"I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on you. I remember loving the look of the ice blue ring in your lip, and the studs that lined your earlobes. I loved the deep blue color of your eyes as you passed by me on your long board. Your eyes met mine and that was all it took. That single glance at a stranger and you didn't see the stop sign and BAM! you were on your ass with a bloodied nose and I was laughing hysterically even though I really wanted to run over and see if you were okay. You sat there with tears in your eyes holding your face cursing and I got myself enough under control to stroll over and check on you. You waved me off at first when I asked if you were okay, but I knew better. I persisted and you finally caved after a few minutes and accepted my offer of help. I remember picking up your long board with one hand and wrapping my other around your shoulders to help steady you as I was unsure of your ability to stand on your own.
"I remember you wrapping your arm around my waist in return as you were at least 2 feet shorter than me. I remember the feeling of your thin arm holding onto me made me smile. I remember walking you to a near by cafe and setting you up in one of the booths before going up to the counter and asking for a cup of water and some ice. The cute girl behind the counter gave me what I asked for without question, but she did give me a flirtatious smirk as I went back to the bleeding blonde. I remember wrapping the ice in a napkin and holding it out to your swollen face. You flinched when it came in contact with your bruised flesh but quickly wrapped your fingers around my own to hold the ice to your face. I remember letting my hand slip away from your face with a twinge of regret. I remember you commenting that you didn't think it was broken as you flexed the muscles in your face, cringing at what I was sure was the soreness of the blossoming bruises that were ringing under your eyes and spreading across your cheek.
"I remember offering to buy you a coffee since we were there and you're surprised "why the hell not". We both got an iced mocha latte and just sat there and talked. For hours. Not even realizing it until the sun began to set. We exchanged cell number then and parted ways and I remember the little flutter in my chest as I looked at your number in my phone. You name at the top of the contact info; Roxas. I remember calling you the next day under the guise of wanting to know how your face was doing. You told me that it was fine, but bruised as all hell. We laughed and talked for about an hour before I worked up the courage to ask you if you wanted to have coffee again that weekend. After barely a moment's hesitation you agreed. And just like that we had our first date planned. I was never sure if you counted it as our first date, but I sure did. I remember how hot you looked when you came into the coffee shop. You were wearing a white and black checkered hoodie and black skinny jeans. You looked like a little hipster and I was in love. Head over heels, over the moon, completely fallen for you.
"Those next few hours were bliss. We walked around town, had dinner and went back to my place. We both knew what was going to happen when we got there, and fuck if that wasn't the best fuck I had ever had in my life. I never knew one person could be so flexible. I remember waking up the next morning with you in my arms. I remember wanting to wake up like that everyday for the rest of my life. Parting ways that morning had been one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. I wanted to keep you locked away where only I could see you, but knew that I was sounding a bit crazy so I backed off a bit. I waited for you to call me first. Which turned out to be complete agony, but fortunately I didn't have to wait too long because the very next night you texted me with a casual sup?
"My heart jumped into my throat and I was so glad that it wasn't a phone call because I could barely breath. My fingers were shaking as I typed out my reply. We met up the next day and were dating by the end of the week. We were together for 6 months when I decided that you were the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. On our six month anniversary I asked you to move in with me. You were hesitant at first but after a few days of thinking about it you finally agreed. We began moving your stuff into my place the following weekend, deciding which of your things would go where and which of mine would stay where they were. It was a difficult transition but that first morning of waking up next to you is one of the happiest moments of my life.
"I remember the last time I ever saw you…
"I had been running late to class and had rushed out the door with a shout of "I love you". You called back "I love you too" as the door slammed behind me. If I had known that was the last time I would have ever seen you alive I would have taken the time to kiss you goodbye. I would have told you how much you meant to me, how you were my everything. I would have gladly missed my whole class to make love to you one last time. Just to hold you close to me, smell the scent of your hair, seen the blue of your eyes. If I had known you were going to get scrapped off the road by some stupid girl going 10 miles over the speed limit who had looked down to check her texts and didn't see the boy on the skateboard I would have had you stay home that day. I remember sitting in class when the police officers came to get me. I had been listed in your phone as your emergency contact. I remember the words that the officer was saying just didn't make sense. My mind just couldn't comprehend. Refused to understand at first.
"I remember the exact moment that I realized what they were saying to me. That you had been hit by a car and had passed away enroute to the hospital. That you were gone. I remember the world around me had shifted, things were swimming, then there was nothing. I woke an hour later in the school's infirmary. At first I was confused as to why I was there then it all came back to me in a rush and I don't even remember when I started screaming, but suddenly the nurse was trying to pry my hands away from my arms. I looked down to see that I had torn my own flesh up with my fingernails so badly that the sheet under me was streaked with red. I didn't remember doing it. I don't remember much after that. I remember the nurses assistant had called for an ambulance. I remember the EMTs holding me down as they injected something cold into my arm, and then everything was black for a long time.
"I remember waking in a small white room. I knew exactly where I was because I had been committed for self harm in my teens. It was a while after I woke that the doctor came in and told me that I was only here for the night under observations. That night had been the longest of my life. Just me alone in a room, with nothing but my thoughts. If I had ever wanted to die in my life, it had been that night. Some how I had made it through and they released me the next day. I'd had my best friend pick me up because I didn't trust myself to go back to our apartment alone. It had been painfully walking through. I thought for a long time about packing up your things, but I just never was able to bring myself to do it. Even now, all your things are sitting right where you left them.
I miss you Roxas, I miss you so much..." Axel laid his hand against the tombstone and pressed his lips to the cold stone.