After the Second Rise
By: Red
Disclaimer: I do not own rights to the story or characters of Harry Potter.
Walking Dangerously
With head bandaged and an enormous yawn Harry walked leisurely out of the Headmasters office the next day. He was still dizzy, so much so that he felt he must look like some sort of drunk cruising down the corridors with how beautifully his woozy sight hindered his walking abilities. Not that there had been much ability there beforehand. Still the weird gazes he kept getting and the fact that people were distinctly avoiding him in the hallways made him edgy. All he wanted to do was have a lie-down in his four-poster bed in the Gryffindor dormitory.
He would have been on his way there had a rough hand not grabbed him by the arm and pulled him around. The world spun and the bright colors of magic drowned out the mundane images of the physical realm. Harry heard himself go "Oooo…" as he was turned unwillingly. A warm arm plopped across Harry's shoulder as a grinning Ron sidled up to him. Harry allowed himself to stumble and he gave a dramatic 'oof'.
"Have a little too much butter beer there mate?" Ron grinned.
"Ha ha." Harry deadpanned, "I'm dizzy, leave me alone."
Hermione frowned, "You're still dizzy?" She asked coming up to his other side.
"Yeah," Harry stated, "S'posed to be for a couple more days."
"But they didn't find any more damage?" Hermione pressed.
"No mother," It was Harry's turn to roll his eyes, "I'm supposed to take off the bandage after I get back to the room."
Hermione nodded satisfied.
"So what happened?" Ron asked, "The whole school is talking about how you almost blew up."
"Well," Harry sighed, "First: I did 'blow up'. Second: I'll tell you guys when we are certain we can't be overheard ok? Now can I go to my room so I can sleep before first period? My head is killing me."
Hermione and Ron nodded, "Sure you can." Hermione said agreeably.
Harry stopped walking causing the other two to stop walking.
He stared at them, "Wait," He said narrowing his eyes, "what have you two planned?"
Hermione and Ron looked at each other far too innocently for Harry's comfort.
"What are you talking about?" Hermione asked.
"Planned?" Ron grinned rolling his eyes, "You're seriously paranoid mate."
"And you are way to chipper," Harry countered.
He backed up a step and Hermione and Ron flashed identical angelic smiles.
Harry shook his head and held out a hand, "Oh no. No, no, no, no!"
"'No' what?" Hermione asked.
"Don't give me that," Harry frowned, "I will not be treated like I need to be chaperoned. Not by you two." He pointed at Ron and Hermione wildly.
"Who said anything about a chaperone?" Hermione asked, "I am going to get food, Ron needed to go back to the dorm for a book he forgot. You just happen to be going back to the dorm to sleep…"
"No 'Mione," Ron interrupted without missing a beat, "Remember you left your book in your dorm too."
"Oh right," Hermione smiled, "Thank you for reminding me."
"No freaking way," Harry glared, "I don't believe either of you."
Hermione and Ron didn't look at each other they just smiled serenely.
"You don't have to Harry," Hermione cooed.
"We're still coming with you regardless." Ron smiled.
Harry twitched.
Hermione gently took the arm that wasn't clutching a cane into the crux of her own arm and began ushering Harry serenely along. Ron walked on Harry's other side watching the other students. When they reached the Gryffindor common room Hermione held Harry's arm tighter as the Gryffindor students in the room froze staring at the three of them.
"May we help you?" Ron asked glaring at some of the nearer students.
Neville was pushed forward toward the trio unwittingly. He looked at them nervously then back at his fellow house-mates. A girl, the one who had pushed him beckoned him forward impatiently.
"Uh—hi guys…" He looked once at Harry, gulped and looked at Hermione, "We uh—we heard about the Astronomy tower…"
Hermione let go of Harry feeling him straighten. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and watched as he raised a single skeptical eyebrow..
"What did you hear?" Harry asked placing his cane in front of him casually and placing both hands on the top.
"Um…" Neville looked behind him at the girl who'd pushed him forward, she began dramatically mouthing silent words at him.
Harry caulked his head trying to interpret her wild soundless talk, "'He threw you? Blow? Mow? What are you trying to say?" He asked the girl.
"Oh for Merlin's sake," Ginny brushed into the common room from behind Harry, "They want to know if you blew up."
She didn't look at any of the three standing in the entryway as she systematically found a table and plopped into it while pulling out her homework. Fred came in seconds after but he paused and placed an arm around Harry's unstable shoulders causing the scarred boy to stumble into Fred's side.
Fred grinned at Harry, "They also want to know if you're going to blow up again anytime soon and wonder if you're hazardous to their health."
"Ah," Harry nodded, "Yes. That."
The occupants of the room muttered angrily to each other at Fred and Ginny's bluntness. Harry held up a pacifying hand and those nearest him jumped.
He raised both eyebrows, "Ok," He whistled, "A bit jumpy are we?" He sighed, "
No, I will not be blowing up again like that any time soon. You're safe."
"How do we know that?" One boy asked.
"Because I don't like doing it," Harry answered, "It bloody hurts."
"Here's a question," Ginny stated rolling her eyes as she glanced at the trio in the front of the room, "If Harry 'blew up' as everyone says…how in Merlin's name is he still standing here?"
Harry opened his mouth, shut it, and then lowered his eyebrows contemplatively, "Huh." He said, "Never thought of it that way." He crossed his arms and leaned back against the portrait hole looking at the top of his cane which now stood on its own in front of him.
Hermione, Ron and everyone else in the room watched as the portrait hole opened and Harry fell backwards with a startled cry. His feet flew into the air and then fell to the ground. Harry looked up at a very confused Colin Creevy whose young be freckled face lit up upon seeing his hero on the floor between his feet.
Harry smiled ironically, "Hello Colin." He greeted.
"Harry!" He exclaimed clutching his camera, "Everyone is saying you Blew Up!"
Silence met his words as the tension in the Gryffindor common room felt taught, oppressive. Hermione and Ron smirked and then slowly they began to smile. A few chuckles edged passed the stunned faces of some of the students slowly getting louder. Hermione and Ron burst out laughing heralding an uproar in the room as those who were holding it in let their amusement out. Harry sighed recognizing the broken ice for what it was and looked up at the confused Creevy.
"Colin," Harry asked with a sigh, "Could you help me up?"
"Uh," Colin stammered, "Yeah."
He bent over taking Harry's hand and helped the older boy stand. Harry clutched Colin's shoulder and walked through the portrait hole to where he'd left his cane standing.
"So…" Colin asked confused as they entered the laughing room, "You didn't blow up?"
Harry sighed as his friends went through another fit of laughter at Colin's words, "Yes Colin," Harry said exasperated, "I blew up." And as Colin opened his mouth to ask another question Harry help up a hand and said, "And no, I'm not doing it again."
Colin's disappointment at such left even Harry cracking a smile as the room's mirth escalated again.
And thus to Harry's sorrow he did not get to rest before first period. Instead he was victim to question after question that made his all ready pounding headache, pound harder. So it was he followed half his classmates to the fourth floor to engage in an exciting new lesson by Professor Umbridge without a nap.
As they neared her classroom the mirth of earlier grew steadily somber. Hermione walked beside Harry with a dark expression. Ron had stayed behind in the Common Room stating he was exempt from the class. Harry watched the other students with mixed curiosity wondering what about this woman made each of them scowl as though viewing something frighteningly unpleasant.
They waited outside the classroom in a solemn line and Harry leaned his throbbing head back against the cool stone wall as they waited. The door to the classroom opened in silent invitation. A few of the students jumped and then quickly filed in. Harry raised an eyebrow and looked at Hermione. She shook her head in a silent, 'not now' and entered the classroom.
Harry entered after her and nearly choked. The room was covered with frills and lace. The pink walls that peaked out from beneath a multitude of cat pictures looked frighteningly similar to puke after eating cotton candy. There was a musty smell coming from the cat portraits, a smell that reminded Harry of his summers with the old woman across the street that used to take care of him. And then there she was, a plump little woman wearing a more ghastly pink then the walls that surrounded her and an equally ghastly bow. Her toad like face was stretched in a sickening smile that looked all to like a grimace.
The other students sat down in unison putting their precious wands away and opening their books. Harry did as they did sitting next to Hermione warily. Professor Umbridge watched Harry with a silent smile on her face and the same hungry expression she wore once before when he'd first met her in the great hall. It gave him the creeps.
"Good Afternoon," Professor Umbridge began.
"Good afternoon Professor Umbridge," The class chanted in unison.
Nobody said a word. No one moved. Harry sat still as a stone with the other students waiting. Professor Umbridge walked down the aisles, her shoes clacked against the ground as she inspected her students.
She paused at Harry and grinned darkly at him, "Good Afternoon Mr. Potter," She said regally, "Welcome back." Harry felt anything but welcome.
"Good Afternoon Professor," Harry said carefully taking his cue from earlier, "Thanks."
"Not 'thanks', Mr. Potter," Umbridge corrected, "Thank you." She commanded.
"Thanks," Harry nodded agreeably, his face utterly serious.
"Three points from Gryffindor for your cheek Mr. Potter," Madam Umbridge said quietly a dangerous smile on her lips.
She ignored Hermione when she reached her.
"Take out your homework," Madam Umbridge stated, her high pitched voice floating across the silent smelly room, "And place it on my desk please."
The students around Harry did as they were bid. Harry stayed where he was seated. Her eyes never left Harry. He in turn narrowed his eyes in question. When the whole class had turned in their work and were seated she picked up the pile of parchment and slowly thumbed through them.
"Hmmm?" She asked the class at large, "It seems I am missing a paper." She looked at Harry again with those large watery eyes, "Mr. Potter," She addressed, "Where is your response to chapter five?"
Several incredulous looks were shot to Professor Umbridge, Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"I should have known she was going to pull this," Hermione hissed beside him.
"I would appreciate it if Ms. Granger didn't speak." Madam Umbridge said without looking at Hermione, "Mr. Potter? An explanation please?"
Harry looked at the seething Hermione and the incredulous faces of his peers then addressed Professor Umbridge carefully, "I apologize Professor," He said politely, "I was not aware that I had to do homework. This is, after all, my first day in your classroom."
"Yes," Madam Umbridge smiled, "But with a clever friend like Ms. Granger surely you should be better prepared?"
"Harry, you don't have to say anything," Hermione didn't even pretend to whisper as she glared at Professor Umbridge.
"I don't expect my friends to do my work for me," Harry stated the hairs on the back of his neck rising.
"Be that as it may," Professor Umbridge said, "Just because you were gallivanting around the countryside all year gives no excuse for late homework. I expect every piece of missing homework to be turned in to me at our next meeting."
"Gallivanting?" Harry asked incredulously his head was throbbing; he had no patience for games, "Is that what you think I've been doing? Do I look like I've been running around having fun?" He spat the word out, "I've been on the run from terrors that should have killed me!" He snapped, "Terrors you should be teaching your class how to defend themselves against not turning in papers on rubbish that can't help them!"
"Are you telling me how to teach my class Mr. Potter?" She asked quietly.
"I'm telling you, madam that this theory rubbish?" He threw the book in front of him onto his desk, "Is well and good for knowledge's sake, but there is nothing in here that helps a young wizard know the spells! How are they supposed to defend themselves?"
"And what," Dolores Umbridge laughed, "In my class room, do they need to defend themselves from?"
Harry slammed his hands on his desk jumping to his feet, "What indeed?" He drawled angrily, "Are you not a wizard?" He asked, "I know a child abuser when I see one madam, ("How dare—!"), and," He said raising his voice, "I have also personally seen the darkest side of the Wizard mind! Do not tell me these spells will not be used! Do not tell me they are useless! Defensive spells saved my bleeding life! How dare you deny your students the knowledge to protect themselves!"
"Insolent child!" Madam Umbridge screeched, "Sit down! Mr. Potter, sit down!"
"I will not!" Harry snapped, "You have called me a liar since the day I came back to this castle. You have refused the truth even as it stared you in the face," He pointed at his face in emphasis, "You deny the students right to their own protection and you abuse those who stand up to you!"
"Where is your proof?" Umbridge snarled, "You are giving heavy accusations to a Ministry official young man. You'd better prove what you are saying or else you'll—."
"Or else?" Harry asked incredulously, "I'm not blind! Look around this classroom! I see bandages on the hands of half of this class! I have seen the scars on my best friend's skin! The Cruciatus curse is forbidden to all, even those within the Ministry."
Hermione snapped a warning hiss at Harry, "Ron won't thank you," She growled.
He ignored her warning his anger past the point of calming down.
"How dare you accuse me of using an illegal curse on a student!" Madam Umbridge screeched, "I will drag your insolent little body to the minister you brat!"
"Really?" Harry yelled standing up fully, "I'd love to see you try!"
"Don't bait her!" Hermione snapped.
"You don't think there are worse beings out there professor?" Harry asked angrily, "You don't think I've had my fare share of dark wizards trying to drag me before a more powerful force?" He grabbed the edges of his cloak, all the lamps in the room flickered, "I've had enough of people trying to take advantage of me and those weaker than I! You want to see what true pain looks like?" He asked angrily, "What Voldemort does to those he fears? Then here!" He pulled his hands apart snapping his arms outward to both sides spreading them like wings.
His cloak and vest turned to black smoke dissipating into the air as though blown away by a powerful wind. Gasps filled the room and desks pushed themselves away from Harry as he breathed heavily his golden eye glowing angrily. The students stared at his skin not able to tell where the scars began and where they stopped. One kid got up and ran out of the room retching. It was not hard to imagine what he'd been through with such an intricate visual.
Harry watched Umbridge and the woman backed up a step unable to tear her gaze from his dual colored eyes. A darkness lurked beneath those eyes one that promised the whisper of ghosts at the edge of her ears and an endless pit of despair.
Hermione stood slamming her book onto her desk breaking the spell that had fallen over the classroom, "Thanks so much Harry," She said angrily with unshed tears in her eyes.
She grabbed her things and swept out of the classroom at nearly a trot. Harry let his arms fall turning to watch her go. The smoke that had been his cloak and vest wrapped itself around him and resumed its physical form. He grabbed his things, leaving Umbridge's assigned book on the desk with contempt. He snatched his cane up and the power that had seemed to swirl around him diminished as he hobbled after his sister. As he closed the door he heard Madam Umbridge try to bring order to her classroom as everyone began talking at once.
Hermione sat, several corridors away in a windowsill looking out onto the castle grounds. She hugged her books to her chest seething and shaking.
"What the hell was that?" She snapped at Harry when he approached.
"You saw it she was--!" Harry began.
"What I saw--," Hermione cut off, "Was you making an enemy of the Ministry! Which is something you can't afford! Are you daft Harry?" She shook as she glared at him, "Is it fun for you to show off your scars and remind those of us who had seen it about the terrible pain you went through?"
Harry took a step forward and stopped, "Fun?" He asked incredulously, "That woman hurt Ron--!"
"And you think he'd thank you for 'boldly' defending him!" Hermione scoffed, "This is not about you!" She snapped, "By riling her up you've made her worse for the rest of us! No one will thank you for standing up to her and calling her out for what she is!"
"I couldn't sit and let her pick on me Hermione!" Harry snapped.
"Yes!" Hermione snapped back, "Yes you could! Ron did it for months! Worse, he let her hurt him! Not that he should have let that happen, but Harry, it was her classroom. Humiliating her in her classroom is only going to make her go at you more!"
"So what?" Harry said, "Let her try!"
"No Harry!" Hermione cried, "Public displays against her are public displays against the Ministry! Don't you have enough enemies to worry about without the Ministry breathing down your neck?"
"I can handle it," Harry growled.
"No you can't!" Hermione cried exasperated, "They won't go after you! They'll go after me and Ron and Ron's Parents! Don't you see? You're a catalyst! Whenever you're in trouble, so are we!"
"Well I'm sorry for giving you trouble," Harry snapped hurt, "I never asked for you to follow me and be my friend! I'm sorry I've placed such a burden on you and Ron."
Hermione looked as if she'd been slapped, "Harry I didn't mean that," She said shaking, "You know I didn't mean that."
"Didn't you?" Harry asked angrily, "Well I'm sorry but I'm not going to back down from what I believe in. Not now, not ever. I'm sorry I survived the summer."
Hermione stood with shocked and hurt eyes. Harry glared at her standing tall in front of her without a speck of pity. She slowly turned and walked fast away from him tears streaming down her cheeks as she went. He watched her go a sense of powerful triumph overwhelming his senses. A slow sinister smile graced his lips just as he realized what he was feeling.
Harry staggered pulling himself out of the spell he'd fallen under. What just happened…? Oh Merlin…
He snapped a hand to his mouth and stumbled backward until his rump hit the windowsill. He slumped against it in silent shock. He never meant to say those things. He didn't enjoy hurting Hermione, not in the least. He wanted to throw up.
Harry clutched his stomach closing his eyes painfully. What had come over him? At first he was simply defending himself, but the more she argued the more he'd wanted to rip that self righteous mouth off of her face…He turned pushing the window open in frantic haste as he retched. That wasn't him. Those thoughts weren't Harry's. He felt sick, tainted, and evil. The bile that cast a yellow sheen on the grass below winked up at him, mocking him. Harry pushed himself away from the window forgetting his cane he stumbled then fell hard and laid there without any will to rise.
His chest rose and fell slowly as he went over his argument with Hermione again and again. He gasped as a sob tried to break through his chest. His tears were there, on his cheeks but he wouldn't allow them to fall any further. Crying wasn't going to undo the hurt he'd done.
He looked at his cane. It still stood serenely by the window without anything holding it up. The sun glinted off the ruby top and it sparkled angrily at Harry as though reprimanding him. He looked morosely at it then ashamed he looked away. The warm ivory shaft fell into his hand and he looked at the cane with a tired smile. If an inanimate object was willing to forgive him…He used the cane to help push himself to his feet. He needed to talk to someone. He needed to understand what had just come over him. So he hobbled slowly out of the corridor toward the Headmaster's office.
Figure this out first, He ordered himself, Then find Hermione and make amends.
The trip to the Headmaster's office was completely uneventful but for the fact that he met Madam Sinistra in the hallway. She strode toward him, her cloak billowing around her like an angry black cloud. Her stormy eyes were fixed upon him with such dark focus as to make any boy in his shoes tremble upon looking at them.
Harry should have been afraid, and he was, but he was to scared of himself in that moment to worry about his angry Mistress.
So he gave her a cheeky smile as she decended upon him and said relieved, "Oh good, your here. Saves me the trip to your classroom."
"I should string you up by your ears," She growled when she reached him grabbing his shoulder, "Why aren't you in class? No, don't tell me." She shook her head, "I just had a lovely talk with Dolores Umbridge." Her hand tightened on his shoulder.
"Yeah," Harry sighed dropping his happy façade, "After I talk to Dumbledore."
Madam Sinistra scrutinized her pupil narrowing her eyes, "Your pale," She stated, "And sweating. What did you do this time?"
"Nothing," He winced, "Well, you know what I did but that's not why I'm pale…Please Sinistra, I need to talk to the Headmaster."
She raised an eyebrow and nodded steering him toward the Headmasters office, "Well talk about your performance in Dolores's classroom after," She concluded.
Harry nodded relieved. Madam, Sinistra watched her pupil with careful intrest. His head bandage was gone, the injury he sustained yesterday healed nicely. But he was pale, and is limp seemed worse than it had yesterday. He was also quiet. This had become strange for him. He rarely allowed the opportunity to crack some smart aleck remark up at her, unless something bothered him. She was relieved when they reached the Guardian Gargoyle and she uttered the password.
When they reached the top of the stairs the Headmaster was all ready at the door, "Harry?" He asked surprised, "I thought you'd be in the infirmary."
Harry shook his head gravely, "No sir," He said, "I need you to look in my head again. Please." He looked at the Headmaster and Madam Sinistra finally realized what it was that was bothering her pupil.
"Harry," She said carefully, "Your scared aren't you?"
Harry jumped a little startled and then smiled tiredly, "Yeah," He said, "I did something today…hurt one of my friends. And I—enjoyed it." He shuddered.
Dumbledore's eyebrows shot up into his skull, "All right," he said agreeably, "Let's have a look at what's happening in your head then shall we?"
Harry nodded relieved. He sat down in a chair and Dumbledore conjured a chair for himself to be placed in front of Harry. He placed his hands on the boy's knees and stared unblinkingly into Harry's eyes. A surge of hatred so great that it had Harry wrench himself from the headmaster in alarm cut through Harry's unsuspecting thoughts. He looked away from his mentor gasping in pain as his head throbbed terribly.
Dumbledore's eyebrows narrowed in confusion and worry, "Harry?" He asked carefully, "Are you all right"
"No!" Harry gasped feeling tears of fear and frustration build in his eyes the second time that day, "I'm not! I thought I was but ever since yesterday I've been having weird thoughts, weird emotions riding over my own, overtaking them! They aren't mine! They're his they have to be! I don't want this! I just want my thoughts to be my own! Harry's thoughts! Not Voldemorts! I hurt Hermione!" He looked up at Dumbledore pleading, "Isn't there something we can do?" He asked, "Please, I don't know where I am and where he begins right now." He buried his head in his hands, "I'm scared."
Dumbledore sighed running a hand over his wizened face he leaned back in his chair steepling his fingers in front of him, "You can come in Ms. Granger, Mr. Weasley." He said quietly.
Harry stiffened his eyes widening and then he tried to fold himself up into the back of the chair so he wouldn't be seen. He buried his head into his hands feeling like a child but he felt them, both of their auras shimmered at him through his own. He felt their anger. Ron's was simmering beneath his skin, but he was reigning it in. Hermione, too was angry, but there was also worry and sorrow in her aura. Harry's protective nature for his friends over-ruled his fear of their wrath and slowly he looked up at them. Hermione's eyes were puffy and red from crying, Ron looked at him with a closed exspression, his emotions otherwise unreadable but for his aura.
"I'm sorry—," Harry began.
Ron held up a hand cutting him off and shook his head clenching his teeth, "Not now," Ron said coldly.
Harry looked at the floor ashamed.
"I take it the two of you heard what we were trying to discuss?" Madam Sinistra intoned leaning on the Headmaster's desk.
They nodded.
"Well then, I suppose you two had better stay while we figure this out," She sighed, "We obviously can't do one thing without the other two in tandem anymore."
Dumbledore chuckled, "We wouldn't have been able to anyway if they hadn't been separated by distance for the past two months. I suppose we should simply be grateful that their magic doesn't act as closely as they do."
"Hermione I'm--," Harry tried again.
Hermione shook her head, "Your words hurt Harry," She said honestly, "But your actions hurt more. You need to be aware that your bark, has a bite to it. I'm angry, yes, but we can apologize after we figure out what's in your head. I know you. I guess I know you wouldn't have gone as far as you had."
Harry nodded morosely then looked at Dumbledore with a weak smile, "So," He said, "Can we try again?"
Dumbledore nodded and looked into Harry's eyes. Harry was relieved to find no overwhelming hatred coursing through him for no reason as Dumbledore uttered 'Legillimens' and entered Harry's mind. The room became silent as the two in the chair were engrossed. The three outside watching found comfortable spots and sat down to wait.
Whirling and clicking noises surrounded the silence as all of the small strange implements that were Dumbledore's trinkets continued to wink and dance in the dim light of the office. Fawkes wasn't even currently on his perch beside the desk without his soothing croon the silent room felt emptied.
Madam Sinistra watched Harry's friends. Despite their obvious anger toward him they watched Dumbledore and Harry like a pair of overly protective siblings. They looked after each other. She hadn't really seen them all together seeing as how she'd met Harry after the school semester had begun. Watching the three interact now was informative.
Dumbledore sighed and fell back into his chair, "Well, my boy, it seems we need to teach you how to sort through your mind."
"I know how to do that," Harry said.
"Not this way." Dumbledore stated, "We need to find out exactly what is yours and what is Voldemort's. Then we need to separate the two things, section them out and place a wall between them."
"Think carefully about this," Madam Sinistra said quietly, "Doing this could be damaging to your mind. And if any cracks are left between what is you and what is him…you could end up sporting two separate personalities that will constantly be battling for control."
Harry thought about this for a moment his eyebrows pulled together in a frown, "Are there no other options?" He asked carefully not liking the thought of being out of control of his own mind if even for a small second.
"We could, after we've separated what is yours and what isn't," Madam Sinistra began carefully, "Merge the two minds with a small barrier. It's more natural, and it allows you to see his memories as his and your memories as yours. There shouldn't be any spillage of emotion. You'll just know what's yours and you'll have the added bonus of understanding your enemy better."
Dumbledore nodded sagely, "It is of course, more difficult to do that."
"Why?" Harry asked.
"Because there is a modicum of acceptance that goes along with this," Dumbledore said quietly, "You have to be willing to accept that these pieces of another man's life are now a part of you, and that just because he is a part of you…you are not him." He steepled his fingers before his face and peered at Harry over his spectacles, "This is not by any means an easy thing for anyone your age to grasp and completely understand. Acceptance is a hard thing to do even for the best of us."
Harry thought about that looking at the floor. To accept that any part of Voldemort was a part of him…that the taint inside him now was truly his…? He shuddered feeling nauseous.
"I would not have suggested it if I did not believe you were capable Harry," Madam Sinistra said quietly, "This is not a light decision and it is also one that should not be decided rashly or emotionally. You need to think about it carefully. And in the mean time you should think carefully on everything you feel, speak, or think while you decide."
"Now I believe the three of you have more to talk about," Dumbledore stated quietly, "We must let you do that. Things left unsaid fester and get worse. Children should solve their problems together in order to become better adults."
Harry glanced at Ron and Hermione, neither looked at him, but the fact that they were there was enough. Harry took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly standing up as his friends did so that he could follow them out of the office. They left Dumbledore and Madam Sinistra talking quietly.
It was long minutes and after reaching the fresh open air out side when anyone decided to speak. It was Ron who spoke to the surprise of his companions. His voice played softly, dangerously over the fields. There was a resigned quality to it, the anger simmered beneath, but was not overwhelming enough to vocalize.
"I'm not going to thank you for what you did today," He began somberly, "To be frank, when Hermione told me what you'd done in the Toads classroom it pissed me off. And I'll tell you why." He took a deep breath steeling himself for what he was about to say, "Remember I told you I wasn't ashamed of allowing that woman to do to me what she did?"
Harry nodded carefully keeping himself quiet and clamping down any emotions he may or may not have in order to listen more clearly.
"Do you know why?" Ron asked rhetorically, "Because I did, and I allowed her to torture me because by taking out her need to abuse someone on me…she didn't take it out on the other students."
"What?" Harry asked shocked.
"She sick," Ron spat, "Evil, but she had some weird obsession with me. So I let her hurt me. I let her…" He shuddered, "Do unforgivable things to me because as long as she had me, she left the others alone."
"Are you crazy?" Harry asked suddenly angry, "Ron, she only needs an excuse, she wasn't going to stop just because she had you!"
"She did though," Ron snapped defensively, "For a while." He looked away, "She began hurting the other kids again, I kept going to her 'detentions' in the hopes that she would stop. But it got to the point where I began to wonder…was anything I was doing right? What was the point of me being tortured, being forced to torture myself for her sick amusement if…if it didn't do any good." Ron sat down next to a tree heavily.
Harry and Hermione followed suit quietly.
"So yeah, I was mad at you," Ron said, "Not because you called her out for what she was, but because by provoking her, some other kid that thinks like I did has to suffer."
"I'm sorry for that," Harry said quietly, "But what she's doing is wrong. I won't allow myself to be pushed around by her. I've had my fare share of abuse in my life and I'm bloody sick of it."
Ron grinned sadly at him, "I kind of figured," He said quietly, "You have…a hell of a lot of shit to deal with too."
Harry shook his head, "Please don't," He said quietly, "Don't understand. I never wished any of this to happen. You should have been safe here. I don't want you to understand what it feels like."
"Too late," Ron said, "But you know what? It's made me realize something about myself. I'm bloody sick of being pushed around too."
"Then stand up to her." Harry urged.
"I don't know if I can," Ron admitted.
Harry had nothing to say to that. Could he ever go back to the Dursleys and confront them for all the wrong they'd put him through? Did he have the courage to do something like that knowing that if he did it wouldn't change anything?
"I'm sorry too," Hermione said quietly, "I shouldn't have reacted the way I had today but Harry," She looked at him with large brown eyes and a quivering lip, "You were scary today. Watching you in that classroom was like watching another person. You looked ready to kill that woman. And I knew, somehow, that you could."
Harry sighed, "I don't know what came over me in the hallway Hermione," His breath shuddered, "I threw up after you left, did you know that?"
Hermione shook her head.
"I threw up when I realixed I was just saying things to make you cry…and I was enjoying it." His hands shook as they clutched his cane, "I was hurting you and it felt so good that I wanted to hurt you in other ways to." Tears streaked his cheeks as he admitted that one truth he'd refused even to admit to himself, "I'm scared of me too," He said looked at his alarmed friends, "Terrified even," He brought a shaky hand to his face unable to look at them, "If I accept what's happening…do I also accept the thought that I can turn on you, either of you at any moment?" Harry shook his head, "I don't think I could do that."
Hesitantly Hermione reached out to grasp the trembling hand Harry held in front of his face. She slowly pulled it down to look into Harry's eyes. Once again she marveled at the glinting dual colors that looked back at her and saw his fear.
"If I know anything about you it's this," Hermione said quietly, "you'd no sooner take a knife to yourself let alone purposefully hurt me or Ron and enjoy it. No matter what influences your mind. I," She closed her eyes and then opened them determination making their dark brown color hard, "Forgive you." She said finally, "and if you want me to, I will help you sort out your mind and accept yourself in any way that I can."
"Me too mate," Ron said smiling quietly, "But if you make Hermione cry again like you did today I'm going to sock you."
Harry grinned tiredly at Ron, "If I make her cry again like today I'll welcome the abuse," He said honestly taking Hermione's hand in his own he sqeezed it, "Thank you." He said honestly.
"You're welcome," Hermione said and glared at her boys, "Just don't make a habit of this ok?"
They nodded solemnly at Hermione. The three lapsed into silence sitting against the tree feeling both heavy but lighter then they had. Al the secrets had been laid out on the grass leaving the three whole again with a renewed understanding between them. They'd changed, each one of them, but they had decided to stay together regardless.
This chapter took longer then I'd wanted it to, the reason being I had to re-write it because I left too many things out that needed to be addressed. so now they have been addressed, now I can continue with the story, and hopefully the next chapter will be out sooner then this one. Thanks for reading. Constructive critism welcome.
-Red