Thoughts are in quotes and italics.

I still don't own NCIS Los Angeles or any of the characters on the show. I only own my original characters which in this story include Harry Denton, James Madison and Samuel Deeks.

To all of my reviewers, thanks so much for taking the time to let me know what you think. It really does inspire me to keep writing. We're a little over half way through this story but there's lots more excitement to come.

To my Spanish reviewer: Me alegro de que estés disfrutando de la historia y la forma en que Sam y Deeks estaban interactuando . Espero haber hecho justicia a su relación. Sería bueno si pudiéramos ver lo mismo en la serie.

To my French reviewer: Je suis heureux que vous êtes toujours en appréciant l'histoire et je suis d'accord avec vous que Hetty et peut-être Nell connaît le père Deeks de l'émission.

Please press that little button and leave a review on your way out to let me know what you think.

Enjoy.

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CHAPTER 20 - Uncomfortable Truths

Kensi showed up in Deeks' room in ICU about 1 that afternoon. Sam could tell she had gotten some much needed sleep. She looked much better than she had that morning making him glad he'd insisted she go home for a while. "You're looking much better since you got some sleep Kensi."

Kensi gave Sam a fake glare before she responded. "Thanks a lot for siccing Hetty on me Sam! How's he doing?" Kensi was looking a sleeping Deeks over very carefully. Sam could tell she really wanted to touch him but didn't want to wake him up.

"He's doing better. He's had a couple of small meals. He's been sleeping a lot. This is the third time he's slept since you left. He's been restless a couple of times but he's been sleeping for a couple of hours now; he should be waking up hungry again pretty soon. He had another hallucination earlier but it didn't last long."

Kensi interrupted "Another one? I was hoping he wouldn't have any more." Sam could tell she was worried as she continued. "What did he see?"

"He thought he saw his father in the corner of the room and was afraid he would hurt him. He kept asking me if he was going crazy. He was really afraid that's what was happening to him. Only Deeks would worry about something like that." Sam gave Kensi a searching look as he related what Deeks had said when he was almost asleep. "He was mumbling as he was falling asleep. It was hard to understand, but he was saying his dad was mean and hurt him and his mom. He said he had pointed a shotgun at him when he was little and told me to watch out because he was sneaky. I told him I would protect him which seemed to help."

Sam looked at Kensi trying to decide whether he should say anything more then asked "Do you know what he was talking about? He sounded really young when he was telling me about his dad and mentioned being eleven when it happened. At first I thought it was part of his hallucination, but now I'm not so sure. I think he was remembering something from when he was young."

"It's not my story to tell Sam. He could be mixing up the man who abducted him with a nightmare or something that happened to him when he was a child."

"You know don't you." Kensi didn't say a word as she looked at Sam. He continued "No, don't answer that. It's none of my business. He'll tell me if he wants me to know." Sam looked over at Deeks, marveling at how young he looked when he slept. "I never really noticed it before, but he looks so much younger when he's sleeping; innocent somehow. And without all that scruff on his face, he even looks younger when he's awake."

Kensi smirked at him. "You like him…a lot, don't you? I knew you would admit it sooner or later. Hah! Wait till I tell him."

"I didn't say I liked him. I told you this morning that he's grown on me, kind of like fungus or ring worm. I never said I liked him." Sam looked at Kensi intently. "He's a brave man and becoming a good friend. He's proven himself to me, hell to the whole team on more than one occasion. But if you tell him that, I'll deny it completely. He's got a big enough head as it is."

"You just keep telling yourself that Sam. If you do so long enough, you may convince yourself, but I know better. He's become like a younger brother to both you and Callen and you know it. I heard about the time in the armory. He said you both gave him a hard time about the case you worked. About how he should have known what you two were going to do. He looks up to you both, even with your teasing and the names you call him. He's determined to prove himself to you but he's still not sure he has. It's why he's never been completely sure of his place on the team or how either one of you really feels about him. He's not sure what you think of his abilities."

"What?…why would he think that? My God, that's nuts. We know he's capable. Hetty would never have picked him for the team if he wasn't." Sam thought he and Deeks had resolved their differences after Sidorov and was surprised that he'd still think he, or Callen for that matter, would have reservations about his abilities. "Shit! I thought he knew how I really felt. I know he's got the ability to be an amazing agent. He one of the strongest men I've ever known. Not many men could have withstood torture to protect someone they didn't even know. He went through hell to protect my wife, even after I said those terrible things to him. We cleared the air and I told him how I felt, so why would he still have so many doubts? I'm missing something here and I think it has to do with what I heard earlier this morning."

"Oh gee, I don't know." Kensi couldn't believe Sam was being so clueless. She looked over at Marty tenderly as she continued "Maybe it's the things you've called him like temp, just a cop, not an agent, a nuisance or how you sometimes treat him. And what about the time you called his character into question; during a case no less? I know he projects this aura of self-confidence but beneath that mask, he can be very vulnerable. He hides his insecurities behind his jokes, quips and smart-ass remarks; you should know that by now. Doubting him like that and saying things like that hurts him…a lot…and undermines his confidence in his place on our team. He looks at this team as family but doesn't think we really feel the same way about him. You know, he told me once that when you threw the fake teeth at him the night we took Sidorov down, he couldn't believe how insensitive you were being. He had gone through hell protecting Michelle and then had left his hospital bed without a second thought to provide backup on the roof because you needed him. He said by throwing those teeth at him, he thought you were making light of the fact he'd endured torture to protect her."

"I didn't mean…I mean I wasn't making light of what he went through. He saved Michelle. I know what he went through, I still hear his screams while his teeth were being drilled in my nightmares. I'll never forget that he went through torture to protect my wife. I was trying to lighten the mood and let him know that laughter would help him get through it. God, I'm so sorry Kensi. I'll make it up to him, I promise." Sam looked over at Deeks in stunned silence. He still felt guilty for saying those things to him during the stakeout and hearing how he had made him feel with the joke teeth caused more guilt to surface.

As he stood there looking at him sleeping, he began putting a few more facts together about their liaison officer that hadn't occurred to him before. Sam was convinced that his comments earlier about his dad when he was hallucinating, and then about shooting him as he fell asleep had a basis in fact. He was also convinced that Deeks hid a lot of trauma he'd endured through his quips, jokes and smart-ass remarks. His whole laid-back cocky attitude was probably another mask to protect himself.

He thought back over 'that' conversation "I was completely out of line when I lit into him about his character. And to do it in the middle of an op was completely unprofessional not to mention dangerous to the whole mission. Hetty was right to call me on it. I didn't realize it still bothered him though. No wonder he was afraid of me when he woke up this morning and saw me standing there instead of Kensi. He sounded so young when he was talking about his dad. I'm beginning to realize his childhood wasn't a happy one by any stretch of the imagination. I wonder what hell he went through as a child. He seems so confident most of the time, but I bet it's another 'alias' he uses to protect himself."

"I know Sam, and I think he knows that now too. It's just that I think he still has demons that undermine his confidence from time to time. Hell, we all do if truth be told. And we all have our secrets as well. Why don't you go get some lunch since I'm back? I'm not planning on leaving any time soon."

"I told Hetty I'd be in to work after you got here. I'll grab some lunch and go. Do you want me to bring you anything before I head out?"

Kensi hugged him as she replied. "No, I ate before I came."

~,~,~

Marty continued sleeping most of the day, waking up for an hour or so in between naps. The first time he woke up and saw Kensi, he asked where Sam was. And every time after that when he woke up Kensi was there. It made him feel good to realize she had kept her promise that he wouldn't be alone, but he was still frustrated that he couldn't remember many of the details of their relationship. He'd bug her until she would relent and tell him some stories about how they met and became partners. It helped pass the time, gave him something to hold on to and brought snippets of memories back to him. Hearing Kensi talk about their life together brought additional flashes of memory and a lot of them made him laugh.

He laughed out loud when he was able to remember their 'arguments' about when and how to use 'touché'. When he told her he remembered that, the look on her face was priceless and they began 'arguing' again about the proper use of the word engaging in their usual banter, throwing nicknames at each other and acting indignant in turn. They were both enormously relieved by the fact he was starting to remember more about her and the team. To say he had been frustrated when everything was a blank was an understatement.

Dr. Montgomery was pleased when he came by to check on Marty and was told he'd started remembering his friends and team mates. The doctor encouraged him to let things come naturally and assured him again that as the rest of the drugs left his system, his memory would improve by leaps and bounds. After he left, Marty confessed to Kensi how afraid he'd been that he would never get his memories back.

Kensi stayed with him the rest of the day and then spent the night on a cot next to his bed which the staff had provided for her. His night was again plagued with nightmares; several times he woke up screaming before she could get to him. But unlike the first night in the hospital, she was able to wake him before most of the nightmares progressed very far. Every time she woke him up, they would spend a few minutes talking before sleep would once again claim him.

~,~,~

Marty's second full day in the hospital was again spent eating small amounts of food every few hours, reminiscing with Kensi about his returning memories and sleeping a great deal. Sam relieved her for a couple of hours so she could go home and take a shower during the time the doctor came to check on him. The doctor informed Marty he was being moved from ICU to a regular room where he could have more than one visitor at a time. "You're doing so well, it's time to spring you from ICU. I know you don't think you've made a lot of progress but you have." Marty's face lit up when he heard the news.

"Thanks doc." was all he could think to say.

The doctor wasn't finished though. "I know Miss Lange has made arrangements for you to talk to someone about what you went through. I strongly encourage you to do so because it will help you deal with everything that's happened to you."

"You're talking about a shrink, right doc? And my boss has already set something up. I know you're right…don't like it…but know it needs to be done."

The transfer to a regular room took its toll on him. "I didn't do anything and I'm exhausted" he complained to Sam.

"That's your body telling you to rest. Go to sleep. Kensi will be here when you wake up."

"Yeah, okay." he managed to get out before he was once again asleep.

Sam sat there watching over him while thinking once again how very young he looked when he was sleeping. He reminded him of Kamran so wasn't surprised at the feelings of protectiveness that overcame him. He called Hetty and let her know that Deeks was in room 528 now and could have more than one visitor at a time. He then sat back and watched over him while he continued sleeping.

~.~.~

Kensi returned a short time later and Sam left to go to OSP. She stayed with Marty as she had promised even after he was moved into a regular room. He thought she would leave once he was no longer in ICU. He couldn't explain why he thought that but he did. After all, she had told him they were more than partners; hell, she said they were almost living together, but his old demons were rearing their ugly heads and he wasn't strong enough at the moment to ignore them. "Aren't you going to go back to work now that I'm in a regular room? You don't have to stay you know. I'll be okay on my own now."

The look on his face reminded Kensi of how many insecurities he hid behind his cocky attitude, smart-ass remarks and upbeat persona. "Why would I leave you now? I'm taking care of my partner…and my boyfriend. It's what we do for each other. Besides, I'd rather be here with you than working without you. Don't you know that by now?"

"I guess…well…I thought…you know…since I'm doing better, I can…well I um…hell, I…I'm an idiot…I don't know what I was thinking." He ran his hands through his hair before he began picking at the blanket covering him in frustration.

Kensi leaned over the bed and placed a light kiss on his mouth. His eyes widened in surprise as Kensi tucked a curl back off his forehead then giggled. "You're babbling. Marty, I love you. Why would I leave you because you're doing better? I'm glad you're doing better."

"Well…that just happened." He touched his lips in wonder before continuing. "Good…I'm…that was nice…I liked that, a lot." He grinned at her. "Can we do that again?"

She laughed as she replied, "You're such a doofus."

He didn't know what else to say so he just smiled at her and reached out to caress her face. Kensi leaned into his hand and smiled. "You can't get rid of me that easily Marty Deeks. You're stuck with me, mister. I'm going to stay with you whether you want me to or not."

He grinned again and his eyes started sparkling. She knew he was going to throw out some type of quip by the look on his face. "Since you say I'm stuck with you, I think I need another reminder of our relationship. Will you kiss my owies for me and make them all better?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "And there he is, my annoying partner and his banter is back. God, I've missed you." she said then leaned forward again and kissed his eyelids, then his swollen jaw before placing another lingering kiss on his lips. "There. Do they feel better now?"

His entire face was lit up. His eyes were beginning to turn a cobalt blue with desire. "I have a lot more owies than that, Kens." His voice was low and filled with desire. The sound made Kensi shiver as she remembered other times when he sounded like that.

"You'll have to wait for me to kiss the other ones."

"Promise?"

"I promise, but you have to get better first. You couldn't handle me kissing all of your owies right now." She smirked at him.

"Yeah, um…there is that." He looked at her with a devilish grin on his face. "I think I'm going to like it when you kiss the other ones. Can I get a preview?"

"Never satisfied are you Deeks." Kensi grinned before leaning forward once again giving him another kiss on the mouth and then dotting kisses on his forehead, and down his neck, nibbling on his ear before she tugged on the short curls at the back of his neck.

He was flushed and breathing heavily by the time she finished. All he could say was "Wow…that was…wow. If that's the preview, I can't wait to get better."

~,~,~

Marty was remembering more details about what had happened to him as the last of the drugs left his system. He had already regained most of his memories of Kensi and the team; he even remembered Lt. Bates along with details about the abduction itself and the immediate aftermath. However, he still had a huge blank spot for the remainder of the time he had been held prisoner. The doctor informed him he might never recover all of his memories of what he'd gone through because of the drugs, especially the date rape drug Rhoponyl, he had been given. It frustrated him not knowing everything that happened, but Kensi was secretly glad that his memories of his ordeal were largely blank. She didn't think he needed to relive the torture sessions although she knew at some point he'd want to see the videos. The longer that particular argument could be put off the better in her opinion. All she wanted to do was to burn the damn things and forget they had ever been made. Thoughts of his torture and the things he had said when he was first found were chasing themselves across her face.

He lay in bed watching her, hating the fact she was worried about him as he watched her thoughts and emotions flicker across her face. He also knew she was full of questions she wanted to ask. "What do you want to know Kens?"

She hesitated for a few minutes then decided to ask about Sam. "Who's Sam Marty?" She had been convinced the 'Sam' he had been talking to when they found him was a real person and Hetty had confirmed it later. She wanted to know more about him because she could tell he was important to Marty.

"Sam Hanna? He's our team mate. I know I was having trouble remembering you all at first, but not anymore." Marty's face showed his confusion at her question.

"Not our Sam Marty, your Sam. You kept talking about Sam when we first found you and begging him to help you. Who was he? Hetty told us he was dead but that he was someone important to you."

"Oh…I don't remember that…I did? I talked about Sam, really?" Marty lost himself for a while in memories of Sam. Kensi could see she had brought up a lot of memories with her question so sat patiently waiting for him to reply.

"That's right. I've never told you about Sam, have I?" he finally stated glancing at her before looking at his hands in his lap. They were shaking and he clasped them tightly together trying to control their trembling.

"No you haven't. But the way you were talking about him makes me think he was very important to you. Was he?"

"Yes, he was. I…I don't talk about my childhood much. You know that. Too many bad memories…more bad than good ones. And…I, well, Sam was different. I miss him…Sam; so much. To this day it's still hard to talk about him. I…he was so good to me." The emotions he was feeling were as clear as day to her; fear, desperation, relief, love and then pain and loss.

"You don't have to tell me about him if you don't want to. I just thought…well, it might help, you know?"

"No…no, I want to, and you're right. It's time…but you know, I've never really told anyone about him before." He was still looking down at his hands in his lap. He couldn't look at her as he continued. "It's just…it's so fucking hard…it still hurts so much; you know?"

"I know Marty, I know." Kensi was thinking of her Dad and how hard it had been for her to talk to Marty about him. She reached over and covered his hands with her own. She was going to be patient and let him set the pace on what he told her and when.

Looking up, he finally began speaking. "Sam…he saved my life…I mean he literally saved my life, Kens. I don't know where I'd be today if I hadn't met him. I sure as hell wouldn't be here, with you. I'd probably be dead…or in prison." He shook his head to get the memories of where he might have ended up out of his head.

"I wish you could have known him."

"Me too Marty, me too."

"I've never told you this…but…for the first eleven years of my life I lived in hell…at least that's the way it seemed to me. Sam…he owned a store that sold music, instruments, and gave music lessons in the neighborhood I grew up in. I came across it one day when I was about…oh I don't know, seven maybe? I was very young, that I remember. Anyway, after I found it, I used to go there to get away from my dad. It was a magical place for me. I would listen to the lessons going on inside and be able to forget the horrors of my home life for a little while. I was so afraid someone would see me there and tell my old man that I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible. I would run whenever Sam even looked at me. God knows what he must have thought of me. I know he thought I was younger than I was. Like I said, I think I was seven, but probably looked like I was five; I was small as a child." Marty's memories overwhelmed him for a moment and he quit talking. He glanced at Kensi quickly and then away from her as he got lost in memories of Sam.