The chapter you've all been waiting for. Thanks for the reviews. Will try to update again soon. Enjoy!

The school was exceptionally loud for an icy midafternoon, and colder than he could ever remember it being. Students milled about in large groups, talking and laughing, a catching energy passing from one person to the next.

"Did you hear?"

"Is it true?"

He had no idea what they were talking about but he was surprised to see them out of class.

He took the marble steps two at at a time as he followed the familiar pathway from the entrance hall to the headmasters office, his progress quickened by his use of secret passageways long forgotten and full of dust and his expansive knowledge of trick steps and walls pretending to be doors. He narrowly avoided an encounter with Peeves, side stepping into an empty classroom as the poltergeist went wizzing by, singing a song at the top of his lungs, the words indistinguishable to human ears.

Each step he took brought back memories of his school days, good and bad recollections of both his friends and their enemies, James and Sirius and Peter and the fun they had had. The classroom in which they had performed their first prank, the broom cupboard in which his friends had finally confronted him about his condition, where he had discovered that they did not judge him or hate him for it. The place he had stood the first time that he had ever been given detention. He could still recall the look of disappointment on McGonagall's face, that had faded over the years as she assigned them all detention after each prank, each incident.

He stopped on his way, turning to look out a window that overlooked the grounds, the lake, the forbidden forest, the tree that they had spent many an afternoon studying and fooling around beneath, the place he had sat as his friends once again tormented Snape, where Lily had been called a mudblood by someone that she had cared about, and he couldn't help but take in the whomping willow, so dominant over the grounds, and he was surprised that all he felt towards it was appreciation and not loathing as he pictured James and Sirius and Peter slipping beneath ground to spend another night with a werewolf. They had learned to be animagi in that ugly old shrieking shack and so he was grateful that for those short years of his life he had not been alone in his pain.

The laughter and cheers from the current students carried up to him through the open window. Despite the cold day, they seemed to have made their way onto the grounds. He watched the small groups briefly before turning away.

He reached Dumbledore's office and found himself facing the stone gargoyle with a slight feeling of guilt mixed with anticipation, as if he was a school boy again, sent to the headmaster to be punished. He shook it off with a laugh. It had been long enough since he had stood there last, beside his friends on the next to last day of their seventh year. They had certainly gone out with a bang, he remembered.

He didn't know the password to get into the office and looked around for someone to ask so he wouldn't have to start guessing but the stone began to move, the gargoyle leaping aside and the stairs descending slowly to his feet. He stepped forward and made his way up the stone steps to face the brass door knocker.

"Enter" Dumbledore's calm voice called out before he had a chance to make his presence known and the door swung open of it's own accord, bringing him into the office that had not changed one bit in the years since he had last seen it, walking through the same door. The headmaster sat behind his grand desk and looked up only when the door had closed again. The aged face was older and more exhausted than he could ever remember seeing it.

"Remus" Dumbledore nodded his greeting, waving his hand in indication that his guest should take the seat across from him. Remus did, his eyes traveling the walls, the photos, the books and the perch that was currently empty of the golden phoenix.

"You have news Albus?" he asked finally, curious as to why Dumbledore had called him there when he had never done so before, preferring to meet with all the members of the order at headquarters.

The older man nodded with the look of someone who wished to get something particularly painful out of the way. "The dark lord has fallen."

****

He was twenty one years old and his life was over.

He would never be able to forget the day that he lost everything, he would never forget the sensation, the disbelief, the pain. There was losing someone you loved, and then there was losing your entire life in one fell swoop.

He was face in hands, body numb, pain flowing through him, regret and anger, so much anger.

"How is that possible? How can everything have come down to this? And Sirius? Thats impossible."

He didn't really know what he was saying. He couldn't hear the words, he couldn't focus on the old man. It was impossible, there was no way, just a nightmare, a horrible nightmare. They had been through it a dozen times and he could still not comprehend, refused to believe that any of it was true.

"I see no other way Remus" Dumbledore told him, but he had no idea what it meant, what he was referring to. It didn't make any sense. He tried to breath, tried to imagine living his life without James and Lily and Peter, and even Sirius, because he could not believe that his friend, James' best friend, his best man, Harry's godfather, he could not believe that SIrius had betrayed his friends, betrayed them all.

"Remus."

His friends were dead. Voldemort had killed them with his own hand, and then he had tried to kill Harry but had been unable too. Nothing made sense.

"How?" he asked, knowing that Albus would understand, know what he was asking.

"I don't know Remus, we may never know."

The dark lord was gone. He had thought of this moment before, pictured the happiness and celebration that would follow. And now it was happening and there was nothing he wouldn't give for things to go back as they were. Another wave of shock overwhelmed him. Would he ever go a second without feeling the same pain, would it ever get better?

"You said they would be safe!" he said furiously, aiming his frustration at Dumbledore who looked completely unfazed at his sudden anger, as if he had been expecting it.

"Remus, you have to understand, I offered to be their secret keeper, they told me that Sirius would rather die then betray them."

"So it's their fault?!"

"Of course not, none of us expected this. We couldn't have known." The old man continued to speak in a calming voice that made him want to lash out even more.

"I should have. He's my...he was my...they were-"

James and Lily and Peter. Dead. Sirius...

He had nothing left.

"I want to see Harry. I have to see him." He could hear the desperation in his own voice, as he fought for something to cling to, something to fight for. But was there really a point? Was there anything that really mattered anymore?

Dumbledore rose from his desk and turned his back on Remus, facing his window. The day beyond the glass was far too cheerful for everything that was going on. Remus wanted a storm, he wanted his pain and suffering to be understood. How could Sirius have done it? How was it possible that he hadn't realized what his friend was capable of? How could so many things change in such a short time?

"Harry will be safe."

"What?" He demanded.

"I have arranged for him to be taken to his aunt and uncles house and I have put several protective measures in place that will ensure Harry remains safe there until he is of age. "

Remus experienced a long moment of confusion before he realized what Dumbledore was talking about. "The muggles?" he spluttered furiously. "You can't send him there Albus, they hate our kind, the things that Lily has told me about them. How could you send him there?" he demanded. He was on his feet, his hands curled into fists at his side. Dumbledore turned and eyed him curiously.

"What do you suggest?"

"Anything, but not that."

"But you would not take him yourself?"

"It's too dangerous, you know that. You know exactly what I am."

Dumbledore nodded slowly. "Yes, I do, and so I have chosen a place where Harry can be safe until he turns seventeen. And he will be safe there, I assure you. I could not give him to just anyone you know, I would not. It's important that he stays with family-"

"I am the only family he has left."

Dumbledore took a moment to rephrase. "It's important that he stays with blood. The death eaters will be looking for him and every child in our world will know his name. He will be safe with Lily's sister."

Remus sat back down hard. Harry would be famous worldwide and was also in grave danger. He felt sick.

"You're saying that I can't see him?"

The apologetic look that he was offered did nothing to squelch the fresh wave of loss that rolled over him. Why hadn't he been to see his friends in the last few days? He had been so busy, yet there had been so much time, he could have seen them one last time and now he would never see them again, never talk to them, never laugh with them.

"I'm sorry Remus. Not now, maybe when he is older, he will want to meet you of course." Dumbledore's voice was quiet, regretful, but sure.

"And the order?"

"The order is no longer necessary, it will be disbanded."

He looked up again with a hollow laugh. "What do I have left Albus?" he asked, rising to his feet. He didn't expect an answer, maybe there was none. He turned to leave.

"Remus." He stopped but did not look back, hand curling firmly around the door handle. It was a strange place, this new world. There had been the world with Lily and James and Peter in it and then there just this, a new place. He didn't like this one at all. Here he had nothing. Nothing and no one, they were all dead or beyond reach. He wished that he was dead too.

"What will you do Remus? Where will you go?"

He thought about it for a second before he replied.

"I don't think it matters anymore" and he was gone before the headmaster could reply.