Boondocks Chapter 21
It was a warm, sunny day in Woodcrest. The Freeman family was in the kitchen having their lunch, while Granddad wads regaling the boys with another one his stories.
"So then my great uncle Jerome managed to land the plane at the emergency runway as it started to loss control even though he was drunk while he did it. And later when he faced an inquire by the plane company, he let himself go to prison rather than let the stewardess who died on the plane to take the fall for him. Then when he was in prison he joined a support group and learned the true value of telling the truth"
"That's the movie Flight with Denzel Washington" Huey said without looking up from his plate.
"Was it?" Granddad asked, uncertain.
"Man Denzel a snitch" Riley added.
"He snitched on himself" Michael said.
"That still makes him a snitch" Riley with contempt. "Plus that movie was racist. They send Denzel to prison even though he saves everybody on the plane. Bet if it was a white pilot then they be blaming the black guy sitting in the third class. They probably even have the air force on standby to pull over niggas flying planes in real life"
"Well you know the last time I checked it's illegal to fly a plane drunk and be a drug addict" Michael said.
"No, no, no" Granddad said in a pleading manner. "See my uncle Jerome only became a drunk because his wife and son left him. But he was still a great pilot because he landed the plane while he was drunk and also having a severe asthma and heart attack at the same time!" It seemed as though Granddad was trying to convince himself more than the boys about his story.
"Not only would be inconceivable that a man with that much alcohol and cocaine in his system would be capable of flying and landing a crashing plane, but what kind of airline would allow a man with clear signs of alcoholism, drug use, depression and insomnia on their payroll?" Everyone cast their gaze at Huey, a little uncertain of how to respond to his in depth analysis.
"I doubt they thought much about that" Michael answered. "Movie producers tend to forget the obvious stuff just to create entertainment. Hindsight is generally an annoying formality"
"I tell you something" Riley said with a grin "When they make a movie about me, they better make sure they keep not leave out any of my greatest achievements. And they better have either have James Fauntleroy or me playing me"
"Why the hell would anybody make a movie about you boy?" Granddad asked scornfully.
"Cos I'm Young Reezy" Riley declared pompously. "Niggas don't know it yet, but they all gonna remember my name and they gonna know who I am. I'm gonna be the next biggest nigga they ever seen. Bigger than Lil Wayne, bigger than Snoop Dog, hell I'll be bigger than Obama. They gonna have to make like I don't know four or five movies about me and they all be breaking the box office. And then every bodies gonna know that I'm fly, I'm cool, I'm tough, I'm a real nigga and I aint afraid of nothing or nobody"
"Nothing scares you?" Michael said sceptically.
"Hell no" Riley closed his eyes confidently.
"Really? Not even the low opinions that others may have of you?"
"I don't care what any niggas think of me" he said opening his eyes again.
"Actually that's all you care about" Huey muttered, his eyes still on his food.
It was then that they all heard a knock on the door in the background. Granddad briefly turned his head in some annoyance.
"What the hell is wrong with people? Don't even let a man eat his lunch in his peace anymore". The knocking the continued relentlessly and Granddad now grew more disgruntled with each one.
"I'll get it" Michael volunteered, after sharing a look with Huey. He got out of his seat and walked down the hall.
"So how's Michael been holding up" Granddad asked Huey after he had left. "You know after that whole crazy mafia hit men thing?"
"Pretty good" Huey replied. "Turns out his really happy here and I think we should start treating him like real family. You remember that thing we discussed?"
"What thing?" Granddad asked vaguely. "The thing with secret agent? I already told you I don't believe you and I am not interested"
"No I mean about having Michael's last name changed to Freeman"
"Aw come on. I ain't going through all that damn paper work. He ought to be happy with the name he's got. Shoot, if I could pick a last name for myself it'd be something like Clooney or DiCaprio or Obama or McLovingWhitePussy."
"Granddad I think it would mean a lot to him if we did it as a surprise" Huey stressed. "Maybe for his birthday"
"His birthday?" Granddad said incredulously. "I don't even know when the hell is birthday is! As a matter of fact I don't think I know when you two boy's birthdays' are either. Maybe you all can share the one day, that way I'll save money on some big ass party"
Granddad soon felt Huey's hard stare and was slowly beginning to feel uncomfortable.
"Look how about I just lie and say I'll think about just so I can shut you up?" he asked, very causally
Before Huey could answer, Michael called from down the hallway. "Riley! It's for you!"
Without question, Riley stood up and left the kitchen just as Michael re-entered.
"Who was that?" Granddad asked Michael as he returned to his seat.
"Someone for Riley" he answered.
"Ed?" Huey asked.
"No"
"Thugnificent?" Granddad asked this time.
"No"
"Cindy?" Huey asked again.
"No" Michael said, shaking his head. "It was some fat kid"
"Fat kid?"
"Yeah. He said that he was an old friend of Riley's and came by to see him again, though I've never seen him before". Michael paused as he tried to remember. "Uh, he was black, bout three foot maybe, squinty eyes, a demonic aura"
"Demonic aura?" Granddad repeated with the same tone he uses when he would say 'da hell?".
"Yeah, not gonna lie, I got kind of a bad vibe off of him" Michael said sounding a little bemused. "I think he said his name was Lenny….um…Lammy something…."
"….Lamilton Taeshawn" Huey finished quietly.
"Yeah that's it" Michael confirmed. He started to eat his meal once again, but stopped when he noticed the looks of fear and alarm on Huey and Granddad's faces.
"What?" he asked, not knowing what the big deal was. He began to look back and forward between Huey and Granddad, and was able to catch on just enough to run after them as they rushed into the hallway. There they found Riley standing somewhat prettified in front now other than Lamliton Taeshawn. Lamilton didn't appear any different than the last time they saw him. Unfortunately one that defiantly hadn't changed about him was his cold and compassionless eyes.
"Hey" he said with his high, yet very deadpan voice. "I'm back in town and I wanted to come over and say hi to Riley, since I hadn't seen him in a while." He then stared right at Riley with a terrifyingly blank stare. "I'm real happy to see you again Riley. Aren't you happy to see me?"
"Uh yeahyeahyeah!" Riley said quickly, putting on a nervous smile. "I'm...uh…real happy to see you again. So happy that uh…the only thing that would make me happier…. was if you left again… and I…uh...didn't see you for another real long time!" Riley, as well as Granddad silently prayed that the lie would somehow work. The two of them were tethering on the verge screaming like crazy. Huey and Michael stood in the background, the two of them a lot calmer about the situation. Michael in particular regarded Lamliton with mostly curiosity.
"So what's this guy's story?" Michael asked Huey in an undertone.
"He's the Anti-Christ" Huey replied honestly.
"No seriously" Michael stared at Huey, wanting an honest answer.
"So is you're uh grandma with you?" Granddad asked Lamilton, looking out the door.
"Nah she dead" Lamilton said callously. "She died after she fell down a flight of stairs in a horrible accident."
"Oh well that's too bad" Granddad said softly.
"But the truth is that it wasn't really an accident" Lamliton continued. "What really happened was that I asked her for a PS4, but she wouldn't get me one. So I pushed her down the stairs. Then I dragged her ass back up the stairs and I pushed her down again. Then later at the hospital when she was on life support, I wanted to go get an ice cream for myself but she said I had to stay with her. So I pulled out her life support and watched her as she died. But I didn't care cos all I wanted was my ice cream"
Granddad and the boys now looked completely appalling by what Lamilton had just told them and were reminded exactly why they were so scared of him. Even Michael now seemed taken aback by his eerie demeanour.
"So then later they put me into foster care and now I have a new legal guardian looking after me but I don't care about her. If she pisses me off I'll beat her ass and I might even kill her too if I felt like it"
"Is…she here with you now?" Granddad asked, carefully.
"Yeah" he said. As if on cue, another visitor, this time a woman appeared inside the open the doorway and joined them in the hall. While they were all surprised at seeing Lamilton again, that was nothing compare to their reaction to the very familiar looking new comer.
"Hi guys!" Becky greeted, waving her hand excitedly.
"B-Becky" Granddad stuttered. "Y-your back?"
"Yeah it's been a while hasn't it?" she said cheerfully. "Remember back when I was here. We were married, I made you a salad, I tried to kill all of you. Ah good times. Good times"
Granddad and Riley now looked as though they might actually piss themselves, while Huey and Michael shared a worried quick glance, the both of them now beginning contemplating the best strategies for surviving this situation.
"Oh, well uh..." Granddad began to sweat nervously before speaking. "About that…you aren't like…uh…gonna like try and kill me again are you?"
"Oh no, no". She raised her hands up, trying to show she meant no harm. "You don't need to worry about that. I got an annulment from that website and so there's no problem anymore"
"Oh thank heaven". Granddad put his hand on his heart in relief.
"So why did you come back here?" Huey asked cautiously
"I'm Lamilton's new legal guardian!" She smiled brightly at them, while putting her hands on Lamilton's shoulders. For a second the room went silent, as Granddad and the boys tried digest this information.
"But…how…?" Granddad began.
"Well you see, after I ended up in Uruguay, I decided to take it as an opportunity and give myself a fresh start. I put my past behind me, pulled myself together and put my best foot forward! I made some new friends, met this really great guy, killed some other guys. Oh I also went to this really cool martial arts thing call a Kumite(Ka-pow!)"
"What the hell was that?" Michael looked around the room for a second.
"It was really awesome" Becky said. "A lot of colourful people there. It was a pretty fun competition too. And I saw some people get killed in really messed up ways. There was even this one guy who got bisected right down the middle of his body with a spinning saw blade….by me!" She let out a broad smile, feeling proud of her achievements. "And that guy on that big throne thing said that since I had such memorable kills, they wanted to invited back there for the next Kumite(Ka-pow!)"
Just like with Lamilton, Granddad and the boys were equally shocked by Becky's story, except for Michael who now seemed focused on locating the source of that strange sound.
"But as the weeks rolled on and the corpses piled up, I began to realise something" she said taking on a sadder tone. "I realised that I was lonely. I felt empty. Like I had no one in my life who would stay with me. And it had been that way all my life ever since I murdered my parents and my foster parents. It was like I had no one!"
"Uh….huh" Granddad said slowly.
"So I resolved to get myself some help. I went to at least five different psychologists and luckily the last one managed to help me reach a breakthrough before I killed him. And do you know what I realised my problem really was?"
"That you one crazy ass bi…ow!" Riley got cut off as Michael gave him a quick smack to his head.
"I realised that I didn't have anyone in my life that depended on me! I had spent my life depending on others, but I wasn't there for anyone myself. So I came back to this country and put in application to be a foster parent, hoping that I could help children in need. And now I'm Lamliton's new legal guardian. Isn't that great!?"
"Uhhhhhh….."Granddad and the boys seemed to be at a loss for a response until Becky resumed speaking.
"See Lamilton here needs me and I need him. So I think we can look after each other and be a real family. Isn't that right baby?" She looked at Lamilton with a loving smile.
"I guess, but the truth is I don't really care her and I don't think she's my family" he said directly to the Freemans. "And I'm probably gonna end up doing bad things to this bitch because I think it's fun to do bad things. And I don't want no help either, cos I want to keep on doing bad things for the rest of my life and I don't care what anyone else says"
"Oh isn't he just a pumpkin!" Becky got down on one knee and hugged Lamliton around his neck, their cheeks pressing together. She kept smiling while he appeared cold and lifeless. The Freeman's watched them like they weren't certain what to expect next. After a moment Becky stood back up.
"Well any who" she said. "We only stopped by to say hello and get to know the neighbourhood. Oh and I just wanted to let you that we can still be friends Robert and if you boys ever wanted to, you can come over to play with Lamliton at our house. Well we better mozy on now. Say goodbye Lamilton". She looked down at him once again.
"Goodbye" he said. Though it was only one word, just the sound of his voice sent a chill down their spines. Becky was the only one unaffected and ushered Lamilton out the door as if he was a puppy. As soon as they were clear, Granddad slammed the door shut and pushed his back up against it.
"Oh Lord what are we gonna do?!"
"I ain't going over to that psycho's house again that's for damn sure!" Riley stated.
"We can't ever let them back inside this house or step outside the house again!" Granddad cried in a panic. "Quick, start boarding up the windows!"
"We don't need to board up the windows" Huey said wearily, trying to calm things down.
"Yeah we can just burn the house down" Michael openly suggested.
"And how exactly will that help the situation?" Huey asked, raising an eyebrow at Michael.
"Well if we burn the house down then we won't have to worry about them coming back here". Michael spoke about it as if it were just simple hindsight.
"Oh my god, he's right!" Granddad said, somehow following his logic. "Michael! Burn the house down!"
"We don't have to burn the house down" Huey said firmly. "All we need to do is keep our distance from both of them and we should be alright"
It was then that they began to notice a loud revving sound outside that was gradually becoming louder. The sound reached its peak when the backend of an SUV smashed its way into the front wall of the house. Granddad and the boy's unconsciously flinched at the impact but were unharmed. They watched on as the vehicle pulled itself out of the wall, causing to partly collapse. They moved to stand in front of the hole as the SUV pulled out onto the road. As it turned to the side, the window of the passenger seat rolled down, with a head and torso coming out of it.
"Hi guys!" Becky yelled politely, waving her hand at them once again. "I'm teaching Lamiltion some responsibility by letting him drive home! I think we're both making really great progress here!"
The tyres of the car began to screech as Lamilton took off down the road as fast as possible, knocking down just about anything and anyone that crossed his paths.
The Freeman's watched as they left and looked back the destruction of their home with dismal faces. They now began to get the feeling that this would be a very bad week for them.