It felt incredibly painful, not being able to be there for Steven as he grew up.
Countless times Rose had felt Steven's overwhelming pain and helplessness, whether it was being incapable of understanding the Crystal Gems or confusion of what it meant being the only human-Gem hybrid and the loneliness that came along with it. Sometimes Rose desired to reach out and touch her beloved son, embrace him and tell him everything will be all right.
But she and Steven were different. Instead, all Steven ever felt from his mother's presence was the cold hard surface of her gem embedded in his navel.
It took a while for the Crystal Gems to become acquainted with this new experience but eventually, Steven became an integral part of the Gems and was set on filling in the spot his mother left empty after she made her sacrifice.
But there were times where the others forgot that he was still a child. Even Rose herself felt like she forgot this aspect as well. She thought that it would be easier to communicate to Steven with the internal bond they share now that he possessed her gem but it proved to be a lot harder than Rose previously thought. So all Steven truly had was his own resolve.
Rose eventually learned the way Steven was being raised was different than other children his age.
Most kids went to school and learned about mundane subjects and came home to a pair of parents and sometimes a couple of siblings. Most kids didn't have to think of their future and would at the most complain about how horribly boring the opportunities they were faced with were. None of them ever knew what was like to live with immortal guardians who were burdened with a million issues that often ended up being tied back to ancient rebellion against a group of tyrannical conquerors that took place thousands of years ago.
It mostly led to Steven feeling isolated from his peers and his life revolving around defending the Earth from threats that he hardly ever understood.
Rose didn't know what she truly wanted from Steven. She understood that the Crystal Gems needed another member to fill in the place that she left empty when she made her sacrifice. She knew that Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl certainly weren't ready to deal with their inner demons alone and needed someone to console them without bias.
But what she wanted most from Steven was for him to experience being a human.
He interacted with humans well enough, bonded with the citizens of Beach City far better than Rose ever did and was even able to create the first human/half-Gem fusion, a feat that was previously thought impossible.
That was why Rose made her sacrifice: to witness the miracles that can come out of a human-Gem hybrid and bridge the gap between humanity and Gems.
But Steven's existence proved to be a difficult one, as the years went by.
As Rose saw the world through Steven's youthful eyes, she saw how damaging her absence truly was. Pearl had nearly lost all her purpose in life, clinging deeply to Steven in hopes that she can regain her status as being a valiant protector and ever since Rose vanished her self-worth seemed to have plummeted greatly. Amethyst had lost an important maternal figure to her and now is left being the only Earth-bred Gem in the Temple. Garnet was now weighed down with the heavy weight of being the leader of the Crystal Gems, a title she never asked for.
All Steven could do was embracing them tightly as he tried to comprehend the difficult situation he had been put into.
There were so many things left unexplained for Steven as the years stretched on. Where did the Crystal Gems truly originate from and how horrible was the place that exiled them? Who were the enemies who desired to see Steven's—and Rose's—gem in pieces? What were the mistakes that Rose made in the past that her son had to fix now?
Rose thought the past was left behind forever when she gave up her physical form. But as it turned out, Homeworld was merely waiting thousands of years to avenge Pink Diamond and destroy Earth once and for all.
They tried to do so with the horrendous "Corruption" event and sending Rose's beloved after the Crystal Gems. They set up a ticking time bomb underneath humanity's feet made of all the fallen soldiers during the Rebellion. They attempted to send Homeworld Gem after Gem to capture the bearer of the Rose Quartz gem, all failures thanks to Steven's pacifistic ways.
And yet Steven still remained a fourteen-year-old child despite all the things happening around him.
As Rose feared, her ancient secrets were slowly being unburied and revealed to her son in the worst ways possible. How she betrayed one of her most loyal followers after a petty fight, how she ended up being the cause of why many Gems suffered, how she treated Greg and Pearl when she was involved with both of them, and worst of all, how desperate she was to take the Earth out of Homeworld's hands and shattered Pink Diamond, a Gem she once sworn loyalty towards.
It was incredibly painful, watching her son's opinion of her twist and warp as each horrible secret is revealed, as every Gem he encounters tell stories about her and all viewpoints end up varying, how truly twisted the circumstances become as he dives deeper and deeper into the past.
One day, Rose was truly able to delve into her son's thoughts as their gemstone was placed a whole new being called Stevonnie, and then everything finally fell into place. Rose now knew the truth.
Every single burden Steven had to face, every enemy that was out for his blood, and everything that made his life less and less simple and innocent like it was supposed to be, was because of her.
Rose was the one who poofed Bismuth and sealed her away from her loved ones.
Rose was the one who caused Jasper great distress when she destroyed her beloved leader.
Rose was the one who forced complete strangers to kill him for only bearing her gemstone, which was something he didn't even ask to do.
She forced all these tragedies onto him, made his life difficult, and could've even prevented it from happening if she would only face her problems instead of seal them away before anyone else could see.
And at this point, Rose couldn't blame Steven for resenting her. If anything, she deserved it.