Chapter 21

Ah, love~

It's such a complicated emotion - one that I've never understood - and yet I'm feeling it right now for a girl for whom I've mixed business with pleasure. Really, there's no denying it. The first time I realized this, I think, was when I found her drunk in an alley, and she summarized me off the top of her deranged head.

Oh, how fun! She's become a vine, wrapping herself around me – weaving her current life around the man who tore it all apart. It only takes one strike for a vine to suddenly fall to the ground and wither into nothing, although it may seem strong while it's winding itself around this… wall. I feel the soft murmur of a chuckle pressing against my throat at the thought of my Shio-chan being utterly destroyed if I was to leave her. With her hard eyes and outer shell of anger and hostility, it seems almost impudent that one would even consider thinking of her as "weak," but to be honest – those are usually the most vulnerable vines to be cut.

What a fragile creature…

I lean back in my chair now and tilt my head back, looking over to the clock. Tomorrow morning... that's when I can see her again. Slowly, a subtle smirk plays over my lips, pulling the corners up into a sort of grimace.

I've never had a person affect me like this before. I've been excited to see people before, but all of that is usually so that I can analyze them; so that I can see their reactions. With her, I think I simply enjoy her company. When I see her, my heart skips and the tips of my fingers sometimes even go numb, like I'm somehow nervous about being around her… but that doesn't seem like me at all. It's very strange. In this business I've heard people describe their love for one another in a similar way… I suppose it's my turn now to remember that I'm just as human as they are.

"Ahahaha~~ how amusing!" I spin around in my chair, lifting my head from where it was resting over the back, and let out a loud, obnoxious laugh. Using my feet to push me, I pull myself toward the window and lean forward eagerly. My head drops to my chest as the laugh threatens to consume me, my fingers tightening on the arms of my chair as the air in my chest heaves with gasps and wheezes. I've become one my own puppets!

As a little blip sounds out behind me, my body instantly straightens up. I lift my head and air out my lungs, so that the laughter stops, although the cheerful mood is staying for awhile. With the last bit of air in my lungs, a heavy sigh bolts the air out of my mouth as I spin around once more, going over to my computer to see that my little chat with Tarou-kun is going well. Somehow we've gotten on the topic of Shiori, and before I know it, I'm asking questions. I want to know more about her life.

He says that there are rumours going around at school about her - that she tried to kill Hanako - that she's going crazy; the reason that she's not there is because she was arrested and killed, but the authorities don't want anyone to know this because it'll ruin their image.

This is fun… actually, I want to tell him that I know she's safe, that I know where she is right now, just to set him off. I want to imagine his grateful sigh in my head, and imagine those big, innocent blue eyes bloat so wide.

I can't resist.

None of that is true, I type quickly on the smooth, familiar keyboard. She's fine. I know where she is.

Here it is: the pause for a dramatic moment, for something to click in that young man's brain. A grin etches itself across my face – how could I resist? I suppose all humans must brag about their lovers, even indirectly.

That's good to hear, is his delayed response. My friend is worried about her.

His friend... I wonder, is this Kida Masaomi going to be a challenge for me? Perhaps even a rival in love? Either way, he's not allowed to have her. That's really all I can think when it comes to him. Lately, I think I've even started to hate him, solely because of my suspicions.

Ha-ha! Anger is a strange thing, but possibly one of the most unreasonable emotions that I've seen in people. Fueled by a multitude of things from loss to simply being wronged in the smallest of ways. It's one of the most common emotions to deal with in a business like mine. People want dirt on others, not because they love them, but because they've been wronged or it's someone they hate.

I wonder if this is what jealousy is like… feeling a sense of possession toward my Shio-chan, saying that no one else is allowed to have her. Is that it? I've never experienced this before, so it's confusing. Oh, but so much fun! I can feel the anger getting the better of me, and plots of mischief and destruction are all I can think of for him.

This must be the real thing: jealousy.

I suppose it was stupid to get involved with her, but I can't regret it now – we're already too far into this twisted plot. Of course, I wonder if I should be allowed to endure this worry for the future; I know that my constant contact with her will only end up with her getting hurt… and this ache in my small, black heart tells me that some day she probably won't even want me around. If I hadn't bothered telling her what I did about Namie, she still wouldn't be safe, but what would I care? Truthfully, I don't think she deserves this now. It's like she's in constant pain, and with me in her life it's only going to get worse.

How ironic. I'm in love with the girl I was asked to protect so many years ago.

I asked her something today: "What's so different about you?" Of course, the only difference if, of course, my bias toward her.

"Hahahaha..."

Click.

I look over to my colleague, who has just entered the room to see me laughing quietly at something that she doesn't understand, at which she raises an eyebrow, but doesn't question. Seems I'm always doing this. "Anything new on Ishikawa?"

"Yep," I answer with a mild inward laugh. Lovely... another conversation about my dear Shio-chan as I spin in my chair to face her, closing the window with Tarou – without responding to him – for a moment to give it fully to Namie. "She's missing from school... and there are rumours going around."

"Does this have anything to do with what was on the news?"

"It might," I tell her causually, "It makes sense that it would. Either way, though, it looks like your pills are taking effect." Another small giggle escapes from my throat. "Good job, Namie."

A cold stare finds its way toward me. "That doesn't change the fact that I can't find her."

"True," I say, suddenly finding that my mood has improved greatly at her distress. I don't say anything after that, though, because to be honest, right now I just feel like laughing at her more than anything. What I find to be really ironic lately is that everything either of us has done lately has been about Shio-chan, but on completely different levels: she's looking for her to kill her; I'm hiding her to save her. Namie hates her. I love her.

As I look down at the object that I'm twiddling between my fingers under my desk, I see an inscription on the back of it that I've seen a million times before, and I smile at it.

Shio-chan, it reads, Be safe.

It's a gold heart-shaped locket, which obviously hasn't been opened for awhile. I wonder for a moment what Namie would do if she ever saw the inscription, or just the locket itself, but I push that thought aside when I remember how dangerous it would be. Then again, maybe I shouldn't even think about risking it, especially considering what's inside.

With a deep yawn, my arms stretch back behind my head and my neck tries to follow, but can only go so far. It's dark outside – a moonless night. It looks perfect for a midnight stroll.

Clutching the locket tightly in my fist, I shove it into my coat pocket before standing to face my co-worker. When she hears the bustling of material from my area of the room she looks up from her magazine – which she only just grabbed – and gives me a subtle, questioning glare. "Where are you going?"

"I'm sleeping at my apartment tonight," I explain with a broad smile. "See you tomorrow." As I head toward the door I see the woman stand up and go toward the second level of my office, grabbing some books from the many, many shelves that reside up there.

"OK," she allows me, "I'll be here all night."

"Yep."

As I walk out with another long stretch, I dart my eyes back to her just before the door closes. She doesn't seem suspicious, so maybe I'll go visit some people.