Chapter 21 - "Let Her Go"
Now: Damon's POV
Without Katherine, the apartment feels different. Emptier, definitely, but not an emotional type of empty. I do not miss her nor will I ever miss her. Just yesterday, I had to wash the sheets twice to get rid of her scent - expensive Chanel perfume. I threw out all of her favorite types of wine. Whatever it took to get rid of the memory of Katherine Pierce.
It's been a week since my date with Elena. During the past week, she's been busy planning Aubree's third birthday party. It both saddens and excites me to see my little girl turn three. She's shaping into her own individual being, picking up adorable quirks and phrases that she's saying all the time. But it also dejects me to see her grow up. I missed two precious years I'll never be able to get back.
While I'm busying studying a new case, there's a knock at the door. I grumble. I'm in no mood for company. I try to ignore the knock but the knocker is persistent and keeps banging on the door until I get up and open it. "What?" I snap before I see who it is.
My father, of course.
"Father," I regain my posture, soothing back a piece of stray here. "I'm just working on that newest case you gave me. What are you doing here?" I step aside so he could come in.
"I was hoping we could chat, Damon." He says in his scary calm voice that made me shake as a child. Without really thinking of it, I glance down at his waist to see if he's wearing a belt or not. Then I have to force myself not to sigh with relief when I see that he's not.
"Of course." I mutter as I close the door behind him. My father takes a seat on the couch without invitation. "Would you some coffee? Wine?" Poison?
He shakes his head. "Out of curiosity, Damon, where were you last Friday night?"
I freeze. Every muscle, every fiber of my being, can't move. Maybe the Old Snapping Turtle isn't so slow after all. Of course he'd find out. How could I have been so stupid not to think that Giuseppe Salvatore or one of his various servants would follow me around, see who I was spending my time with.
Lying would be pointless so I decide on the truth. "With Elena. On a date." I close my eyes, awaiting for the venomous sting of his slap.
I feel nothing.
When I open my eyes, still half-expecting for him to attack me, he just sits there, nodding his head in disapproval. His eyes ruthless and savage. He hates me just as much as I hate him and I wonder why we've put up with each other for this long.
Without warning, I raise my shaking hand and slap his face. Hard. Enough to leave a crimson imprint of my hand. It shocks me as much as it shocks him, my old wicked father. Never in my twenty-some years of existence would I have ever thought that I would fight back.
I fought back.
His pupils dilate with rage and his nostrils flare. I stand there, petrified, both proud and remorseful of my deed. Once my skin came in contact with his, it made me feel like I was him. Like I was my abusive, venomous, cold-blooded father who doesn't deserve to live. I never wanted to be like him.
I am not my father. I am not my father. I am not my father.
"I'm sorry." I say in a whisper. I am not sorry that I gave him what he deserved, but I'm sorry because for a moment, just for a fraction of a second, I was him. My eyes fill with tears. I think of myself loosing control and hitting Aubree like I hit him. The mere thought of it makes me want to vomit.
He nods again, grinding his teeth like he does when he's angry. The things I expect him to do he does not do. He does not get one of my belts. He does not tell me kneel and bend over. He does not command me to take my shirt off. Instead, he says, "I have a proposition."
"What for?" I say, staring down at my shoes.
"Your Uncle Zach has contacted me, telling me he wanted to open up a branch of the Salvatore Law Firm in Boston. Of course, he'll need help getting things situated and then he'll need another lawyer. And you're just the man for the job."
"But I'm not a real lawyer, remember. What we're doing is illegal." I mutter. In the back of my mind, I've always wondered if my father ever pulled strings with the law enforcement. They must've caught him doing some crime once and chances are he weaseled his way out of it with his money.
"Zach has offered to be the head lawyer. You'll work in secret with him, just like you do with me." He offers, taking a seat down on the couch. "You will move there. I already bought an apartment out there for you, just a block away from the building where he plans on putting the law firm."
"Father, I can't just leave New York. This is my home. Elena and Aubree are here..." My voice trails off. Of course, they're what this is all about. This rotten man doesn't care, he wants me to leave my family. I take a deep breath and then say firmly, "No."
"What was that?" He acts like he never heard me.
"I said no." I repeat.
"Dammit, Damon!" He slams his hand down on the wooden table next to the couch. I flinch. He continues, "All these years I thought that Elena and Aubree didn't deserve you. But, oh boy was I wrong. You don't deserve them. You are nothing but a waste of space. A monstrous being. You don't deserve love, Damon. Katherine was in your grasp and she wanted out! No one can stand to be around her."
I close my eyes. I think of my mother. I think of her spraying the Monster Medicine around my bedroom, hushing my fears, and kissing me goodnight. Then I realize that the worst monster was in the bedroom across the hall. My father is the monster.
"No." I look at him in the eye. If I were to kill him, I think I would take great pleasure in it. But I will never turn into him. No. No. No. "Aubree loves me. Elena loves me. And, as much as you hate to hear it, I love them. The last person to love me like they do was mom. I know what it's like to be loved again and I won't let that go."
He tilts his chin up. "You say you love them? Then prove to me the true test of love." He pauses, circling a mark on the wooden table with his pointer finger. "You will leave. You will forget about everything and go to Boston. Trust me when I say this, it'll be better for you. You'll finally be worthy again. You can help your uncle with the law firm. You will be happy."
"And if I don't?" I toy with him.
"Then I guarantee you I won't hesitate to hurt the people you love." He says in hushed tone. Of course. I knew that it would come down to this sometime in the whole drama of this. He has threaten to hurt my weakest spot: the people I love.
"Let her go, Damon." He says as he stands up. I don't respond. He goes to leave, but he turns around and looks at me. I can see him from the corner of my eye. He adds, "Never underestimate the power of true love."
Suddenly, I need to smash something. I grab a glass that has a rich red wine swimming in it. With my heart pounding, I throw the glass at the door where my father just left. The glass shatters into a million pieces, fragile and broken pieces. The wine stains the white carpet just beneath the door.
Let the wine represent my blood. My anger. My passion.
Then I sit on the couch, everything blurring into red.
[...]
The flight to Boston is scheduled for takeoff at 7:15 on Thursday evening. My father made all the arrangements, even getting me a luxurious seat in First Class. I had packed my belongings and said goodbye to the few secretaries at the office. Besides Stefan, Elena, and Aubree, they were the only people who I think I'll miss. I don't have many friends here.
My father gave me a week before the flight. Aubree's birthday was the following Saturday afterwards. I'd miss her third birthday, another milestone gone. Even though I had a week, I couldn't work up the courage to tell Elena I was leaving her yet again. After all we'd been through, after the late night promises and amends.
Love is a funny thing. It could be a delight, a surge of powerful happiness for most. It's the turning point in everyone's life. They find love, they get married, they buy a house, they have a kid or two (Well, maybe Elena and I did things backwards...). But, all in all, it makes you question what you want in life. Hell, last year at this time, I thought my life would be nothing but Katherine and those pathetic Louis Vuitton condoms. Last week, I thought my life wold be filled with Elena's kisses and Aubree's sticky fingers. And, now, I'm looking at a life in Boston.
It could be worse, I have to remind myself. I'm doing this to protect Elena and Aubree. They'll be okay, I'll make sure of that. I'll find a way to give them money. Give it a few years and I'll be able to reconnect with him.
Ha. "I will" sounds so sure.
Then again, I don't think a know a damn thing about love.
When I arrive at Elena's apartment at precisely 5:49, I can hear the small chatter of Elena and Aubree having dinner. Aubree is demanding sweets and Elena is telling her that she had plenty. I conjure up the image of my sweet little girl with candy-coated fingers and a chocolate-covered mouth.
My suitcases are in the taxi. I paid the driver a decent sized tip so he would wait while I said goodbye. I told him that it wouldn't take me long.
I knock twice on the wooden door.
It takes Elena a few moments to finally get to the door. When she opens it, her eyebrows raise and her lips curl up in a smile. For once, she doesn't seem flustered about her appearance even though her hair is up and her form-fitting v-neck shirt is stained.
"Damon, hi." She says, but her smile fades when she sees my miserable expression. The smile turns upside down. "Is everything okay? You look upset." She steps aside to let me in.
I can't bare to even take one step inside the apartment.
"No. Everything isn't okay. Not at all." I whisper, watching her. I memorize her features. Those doe-brown eyes that are childlike, the silkiness of her hair that smells of strawberries and cream.
She frowns deeper. "Damon, is this about your father? You can tell me whatever is going on. Hey," she reaches out and takes hold of my hand "talk to me." The concern is obvious in her face.
"My father is forcing me to move to Boston to help my uncle with a new law firm." I tell her, not knowing how else to word it. "My plane leaves at 7:15 tonight."
It takes her a few seconds to process the words that just came out of my mouth. She stares at me with those darn doe eyes that make me melt. I expect her to yell, to shout at me for being so cowardly. Instead, she stands on her tip-toes and wraps her arms around my neck in an embrace.
Everything in this moment I take in. I take in the strawberries and cream smell of her hair, the vanilla smell of her tanned skin, the way her hair brushes against the bottom of my cheek, the way she holds me so tightly I'm afraid she'll never want to let go. I squeeze my eyes shut, wrapping my arms around her skinny waist.
"Oh, Damon." She whispers and looks at me, her eyes watering. When she pulls away, the tears started running down her cheeks. I can't help it either at that point and start crying too.
That's when Aubree decides to run over, screaming with all the happiness in the world, "Daddy!" She stops right in front of me, looking at Elena and I questionably. "Why are you crying?" She asks.
I pick her up and cradle my baby girl in my arms, rubbing her back, and soaking yet another goodbye into my memory. She looks at me. Blue eyes on blue eyes. "I have to go on a work trip." I say, my voice breaking.
She stares at me. "You'll miss my birthday?"
A sob escapes from Elena as she hides her face in her hands. It takes everything I have in me not to bawl my eyes out in front of them. I'm doing this for them, I remind myself. He'll hurt them if I don't leave. I have to leave. I have to protect them.
Resting my forehead against her's, I nod. "I'm so sorry. But, listen, Aubree. I love you and mommy more than anything. Sometimes things just don't go the way you want them to and you have to do things you don't want to. But, nothing will ever let me stop loving you." I kiss her cheek.
She looks at me. "I love you too, daddy." She says and I know that she means it, that she's not just saying it. She squeezes me tightly in a hug then I put her down.
"Go to your room," Elena says. Aubree listens, apparently understanding how tense the situation is. She's a smart little thing.
Elena looks over at me, wiping away some of the tears that were still on her cheeks. "This isn't fair! You don't have to go, you shouldn't have to go. Please, Damon, stay for us." She begs, holding both of my hands. Three years later and her touch still feels like fire.
I can't fight the urge to kiss her. So, I do. I let the hunger take over. With my hands her on cheeks and her's on my neck, we kiss. It's sweet, stirring something inside of me. Our tongues twirl, savoring her taste.
I'm the first one to pull away. She's still crying and my heart breaks for the poor girl who everyone in her life leaves her. "Oh, Elena." I whisper. "I love you so much."
"Please, Damon. Please just don't go. Please." She says, so desperate. I close my eyes. The only image that will never let me leave them is my father hurting both of them. Whipping Aubree. Hitting Elena. I shake my head and open them. Blue eyes on brown eyes.
"I'm so sorry." I kiss her forehead. "I love you, Elena." I say again.
Then I walk away from the two best things that have ever happened to me.
Now: Elena's POV
The night that Damon leaves, I let Aubree sleep with me. She asks questions of Damon's leaving, of course. Things like when he's coming back or why he had to leave again. The question stings but my answers sting even more since they're the same - I don't know.
Even with Aubree in my arms, I can't sleep knowing that there's a chance I'll never see Damon again. I don't let myself cry until after Aubree is asleep, then I cry until the early hours of the morning. Grey light is streaming in from the windows and I hear the distant sounds of car horns and people shouting.
Damon is a poor soul, tortured with the death of his mother and the abuse of his father. I'm sure that there's more that he's not telling me. It angers me that Giuseppe can just force him to move like he's a chess pawn.
I hear chatter in the kitchen around eight in the morning. Aubree is still sleeping peacefully so I quietly slip out of bed and to the kitchen. I make no attempt to clear my face of evidence of tears. Matt and Tyler were cooking pancakes and bacon, typical breakfast in this house. Caroline was sitting at the breakfast nook, flipping through a magazine. Fortunately, they had gone out last night and were not present for the dramatic goodbye.
Caroline hears my footsteps and looks up. "Elena, hey. How'd you sleep?" Then she apparently sees my puffy, red eyes and tearstained face. She frowns. "Is everything okay?"
I shake my head. Why lie? I join her at the nook, eyes trained on the counter. I can feel three pairs of eyes on me.
Finally, Matt speaks up, "Elena, come on. I know you hate being the victim and that you try to pretend things are always okay. But, this seems serious. Tell us." Oh Matt. Just the softness of his soothing voice makes me want to bawl my eyes out.
When I look up, I can see all of them are looking at me in concern. I feel a rush of gratefulness because I have these three incredible friends. So, I mumble everything out, "Giuseppe, Damon's father, is making him move to Boston to help his uncle with a law firm. His flight left last night..." My voice cracks.
Matt zooms over and hugs me tightly, kissing the top of my head. Caroline hugs my side and Tyler hugs the other. We're all close in an embrace, but I feel like an idiot as I cry.
Damon and I had just said that we loved each other for the first time not so long ago. And, now, he's being taken away again. I think back to last time when he left for New York and how heartbroken I was. Back then, I didn't know Giuseppe was the reason. I thought it was just because he no longer felt anything. Now, I know it's the Old Snapping Turtle attacking again. And, this time, I intend to speak my mind.
"I'm going to talk to him." I say abruptly, easing my way out of my friends' arms.
"Talk to who?" Tyler asks, arching an eyebrow at me.
"Giuseppe." I stand up and go to the bathroom. "Caroline, can I borrow any of your expensive outfits? He's a materialistic man." I get into the bathroom and lock the door behind me.
"Of course." Caroline says from right outside the bathroom door. "But, didn't you say that he's dangerous? Seriously, Elena, I'm not going to let you risk your life."
"Care, I'll be fine. He's not that dangerous." I mumble, even though I know that he is. I'm not scared. My anger is stronger than fear. "Besides, Stefan will be there." I say, mainly to comfort myself.
For the first time in a long time, she doesn't argue. I just hear her sigh then walk off. I start applying Caroline's makeup - the more expensive the better. She won't miss it anyway. I put on everything; from foundation that makes my skin as smooth as porcelain, mascara that makes my eyelashes extend to my eyebrows, and pale pink lipstick that makes them look smooth.
Once I'm done getting dressed, I raid Caroline's closet. It took me a while, but I ended up choosing a dark washed skinny jeans, a loose grey-tank top, and an expensive black blazer. After I put on black pumps and find a Louis Vuitton bag, the outfit looks like it cost me a lot. Which is perfect.
It only takes me 10 minutes to curl my hair. I do it curly to make him think of Katherine. After I finish, Aubree stirs. Her blue eyes open and she looks at me, rubbing her eyes. I lean down and kiss her forehead. "Hey, baby girl." I whisper. "How'd you sleep?"
She ignores my question and squints her eyes at me. "Where you going?" She asks, yawning. My heart aches for her. She just lost her dad last night and she's probably scared she'll loose me.
"I just have to go talk to someone." I explain. "I'll be back soon, I promise. Remember your birthday is tomorrow." That makes her smile. Lightly, I pinch her cheeks and kiss her nose. "I love you so much."
[...]
I raise my hand and knock firmly on the door of the Salvatore apartment. My heart pounds rhythmically against my chest. I hear footsteps, murmuring words that I can't make out, then the door swings open. Stefan stands there, shocked to see him. I am relieved, though, to see Stefan and not Giuseppe.
"Elena?" He raises his eyebrows. "What are you doing here?" His voice is nothing but a thin whisper. He's probably scared that Giuseppe will hear me, but he doesn't know that that's exactly who I came to see.
"I need to talk to your father." I say in normal tone, hoping that Giuseppe will hear me. "Is he here or did I come at a bad time?"
He purses his lips, looks over his shoulder, then back at me. "Elena..." He starts. "You know it's dangerous to be here, you know what he did with Damon and me. I get that you're upset that Damon left, but don't be stupid."
"I'm not being stupid." I shake my head. "Please, Stefan. Let me in. I have a few things I need to say to him." I tell him.
He hesitates, looking at me like I'm a puppy who's about to be put to sleep permanently. But he doesn't get a choice in the matter because Giuseppe joins us in the foyer of the apartment. "Miss Gilbert." He acknowledges me, but even I can hear the surprise in his voice. "Please, come in."
Stefan sighs and steps aside. I slowly enter the apartment, looking around at a fine layer of dust covering everything. Giuseppe leads us into the living room, with it's dark brown leather couches, deep red pillows, and emerald green Tiffany lamps. It looks like something you would see in the 1920's.
"Would you like anything to drink? Water? Wine?" The Old Snapping Turtle offers as he takes a seat on one of the couches. I choose the opposite end of the same couch. Maybe it was a mistake coming here. But, would he really hurt me?
"Wine would be lovely, yes. Thank you." I say trying to be bold.
Giuseppe nods to Stefan, "Son, will you be a gentleman and fetch Elena a glass of wine?" At least Stefan is getting it for me. That way I know it won't be poisoned.
Stefan frowns, clearly not wanting to leave me alone in the presence of Giuseppe. But, once again, he doesn't have an option and heads to the kitchen. I watch him leave then look back at Giuseppe.
"Why do you do it?" I blurt out to him once Stefan is out of earshot. The question that's been burning my mind since Damon first told me.
"Do what?" He says, his voice is smooth, although I can hear anger in it.
I scoff. "Damon told me about you. He talked about how you would abuse him and Stefan as children."
He smiles cockily. "Oh, Miss Gilbert, don't you see? Discipline makes them better people. Stefan is going to Harvard. That makes me proud as a father. I accomplished making an impressive offspring. Damon, on the other hand, made the mistake of fooling out in high school instead of studying. Getting you pregnant. He made another major mistake by leaving Katherine."
"Katherine was psycho." I say through gritted teeth. "Didn't Damon tell you what happened? Katherine tried getting pregnant just so he would be forced to stay with her!" I raise my voice without meaning too.
"Is that the same thing you did?" He accuses. "Did you make sure you got knocked up so you could keep Damon with you? I think you're the twisted one, Miss Gilbert, not Katherine. And Katherine clearly has more money than you." Of course. It's always about the money with him.
"I'm not crazy." I say as harsh as I can. I wish I was Caroline, who could come up with snappy comebacks without blinking an eye. "Look, I love Aubree, but I wouldn't have never asked for that given the situation. Why do you even want Damon to be with someone like Katherine? Just for the money."
"Money is everything, Miss Gilbert." He says.
"That belief is exactly why you're so screwed up in the head. No, money is not everything. Love is. Without love, we're nothing. Which explains why you're nothing, just an abusive father."
To my horror, he starts laughing. "You sound just like Damon, so whipped on the mere thought of love."
I tilt my chin up. "Is that why you become so cruel? After you lost your wife and you were without love, is that why you starting abusing your children?" I think this hits a nerve with Giuseppe because he doesn't reply after a few seconds so I continue. "I'll let you in on a little secret. Damon did love you before all the abuse started. I don't care how much he denies it, he loved you. You destroyed that, though."
"I highly recommend you leave this apartment before you say something you'll regret." He glares at me which goes right through me and rattles my bones.
"I highly doubt that I will regret any bitter thing I ever say to you." I stand up anyway. I leave without saying another word. That glare that he gave me...was that the same glare he gives Damon when he's about to hit him?
By the time I get to the foyer, I'm shaking. Stefan stands there, holding my glass of wine. I can see the tears in his eyes. Another broken Salvatore. Without warning, he pulls me into a hug. I hug him back, knowing that he needs the comfort.
"Aubree's birthday party is tomorrow." I whisper so Giuseppe won't hear. "Please come."
He nods, smiling painfully. "Of course I'll be there." As I go to leave, he adds, "Thank you so much for everything."
[...]
When I arrive back at the apartment, I give Caroline, Matt, and Tyler a quick summary of everything that happened. Matt says he wants to kill Giuseppe and I agree with him. I sit down on the couch and Aubree comes in, climbing up on my lap. I wrap my arms around her, kissing the top of her head repeatedly.
"Daddy?" She whimpers.
I sigh and choose not to say anything. After a while of cuddling and watching television together, she dozes off, snoring lightly. I stay in that position for a while, not wanting to let go of her. What's Damon doing now? There's not a doubt in my mind that he misses us, that he'd give anything to be here with us.
I pull my phone out of my pocket, careful not to disturb Aubree, and call him. It rings one, two, three times then goes to voicemail. "Hey, it's Damon Salvatore. Just leave a message and I'll try to call you back."
I contemplate calling him again and again just to hear his voice.
Now: Damon's POV
Elena calls me as I sit in my new apartment. My father has gone through the trouble to make sure I have all the top-of-the-line appliances and furniture. But I hate it. I don't care about Kuriegs. I want the cheap coffee maker in Elena's apartment that somehow makes the best coffee in the world. I don't care about 1000 thread count sheets. I want Aubree's princess sheets.
I decide not to answer, fearing that somehow my father will figure out that we talked and that he'll hurt my girls. Instead, I sit there and cry, desperately wanting to figure out what I could do.
Oh, Elena, I'll promise I'll come back to you.
Hope you all enjoyed this chapter!
I would just like to clear up that there is nothing romantic between Stefan and Elena. They're just friends who hugged. Promise.
Special thanks to delenafanfics on Tumblr who wrote an incredibly sweet review about this story. It literally made me jump with joy.
5 more reviews until 400! Woohoo! Thank you all SO SO SO MUCH. Come on, guys, help me get to 400.