Just when I think people are about to grow up, they revert back into their old bullshit. I'll say this once again, if you don't like Twilight, than stay the hell out of Twilight fanfiction. I have no problem with you not liking Twilight, good for you. But don't give me shit because I write fanfiction. Get a goddamned life.

To everyone who actually appreciates my writing, thank you for all of your support. Everyone who reviews is a star in my moonless night. You guys rock! I know I suck at acknowledging people and I never have time to reply to reviews but I just want you guys to know that ever review is appreciated and taken into consideration. I have a serious lack of internet time, so I try to get the updates online while I can because I assume you'd rather have a new chapter than a reply to reviews.

Chapter Nineteen

BPOV

I leaned against the door after I had gently pushed Edward out. A few tears dripped down my face as I thought about what his life had been like. He'd just been a baby, how can you blame an innocent baby for being born? I didn't understand how people could be so cruel. I could imagine a little boy with messy hair and shimmering eyes hiding from a drunk stumbling after him. I stiffled a sob and pushed myself away from the door.

I grimaced after looking in the mirror, knowing Edward would know I'd cried after he left. My eyes were red and bloodshot, my hair was a living entity, almost an afro. And I was wearing a ratty Hello Kitty t-shirt. Not exactly how you want to look in front of the guy you have a crush on. I froze in the process of pulling my shirt off my head. The guy I had a crush on? Did I really have a crush on Edward? At first I imagined his messy hair, golden eyes and crooked smile. And while those thoughts made my knees weak, my thoughts trailed to his childhood stories about his siblings and himself. To the hurt, bitter look on his face as he told me about his birth parents. I love our easy comradeship, our inside jokes. I loved the fact that he held me when I was scared, that he kept the blanket his mom had made him when he was little. That he passed notes with me like we were middle schoolers and would watch an occasional chick flick to make me smile. As I thought about him, a small smile started spreading across my face.

Yep, I had a crush on my roommate. But instead of being freaked out about it, like I probably should have been. I was slightly amused and elated. I stripped out of my sleeping clothes and studied my wardrobe with a frown. Nothing I owned was very appealing. I wandering into the bathroom, to hold a cool cloth over my eyes hoping to take away the redness while brushing my teeth. When I finished, I brushed and straightened my hair. I finally decided on a black tank top and some capri's. Studying my reflection in the mirror, I figured it was far better than what I'd looked when I'd woken up. Since Edward had already seen that and hadn't gone running for the hills, what I looked like now was alright.

Flashing myself a smile in the mirror, I left my room to find Edward staring blankly at the off TV. "You know," I teased, "That usually works better when it's actually on." Never, since I moved in with Edward, had I been able to catch him at unawares, but this time he jumped.

He ran a hand through his tousled hair, "Really?" He replied sarcastically, "I didn't realize that."

Trying to keep my face serious, I nodded. "I know, it was mind boggling the first time some told me that." He gave me his crooked smile, that I liked to think was reserved for me.

"So where are we headed?" He asked me.

I stopped a few steps from him, rolling my eyes, "This was your idea, buster, you've got to figure out where we're going."

He pulled me closer to him. "Nuh-uh," he said softly, "Since the first half was my idea, shouldn't the second half be yours?" I reveled in the feel of his hard chest beneath my fingers as I braced my hands on him.

"Nope." I popped my "p" softly, gently stroking my thumbs back and forth on his chest, feeling more daring than ever. He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them and looking straight at me. My knees went weak; his eyes were deep and glowing. I couldn't read his expression, couldn't say exactly what it was, but it shook me. "It's your choice." My voice sounded husky to my own ears.

"Fine." his voice was deep and rumbling. His hands came up to capture mine and they pressed my own hands harder into his chest. "Why don't we go get ice cream? I could use something to cool me off." A smile spread on my face at that.

"Awww, poor Edward, is he getting all hot and bothered?" I winked at him with a grin. His smile was slower coming, but it lit up all of his features.

His hands slipped from my shoulders and to my hips as he grinned at me and my heart started racing. "Around you? Always." I forced out a laugh, desperately reminding myself to not take him seriously when he was obviously joking.

Rolling my eyes, I said "No amount of sweet talking is going to get you out of deciding what we're going to do." I fought to contain my blush.

"I decided my part," he said exasperatedly. "We're going to get ice cream."

"And that," I poked him in the chest and then winced when there was no give. "isn't going to take all day. We need something to do after the ice cream." He was clearly frustrated with me and I was loving it.

"I'll figure it out then," he muttered. Grasping my hand in his own, he pulled me out the door and into the hallway, taking a moment to lock it behind us. Then we were off, he'd led me to his car before he hesitated and glanced at me. "Why don't we walk? It's not that far away." He'd turned from the car, when I stopped him.

His eyes questioned me. Biting my lip, I said, "No, we can take the car. It's okay."

His eyes studied me, "Are you sure, Bells? Walking is no problem."

"Yeah, I'll be okay," I tried to make my smile reassuring. He continued searching my face before giving in and opening up the passenger door for me. I got in, suddenly shaken and fighting to contain it. I can do this, I can ride in a car like a normal person. It wasn't like I was driving, I was just riding in a car and Edward was a good driver...wasn't he? I pressed my hands into my lap, trying to stop them from shaking. It happened years ago, Bella. Get over it. I firmly told myself.

I heard the opposite door open but I restrained myself from looking at it. I averted my face to the window, knowing that if Edward got a look at my face, he'd probably refuse to drive the car anywhere and insist that we walk. I could do this. It was just one short car ride. I could almost feel Edwards gaze burning into the back of my head as I stared out the window, hands clasped in my lap. I gasped and jumped, instinctively looking at him when I felt his hand connect with mine. He gave me a small, sad smile and held my hand steady in his. "Ready?"

I knew what he was asking and I could deal with it. I nodded slowly and he removed his hand from mine to pull out of the space but returned it when we were on the road. Closing my eyes seemed preferable to watching the blur of the college go by. His hand was my center. It held me steady where I was and the feel of his hand in mine gave me something to concentrate on. I'd been in cars since the accident but they normally ended in me hyperventilating and crying. This was the reason that Charlie usually came to visit me instead of me going down to visit him. "Bells." I heard Edward say softly. "We're here." I peeked my eyes open to see the small ice cream shop and notice that the car was parked and no longer moving.

I glanced at Edward who was looking at me with fierce intensity. Blushing, I realized how much of an idiot he probably thought I was. Having to close my eyes to stand being able to ride in car. Avoiding his gaze, I pulled my hand from his and opened my door, slowly getting out and making sure my feet were firmly on the ground. I heard his door slam and keeping my eyes on the ground, watched as his converse came into view. His hand came up and gently cupped my chin, dragging my eyes to his. "I'm so proud of you, Bella." He hugged me gently for a few moments before pulling back, keeping a hold on my hand and pulling me to the ice cream shop. I heard the buzz of life around us, car motors whizzing past, a honk in the distance, the voices of families sitting on the grass outside of the shop. It was strangely settling, just to listen.

"How can I help you?" I jerked at the sound of an unknown voice right in front of me and gripped Edwards hand tighter for a moment until I realized that it was the person running the shop. Blushing furiously, "Errr," I glanced at Edward, "What are you getting?"

His eyes skipped to the menu nailed to the shop and then back to the employee. "How about just a chocolate waffle cone? Bells?"

"Um, a cookie dough regular cone?" It came out as a question. I reached into my pocket to pull out my money when Edward rolled his eyes at me and handed his own money to the man. "Edward, I can pay for my own!" I tried, unsuccessfully to hand him the money but he refused.

"Ice cream was my idea, Bells; I get to pay for it."

I scowled at him, deciding that I'd put it in his room later that night. He must have read my eyes. "Nuh-uh, Bella, this is my treat."

I took the cone from the man, muttering a "thank you" to Edward, still peeved that he wouldn't take my money. He laughed unconcerned next to me. "I decided where we can go next," he said suddenly. Raising an eyebrow, I glanced at him. "It's this place I found last year, it's beautiful. As far as I can tell, no one else knows about it. Sound good to you?"

I shrugged, licking the dripping ice cream off of my fingers. I glanced up in time to see Edward's eyes following my tongue. Considering it, I hadn't considered the action to be erotic, but suddenly I could feel it stroking along the nerves in my finger. Flushing, I jerked my hand away from my mouth. I watched, almost in slow motion as he grabbed the same hand and held it in his own after I transferred the ice cream. He flashed a quirky grin at me before we got into the car.

I was too absorbed in thinking about the way Edward had been staring at my hand that it distracted me most of the ride and we arrived with minimal tears. He'd parked the car at the end of some trail in the middle of the woods surrounding the city. I frowned. It was pretty but nothing that I hadn't seen in Forks. He grinned at me, reading my mind. "We've got to walk a ways to get there." I gave him a slight frown at that thought. "I could always carry you." He said, giving me a sly look.

I snorted loudly. "As if. Like you could carry me."

His frown rivaled mine. "You weigh a whole two pounds, Bella."

I burst into laughter. "You're only about a hundred and ten off."

He glared at me, obviously not finding it as funny as I did. "Bella, I could bench press you and not break into a sweat."

Raising my eyebrow, I replied, "Then you must be Superman."

Rolling his eyes and grinning at me, he said "Benching 112 isn't hard, babe, but if you want to think I'm Superman then go ahead."

I laughed, shaking my head at him before turning to the woods behind us. "So where is this amazing place?"

He led me through the woods about a mile, taking my hand when there was a log to jump over or a rough spot. The entire way there he kept up the commentary, cracking jokes and keeping me laughing. When we finally arrived, my breath was taken away, the laughter bursting from my lungs in a gasp. "Oh my god," I breathed out.

The woods opened up into a small meadow that was the most breathtaking sight I'd ever seen, unless I counted waking up to Edwards face. There was a small stream flowing through the center, bubbling as it traveled. A few flowers still survived through the fall, giving splashes of color.

"If you think this is amazing, wait until next spring. The entire place goes into bloom and it looks like a paint canvas, flowers everywhere." I continued to gape at the scenery in front of me. With a small, knowing smile, Edward sat down on the grass and pulled me towards him. We lay down side by side, our heads and hands almost touching, just lying in silence taking in the wilderness.

"This is beautiful," I whispered, turning my head toward his, our noses almost touching. "Thank you for bringing me here."

He stared into my eyes, the golden streaks brightening, almost flaming. "Bella," he whispered, his voice rough and gravely. My breath caught in my throat. "Bells, Bells." He leaned forward, our lips almost touching. Our eyes still open and locked, I could see the flashes of emotion he experienced. Desire and hesitance taking the forefront. With a curse that made me jump, he jerked back and sat up. I lay stunned on the ground, just blinking trying to figure out what I did wrong. As I sat up, I put my hands on his shoulders, flinching with hurt as he tensed.

"Edward…"

"I can't do this, Bella."

I'll save you my millions of excuses. I suck, I know. I'll try and update faster but everything is starting up again and it's frustrating. Not to mention a million books have come out recently that I need to read. The Black Prism by Brent Weeks being next on the list. Come on, raise of hands, who here thinks Brent Weeks is a fucking genius? Huh? Dang, well, it's a Twilight forum so the genres are different but I guess I just read everything.

And has anyone else noticed how I suck at dialogue? Any suggestions for that?