"Jude you're back! I thought you were staying out there for another week?" Jude had been prepared for this response when she first walked into G Major since returning from California, minus Tommy. What she hadn't been expecting was her annoyance at the question, and at Speid himself as he bounded up to her expectantly.
"I missed home, and I wanted to be here after what happened." Jude stated calmly, brushing past Speid to greet Kwest who hadn't been in by the time Sadie and Jude arrived in the early hours of that morning. As the pair embraced Jude saw Kwest slink away looking utterly dejected and felt a pang of guilt. "So," she tried to sound bubbly "back in the studio? I have new material…" Kwest caught Darius' eye and the pair communicated silently that being in the studio would be best for Jude. The two men knew that when something was going wrong Jude would lose herself in her music and work herself to a point of exhaustion rather than face what was happening. Kwest nodded and followed Jude into the studio to start setting up ready for recording as Jude went through her notebook of stuff she'd written in California for her next song.
Half an hour later Jude couldn't decide. Frustrated she threw her notebook across the room, narrowly missing Kwest as he entered the room with coffee for them both. Kwest handed Jude her coffee and retrieved the notebook from the corner of the room where it had landed. "Mind if I take a look?" He asked her, Jude took a sip of her coffee and nodded absently. Silence fell as the pair drunk their coffee and Kwest sifted through the notebook. Ten minutes later Kwest shut the notebook and handed it back to Jude looking confused. "Jude these are all brilliant, what's the problem?"
"That's the problem Kwest! I can't choose what one to record for my next single; I can only choose one right? Why do I always have to choose between things, and why can't I ever make my mind up!" Jude wasn't just talking about her music now, she was talking about Speid and Tommy as well, not that Kwest knew this.
"I have an idea, why don't we record them all? There's enough material in there for a whole new album, and if there's any you don't like once we've recorded them we can scrap it. How does that sound?" Kwest suggested calmly, sensing that Jude was quite close to tears and would leak if he didn't help her solve the situation. Jude nodded and Kwest sighed in relief. "Okay so pick your favourite one and we'll start with that."
"But I have two favourites, how do I choose between the two most favourite ones Kwest? How do I know if I make the right choice?" Jude knew that it didn't matter what one she recorded first but maybe Kwest could help her, unwittingly of course because Jude wouldn't dream of discussing this with him, make her decision between Tommy and Speid.
"Simple Jude, you pick the one you love the most. Go with your gut instinct." Kwest pointed at the notebook in Jude's hands. "So what song are we recording first?"
Jude flicked through the pages of her notebook until she came upon the right song. She'd written it after she found out exactly how Kat had died. It was her guilt song. Kat's death had been her fault; no matter what anybody said Kat had died coming to see Jude after Jude had pushed her away. If she hadn't have been driving to the airport it wouldn't have happened. Jude hadn't told anybody how guilty she was feeling, she knew that they'd lie to her and say it wasn't her fault. They'd tell her it was "just one of those things, it could have happened to anybody and it's nobody's fault." So, as usual, Jude had poured her feelings into a song and hoped that with time she'd feel less guilty, or at least learn to live with the guilt she felt. It was so draining, at times Jude just wanted someone to be there for her and hold her. Like Tommy had when he'd told her about Kat in the first place. But she was scared around Tommy, he didn't scare her but the overwhelming strength of her feelings for Tommy did. So she ran away, she tried to leave behind the feelings that made her so scared but they had followed her. And now she had hurt herself even more, because she'd left Tommy.
Help,
I have done it again Be my friend Ouch I have
lost myself again Be my friend Be my
friend
I have been here many times before
Hurt
myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to
blame
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am
small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Lost myself and I am nowhere else to be
found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I
feel unsafe
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I
am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and
needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Kwest watched Jude as she sung, he knew she wouldn't want to tell him anything but he wondered if something had happened whilst she was in California, maybe something with Tommy had happened. Kwest nodded at Speid as he slipped in the room, having seen Jude singing. Speid took a space next to Kwest and watched Jude as she sung. She'd completely brushed him off earlier but he was still hopeful. The fact that she'd come back had to be a good thing, right?
Across town Tommy ran from the airport, clutching his hand luggage and a small holdall, and hailed a taxi. "G Major studios please." He requested breathlessly. He had to see Jude, he knew she said she wanted space but he still knew deep down that Jude was reacting badly to Kat's death and he was worried about her. He'd respect what she'd asked of him, but he'd feel better if he was there should Jude need him. Tommy knew that Jude might not talk to him, or even acknowledge him, but he was prepared to wait for her just like she'd promised to wait for him. Tommy still lived in hope that she still remembered her promise and would give him another chance.