LOST WITHOUT YOU
"A glowing recommendation." Hsin Yi beamed at Xiao Yo. "I just faxed it ten minutes ago to Seattle. I kept my end of the bargain!"
Xiao Yo nodded sluggishly. "Thanks," she said. But the editor was too wrapped up in her excitement to notice Xiao Yo's lukewarm reaction.
Hsin Yi picked up the magazine copy where Xi Men was staring out on the cover. She shook her head in amazement. "Three days of release and it's sold out. You did a great job, Rainie."
"The people don't care about the article as much as they care about the photos," she said tartly.
"Nonsense!" Hsin Yi insisted. "You were able to capture the person instead of the persona! Of course, only a close friend would know that about him."
As much as Xiao Yo wanted to correct Hsin Yi about her presumption of Xi Men being a close friend, she was too tired to even bother. For a few minutes more she listened to Hsin Yi raving about the feature until she was excused from the office.
Grateful for now being dismissed by the editor, she walked straight to the cubicle assigned to her and stared at the blank monitor of the computer.
It has been two weeks since she and Xi Men got back from Japan. Drew has returned from Zealand, they moved from the Lodge to another hotel, the feature she worked on has already been released...and during those two weeks she did not see Xi Men.
All she knew of him were the news tidbits on the papers, about him attending this and that function, going here and there...
Xiao Yo sighed, her musings interrupted by the sound of her name being called out. She stood up and smiled widely when she recognized the person standing at the waiting area outside the office.
Quickly she ran outside and met Drew in a big hug.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, wondering why he had to come here when they were seeing each other at the hotel later.
Drew sighed, uncomfortable. "Something came up," he said. "The big bosses called to say I have to fly to Sydney for a project. My plane leaves in two hours."
Xiao Yo's face fell. "So soon?" She pouted. "How long will you be gone?" she asked.
"About a week, no more than that."
"Oh," she said, relieved. "Remember, we are going home to Toronto in a few weeks."
"Yeah, you don't need to remind me."
"You want me to drive you to the airport?" she offered.
"Nah, you don't have to.' He playfully pinched her nose and kissed her on the lips. "Miss me terribly, OK?"
She smiled up at him mischievously. "I miss you already."
Drew laughed out loud and bade her goodbye. Xiao Yo gazed after him as he left and suddenly felt loneliness engulf her.
Shancai is busy with their business...Qing He is up to his neck with schoolwork in his third year at Ying De.
She sighed. It looks like she has to find ways to keep herself busy. Or else she'll go mad left alone to herself, doing nothing but think about all the stuff that happened since that night at the Hua Ze villa.
If she could, she would have gladly turned back the hands of time. She would have tried her best to argue with Hsin Yi, reached a compromise with the editor to send someone else in her place.
Then she would not be this wreck she is right now.
Guilt wracked Xiao Yo ever since she stepped off the plane and spotted Drew waiting. She had never lied to Drew, and not telling him does not sit well with her so, with Herculean effort, she told him about everything.
Except the kiss.
Somehow she could not bring herself to tell him about it, knowing it would hurt him terribly. So she only told him about the time she and Xi Men spent at the villa, together – as good friends.
The fact that Drew believed her nagged at her, but not as much as the turmoil caused by the events that had transpired at the villa. She is already getting confused about her true feelings towards Drew...and towards Xi Men.
When she set out to come back here in Taipei, it was all crystal-clear to her.
She's with Drew now, they are engaged...and she is in love with him. But now...
Xiao Yo sighed.
She doesn't know what she's feeling anymore.
A knock came on the door of his office and Xi Men looked up from the book he was reading.
"Yeah?" he called out.
The door opened and Xiao Gen peered in. "May I come in?"
Xi Men had not been able to speak with Xiao Gen since he returned. From the moment he arrived he buried himself into work that he had time for nothing else. It was the only way he knew how to forget.
It worked...for a while...but at the end of the day when he falls on to his bed, that feeling of emptiness would return.
He smiled at Xiao Gen; she's still a friend, and now an associate. Besides, he could not avoid her forever.
"Sure," he said, laying the book down on the small table.
Xiao Gen's eyes fell on the cover of the book and read the title, knowing instantly who the author is. Xi Men merely sat there, waiting for her to speak.
"You've been difficult to talk with lately," she began.
With an air of nonchalance, he said, "A week away from the office and work piled up."
Xiao Gen nodded and walked to sit on the other chair propped against the wall facing Xi Men. "We never did get to talk after you left."
He tried to sound gentle. "Talk?"
"I meant what I've said, Xi Men!" Her voice became intense again. "I'm not asking for marriage, or any sort of serious long-term relationship! All I want is for you to consider...!"
"And I also meant what I've said, Xiao Gen," he said patiently. "I don't get into the habit of breaking up marriages."
Xiao Gen stared at him long and hard, then said, "That's really not the reason, is it?"
Xi Men glanced away, not about to give her an answer. She went on.
"You THINK you are in love...With whom? That journalist?"
At the mention of Xiao Yo, Xi Men's head whipped around to look at Xiao Gen, and he found her looking devastated.
"But you're not really in love, Xi Men," she said. "You just think you do. I know you. Ever since we were younger, these were just games to you."
"Who are you to tell if I am in love or not?" he heard himself ask her almost harshly. "And how did you know about Xiao Yo?"
Her eyes threatened to spill over with tears. "If it is because of her that you are - "
"Leave her out of this," he said coldly and she stared at him, making no effort whatsoever to hide her pain. Xi Men took a deep breath. "Stop this, Xiao Gen. It won't do you – any of us – any good."
"You are rejecting me again," she whispered.
Xi Men did not speak even as Xiao Gen got to her feet and walked to the door. But when she got there she did not immediately leave. She turned around again and spoke in a disparaging tone.
"How do you feel, Xi Men?"
Xi Men looked up at her, not really sure what she's asking about.
She continued. "The woman you dream about is engaged to this wonderful guy, someone who is everything you are not. The woman you long to be with is presently with someone else, whom she would spend the rest of her life with. She will never say to you the words you want to hear, because they are for someone else...not for you."
He looked down, not wanting to hear her but not knowing how to make her stop.
"It hurts, doesn't it? Like a thousand needles being pricked straight into your heart, only more painful. That's exactly what I felt before, Xi Men, when you first turned me down years ago. And that's exactly what I'm feeling right now. But I feel better, knowing you are having first-hand knowledge as to how it feels."
"How many women have fallen for you, Xi Men?" she asked. "Ten? A hundred? And how many women have you sent home with their hearts broken? A thousand?"
Still Xi Men would not speak, and Xiao Yo stopped talking. After a while, she breathed deeply and said, "How does it feel getting a dose of your own medicine?"
Xi Men did not know how long he sat there, his head down, his mind swimming with the words she has just spoken. When he looked up, Xiao Gen was no longer there, and the door was closed.
She left, and he did not even notice.
He sighed and ran his hands over his face, her words wouldn't stop ringing in his ears.
Xiao Gen ran all the way from Xi Men's office to her own small office at the other end of the hall, trying hard not to cry in front of everyone else. Alone in her office she broke down, her head in her hands, as she remembered how Xi Men rejected yet again.
It was out of bitterness that she said what said to him, but after seeing the stricken look on Xi Men's face as he listened, she almost took them back. But it hurt so much, so she just let the words out, not caring if she hurt him.
Xiao Gen sniffed. One call. That's all it took to get Hannah out of the picture entirely. And maybe that's what's needed with that Xiao Yo, as well.
But to what end? Xi Men had rejected her, despite the fact that Xiao Yo is now engaged with someone else. Here or no, he would still not look at Xiao Gen.
And Drew Masters looked serious enough when he warned her before to stay away from his fiancée. She did not want to risk it.
Xiao Gen sighed helplessly in defeat. "Enough," she told herself sternly. 'He is not worth it." But to her ears she sounded more like a person trying hard to convince herself.
The office was abuzz than usual with activity when Xiao Yo came in that morning. Everybody seems to be at their wit's end, and from Hsin Yi's high-strung voice could be heard from her office.
It has been two whole boring days since Drew left for Sydney, and she did not expect things to pick up anytime soon. So this was a breath of fresh air.
Xiao Yo asked one of the clerks. "What's going on?"
The clerk spoke in a low whisper. "Chief is going berserk because Tony left for the States without telling her."
Tony, half-American, half-Taiwanese, is one of the main field reporters of the agency. "So?" she asked, still wondering what this has got to do with Hsin Yi's current mood.
"Tony was supposed to cover the high-profile summit of the Chinese-American trade union later tonight," the clerk said, as though it explained everything. "But he just up and left and now no one else is available to cover the event. Every field journalist is already full."
Xiao Yo's mind suddenly began spinning like wheels as excitement rushed through her. She looked at Hsin Yi's office and heard the editor's talking on the phone, annoyance in her voice.
Resolved to have something – anything – to do, Xiao Yo walked straight towards Hsin Yi's office.
Hsin Yi short of slammed the phone down and looked up to find Xiao Yo standing by the doorway. "Yes, Rainie?" she asked in a tired voice. "What is it?"
"I'll do it."
The older woman stared at her, not quite sure what she heard. "Excuse me?"
"The summit," Xiao Yo clarified. "Let me do it."
Hsin Yi shook her head, smiling. 'Oh, no. No, no, Rainie. That's out of the question."
Xiao Yo entered the office and leaned over the desk towards the editor, ready to do battle. "Why not?" she demanded. "During my internships in Washington I've been sent to similar functions. I can do it, Hsin Yi."
"But this is different!" Hsin Yi explained. "Even the happening of this summit is controversial. Do you have any idea what is involved here?"
"I read, watch and listen to the news, Hsin Yi. I pretty much know what this is all about." She gave the editor a small smile. "I hear everyone's fully booked up. I'm the only one you've got."
After a moment's thought Hsin Yi sighed loudly and reached for something in her drawer, retrieving a small brown manila envelope and sliding it on the table to her. Xiao Yo picked up the envelope up and looked at the editor questioningly.
Hsin Yi nodded in defeat. "Alright, you win. The invite is in that envelope. I want a rough draft of everything they talk about in that summit first thing tomorrow morning. And," she added as Xiao Yo was beginning to grin, "don't disappoint me."
"I won't!" she promised and skipped out of the office, glad that now she has something to occupy herself with. For tonight, at least.
The thought of having to sit in one room and hear all these propagandist business men talk about trade relations and equality and all that between the Americans and Chinese galled him.
It's all pointless. These disputes were just figments of their overworked imaginations. Talk about greed at its extreme level.
He is not looking forward to this, and he does not intend to stay long, either. In less than an hour he would silently leave and go back to the office to do some last minute work.
Xi Men looked around the foyer and noted a few men and women in formal suits entering, obviously for the same reason he was here. He walked straight to the bar and ordered vodka, sitting on one of the high stools, in full view of the hotel entrance.
Suddenly he froze as a lady in a gray suit sauntered into the foyer.
What is Xiao Yo doing here? he wondered and watched as she handed an envelope to one of the ushers, smiling. The usher, after looking at its contents, led her towards the elevator doors.
His drink completely forgotten, Xi Men strode into the foyer and called the attention of the usher who just spoke to Xiao Yo a while back.
"Excuse me," he said, "That lady you just spoke with...what is she here for?"
The usher nodded. "She's here for the summit, sir," he replied.
Xi Men nodded and, without thinking, walked out of the hotel.
Call him a coward, but he can't face her yet. He doesn't have the strength. He just couldn't do it.
Xiao Yo looked at the wide conference room, almost as large as a grand ballroom. There were already a lot of people there, and she could easily tell the business people from the press, for the main reason that they had their own groups.
On one side a group of American men and women flocked together; the Chinese were on the other side of the room. While to her left, a group of reporters and journalists stood with their cameras and notebooks and recorders.
"Rainie?"
She turned around to look at the source of the voice and her eyes widened in pleasant surprise.
"Liam!" she exclaimed and laughed when the other guy enveloped her in a bear hug. "What are you doing here?"
Liam let her go and grinned, shrugging. "I've been sent to cover this. I'm with AP now. About six months already."
"Associated Press!" she echoed. "That's wonderful! So they hired you right after you graduated, huh?"
Liam – or William Gregor – is one of Drew's high school buddies back in St. Paul. They have been partners in the swimming team, very good friends since the fifth grade. But when college came they rarely saw each other anymore as Drew went to NYU for his Arts degree and Liam attended Berkeley's Journalism course.
Xiao Yo only met Liam the few times she and Drew visited St. Paul and Liam also happened to visit home. Plus, on a couple of writers' conventions they also bumped across each other and had become quite good friends.
He is your typical all-American guy: taller than Drew by a good couple of inches, with a good build, dark blond hair and blue eyes. And those eyes were twinkling now as he spoke.
"Yeah. They must have decided I'm the only one they've got so they decided to take me in. Wow," he breathed, "It's so good to see you again. How long was it since we last saw each other in St. Paul?"
"Eight months," she replied. "You were still about to graduate then."
He nodded. "I remember." He looked around, looking for someone. "Where's good ole Drew?"
"He's in Sydney right now," she replied. "He's got a gig down there."
"I see. I heard about the engagement from Carol. Congratulations. You couldn't have picked a better man."
"Thank you," she said, knowing what he said was the truth.
Their conversation ended when the emcee called the conference to order. Xiao Yo followed Liam to one of the tables allotted for the Press and sat down, ready to get to work.
Xiao Gen looked up in surprise when Xi Men strode into the conference room of the building. Even the two other employees who were working overtime were startled to see him.
"Good evening,' he greeted them and sat down on one of the chairs. "How's it going? Has the advertising plan been drawn up yet?"
"Just about," Xiao Gen replied and looked at him curiously. "Why are you here? Weren't you supposed to be at the summit?"
Xi Men shrugged. "I'm not too interested in it," he said and reached for the remote control of the television set in the conference room. "Might as well work while listening to the news," he said and switched to the news.
A few minutes later, the two employees volunteered to go out to get some food as the three of them, Xiao Gen included, haven't had dinner yet. When Xi Men and Xiao Gen was left alone, she was the first to speak.
"Why didn't you go?" she asked.
"I went," he replied, staring at the documents before him without really seeing the words written on them, "but I changed my mind."
"May I ask why?" Xiao Gen asked.
He decided there was no use keeping it from her. After all, they both decided they're better off this way.
"Xiao Yo was there."
Xiao Gen stared at him, obviously confounded. "What did she say?"
"Nothing. I left before she even knew I was there."
"Why are you avoiding her?" she asked.
Xi Men lifted his shoulders again, shrugging, and she knew he would not answer her.
She cleared her throat and spoke in a lower voice. "If...If Xiao Yo was not around...would you have chosen me instead of..." her voice trailed as Xi Men slowly turned his head in her direction.
He was smiling kindly as he said, "We've talked about this before, Xiao Gen. Please. Enough."
Sighing she said, "Alright. I'm sorry."
They both looked up as the two employees came back, boxes of Japanese food in their hands.
After a mere thirty minutes of dialogue, things became quite heated. The debate was getting hotter, and Xiao Yo became engrossed, rapt with the volleying of ideas and arguments between the two parties.
Liam whispered beside her. "Now I see why this issue on trade is so notorious. These people don't know how to admit defeat!"
Xiao Yo nodded in agreement, keeping her ears peeled for any new information as her hand worked nonstop scribbling on her notebook.
In her mind she already has an outline of the article she would be writing. Once she got back at the hotel she's staying in, she would go straight to work on it.
Another half hour passed and still nothing was resolved between the two parties. It was also beginning to wear off on Xiao Yo and she no longer had the interest to listen. Almost mechanically her hands moved to write snippets of the dialogues, but her mind is not really in it.
She wondered how come Xi Men was not here. After all he is one of the most respected business tycoons in Taipei, and from what she discovered about him, his opinions were highly valued by his peers.
Anyway, what if he isn't here? She'd be better off not seeing him again until she and Drew return to Canada in a couple of weeks.
Speaking of Drew, he called earlier during lunch, as he does every time he is away. She was very happy to hear his voice and realized she missed him terribly after merely two days of being apart.
She was shaken out of her reverie by the sound of the doors slamming shut on their hinges. Her head whipped around in alarm and she instantly saw the four masked men in black by the doorway.
"What the – " Liam's voice died in his lips as they saw three more on the left side of the room, and another five more in different corners.
They were all holding AK-14's, pointed at them.
"I call this meeting to order!"
The voice rang out on the microphone and Xiao Yo turned towards the podium. The emcee was no longer up there; he now sat cowering on the seat a few feet away from the podium and, in his place, another man in a black leather mask stood.
The man slowly took off the mask, and his companions followed suit, to reveal their appearances. Chinese, she thought, and when their leader spoke in Cantonese, she instantly knew they hailed from Hong Kong.
"Oh, God," she whispered as she realized what was going on.
"We are sorry to interrupt your party, ladies and gentlemen," the leader at the podium said on the microphone, "but we have just taken you hostage!"