Felicity
But nothing's greater than the risk that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe
But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open
Bleeding Love, Leona Lewis
The castle is buzzing with the cheers of celebration. I am not quite sure what we celebrate, but I am happy nevertheless. Pippa sits on her throne, eating berries until her lips and tongue are a dark blue. I leave the main part of the castle to place my bouquet of daisies in the tower. A piece of my joy is shattered when I hear the arrival of Gemma and Ann.
As I approach, I hear Gemma ask, "Where is Fee? Have you seen her?"
"I'm here," I answer as I dance to Pip's side. "What do you want?"
"Fee, you can't stay here," Gemma replies with her usual air of authority. I sit down next to Pip and ask why.
Gemma takes a deep breath and urges, "The realms are falling to chaos. The tribes are at war, the Temple's been razed, and Circe has gone to the Winterlands to join with the creatures."
I worry for a split second. But, fortunately, Pip saves me. "Nothing has touched us here. Now shall we have another ball this evening?"
Gemma argues back, "Pippa we can't have a party."
Pip's stunning laughter rings my ears. "Let the creatures have at each other. They're no match for me." Pippa's newfound pride worries me more than her words.
"That's right, Miss. Pippa will serve notice," Bessie agrees.
"Did you tell them how you came to be here? Why you can't cross?" Gemma insists bitterly. I search Pip's face for the truth in this accusation. I can see the change in her eyes. Pip tries to lie. Gemma knows better. "She asked me to help her cross the river, but she couldn't go on. Because she stayed too long here. Because she ate the berries," Gemma shouts as she knocks over the chalice filled with berry juice.
I ask the question I already know the answer to. "You meant to cross? Without telling me?" Instead of answering my questions, Pip stares Gemma in the eyes and says, "What does it matter now? For I was saved for a higher purpose."
My heart is throbbing. My head is about to explode. Tears brim my eyes. I cannot focus on what they argue about. All I can picture is Pippa leaving me—just like all people do. Suddenly I snap back to reality when Pip steps close enough to Gemma to hurt. I intervene. "Pippa, stop."
"Are you on her side now?"
There are no sides," Ann says. "Are there?"
"There are now," Pip answers. I look into her eyes astonished by what I see. I cannot find a trace of the girl I love. She is savage, and dark. I am scared of this woman. Mercy admits that Pippa took Wendy to the Winterlands and a small brawl unleashes between Mercy and Bessie.
"Pippa," Gemma asks, "What have you done?" The fear chills Gemma's voice.
"What you wouldn't. Poor Gemma, always so afraid of her power. Well, not me."
I plead, "Pip, you didn't make a bargain with those creatures."
"What if I did?"
"You didn't," I answer, attempting to convince myself. The girl I love is not capable of such an act. But, this new Pip is.
"It was such a small thing they asked. A sacrifice no one would miss. I offered that silly bunny—that's all. You see what we've been given in return!" Her arms outstretch towards her domain. I only see weeds.
Gemma pleads with Pip, to no avail.
"Tell me the truth!" Gemma shouts.
"She. Was. A. Burden." Pip emphasizes. My stomach churns. "Oh God." I am going to be sick to my stomach.
"No, Fee, you'll see. It's going to be so wonderful…Shall I tell you what the tree promised? What I saw there after my sacrifice? I saw the Order's time ending and something new being born. Their days have passed. Our time is at hand."
Her followers move closer. They hang on her every word. Pip's eyes are changing from violet to light blue more frequently as of recently. She is still beautiful beyond means, but her new beauty is terrible. It is frightening.
She continues, "I heard the voice whisper sweetly in my head: So special you are. You are chosen. I will exalt you. I am the chosen one. I am the way. You follow me; you must be as I am."
I gently touch Pippa's check and turn it towards me. "Pip, what are you saying?" I ask, as gently as possible. Instead of answering, she cringes from my grip and goes to Bessie. I feel I have been replaced.
"Would you follow me, Bessie?" Pippa asks with a berry in hand.
"Yes, miss," Bessie answers hoarsely. Pippa's eyes lock with mine as she moves to place the berry on Bessie's eager tongue. She is taunting me to see my reaction. I lunge at the pair and knock the berry free. Pippa responds by shoving me hard. I throw my strength back into her, hoping to knock whatever demon has possessed her out.
For a second I think I have succeeded. Pip's falls to the ground in a convulsing heap. Her body thrashes violently. I fall next to her and cradle her stilling body.
"Wh-what has happened?" Pippa asks as she attempts to stand. I grab her tightly and hoist her to her throne as I whisper, "Shhh, it was a fit."
"No. Not here. Not now," Pip trembles. She tries to regain her power by offering Bessie a berry. The factory girls shy away. Suddenly, I want to kill them all for their insensitivity.
Pip begins to cry. "No! I am special! Chosen! You will not leave me!" Suddenly we are surrounded by fire. It burns my eyes as I focus on Pip's determined face. Her strength is returning quickly. I am both relieved and terrified.
The factory girls are worshiping their queen. They cannot contain their awe and admiration for this powerful Pip. I grip her arm tighter. "It was a fit. You have to tell them."
She ignores me. "I will lead you to glory. Who will follow?"
"You must tell them the truth!" I hiss.
"Shut your mouth," Mea threatens. I am not scared of her.
"Don't order me about!" Pippa snaps. "Everyone's forever ordering me about." Pip twists out of my grip and leaves me standing. I know for a fact that I have never done that to her. I have never once told Pippa how to live her life. The tears resurface. I want the old Pip back.
"It was meant to be, "she cries, "It was preordained! That is why I could not cross. How else to explain why the magic has grown in me?"
"You had a fit, "I say, trying to convince her.
"It was a vision, like Gemma's!" I slap her as hard as I can. My hand stings—a reminder of her now violent skin. Pip turns on me with the ferocity of a cornered animal. "You'll be sorry for that," She warns. Our eyes are locked in a menacing glare. Hers are the milky blue that I hate.
"I felt that Gemma! Don't try again!" Pip shouts without moving her eyes. Bessie spits on me. We are all being pulled outside. Once in the open, Pip unleashes more fire.
"Mistress Pippa, we'll do wha'ever you ask of us. Just a word and it's done," Bessie insists.
"My whole life I have been ordered about. Now I shall give the orders." Her words stab me—they penetrate my very core. I flinch at the sound. Building all my strength, I force out, "Not me. I never ordered you about."
Pip changes before me. Her eyes change back to violet. Her face softens. She resembles the girl I love. "Oh, Fee," she croons. Her hands latch around my waist and pull me to her. We stare into each other's eyes. I cannot see the terrifying girl she was just moments ago. She is young and beautiful again. Her eyes are pouring out love. They seep love through every flicker of color.
And with that her lips find mine. Kissing Pip is like opium to an addict. She pulls me in and hooks me tightly. We kiss violently—urgently. The tears stream down my face as I taste her for what I feel could be the last time. I pull her closer by her silky hair. She tugs at my hair in response. Her magic seeps into me and I can feel what she feels: her need to be needed, her longing to be loved and admired, her fear of what she is becoming, and most of all, I feel her overpowering love for me.
I am suddenly aware of our audience. I pull away, embarrassed by our display. I look at Pip and consider continuing where we left off. Pip gently grabs my arm to stop me from leaving.
"Why do you always go? You're always leaving me."
"I'm not," I answer while swallowing the lump in my throat.
"Don't you see? Here we can be free to do as we wish." She's right, but I know I cannot. My lips tremble as I answer, "But I cannot stay."
"Yes, you can. You know how." I remember how much I had wanted to eat that berry that day. I want it more now. Internally, war rages. I shake my head, trying to rid myself of the seed Pippa planted. "I can't. Not that way."
"You said you loved me. Why will you not eat the berries and stay with me?" Pip says in low, measured tones.
"I do," I whisper. "But—"
"You do what? Why will you not say it?" Pip demands of me.
I cannot say it. I cannot admit to myself that I need someone other than myself. She knows how I feel. I have no doubt about it. "I…do."
Pippa releases my arm. Immediately, I miss the contact. Her eyes fill with tears and I fight my urge to wipe them away. "The time has come to make a choice, Fee. Either you are with me or against me." Her hand opens revealing a berry.
Never in my life have I wanted something more that that berry. My heart and brain are in a fierce battle. Each blow sends me into a whirlwind of emotions. My heart aches for Pip. But, something deep down inside me knows it would be wrong. I search for answers in my friends around me. Their faces hold no truths. My silence is answer enough for Pip.
Pippa squeezes the berry with all her strength causing the juices to stain her skin. Her eyes squeeze shut just as tightly as if she is making up her mind. I know she will not hurt me.
Her eyes open slowly. All I can see in them is pain.
My eyes open just as slowly. I shake my head and try to rid of my dream. It won't go away easily. I push myself out of bed hurriedly and drench my face in water. The tears drip onto the countertop slowly. When Gemma awakes, I dry my face and put on the fake smile I wear so well.