Hey guys!
So...this update is perhaps the longest update I've ever done. In this one, we pick up after Elliot blurts out his true feelings for Olivia. She does what she does best when things get complicated and scary, but after a special visit, she maybe realizes that walking away is not the best option.
Enjoy xoxo
Keeping Promises
Part 21
It was as if time came to a stand still as the words hung in the air;
"Because dammit Olivia, I'm in love with you!"
Elliot's eyes were wide because he hadn't meant to tell her like this. Olivia felt like she couldn't breathe because the words she had longed to hear from Elliot Stabler for so long had just been spoken, yet she had no idea how to handle it.
In the middle of an argument and with emotions running high, Elliot – her partner and her very best friend - had just blurted out the confession of being in love with her, Olivia Benson.
She stared at him, her eyes locking with his. She searched for any hint of him lying or signs that he was about to recant the statement, but there was none. Beneath the shock, there was seriousness. He was serious.
She felt dizzy.
She took a breath before finally managing to speak; "Wh-what?"
Elliot's expression softened and his voice dropped from the raised level of which it had once been. He stepped closer, but he refrained from touching her. His eyes locked with hers, and he spoke yet again;
"That's why I care so much…because, I'm in love with you."
The confession had finally been voiced.
It was no longer hidden behind hallway arguments and warehouse showdowns with sadistic pedophiles and chats outside of hospital rooms. It was no longer hidden behind transfers to Computer Crimes and undercover gigs in Oregon. It was no longer hidden behind the promise of a kidney or five in the morning breakfasts after a chat on a front stoop.
No news of going home could block this.
No news of a new baby could block this.
Kathy could not block this.
Kathy…she had been the boundary line for so long and now she was gone. This was Elliot raw and open and confessing his true feelings.
It fucking scared her.
"No…" she shook her head, stepping back slightly; "Kathy…Kathy's only been dead for three months; you can't love me…you're not supposed to love me."
"Dammit Olivia," Elliot ran his hand down his face, and she could see the hurt starting to form in his eyes; "We've danced around this for nine years now; I know you've felt it too."
"You were married, Elliot!"
"And you don't know how guilty I felt; being married to one woman yet falling in love more and more every day with another."
He stepped closer and reached out, gently brushing his fingers against her arm. The words were out there, and now there was no going back;
"I could never help how I felt; I still can't."
Olivia felt like she was going to faint. This was too much – too fucking much.
"No…" she shook her head, pulling her arm away.
"Liv, it was always you-"
"But you went home to her!" Olivia felt the tears fill her eyes as she screamed at him; "You went to her; don't you dare do this right now!"
"She was familiar, Liv…" there were tears in Elliot's eyes too as he shot back at her; "And she was there. Things were so complicated between me and you at the time, Liv; I thought you didn't feel the same for me."
She felt like she was gonna pass out and being on the roof with him was not helping.
"You're his partner, you give him stability…Elliot can't move on unless he feels like he's on solid ground."
The words from over a year earlier rang in her head. She couldn't handle this.
"I can't do this with you right now."
"No…no Olivia," he reached out to her, but she whirled around and made her way to the door; "Olivia wait…please, don't run from me right now."
She looked back at him and saw the look in his eyes. He was serious about all of this. He had poured his heart out too her. It was too real, too serious.
And she was too scared.
"I just need to get away from you right now."
And she did what she did best.
She ran.
Olivia barely said anything. She gathered her keys and told Cragen that she'd see him in the morning before rushing off. She made the short drive back to her apartment, as suddenly the thought of spending the evening at Elliot's place made her feel nauseous. She felt kind of bad because she hadn't seen his kids in a while now and she missed them and they missed her, but she just needed some time to think. Too much had happened in the last few days and she just needed to think.
Once inside her apartment, she put her keys aside and placed her badge and gun onto the table, then made her way into the kitchen. After grabbing a beer and flicking off the cap, she relaxed on the sofa with the intent to think and get her head straight. She took a swig of the drink, yet it did nothing to calm her down. If anything, it only caused her mind to race even more.
Elliot – her partner and best friend and the man she'd secretly had feelings for since their fourth year of partnership – had really just confessed that he was in love with her too.
Olivia had often wondered about how she would react if that had ever happened. She'd once imagined that maybe she would feel a little apprehensive but would ultimately confess the truth to him too, followed by falling into his arms for the most passionate kiss of her life – something like what happened in fairy tales. In her mind, that's all it was – a fairy tale that would never come true because in her mind, she thought that Elliot would never look over and feel the same way about her. So, to actually hear that he felt the same, to see that look of desperation on his face followed by hurt when she started to walk away from him, it actually scared her. He was serious, and suddenly this was becoming too real.
And she couldn't hide behind the barrier of Kathy and a wedding ring. She couldn't hide behind the barrier of transfers and undercover assignments. No – this was real and something that had to be faced head on.
Olivia had never been good with relationships. She had been in a few over the years, searching for something to fill the void left by years of abuse and later the death of her mother. No man ever matched up or came close to making her feel worthy, nobody ever made her want to open herself up and get close and bare her soul. She pushed them all away because they didn't give her the feeling she craved – that acceptance and safety and love that she had craved for so long.
And then there was Elliot.
From the very beginning, he made her feel safe and calm and well, in a way, loved. He drove her crazy, but she loved that. She hated him sometimes, but she loved him too. They were two halves that came together to create one soul full of fire and light. He pushed her to be the best that she could be, and that made her feel alive. He kept her safe as best he could, even though his overprotective ways could get very annoying. He made her heart skip beats and set her soul on fire with just a look. Really, Elliot was everything she had ever wanted in a man, and that was why she fell for him…and why she was still in love with him too.
But she had always been able to hide behind Kathy and that wedding band; that was the barrier between them, and even though it hurt, she didn't mind. If the barrier was there, she couldn't hurt Elliot. That was her fear – hurting him, and ultimately losing him forever.
She felt like she had done that tonight, and that hurt her heart.
'We've danced around this for nine years now; I know you've felt it too…'
"I felt it…" she thought as she closed her eyes; "I always felt it between us."
And as she drifted off and allowed sleep to take over, her mind took over, playing all the memories between her and Elliot on a loop.
In an instant, she was walking through the squad room doors for the first time. Brown hair skimming her shoulders and bright eyes full of wonder, she walked into the unit that she had just been transferred to with her bag on her shoulder, her badge in her pocket, her gun on her hip, and a box of her belongings in her arms. She was eager to start in this unit and to make a difference in the lives of many. If she could make sure that someone didn't go through what her mother went through and what she subsequently went through, that was rewarding enough for her.
"Hey – looking for someone?"
Her gaze flicked to a tall, handsome, blue eyed man whom had stood up to greet her with a friendly smile. She smiled back, nodding her head as she responded; "Uh yeah…looking for Captain Cragen."
"He's in his office, and you must be the new detective we're getting," the man stuck out his hand; "Elliot Stabler…" He gestured to the others in the room; a tall gray-haired man, a young brown-haired guy, and a coco skinned woman with curly hair; "That's Detective John Munch, that's Detective Brian Cassidy, and this lady over here is Detective Monique Jeffries."
"Nice to meet you all; I'm Detective Olivia Benson." She politely introduced herself. The others gave her a friendly smile and wave, and Elliot hollered for Captain Cragen. She looked on as a slightly taller, older bald man walked out of the office and straight over to him, grinning from ear to ear. He had a kind appearance, and a fatherly vibe radiated off of him.
Yet still, she was curious about the blue-eyed man that was currently standing near her, glancing at her every now and then.
"Ah…welcome Detective Benson, it's great to finally have you on board with us…" He took the box for her and nodded at everyone; "I see you met everyone, now meet your partner…" He gestured towards the handsome, blue eyed man and her heart skipped a beat; "Detective Olivia Benson, meet your partner, Detective Elliot Stabler."
She was partnered with this man? This day had gotten so much better already.
But Elliot? Yeah – he wasn't impressed.
She watched as his eyes went wide and his head snapped up to look at her yet again, resulting in her giving him a friendly smile and shrug of the shoulders. He looked back at the Captain, while the Captain gestured for her to put her box onto the desk that was connected to Elliot's, then told Monique to show her around and tell her more about what she was to expect in the unit. She watched as Cragen headed back to his office, and how Elliot followed the man and slammed the door behind him.
Silence, then they heard the yelling – "I'm being stuck with some rookie? What the hell? How can I trust her to have my back? She's…she's a rookie!"
The others were watching the door with wide eyes, but she was smirking. She looked around at her fellow detectives and shrugged, smoothing out her pants suit as she spoke;
"He won't be saying that for long."
And that was only the beginning.
In a flash, they were walking up the steps to a two-story home in Queens. They'd been partners for four months and since then, their bond had gone from icy to all sunshine; they had become the best of friends and trusted each other completely. They had told each other things they had never mentioned to anyone else, which meant he knew about her past – about her being a product of rape and how she was her mother's punching bag for years until she could get away.
Tonight, he had invited her over for dinner with his family. She was going to meet his wife and children, and she couldn't wait to meet the people he always spoke so highly of.
He guided her into the house and hung up her coat for her, before leading her through to the kitchen where a thin, blond haired woman was putting the last serving dish onto the table. At the table, four blue eyed children were sitting there, chatting together about whatever as they waited for dinner to finish being served.
She watched as the blond woman looked up and smiled at Elliot, greeting him with a kiss. He gestured towards her, his smile widening as he looked between the two women;
"This is my partner, Olivia; Olivia, this is my wife Kathy."
"Hi," she stuck her hand out; "It's really nice to meet you, Kathy; Elliot's told me nothing but great things about you."
The blond curled her hand around hers, giving her hand a brief but firm shake; "Hi Olivia; nice to meet you – Elliot has told me good things about you too."
She didn't miss the look the woman gave her but brushed it off as Elliot walked her over to the table. He introduced her to the four children – fourteen-year-old Maureen, nine-year-old Kathleen, and five-year-old twins Elizabeth and Richard – or Lizzie and Dickie. All of the kids greeted her with friendly grins, and upon understanding that she was a real lady cop, Dickie and Lizzie were immediately eager to know more about her.
Throughout dinner, the twins barely let anyone else get a word in as they bombarded her with questions about being a police officer, not that she minded as she enjoyed talking to them. The older kids got to talk to her more and Kathy even asked a few questions as well as she was eager to know the woman that was working with her husband. Still, throughout dinner, she did not miss the strange look she would get from the woman – it was as if she felt threatened for some reason. She couldn't understand why Kathy would feel threatened by her; she was simply the woman working with Elliot by day, making sure to keep him covered in the field so that he was home with his family at night.
In a flash, she and Elliot were suddenly in the squad room – this time, it was a year after their partnership. They had only grown closer as time went on; they were more than co-workers, they were the best of friends. But by this point, she had noticed that his protective nature always spiked when a man would look at her weird or make a pass at her, and she had noticed the animosity between him and Brian Cassidy starting to brew the more the young man made innocent yet flirtatious comments towards her.
All of that led to this moment here – him leaning against their lockers while she rummaged through hers, and she swore she saw a hint of jealousy swirling in those pools of cobalt blue when he asked;
"How long you been sleeping with Cassidy?"
She thought about lying to him, but he knew her too well. She told him it only happened once and how she'd broken a personal rule, but now he wanted to see her again. He looked her up and down and uttered a simple 'Can you blame him?', then went on to tell her that they were partners for better or worse, and to just let him down easy and he'd get over it. She smiled at him and earned a smile from him, and when their eyes locked and sparkled together, she felt a rush come over her.
There was a reason why she wasn't the slightest bit attracted to Brian Cassidy and why she didn't want to see him again.
Fast forward and they were working another case – this time with a case of "bad genes"; well, wondering if a brother was as bad as his criminal brother, which led to a conversation about gene pools and bad things being inherited. The conversation affected her more than she let on, but Elliot noticed and subtly jumped to her defense by shutting it down as a load of crap. When they got outside the precinct to go do more questioning, he placed a hand on the small of her back and quietly asked;
"Are you okay? Don't listen to that shit; you've turned out fucking amazing."
She squeezed his arm and uttered a simple; "I'm fine, Elliot; promise."
"Mhm…sure you are," he teased as he slowly pulled his hand away from her; "Well for the record, in case you need to hear it again, you've turned out fucking amazing." He winked at her, and she laughed for the first time since that day had started. She really had a fucking wonderful partner; she couldn't believe she had gotten so lucky.
Suddenly, a year of partnership turned into two; their partnership had grown stronger and she had noticed something between them – a chemistry of sorts, something that couldn't be explained. Their second year was plagued with highs and lows, but perhaps the lowest point was when she lost her mother, the only person blood family she had. She lost the woman to an accident outside the Velvet Room; it turns out Serena Benson hadn't beaten the drinking demon and it had finally consumed her, causing her to fall down the Subway steps and die. She was at the wake and all her colleagues had come to support her; Jeffries, Munch, and even the new guy Tutuola – or Fin as everyone called him. Cragen had stayed at the precinct but sent his love, but Elliot was right there as well. He immediately came up to her as she stood beside her mother's casket and he placed a comforting hand on her back as she started at the casket – hurt that her mother had started to drink again, hurt that she was gone.
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
She shook her head, looking up at him as she whispered; "I feel like such an idiot."
She watched as he looked around, then he shuffled closer. He continued to soothingly rub her back, whispering to her; "Don't feel like an idiot."
She shook her head, looking up at him, watching as his blue eyes clouded with concern. He gave her a small smile, "If you wanna talk later, you know I'm here."
She couldn't say another word; she fell into his arms and he wrapped both of his around her, holding her as she sniffled against his shoulder.
They did talk later – when she couldn't sleep. He hung around her apartment so she wouldn't be alone and had already decided that he was staying the night, despite her constantly telling him to go home to his family. They ended up sitting on the sofa and talking for hours; she reminisced about the good times with her mother, especially the more recent times when she hadn't been drinking. She cried over the loss of the woman, cried for the relationship that they had built, cried for the relationship that they would never build. She just sobbed her heart out and he held her, allowing her to cry into his chest until she fell asleep in his arms.
Two years of partnership turned into three; it was during that time that she had gotten properly pissed off at him for the first time. A crazy killer was seemingly targeting her; killing off anyone that had been involved in any of her old cases. A protective detail was offered to her, but she declined and maintained that she could protect herself, but when she was leaving the bar after drinks with Munch and Fin, she discovered someone following her. In the end, she discovered that it was a protective detail and she had been confused as she remembered she had declined it. When one of the men told her that 'Detective Stabler' had ordered the detail, she had been furious and immediately demanded to be driven out to Queens.
And when she arrived, she rang the bell before pacing outside. He soon opened the door and came outside to sit on the step, and she stormed up to him as he spoke;
"I didn't tell you about the detail because I knew you'd refuse."
"Only the rat squad puts cops on other cops, Elliot, without telling them…" she glared at him as she spoke; "I deserve better than that, especially from you."
"Look, you've been under a lot of stress lately."
"I've always backed your play!"
"And I did what I had to do," he stood up, grabbing hold of her arm to stop her from moving; "Guy's murdered four people; what's to stop him from coming after you, Olivia?"
She let out a breath, snatching her arm away; "If you can't trust your partner, Elliot, it's time to get a new one."
She whirled around and walked away, grumbling under her breath as she went back to the car to be taken home.
She was stubborn, but she later understood why he did order the detail – he just wanted her to be safe, that's all he had ever wanted.
By year six, they were closer than partners and friends, but less than lovers; that's what she could describe it as. They told each other everything, they talked constantly and spent so much time together even when they weren't working, even when she told him to go home to his wife and family. There was something between them but whatever it was, she figured that it was one sided on her part. He was happily married with a family; she had no right to have feelings for him.
With the six years of being partners, there had been many fights so far and this time was no different. A he said-she said rape case between a professor and student put them on opposite ends of the spectrum – she was siding with the student, he was siding with the professor. They fought the entire time and she could tell something was going on with him, especially with how he was advocating so hard for the professor.
But she never expected the news she had heard.
When the student's lawyer came in and claimed that the woman had accused Elliot of sexually assaulting her, she and Cragen rushed to defend him with Cragen even saying that in the twelve years Elliot had been in the unit, there had never been a complaint against him. However, the lawyer's next comment caused shockwaves to flow through the office;
"Men change; especially when their wives file for legal separation."
Her jaw dropped; she and Elliot talked about everything and this had never come up. She watched as Elliot's face dropped while the lawyer continued to speak; "My investigator checked the court documents; he also found out that your wife took the kids and moved in with her mother."
He was pissed, and after a final word, he stormed out of the office. She swallowed and ran after him, catching him as he made his way towards the door that would take him to the steps that led to the roof. She caught up to him and grabbed his arm, asking him what was going on. He tried to brush her off and walk away, but she refused to let that happen.
"Hey – would you talk to me?"
He whirled around, and she saw the most defeated look on his face as he walked back up to her and uttered three simple words,
"Kathy left me."
News she hadn't heard until now. She felt so sorry for him but part of her, a very small part of her, wondered what the next step was. She hated herself for that feeling, but the tiniest part of her felt a small glimmer of hope at this news.
If only she had known what a difference a year would make.
A year later – year seven of their partnership – and their relationship was rocked, forever.
They were in the bus terminal; it was chaos all around. They had eyes on their target – a sadistic pedophile named Victor Gitano whom had killed two parents and kidnapped the children. She managed to catch Victor and the girl, and she drew her gun for a shot;
"Freeze!"
The girls screamed and before she could react, she saw a flash of metal, saw the swing of his arm, and before she knew it, she had crashed to the ground with her hand on her neck. Blood was gushing from the wound and in her shock, she was starting to wonder if this as it – if this was the time she was going down in the line of duty.
And suddenly –
"Move…Olivia…" Elliot appeared over her and she blinked as she gathered her bearings; "Oh my God…no…no." He was gripping onto her coat and she swore she saw tears glistening in his eyes. He was worried and concerned and desperate to help her, but her concern wasn't on her at the moment. She would be fine; she needed him to get Gitano.
She pushed her hand to his chest; "I'm okay…I'm okay…where's Gitano?" She pushed him gently; "Go Elliot…go, I'm fine…go!"
He ran off and she sat up after a bit, still holding her neck as she tried to get her bearings again. Her hand was covered in blood and the wound was stinging, but it was nothing compared to the pain she felt only an hour later, when she and Elliot had the infamous blow up in the hallway of the precinct after a useless interrogation.
"Why didn't you shoot Gitano?"
"He was using the child as a shield."
"How could you let him get so close to you?"
"There were innocent civilians around, I couldn't get a shot!"
"Well he got close and Ryan's dead."
She raised an eyebrow at him; who was this man and what had he done with her partner?
"So, this is my fault?"
He shook his head as he started to walk away; "I can't do this anymore, I can't be looking over my shoulder making sure you're okay."
"You son of a bitch; you know that's not true."
And when he whirled around, the most awful words were hurled at her, words that caused her heart to break;
"I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to the rescue."
She wasn't embarrassed that he had said that to her in front of everyone; she was hurt. Not once in seven years had Elliot ever questioned her abilities as a cop; he always told her how strong she was and how brave she was and how she could kick anyone's ass. So, the fact that he had said this now – it really hurt her feelings and made her feel guilty.
Cragen told them to knock it off and told them that Warner needed them at the lab. Elliot reached out to touch her arm, but she snatched her arm away, shaking her head as she swallowed the lump in her throat;
"I didn't ask you to save me – I never fucking have."
The day went from bad to worse; they were suddenly in the warehouse – Gitano had his gun to Elliot's head, Olivia had her gun pointed in their direction as she was trying to get a shot on Gitano without risking Elliot's life, and Elliot was begging her to take the shot. With the way he kept pleading with her to just do it and take the shot, she knew that this went way beyond things. He was subtly telling her that she had a job to do and the job was to get rid of scum like Gitano, even if it meant putting her life in danger.
She told him to do what he should have done earlier, and it hurt.
She couldn't do it.
They locked eyes and she muttered that she was sorry, but before she could take the shot, a sniper had taken Gitano out. She looked at him and he looked at her; tears had fallen down her cheeks and he had tears in his eyes. She could see that there was something he wanted to say – she saw the remorse swimming in those pools of blue, but this day had screwed them up. Far too much had been said to just let it go.
And then they were outside the hospital room of the child they had managed to save.
"If that sniper hadn't beaten you to it, I know you would've taken the shot Olivia."
She looked at him, frowning in confusion; "No I wouldn't have; did you really expect me to? Did you really expect me to cause your death?" Her eyes were locked on his frame as he looked away from her, a defeated look on his face as she continued; "What about your kids?"
"I don't know…I just couldn't get that boy out of my head."
And before she could catch herself, she had uttered in a whisper, "What about me?"
He glanced in her direction before flicking his gaze back to the ground; "Look, we both chose each other over the job; we can never let that happen again…otherwise, we can't be partners."
Her eyes went wide, and the tears welled in her eyes. What had happened to them? This case – had it really pushed them to their limit?
Or had their eyes finally been opened completely to something they had tried to ignore for so long?
She composed herself as best she could, yet her voice wobbled as she spoke, "I can't believe you're saying that."
"Liv – you and this job are the only things that I've got anymore, and I don't wanna wreck that…"
He looked over at her, and she eyed him as he continued; "I couldn't take it."
He couldn't take it? Hell, the thought made her feel sick and defeated. That day, she felt like she had lost her partner. They had always known they were too close, that they cared too much – way more than partners ever should care about each other – and this had just proved it.
And suddenly, they were in the locker room. She was leaning against the doorway, watching him as he changed into another shirt following a fight with his temporary partner. He asked why she was there, and she told him she had come down after hearing about the fight. They were silent for a few moments as an awkward atmosphere surrounded them, then he stepped close. She looked up into those cobalt blue eyes; they were glistening with a mixture of hurt and unshed tears that would probably never fall.
His voice was soft and shaky as he asked; "Why didn't you tell me?"
Why didn't she tell him that she was leaving and going to another unit?
"Elliot…" she paused, taking a breath; "Look, we've been partners for seven years, longer than anybody else here and we…we needed a change."
His face dropped, and she tried like hell not to cry at the heartbroken look on his face;
"I'm sorry, I should have talked to you – it was just…it was just too complicated."
Complicated – there was that word that described them perfectly. Years of tension, years of being too close, years of fighting together and making up over Chinese had led to that moment of finally choosing each other over their oath to protect and serve the citizens of New York City. They both knew what it was about, but they were too stubborn to admit it.
He looked her up and down, before whispering; "Thanks for dropping by."
She sniffled a bit as he walked away. Complicated – the perfect word.
It was suddenly two weeks later, and she had just returned after helping them with a case they had been working. There were words exchanged between the two and she gave him a small smile, before she then walked around to her desk, her body instantly moving around the familiar territory. She could feel him watching her as she went to pull the chair back, and it wasn't long before she heard him ask;
"What are you doing here?"
She looked up and locked eyes with him. Her browns poured into those pools of cobalt blue, and there was a subtle smirk on her lips as she responded; "I work here."
She didn't miss the small smile that had broken out onto his face as well. She smirked before sitting down at the desk. Complicated and awkward, but she was back and maybe they could work on this.
But maybe the complications were too much. Maybe she came back too soon, and the pull was too strong, and that was why she went to Oregon undercover on a federal assignment. They were suddenly in that elevator again after a tough case – things had been awkward the whole time as it was her first case back and plus, she had seen him and Dani Beck together when she had come by the precinct for something, though he hadn't seen her. Things were still complicated and had been this whole time, but maybe, just maybe these six weeks apart had done them good…
"You know, we've been partners all these years and I don't even know your blood type."
"A-positive."
"How about that? Me too."
Silence, then he spoke; "I'd give you a kidney."
She smiled softly to herself; if this was a step towards recovery for their partnership, she would take it.
"Not if I gave you mine first."
From the elevator, they were suddenly sitting on the stoop outside of his apartment building where he used to live. They had fought during this whole case: a he said-she said rape case between an estranged husband and wife whom were going through a bitter divorce and custody battle. Elliot and Olivia had fought the whole time due to Olivia being quick to side with the victim and Elliot being quick to side with the husband, and things were further complicated when Olivia had actually met up with Kathy Stabler, whom had called her to talk. She had wanted Olivia to convince Elliot to sign the divorce papers, and it was the first time that Olivia had heard Kathy speak the words that made her realize that Kathy knew something was between the partners.
"You're his partner, you give him stability…Elliot can't move on unless he feels like he's on solid ground."
And now here they were, outside on this stoop, finally coming together after such a long case. They talked out their problems and she asked if they were okay, to which he responded that he needed space to disagree with her, so he didn't feel like it was going to cost him their partnership. With a perplexed expression on her face, she pointed out that he had never been gun shy before, to which he responded that things changed.
They both knew what changed, but they wouldn't admit it.
"Well like you said, you're the longest relationship I've ever had with a man," she opted for a joke, and she nudged him slightly; "I mean…who else would put up with me."
He glanced at her and let out a laugh, and she smiled at him. She never wanted anyone else to put up with her – only the blue-eyed man that was sitting beside her.
Their partnership was revived, stronger than ever before. Suddenly they were in the car waiting Marsden and how she was worried that he was a rapist. She whispered that she had been alone her whole life and apologized about whining, to which he rubbed her shoulder and responded with "Family is everything."
She nodded and opened her mouth to speak, but before anything else could be said, Fin was giving them instruction over the radio. As they drove to go meet him, he looked over at her again;
"You're my family; you know that, right?"
She smiled at him and rubbed his shoulder, nodding slightly before snapping back into work mode. Family – she and Elliot had always been family to each other.
They covered for each other throughout the whole case; Elliot backed Olivia's play as he knew her head wasn't in the game completely due to discovering her half-brother. Cragen seemed to be well aware that they were covering for each other and she tried to protect Elliot from the fall out, but their boss didn't want to hear it. She recalled their meetings with Hendrix – the independent psychological assessment – which was used to determine whether or not they could work together. That was the first time she had actually heard verbalized what she and Elliot already knew – they were too close; extremely reliant and emotionally dependent on each other.
But nothing could stop them – Elliot still had her back throughout the situation were Simon. They were suddenly standing outside of that house in Jersey, and she grabbed hold of Elliot's arm;
"Thank you."
He raised an eyebrow; "For what?"
"Trusting me."
He gave her a look and she read between the lines; he was silently telling her that he always would trust her and back her play. She walked with him to their sedan together, and she didn't miss how he subtly placed his hand on her back, rubbing gently.
And things seemed to be okay. Their partnership had survived and was still going strong…until that day in the courthouse, when the atmosphere shifted yet again. They were standing together in the lobby and she watched as he paced the floor and continued to check the time. She raised an eyebrow at him, before finally speaking up yet again;
"Elliot."
"Yeah?" he looked up, shoving his hands into his pockets.
"You checked the time two minutes ago," she tilted her head, giving him a small smile; "What's going on?" She knew him too well; something was wrong.
There was silence. He was shaking his head and seemingly trying to figure out the words to say, and just as she opened her mouth to say something again, he suddenly blurted it out;
"Kathy's pregnant."
He looked up at her and that's when she saw it – defeat mixed with a hint of remorse. She pushed back the look in his eyes and pushed down the sick feeling that she felt in her stomach. Another blow to the partnership that went beyond the realms of partnership. The barrier between them was there again and while part of her felt relieved, another part of her felt hurt for some reason.
Losing him to this had made her realize what this thing was between them, and now…now she would never get the chance.
Maybe that was a good thing.
Suddenly they were standing together outside together. It was some months later, her hair was shorter – the 'I'm heartbroken and suspended from work' haircut as she called it. They were working a case and sadistic serial killer had led them to where one of his followers had buried something from one of the victims. Olivia had been pissed off throughout this entire case and now, with each comment this prick made, she was growing closer to her breaking point.
And one final comment led to her charging towards him; "You sick son of a bitch."
She lunged for him, but Elliot caught her, whispering for her to calm down and to not give him what he wants, which was her reaction. After he told the police to get the guy out of there, she felt him slide his arm back around her waist as he led her back to their sedan. He was rubbing her side gently with his thumb and she was trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach as she felt him. Despite him being seemingly happily married, their subtle touches had returned – his hand would be on the small of her back or he could touch her arm or rub her shoulder; things they used to do in the early years of her partnership.
So, his arm being around her waist now? That was a big deal, and she wanted to faint.
In a flash, she was sitting on a stretcher outside her apartment while the nurses bandaged her arm up. One of the psycho followers of that serial killer had come after her and tried to attack her in her apartment, thus resulting in a slide on her arm. She had managed to subdue him until the police and paramedics arrived, and despite trying to feel strong, she was shaking inside as these people had managed to find out where she lived.
And yet, relief washed over her when she spotted Elliot coming towards her.
She placed his hands under her chin and tilted her face up to scan her appearance, checking her for any signs of concussion on her anything before letting her go. He rubbed her shoulder gently and asked if she was alright, to which she rolled her eyes and told him that she was fine before switching the subject to the creeps they were after.
And then…it all happened. The accident, helping to deliver Eli, losing Kathy. She was suddenly in the hospital and holding a heartbroken Elliot against her while he held his newborn son in his arms. She was whispering to him that everything would be okay, that she had his back and she would help him and his children through this. She made the promise to Kathy that she would look after Elliot and the kids, and that's what she intended to do.
Then there was the funeral – a beautiful service at the church the family had been attending for years. She was never one who was big on religion, but she did this for Elliot and his children. She kept the children close to her as they cried, and one of her hands reached out and subtly held Elliot's hand loosely in a bid to comfort him as well. All she could do was be there and comfort them and help them through this, and that's what she was going to do. Kathy would always be watching them and as they went about, she would make sure that they all kept her memory alive. They shared subtle glances throughout the day, and she gave him comforting smiles of support. At the end of it all, she hugged him too, not caring about the watchful eyes of Kathy's family, only caring about comforting her best friend.
She blinked and suddenly she was on her couch. She blinked and gathered her bearings, only to be given a shock when she saw a glowing, familiar figure sitting on her couch. The blue eyes were sparkling and there was a smile on her face, and her blonde hair was in the trendy updo that it had been in when she was laid to rest. She was dressed in all white, and she looked happy and peaceful.
Kathy was sitting on her couch.
"How much did I drink?" she mumbled to herself as she sat up, keeping her eyes trained on the figure. She reached out for the beer bottle on her table; it was still full as she had only taken one sip. She went to move but Kathy grabbed her hand, stopping her.
"Thank you, Olivia, thank you for taking care of my family…" there was a pause, then the woman spoke; "Remember what I told you before? You're his partner and you give him stability?"
She was still stunned into silence, yet she nodded anyway.
"I said that because I knew it; Elliot was always most stable and calm when he was with you. You've always known things that I would never know, you two have always had this connection that could never be explained," Kathy was still smiling at her and speaking in such a comforting voice; "I never blamed you for what happened; I thank you for always being there and for even fighting for us more than we did, but I knew…"
She leaned closer, smiling happily; "And I want you to make him happy in the way that I never could, in the way that only you know how."
"I…I…what?"
"Olivia…" Kathy let out a laugh, lifting a hand to place on her cheek; "It's okay; don't be scared, and don't worry – the kids are on board, and I am too; you have my blessing. Just be happy."
The blonde gave her a smile yet again, whispering; "You're his partner and you give him stability; you make him feel like he's on solid ground – he can move on."
The tears welled in her brown eyes and she blinked slightly; "Thank you Kathy; thank you."
"No no…thank you; for everything you did that day, and for keeping your promise and taking care of my family – I trust that you always will…" Kathy then stood up and held her arms out; "Come here."
She stood up and found herself being engulfed in a huge hug, which she happily returned of course. She squeezed Kathy as tight as possible, before pulling back and holding onto her arms;
"I've always had a crazy respect for you…I promise, I will never let those kids forget you; but thank you."
"I know you won't, and I'll always be watching all of you," Kathy squeezed her again before letting go properly, "Now look, I have to go…but do me a favor." She was talking as she walked towards the door.
"What's the favor?"
Kathy opened the door and quickly glanced back at her; "Wake up."
She walked out of the door and into the brightness, and suddenly she could hear the knocking sound. It was getting louder and louder until…
Olivia jumped awake as whoever was outside kept banging on her apartment door. She blinked a couple times to gain her bearings, and she rubbed her head as a headache set in. That dream had been pretty intense – well, she wasn't even sure of what it was. It was as if part of it had been a dream, yet a vast majority of it had been this loop of memories of her and Elliot that danced throughout her head.
But Kathy had definitely come to her and given her blessing, and now she felt like she needed to go see Elliot – now.
The knocking sounded again, and she jumped up and quickly scrambled to the door. She checked the peephole; Maureen was standing there, waiting patiently. Olivia undid the locks and opened the door, smiling at the young girl whom immediately gave her that wide, Stabler smile.
"Hey Mo, what are you doing here?" she asked, stepping aside to let the young woman step in. She closed the door back and turned to Maureen, who shrugged as she looked up at her.
"I just wanted to come say hi…Dad told me you were undercover and stuff, but Katie heard from Dad that you were back, so I came to say hi before I went to Queens…" she paused for a moment, then folded her arms over her chest; "Are you okay?"
"Yeah…for the most part; just glad to be on this side again." Olivia replied, nodding her head. Maureen nodded back, letting out a sigh.
"I just…he looked so defeated while you were gone, I thought something had happened between you two again."
"I mean we had a little fight, but it's okay…" she trailed off, swallowing before suddenly grabbing her sneakers from beside the door; "Give me a second, honey; we're gonna head to Queens."
"I didn't interrupt your night, or anything did I?" Maureen asked.
"No, no you didn't honey; I need to come out to Queens and spend time with you guys." Olivia pulled on her shoes. Maureen waited patiently while Olivia pulled on her jacket, then she grabbed her keys. She flicked off all the lights, then she and Maureen headed out of the apartment together. That dream had made her realize a lot of things and the vision from Kathy – she felt a lot better about how she felt, more so than she'd already felt.
She needed to see Elliot – now.
After a half hour drive to Queens, she and Maureen had parked their cars along the side of the street to go to the house. They got out and headed up the porch, and Maureen let them in the house with her own key. Olivia shook off the nervous feeling that had presented itself in the pit of her stomach as she and Maureen hung their jackets up, then they headed through to the kitchen where the others were seated around the table, getting a start on the spaghetti and salad that had been made.
"Olivia!"
Olivia smiled as Kathleen rushed over to give her a hug along with Lizzie. Olivia hugged both girls as tight as she could, but she looked over and locked eyes with Elliot, who looked shocked to see her as he stared at the sight in the middle of the kitchen. Olivia gave him a small smile before quickly kissing the foreheads of the girls, then she went over and gave Dickie a fist bump. She kissed Eli on the cheek as the little boy had now been lifted into Maureen's arms, then she flicked her gaze to Elliot, whom had stood up. She walked up to him, folding her arms across her chest before nodding her head towards the front door. He nodded and told the kids to keep eating, before he then led Olivia out of the kitchen and out the front door to the porch. There was a nervous atmosphere around them; both were avoiding eye contact and standing in front of each other with their arms folded.
"What's up?" he quietly asked.
She sighed slightly before reaching out to him, loosely holding onto his bicep;
"We need to talk."
And boom! Longest update I've ever done and if you've made it to the end here, it means that you've stuck with me through the whole big piece to the huge puzzle that is Elliot and Olivia. Please, leave your feedback and let me know what you think will happen next. Will they continue their dance or will they dive into the fire together? Just wait and see. Until next time xoxo