Sauli:

Five days passed and Adam didn't show up at school.

I was starting to get paranoid and worried. I didn't understand why I had this concern for Adam, but it couldn't be helped and it was irritating. I was like this overreacting mother when it came to Adam. I couldn't call him and I didn't know where he lived. I had no way of knowing if he was alright.

I conjured up all sorts of ridiculous scenarios: What if he finally cracked and killed himself? What if he got hit by a car? What if he had caught a terrible flu and was withering away to nothing? I mentally scolded myself for giving such a damn. Adam was a grown boy; he could take care of himself.

Sure, if Adam had once hated me, he certainly didn't now, but it's not like we were two peas in a pod. I knew more about him than anyone else, and yet, I barely knew anything about the guy. He was ridiculously introverted. Getting him to come out to me was astonishing. I had actually been surprised when it turned out that he was indeed gay, but I was glad he told me. It may have been the only step we've taken, but it was a huge one.

Why was I making such an effort? Why was I trying so hard to break open this man's mind? Was it because he was a rather fascinating character? No. That wasn't it. I just couldn't give a reason for it. I just needed to know more about him. I was drawn to him like a mathematician offered a complex equation. It didn't matter anyway. I was just glad he trusted me enough to be considered friends.

It was now lunchtime on Friday. The group and I were outside enjoying the sunshine. Even though I hadn't even apologized nor had any intention to, Alex had forgiven me quite easily for punching him. Not that I actually cared if he never spoke to me again.

It was a much cooler day than when I had lunch with Adam. I wasn't sweating like a sumo wrestler wrapped in an electric blanket. But I wasn't even paying attention to the weather or what my friends were talking about. I was completely zoned out. My mind was fixated on Adam, and it was really starting to annoy me, because I couldn't focus on anything else. Like, get him out of your head, man! It's strange for you to be thinking about another guy so much. I seriously hoped he was alright though…

"Sauli?" A voice demanded my attention. I refocused and turned to see Dakota sitting next to me on the picnic table with a nervous expression on her sun-kissed face. "Did you hear me?"

I shook my head. "Sorry, no," I muttered, smiling apologetically at her. "I was deep in thought."

"What were you thinking about?" She asked, fiddling with her fingers.

I lied, "Uh, just that exam in Bio." Or you know, just thinking obsessively about the misunderstood kid that lurked around the school in his own little bubble. I decided to leave that out.

She nodded in understanding. Her eyes were wide with agreement. That test may have been hard for everyone else, but it had been totally mild for me, even though I had no time to study.

"What were you saying?" I asked, trying to seem like I was interested in what she had to say. I actually liked Dakota a lot more than Alex or any of the other people. She was the least idiotic.

She bit her plump, glossed lip and tried again, "I asked if you wanted to go out with me." She looked down nervously, kicking at the ground gently with her sandaled foot.

I wasn't expecting that. Did she really just ask me out? I pondered it for a second.

A part of me was screaming, No, no, no!

I ignored the voice in my head, and turned on the Sauli charm. I grinned at her, "Of course."

Her head whipped up and she beamed at me. She squealed in delight and hugged me tightly. I hugged her back, forcing a smile on my face.

Why was there a slight feeling of regret inside me? Sauli, come on. You want to date her. She's gorgeous and perfectly kind to you…

But that didn't necessarily mean I had feelings for her.

I didn't know why I agreed to date her, I wasn't actually interested in her, though my deep subconscious was nagging at me that it was to prove to myself that I was straight and that I actually had a life. I could grow to like her, surely. This was a great decision, and for my own good. I needed to refocus on my own social life again. I was horribly imbalanced since Adam came into my life. He was taking up all of my time. Not that it was actually his fault, since I was the one who never left the poor guy alone.

During English class, I sat in Adam's empty desk again. I still couldn't focus on anything else, and I spent the entire class just reading everything he'd scratched into the desk. I figured it was him whom had scratched everything into the desk, since he claimed it belonged to him, his name was engraved into it, and he carried a pocket knife around for "entertainment". I needed to get rid of that knife before he actually ended up hurting somebody by accident or not.

The things that were scratched into the desk were quite depressing. "Hopeless" and "silence" I had seen the first time I sat here, but there was one I hadn't seen before. The word "love" had been etched into the corner. The word wasn't curly and happy like he was actually in love. It seemed like it was scratched into the desk aggressively, like he doubted there was such a thing. What on Earth was Adam talking about? I felt a twinge of sadness. There was much more he still wasn't telling me.