It was a trap.

We were doomed from the start.

I was doomed from the start.

We'd gone in to a large mansion-like place. Castiel had joined up with us, but there were wardings in an area. Not all over the house, just in one specific spot. The closer we got to it, the worse he felt.

We saved that room for last. It looked too… Too inviting. The doors were open. The lights were off. We almost didn't search it, but after Dean laid out a Devil's Trap outside the door we decided to go in.

Dean was in the lead. Sam followed. I was behind him, and Castiel brought up the rear. We were all walking towards the door slowly, and I almost missed it. I almost missed the wire.

But Dean wasn't seeing it. He was about to walk right in.

"Dean, stop!" I shouted, running quickly towards him. I pulled him back just before he crossed over it, and in the process had pushed myself forwards.

The doors had slammed behind me, and a single gunshot was fired.

Then the lights went on, and I saw a single, familiar demon.

Crowley was smiling. The little fucker was actually smiling as his hand still held the smoking pistol. "No." I whispered, looking down at my stomach. I'd been shot in the gut, a merciless blow that would take a long time to end me. I fell, then. My knees caved out from under me, and my dagger clattered to the floor as the King sauntered towards me.

"Oh, I'm afraid so, dearie." He replied, pocketing the pistol. "Ah, but what's it matter anyways? You're just another pawn in their game, their life." Crowley kneeled down, picking up the small blade. "Too bad. You might've been useful to one side or the other. Might've is the key word, here, of course."

"Go to hell." I muttered.

"Haven't you heard?" Crowley asked, standing in front of me. He used his foot to tip my chin upwards, forcing me to look him in the eyes. They were solid red. No pupil, no iris, no whites or blacks or browns or blues. Just solid, swirling smoke red. "That's where I call home."

"Assbutt." I coughed out, remembering the story Castiel had told me. I had been afraid to come, but at the same time I knew I needed to. Dean was doing preparations, arguing with Sam about something or other and motioning to me. Castiel had returned maybe an hour before they had, and when questioned said that he had met with Metatron. While Dean and Sam were talking with each other, he was telling me about what he'd said to his older brother before setting him on fire. I'd laughed a little, unable to picture it. Castiel seemed so peaceful, but he'd been honest about his past; about the death he'd brought to his own kind.

Still, the story had settled my nerves a little.

"Charming. I see you've been taking lessons from the boys." Crowley replied, setting his foot down as he waved a hand at me. I was flung back I don't know how many feet, and felt my head rebound against the marble walls behind me. "Tell me, which one of them has managed to land a trophy spot as your first?"

"The same one that nailed your mom." I replied with a shaky breath. "Ask her later. She was probably easy enough that all of them got a turn, so I might have to clarify the which-got-what thing." I started to try and stand, feeling for the knife I always kept in my boots.

"Wow. You think you can still fight, don't you?" Crowley asked with a smirk.

"I'm not dead yet." I replied. "Shot me… In the stomach. Remember?"

"Stomach wounds do take a while, don't they?" He looked at me, an expression of idle contemplation on his face as I gripped my pocketknife firmly. "Now, I could meet you on your terms, knife to knife," I saw him twitch his hand, and I was sent sailing through the air in to the wall on the left. "Or I could kill you now, save myself the trouble." Sailing again, this time to the ceiling. "Or I could leave you up there, as a little memento of their past. Something you wouldn't understand, but they'd get perfectly well." I was right above him. Crowley wasn't even looking at me. All it would take was a simple drop….

I let go of the small blade, watching it fall with perfect precision towards Crowley's head. It stopped a few feet above the target, spinning around to face me. "Nice try." Crowley muttered, looking up at me as the knife sailed upwards in to my leg. I howled in agony as I was dropped to the floor, impaling the knife deeper in to my body. I screamed again, louder and full of more pain than I'd ever imagined I could have.

I heard bangs on the door outside, for the first time, like someone trying to break in. "KAI!" A shout from Sam.

"Looks like the cavalry is getting persistent." Crowley smirked, checking his watch. "I'll meet with them later, I guess. Ta-ta." With that the door burst in towards me, and Crowley disappeared.

Castiel got to me first. He rolled me over gently. I wasn't crying. I couldn't cry. But I was in a hell of a lot of pain. "Kai," he whispered, seeing the wounds. He looked up at Dean and Sam as they searched the perimeter for Crowley, then turned back to me. "Kai, I, I'm so sorry."

"Can you heal her?" Dean asked, coming round to face me. His face fell the second he saw how I looked. "Shit."

"What, what happened?" Sam was next. His face could've matched Dean's.

"I probably could've picked a better fight." I said with a weak laugh. Nobody else was laughing, though. It was probably because the small bit of a laugh had a sad, wet sound to it.

"Cas, can you heal her?" Sam repeated Dean's words, looking away from me. Cas shook his head sadly.

"I'm sorry. Her wounds are too extensive, and I don't have enough power. The wardings," he looked sick, almost. "They're engraved in to the walls." I tried to look around, and indeed saw that there were strange markings along the space surrounding me. Dean shook his head, walking to the nearest wall. I didn't have to see it to know that the sound that followed was his fist against the surface, landing at full power.

"Damn it!" He roared, punching again. I winced slightly, and Sam walked over to try and calm his brother down. I looked up in to Castiel's eyes, watching him as he watched me with a searching gaze.

"Nothing you can do, huh?" I asked. I didn't feel the pain any more. I didn't feel much, really, except for Castiel's warm hand on my back and the blood in my mouth. He shook his head sadly.

"I'm sorry. I should be able to do something." He replied. I could hear the anger directed towards himself that was starting to poison his thoughts. "Anything. I should be able to heal you. I've brought people back from the dead, from Hell itself. I've dragged Dean and Sam through time, dispelled angels with a sigil carved in to the flesh of my own vessel, fought my older brothers and won; I've travelled miles and miles, seen so much horror and sadness and still survived through it all. But I can't save you." He looked so sad, so hurt, so angry. "Why can't I save you?"

"You can't save everyone, Castiel." I replied, putting a hand to his face. It was stained with blood. He didn't care. "Are you really an angel?" He looked shocked at my question. "The what-the-hell factor has finally kind of worn off. I believed you guys because nothing else made sense. Nothing else still makes sense," I shrugged, and man did it hurt to do that. "But I just have to ask, one last time. Is this all real?"

"It's all real, Kai." He replied. "Everything, demons and angels and prophets and whatever else Dean and Sam have told you, it's all real."

And I believed him.

"Does that mean Heaven is real?" I asked. It wasn't long, now. Blood loss would get me, most definitely.

"Yes."

"Do you think I'll go to Heaven?" I was almost scared at that one. I hadn't believed in so long.

"Yes." He said again. I smiled at him.

"Promise me you'll visit?" I requested. At that, he shook his head.

"I'm an outcast from my own kind." He reminded me, looking up. "To go in to Heaven would make things bad for you."

"You'll be an angel again, Castiel, just like the others. I promise." I replied, removing my hand from his face. He looked back at me from the sudden loss of contact. I gave him a pained hug, pulling him close to whisper a few more words. "Find me when you are, wherever I end up. Don't try to save me," I looked away to cough, feeling more blood fall from my lips. "I'm not worth saving. I just want to see you one more time." I closed my eyes, and felt myself falling. Falling, falling, falling so far that not even the distant screams of my name could ever bring me back.