Chapter 21

Note: there is always a trigger setting things into motion...

It was the middle of the night. Moonlight shone on a lone figure violently turning and tossing in the huge bed. Beads of sweat run down contorted face almost in a cascade. She was silently mumbling. Begging or praying, it was impossible to tell. Suddenly eyes filled with sheer terror opened and Gill sat upright in the bed gasping for breath. Perspiration trickled down her face, breathing rapid and uncontrolled. Arms stretched in front, as if reaching for or blocking some unknown figure that was no longer there. No sound escaped her lips, but mouth was wide open as if in the middle of a scream.

It was a dream! Only a dream! she tried to convince herself. Well, a nightmare more precisely. Still it was so real, too real for her liking.

Although utterly exhausted, Gillian couldn't force herself back to sleep. It was one of those nights again. Even soothing chirrup of crickets that could be heard through the half open window didn't help. Maybe a cup of hot chocolate would do the trick and melt some of the ice she felt inside.

Wrapping satin nightgown in a large flannel robe Gillian silently left the room and barefooted tiptoed down the hall to check on Lena. Although she knew that it was irrational, the fear that something bad had happened to the girl was engraved in her heart. Reassurance, that the kid was fine, always helped to ease the nervousness.

Small bedside lamp gave cozy and comforting light and illuminated softened face of the sleeping girl. Lena never fell asleep without a light and teddy. Two essentials. Monsters tormenting small soul were too scary, to be faced alone in the dark. But she was not the only one, who was tortured by shapeless creatures of gruesome memories.

Gill wished she could scare her fears away with a teddy bear and light. Life was so much easier when you were a kid. Well, maybe not Lena's life. Nevertheless, perception of things with child's innocence was untainted and simpler than one of a grownup. Over-analyses of 'what if's' alone was huge headache, not to mention almost palpable fear hidden in sub-consciousness and like a silent predator waiting for a chance to strike.

Assured that the girl was fine, Gill continued her journey through dark and silent house as she found her way downstairs.

"Couldn't sleep?" came a low voice from the living room and Gill jumped in surprise.

"Jesus, Cal! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry, luv!"

"What are you doing up so late?"

"Just couldn't sleep" there was no reason to tell her the real reasons why he was up. No need to worry already distressed woman "You?"

"The same" They both knew that it was a lie, but Cal didn't press and Gill was thankful for that "I was going to make some hot chocolate. Want some?"

"Nah! But you knock yourself out. Need help?"

"I think I can manage, but thanks anyway" Gill replied entering the kitchen area and opening the fridge.

"Maybe I can interest you in something more than just a cacao?" Cal whispered near her ear as he approached the woman from behind "How about some late night snack?"

"Not hungry"

"You hadn't eaten anything whole day!"

"I ate a toast and salads."

"You took a bite of toast and played with salads."

"Still counts. Beside it is the middle of the night, I don't want to eat."

"Fine! I'm just worried."

"I know" Gill replied with sight "There is nothing to be worried about. I'm fine."

"We both know that it is not…" suddenly the lights went off. Apparently the generator had glitches again. He definitely needed to call the owner. It was not the first time.

"I will get the candles" Cal said taking a step to the side. At the same time Gill took a step backward, and they collided. The impact was not big, but as Cal ran right into her side and pressed on the healing ribs, it made Gill hasp. Cal's hands momentarily shot out steadying the woman.

"Are you hurt?" Cal asked worriedly, gently running his hands over the dark silhouette.

"It is nothing."

"Liar"

"Really Cal, it is fine. Little pain in the ribs, nothing that I can't manage."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely. Get the candles."

Her skin under his fingers and the warmth of her body felt so good, that Cal had absolutely no wish to let go, but longer he stayed in this position, more awkward it would get.

Once sure she was steady on feet and relatively unharmed, Cal loosened grip on her bare shoulder, with large quick steps crossed the room and exited the front doors. The candles were in the shed.

For a moment Gill just stood there. She had felt the electricity run through his fingertips and it had made her flush. Sometimes their light banter and ordinary touches came too close to the line.

Putting the cattle on the gas, Gill crossed the room and stood in the open doors. Even the nights were almost unbearably hot. The soft breeze caressing her skin was only a slight relief. Gazing into the darkness outside, Gill saw small flashes of light all around as lightning bugs performed enchanting dance in the yard.

In the distance she could hear Cal's cursing as he bumped into something in the dark. Never a patient man. Gill wondered how it was for him to leave all the adrenaline and excitement aside and dedicate full time to monotonous routine with her and the girls. Most probably he felt trapped and confined, anxious to get back. Little did she know that it was completely inaccurate assumption.

The milk most probably was already hot and Gill returned to the kitchen. At the same time Cal entered with candles, still cursing under his breath.

Couple of minutes later they both had comfortably settled on the large sofa. Candlelight played a game of light on shadows on their faces. Both were quite lost in their own thoughts, but simple fact of sharing a peaceful moment was enough. It was comforting.

Cal had been up disturbed by some news he received earlier. In the evening he had contacted David and the office. The news from David was quite good, the investigations had progressed significantly and a lot of arrests made as well as charges brought. Those were the news from Ria that bugged him a great deal. The firm was being sued. A big time. He had left the business in unready hands and now they would pay the price. Truth was that even if he had known this would happen in advance, his call would have been the same. To hell with everything else! At the end of the day it was family that mattered, and Gill was part of his family, regardless of the status of their relationship.

He had given Ria number of their attorney, but for now they would have to deal on their own. Maybe it was wrong to conceal such crucial information from Gill, but he simply didn't see any point to share. She couldn't go back and he wouldn't. It was a standoff.

All the while these thoughts were mixing in his head, Cal carefully watched the woman out of the corner of his eye. She looked vulnerable and a bit lost sitting in the corner, feet tugged under, and delicate hands holding the cup slightly shaking. He knew that most probably nightmares were the sole reason why she was up.

More than once she had asked him to give her time and space, not to press her, and he had agreed, patiently waiting, but maybe it was not the right thing to do after all? Although her physical wounds were healing nicely, the emotional ones were not treated at all. Besides, Gill still practically didn't eat. That alone was worrisome.

Cal knew that it was not healthy to suppress the emotions after trauma and if the roles were reversed, she would have convinced him to share. Maybe he should try and press after all?

"Luv?"

"Huh…" she looked at him as if she had completely forgotten that he was in the room.

"Want to talk about what is bothering you?"

"And you? I can see that you are upset…"

"Don't turn the tables around, Gill. You know that you have to…"

"Cal! I don't have to do anything" her tone turned to warning. Gill knew it was not fair that every time Cal tried to make her open up, she got angry and pushed him away. She simply was not ready to go through the traumatizing experience again. Not yet.

"What I meant is that if you want to…"

"I don't" she said already calmer. Cal wanted only what was best. It was her own fault that she couldn't get pass that thick wall and unburden her soul. As much as she understood how good talking was, she never would have imagined that it was so difficult to be on the other side of the table.

"Ok, ok. Just know – I'm here if you need me."

"I know" she replied as a light tremor ran down her spine. Despite the helming weather she suddenly felt cold. It didn't go unnoticed by Cal. Always the observer.

"Let me help you with that" Cal reached over and took half empty mug from her hands. She was mostly mobile, but some of the movements, like starching forward to reach the table still hurt. Her hands were ice cold and Cal took them in his huge palms trying to warm them up "If only I had known you possessed the power to beat the heat!"

"Then what?"

"It would have been much more pleasant way of refreshing than pushing myself in the refrigerator." It was meant as humor, to ease the tension, but somehow came out awry.

Gill eyed him with raised eyebrows, while he still held her hands and their eyes locked. It was one of those moments when everything around stilled. The darkness surrounding them and romantic light of candles made it almost perfect moment, but when Cal lightly moved forward, Gill suddenly jerked back and unsteadily rose on her feet.

"I will go to sleep. Good night, Cal!" she quickly headed for the stairs.

"Good night, luv."

Instead of going back to her room, Gill tiptoed down the hall and entered lightly lit room she had visited just before decent downstairs. Silently entering the small room Gill crossed the distance and carefully climbed in the bed next to the sleeping child. She didn't feel like being alone right now. Lena slightly turned, but didn't wake, as Gill lovingly adjusted the blanket and gently stroke black curls from kid's face. Gill rested her head on the pillow, near the girl's nape smelling vanilla and honey scent from the shampoo. As Gill put one of the arms around small frame and snuggled closer, Lena mumbled something in her sleep that sounded a lot like 'mommy', but didn't wake.

"Shh… sweetie. It is ok. Sleep." Gill gently whispered without any real necessity. It just felt good. Maybe Lena did need her, but she needed Lena more. That was the truth.

Gill was not ready to think about Cal and their complicated relationship. Completely on their own accord Gill's thoughts returned to David and the fact that he was Lena's father. She had known that David withheld information from her, but never, not in a million years Gill would had suspected this to be his big secret. Initially she had been shocked into a stupor, but once she had a time to think about it, those were not bad news. It meant that Lena was not left alone in this world, that she had blood relatives who cared.

Poor man! He had gone through hell! She really felt for him. How horrible it must be to not be able to be with your own child. Even more so, when the circumstances had made you the scariest boogeyman of all times. She hated this sickening twist of fate with all her heart.

If it was up to her, David would become an integral part of Lena's life. He was a good man, a decent man. He deserved the chance and Lena deserved to know her real father. It would be good for both of them.

After a half an hour Gill had dozen off, never even realizing it. Usually nightmares got her up for the rest of the night. Somehow tonight the demons decided to leave two tormented souls alone and let them have some so desperately needed peace.

###

Whole week the weather had stayed unbelievably hot and even late afternoon hadn't managed to bring the degrees down to something more or less bearable.

To have at least some relief from the heat girls went for a swim. Gill was sleeping soundly in the hemlock, while Cal had retreated to the house to make some sandwiches. After time spent on the water those two got back hungry as pack of wolves.

He also had to take care of the dishes from lunch and pack leftovers in the fridge or everything would be spoiled before the evening. Cal was humming some annoying tune that had stuck in his head. It was song from one of those teen groups that Emily had been listening for the last week. The music back in his days was a way better. Incomparably better! Nevertheless, he couldn't deny that the tune was contagious, sticky as flypaper. If only he could get it out of his head!

Suddenly a blood chilling wail erupt the peaceful atmosphere "Noooooooo!"

Cal's heart froze, as he recognized terrified voice. Gill!

Half washed dishes shattered against the wooden floor as he dashed outside.

###

Cold merciful hands dug deeper in her neck blocking the airways. She was choking, lack of air sending burning sensation to her lungs. Suffocating. Dying. The panic was overwhelming. Try as she might, she couldn't move. Her wooden limbs simply refused to obey, like some invisible force was holding her down.

Conscious part of the brain tried to reassure that there was nothing to be afraid of, that it all was just a dream. Just a dream! A dream! Dreams can't physically hurt, right?

With this thought in mind Gill woke startled and desperately gasping for air only to find herself eye to eye with unfamiliar man who was leaning over her. Bones chilling wail of horror erupted lips, as she began to fight the stranger: "Noooooooo!"