Castaways on a Sullen Sea
By weasleywheezes
Chapter 20– Au Fait
Severus Snape's arrival at Hogwarts with Hermione Granger in tow caused quite a stir. Dumbledore and McGonagall were the only people at the school who did not audibly gasp when they appeared with each other in the Great Hall. Rumours flew even faster when Severus and Hermione sat next to each other at the table during evening meal.
After dinner, Professor Snape retired to his quarters, while Hermione, along with Professor McGonagall, climbed the stairs to Gryffindor Tower. "Miss Granger," McGonagall began, "this is highly unorthodox, but I will let you stay in Gryffindor Tower while you're here. Take your pick of bedrooms. If you'd like to room with Miss Weasley, you may. I'll have one of the house-elves bring up a cot and some blankets if you'd like."
"Thank you, Professor McGonagall."
"You're welcome, Miss Granger. I think you should know that Professor Snape always begins his mornings at the lake at this time of the year, in case you'd like to run into him." She turned to the Fat Lady to give the password. "Jolly House-Elf. Take care, Hermione." McGonagall smiled, turned away.
Hermione walked into the passageway. It seemed so long ago that she first had stepped foot into Gryffindor Tower. It had the familiar ambience of home, but Hermione could not shake the uncomfortable feeling that she should not be there. She sat in the leather chair in front of the fireplace and stared into the flames. She didn't hear Ginny Weasley enter the room.
"Hermione, I know what's going on with you and the professor," she began.
"Allow me to explain," Hermione interjected.
"No. There's no need to explain. Ron's told me everything. Harry's told me everything, too. I don't know whom to believe, but there's one thing I know for sure. It's your choice."
"What did they say?"
Ginny sat down in the chair opposite Hermione. "Well, you know Ron. He skirted around the issue but I think I had it figured out. Harry, that was a different story. He wrote this huge parchment" – Ginny held her arms out – "and every other word was 'bloody Snape'. He told me not to tell you, but who cares what he thinks? Anyway, I gather than Harry is as angry as a wet badger, and Ron isn't much better, but he'll deal."
Hermione stared at the floor. "I didn't plan on it."
"I know. You never do." Ginny looked at her with such earnestness that Hermione couldn't help but smile.
"I'm happy when I'm with Severus…" Ginny made a face like she bit into a lemon. "Professor Snape, I mean. I'm very happy with him, happier than I've ever been. He understands me, Ginny. He knows my deepest thoughts and shares them."
"This has nothing to do with the fact that he's been teaching you Occlumency?" Ginny asked suspiciously.
Hermione laughed. "You sound like Ron. No, this isn't just him reading my mind. This is deeper. This is real. He's different than you could imagine, Ginny. You'd be surprised at what I know."
Ginny snorted. "You wouldn't tell me, would you?"
"No. I've got to keep it a secret. You understand, don't you?"
Ginny shook her head in the affirmative. "Not just a little hint?"
"No. I really wish I could, though. It's quite fascinating."
The two friends caught up on Hogwarts gossip and talked for hours. Finally, Ginny yawned. "Hermione, I've got to go to bed. I've got to work on an essay for Professor Flitwick and I'm doing some extra studying for Care of Magical Creatures, so I'm spending most of the day with Hagrid. It's going to be a rough day. Are you coming with me?"
Hermione agreed. "Sleep would be good. I have a lot to do tomorrow."
"I'll bet you do," Ginny said slyly.
---
The halls of Hogwarts were silent. Severus stalked the corridors, trying to burn nervous energy before heading to bed, where he knew he would not be able to sleep. He had done it. He told Miss Granger his feelings. Why didn't it make him feel any better? He knew that her love for him had basically ruined her friendships with Weasley and Potter. Hell, the Weasley family entire was torn by his arrival at their house. He wandered through the halls, mentally kicking himself.
Peeves the Poltergeist flew in and out of the walls. "Ooooh, Professorhead! Greasy git you are! In love with a girl, oooh ooh!" the spirit said snidely as he flew into a suit of armour and caused the mouth of the helmet to flop up and down. "The Great and Powerful Snapelypoo robs the cradle!"
"Silence, Peeves!" Snape barked, and the poltergeist scurried away, but not before he blew a raspberry.
Severus went back to his quarters and sank into his chair, rubbing his temples and sighing to himself. The darkest of all maidens, sleep, had finally decided to visit him. He dozed in front of the fireplace, his mind wandering.
She walked in front of him wearing the gold and scarlet ensemble she wore to graduation. She had twisted her long hair into a chignon and rimmed her eyes sooty black, which made her look alluring and innocent all at once. He walked toward her, holding out his arms, wanting to cup her face in his hands. She smiled.
"Severus," she moaned, "I have waited a lifetime for this moment."
He moved closer to her, inhaling her delicate scent. She took the pins out of her thick, tumultuous hair and Severus watched as it fell to her shoulders. He closed his eyes as she slipped her arms around him. "Hermione…"
"Shhhh, lover," she whispered. "We must be silent."
"Hermione…"
She unhooked his buttons easily, slipped his clothing to the floor. He inhaled sharply as she moved over his exposed flesh, her feather light kisses burning a trail down his chest. Severus put his hands in her hair, kneading them into the strands. Needing something to hold onto.
She stepped back, smiled at him boldly. "Severus, haven't you wanted this?" she sighed, as she leisurely removed her cloak, her shoes, the sheer silk stockings she wore underneath the brocade gown. "Haven't you dreamed about this?"
"Ever since you kissed me in the dungeon," he admitted.
"I knew that," she said. She laughed - haughty, knowing. She snapped her fingers and the golden dress disappeared.
Severus gasped. He knew it was a dream then, but he couldn't wake up. The desire was too great. The need was too strong. He rushed headlong into the fantasy.
She moved closer to him. Severus touched her; his trembling hands sliding down her back. He slowly unhooked her undergarment and took it off. There were a few freckles on her chest. He bent to kiss them. Hermione took a deep breath.
Severus felt as though Hermione's skin was on fire. He rose, crushed her lips against his, and quickly took the rest of her clothing off. He took a step back and stared at her. She blushed faintly. He picked her up and brought her to the bed. Hermione collapsed under Severus' weight, opened herself to him, and cried out sharply when he entered her. He quickly kissed her, their tongues echoing the ancient dance their bodies were recreating.
Severus finally stirred. Beads of sweat ran down his face and dripped onto his shirt. He glanced down to his lap and shook his head. The dream had been too real, he thought, a pity, too. The pants would have to be washed immediately. Severus walked to his bedroom, stripped himself of his soiled garments and collapsed into bed. He fell back into a deep sleep, exhausted.
---
Hermione woke, refreshed. The sun was beaming through the windows of Gryffindor Tower. She admitted that it was a pleasant way to wake up. She propped herself up with her elbows and looked around the room. It was completely different than when she was Head Girl. The room was still white, as per the Hogwarts custom, but Ginny had a vibrancy that Hermione never did. There was a sense of excitement and colour that Hermione could never imagine.
Ginny's bedspread was riotous with colour; ribbons of blue, yellow, red, green, and purple ran through the well-worn cloth. The entire south wall of the bedroom was filled with pictures of friends and family. Ginny had her broom mounted on the eastern wall along with a poster of Great Quidditch Teams of History. The desk was messy, filled with inkpots, pieces of loose parchment, and books piled high to the ceiling.
Hermione lay on her back and stared at the ceiling. She noticed there was something different about it, and then she realized that Ginny – or one of Ginny's friends – had enchanted the ceiling to flash different colours in a rainbow pattern. Hermione thought it was rather clever. Ginny had already risen, dressed, and was quietly working on her essay for Flitwick. Hermione jumped to her feet and stretched. "Good morning, Ginny!" she said cheerfully.
"Good morning, Hermione. I've put your stuff behind the screen" – she motioned toward an empty spot near her bed – "and you can get dressed there."
"Ginny, there's nothing there."
"Oh. Sorry. I've rendered it invisible. It makes anything behind it invisible, too. I don't know why I did it, but it seemed like something cool to have in a room. Anyway, your bags are there. If you hurry, we can make breakfast."
Hermione did hurry and the two ran towards the Great Hall for their morning meal. She glanced towards the Head Table. Severus was not there. Disappointed, she followed Ginny to the Gryffindor table, where a few timid first years and their friends from other houses sat munching on the morning's repast. Ginny's appetite was as large as her brother Ron's. She had a few plump sausages, a poached egg, and four pieces of toast with marmalade along with milk and juice. Hermione, on the other hand, had only a small bowl of porridge. She looked again in the direction of the Head Table and sighed. If she were with Severus at his home right now, she could have some of Gromnett's delicious cookery instead of the school food that had somehow lost its flavour.
"What's the matter, Hermione? Bad cream in your porridge?" Ginny asked playfully.
"No, Ginny. I'm just thinking."
The duo finished their meal. Ginny began towards the grounds, but then abruptly stopped. "Oh, Hermione, I hope you don't mind, but I have to go to Hagrid's for a class assignment. Do you need the password for the Tower?"
"No, I know it. Besides, I have some things I need to do myself. I'll see you at lunch, okay?" Hermione smiled, then headed toward the dungeons. This time, she thought, there would be nothing Severus could say to stop her.
---
Severus spent most of the morning labelling various ingredients for his classes. It was the part of his duties as a professor that he hated most, but he couldn't trust any of his students to do a proper job. He, and he alone, was the only person he could have confidence in.
Oh, but that's no longer true, Severus. What about Professor Dumbledore?
I hate having a conscience,Severus thought. "He let Black go." He growled to himself.
Severus…you know Sirius Black was innocent of all charges. "He tried to kill me," Severus muttered.
It doesn't matter. Dumbledore always does what is best. Besides, he's not the only person you trust, Severus.
He dropped a vial of wormwood; it sputtered onto the stone floor. Severus groaned. He dropped to his knees, grabbed a cloth and began scrubbing the liquid before it stained the floor. Severus…you can't run from me. You know whom I'm talking about.
"I know! I know," he said to himself. "And I also know that having arguments with one's self is the first sign of madness."
Don't fight me. You trust Miss Granger. If you didn't, you wouldn't be in love with her.
"I do trust her. Now, stop bothering me."
Who else, Severus?"No one else."
Liar! Severus felt a sharp pain. Arguing with his inner self always gave him a terrible headache. You hate saying this, but deep down, you trust Potter. Admit it! You trust him.
"No, I hate that boy. I hate him. He's a boil on the face of humanity. I don't trust him."
You can't fool yourself, Severus. Stop trying because you'll only fail. The little voice inside became quiet. Severus found himself on the floor, trying to clean up the glass from the vial he dropped. After he wiped the liquid and the broken glass into his cloth and disposed of it, he ran into his ready room and splashed his face with cool water. He heard the door slowly open and knew who his visitor was. Severus took a deep breath, adjusted his shirt collar, and went back into his classroom.
He looked up and saw Hermione standing in the doorway. She had pulled her hair back. "Severus," she began, "might I be of some assistance?"
He smirked. "You want to spend the day locked up in this musty dungeon with me putting labels on various disgusting items?"
"There's no other place I'd rather be," she replied.
He pulled a chair up to the table he was working at. She sat directly in front of him. "You'll see that some of these labels are discoloured, some are torn and some are altogether missing," he said. "The missing ones you'll want to give directly to me so I can determine what they are. The rest you can easily do yourself."
They sat in silence for an hour until they had successfully relabelled the entire supply closet. Severus stood to his feet and stretched. Hermione stifled a laugh.
"What's funny?"
"I was thinking that when I was your student, you would never have yawned in front of us."
"And that's funny how, Miss Granger?"
"It proves that you're human."
Severus smiled for the first time since Hermione had entered the room. "Was there any doubt?"
Hermione shook her head yes. "You've said it yourself." She said in jest. "Now, will you stop calling me Miss Granger? We're past that, you know."
The room was quiet for a while. Hermione began to tidy the room up; she dusted the cobwebs off of the charts near the back of the room. Severus went back into his ready room. Hermione heard running water. She assumed he was taking a quick shower to rid himself of the smell of the chemicals that he had spilled. When Severus returned to the classroom, his hair was pulled back, and he wasn't wearing the long, black robe. He walked to his desk and sat down. "I have missed you, Hermione. It gets lonely here during the term."
Hermione stopped dusting the jars on the shelves and turned to him. "Don't you have people to talk to? What about Professor McGonagall? Professor Dumbledore?"
"They are colleagues and sometimes friends, but they aren't the same as someone with whom you don't have to feel so guarded. Do you understand?" Hermione nodded her head slowly. She understood completely. Severus continued, "Erstwhile childhood friends are all Death Eaters, or dead. It's a lonely life. Nothing dulls the loneliness."
Hermione walked to Severus, placed her hand on his shoulder. "Severus, won't you let me in? Can't I help you?"
"You already have," he said softly, and pulled her to him.
"I dreamed about you last night," Hermione said shyly.
"As I you," Severus replied.
"I was wondering if we…"
The professor interrupted her. "Hermione, you have to understand there's no we."
"Yes, there is."
Severus groaned. "It's a difficult situation. You are a student of mine."
"Was. I was a student of yours. I don't attend Hogwarts anymore. No one can fault us, Severus. No one can stop us." Hermione said empathically.
"I can."
"No. You can't stop it. It's second nature to us now, Severus. Can't you see that I love you?"
Severus stood to his feet, walked toward the shivering Hermione. "I know you do. I can't pretend that I don't want this. But you have to see the matter from my point of view, and you need to be familiar with things. Until there has been some separation between your Hogwarts years and our relationship, people will think that I had taken advantage of you. I will not have that sort of nonsense ruining my vocation. I've worked too hard for it. Secondly, and most importantly, The Dark Lord is still among us. I cannot have you become a pawn in his game."
"I already am, because of Harry," she interjected.
"No, it's not the same. The Dark Lord would take you from me and torture you to prove my loyalty to him. I can't hurt you. I can't ever have that happen to you. That's why we must stop this now."
"Why? I don't understand." Hermione looked at him, her eyes wide. Severus felt an overwhelming sadness when he looked into them.
"If you don't understand after all I've told you, then you will never understand. When I became a spy for The Order of the Phoenix, I had to hide my feelings. I became a master Legilimens to do so. I had to learn to deny myself. If Voldemort knew that we were together, he would kill you. He would…have you ever seen a man wither from the inside out? Have you seen someone flayed alive? I have. He does that for fun. He'd kill you as he has everyone else."
Hermione swallowed hard. She wondered what had happened, who Severus had seen tortured, until she remembered the last time they had studied Occulmency. Hermione gasped. It was a realization that shook her to the core.
"Xavier…"
Severus' tone was automatic, as if he were a robot. "Yes. And Lucretia. Voldemort knew they were my friends. They refused to join his side, so he murdered them in front of me. It was an initiation rite of sorts. The night before he bound me to him with this cursed tattoo, he killed them. He told me that I must always be devoted to him or else. He would destroy everything I love in order to have my undivided attention. He would probably do the most unmentionable things to you because you have taken my attention away from him. It's a death sentence for you. Until Voldemort has been defeated, we can't. Do you understand now?"
---
Lucius Malfoy stood, snarling, as Petrova and Gagne stood by the side of the dark master. Petrova, a tall, lumbering man of Baltic heritage, hulked beside Gagne, a small French-Canadian with blond hair. Malfoy always felt the two wizards were beneath him. Voldemort, however, was no respecter of persons. In fact, Voldemort respected no one. Malfoy knew his lord's distain for lesser wizards, and tried to exalt himself to be in Voldemort's good graces. For the most part, it worked.
"Dominic, will you leave Lucius and I alone? I have no further use for you here. Go, until I call for you again." The Dark Lord slithered.
"Yes, milord," Gagne replied. "Come, Sasha." Petrova followed the shorter man to the edge of the wood.
Voldemort smiled, his thin lips curled into what could only be called a hideous masque. "Lucius, it is time that we put our plan into action."
Malfoy bowed low to his master. "Oh, sovereign lord Voldemort,"
"Silence, Malfoy. Your simpering disgusts me. Stand up, now!"
Malfoy stood and glared at the wizard. He caught his emotions and took a subservient role. "Yes, Voldemort."
"He is at Hogwarts now. You know as well as I do that I cannot enter the grounds of the school, thanks to that enchantment Dumbledore has placed on it. We need a lookout, Lucius. Watch him closely. See if he plans on leaving the property. As soon as he does, come to me. I will collect him myself."
"Oh, but lord, you must have confidence in me…"
"Silence! I do not trust you. I do not trust anyone, least of all someone who is looking after himself. I know all about you, Malfoy. The reason I haven't disposed of you yet is because you are valuable to me. Know this is why you live, and be thankful. Now, leave my sight, you repulsive worm." Voldemort began to laugh. "Oh, this will be rich! Severus Snape, you filthy spy. You will soon breathe your last!"