Shinigami Women's Society
By (The author issue is still a no-go... just keep saying it's by bleached.dragon)
Nanao: Since we're running out of material, (please submit) we're going to catch up with the girls who are investigating the author's disappearance so we can get back to our comfortable mediocrity.
Yachiru: As always, please review! We nearly have fifty now! Although I wanted a hundred… so remember to GO BACK DOWN MEMORY LANE! READ ALL THE CHAPTERS AGAIN AND REVIEW FOR EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER YA DIDN'T REVIEW FOR!
Nanao: You're being really pushy Yachiru.
Yachiru: Super 'I want reviews!' fist of DOOM!
Soifon: Jeez, pushy. Anyway, this time, we will show you how this 'investigation' thingy came to be…
Golten: Woof! (Translation: We apologize for the late release, since we were busy last week. To make it up to you, two chapters will be released.)
Shinigami Private Investigators 1:
Let's talk about singing
"…Doo… do… doo… do… doo…" Yachiru sang in an off tune falsetto while dancing around in the middle of 11th Company's cafeteria during lunch, "da… da… da… di… da…"
Kenpachi winced.
"Mi… me… me… la…"
Kenpachi covered his head and wished that the pills he had taken would kick in already and put him out of his misery. Yachiru was fine and all, but sometimes—
"…I … love… you…!"
There is a dead silence. Yachiru had uttered the forbidden words… The entire cafeteria hummed with the energy of 11th Company battlers who didn't amount to anything more than hormonal little boys.
"…Yes… I… do…!" Yachiru sang on blithely.
Kenpachi buried his face in the giant bowl before him, and desperately wished to block out the beady eyes that were trained on him.
Yachiru paused in her solo and skipped down the rows of tables. A sigh of relief went up as the song was ceased, but not for long.
"Pachinko-head!"
Ikkaku kept eating.
"PA-CHIN-KO head!" Yachiru tapped her foot.
Ikkaku slurped some more ramen and pointedly looked the other way.
Yachiru lost her patience. And when this little chibi loses her patience, there's hell to pay.
"GLOMPH!"
"OW!"
Or many just a friendly little bite to the baldhead.
The baldhead reacted explosively, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR YACHIRU!"
"MUMP!" Yachiru punched Ikkaku in the back.
It took everyone gathered in the cafeteria pulling at once to make Yachiru's death grip on Ikkaku's head give one inch.
"Heave, HO!"
Finally, Kenpachi looked up from his soba and whistled once, long and low. Immediately, Yachiru detached herself from Ikkaku's head and dashed on all fours to the 11th Company Captain, panting heavily like she was a dog. Kenpachi placed the half eaten bowl of soba on the floor and Yachiru began happily eating from it.
"Jeez," Ikkaku rubbed his head, "This'll leave a mark."
"Not beautiful at all," Yumichika agreed, the narcissist looked off into the distance, "I know!" he jumped up and dug something from his pocket, "You can wear this!" He brandished a wig that was an exact replica of his own hair.
"Why would I want to wear that thing?" Ikkaku snapped.
Yumichika shrugged, "I use it for bad hair days."
Unfortunately for Ikkaku, Yachiru suddenly remembered the reason why she had been bugging Ikkaku in the first place, "Ikkaku! Sing with me!"
The remaining occupants in the cafeteria began to snigger.
"What! NO!" Ikkaku grabbed Yumichika's wig and crammed it on his head.
"Sing!" Yachiru banged her fist on his newly Yumichikafied head, "Sing! Sing! Sing! Sing!"
Ikkaku looked pleadingly at his captain while he suffered through Yachiru's tantrum, "Captain!"
Kenpachi growled, and stormed over, not willing to sacrifice another bowl of soba. He paused in front of his vice captain and struggled for some, uh, fatherly words to impart on the chibi, "Uh… Yachiru… go… and …" Kenpachi floundered, "Have a play date or something."
"Play… date?" Yachiru tipped her head cutely, as she tested the word out, "Play… date…" she smiled, "Okay, Ken-chan! I'll go visit Bleachie!"
"Um…" Yumichika waved his hand, "It's not beautiful in any way, but isn't bleached.dragon missing?"
"Then I'll just have to look for her!" Yachiru skipped off.
Ikkaku sighed, "Why do I have a feeling that we're going to be clearing up red tape for weeks in the future."
Soifon and Rukia were enjoying a relatively quiet time, since nothing drastic had happened to them after the author had vanished. Well, that is until…
"NINJA-GIRL!" Soifon flinched and turned towards Yachiru as she dashed happily towards her.
"I. Am. Not. A. Ninja," Soifon replied through gritted teeth, "Dattebayo!"
"Of course you aren't, Naruto," Yachiru grinned.
"I thought Renji was Naruto," Rukia took a bite of her dango, "He'll be mad when we change the cast list for the play."
"Play?" Soifon stared at her like she was crazy.
"Our annual fundraising play," Rukia shrugged, "I wanted it to Chappy and Friends: The Musical, but I got outvoted, so we're doing Shinigami Ninja Naruto: The Musical."
Soifon sighed, "So that's why no one told me…"
"Since you're sensitive on the 'ninja' thing…"
"I wanted Shinigami School Musical," Yachiru raised her hand, grinning, "…we're shunpoeing, really fast, there's not a soul in the Real World that we can't konso!" she sang.
Soifon gave Yachiru a strange look, "Are you sure that you didn't write those crappy lyrics yourself?"
Yachiru took her time replying, drinking some of Soifon's tea, turning towards her and spewing it at the 2nd Company Captain, "Baka Ninja-pon!"
Rukia slowly edged away from the two of them, but Yachiru had gotten over her sudden spasm of anger. The chibi bounced up and down and proclaimed happily, "We're going to find Bleachie!"
"Eh? We—?" Rukia was uncomfortable with this turn of events.
"Yep!"
"Why?" Soifon joined Rukia in edging away.
Yachiru turned to the two of them with her biggest, creepiest smile, "So I have a Pokemon Battle with her, of course!"
Rukia looked at Soifon with an expression of utter terror, "Are you sure she's alright in the head?"
Soifon grimaced, "And here I thought we were over Pokemon battles…"
"Alright! Let's go talk to that doggy!" Yachiru ran off.
"I repeat, are you sure she's alright in the head?"
Yachiru: Wee! We're talking to a doggie!
Soifon: Actually, next episode…
Rangiku: We're starting a mini-arc!
Soifon: What she said.
Rangiku: Oh! I'm so excited, I'm hosting it and it's about…
Toshiro: No way! You're not possibly—!
Rangiku: (clamps hand on Toshiro's mouth) Nothing, nothing!
Yachiru: But we just started the SPI arc…
Rangiku: We're rotating!
Isane: Isn't that awfully confusing?
Rukia and Nanao: But we had stories all written out!
Rangiku: I'll explain! We're rotating my arc with the SPI arc with the SWS Knows All arc and we're also going to add a lot of miscellaneous crap.
Toshiro: NO! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL THAT!
Yachiru: Story? I want to hear it!
Toshiro: YOU ALREADY KNOW IT!
Yachiru: No I don't!
Rangiku: My, my, this is problematic…
Nanao: Rangiku's new arc is actually based on a second story that Bleached contemplated writing, and ultimately scrapped, because she's doing stuff for D.Gray-Man, so we're going to use the things she did.
Yachiru: NEXT TIME! Rangiku's Story: … for some reason, it's titled chapter 1… (It's really short though)