difficult when he knew there were limited ways he could hurt her once she was fully changed. A rougher body meant rougher fun. He groaned. I'm going to need a lot of distractions.