Trigger warning- self-harm, suicide, mentions of rape, and depression.

Austin stares at me, his eyes glassy. He's paled dramatically- looking almost white, and it's starting to scare me. I shift myself a bit on my crutches, not taking my eyes off him.

"Aus," Ratliff says gently. "Come here." He holds his arms out to Austin- but our youngest brother shakes his head.

"I'm fine," he whispers, his voice quivering, laced with tears. "I'm fine."

"Austin-"

He shakes his head. "Don't. Please just…don't."

"No," Ratliff mutters. "You aren't fine, Austin. None of us are. But you need to let us help you."

"It'll be okay," Rydel says. "Riker is strong. He won't go down without a fight."

Austin backs away, holding his hands out. "Please…leave me alone. I need to be alone."

Ratliff opens his mouth to say something, but Austin turns away.

"Don't," Dez warns. "You guys may've been his family for over two months, but he's been my best friend for years- and when he gets like this, it's better to leave him alone to cool down. He'll say something he's going to regret- otherwise. Believe me, I've experienced it- he's cursed me out before, and meant none of it. He'll come back when he's ready- we should just go back inside."

My phone rings loudly, and when I look at it, Dez's name flashes on the screen. My eyes widen- I knew he had gone to stay with the Lynches, but I didn't expect a call so soon.

"Oh, thank god you answered, Trish." Dez's voice is urgent, panicked almost.

"Dez, are you alright?!" I ask, not giving him a chance to continue.

"Yeah," Dez replies. "But these guys aren't. Riker tried to commit suicide, Trish. He's in a coma- he narrowly escaped death- and by narrowly, I mean, if we were one minute later, he'd be dead right now. Austin was the one to find his body…and he's shutting down again…remember last time?"

Cold, hard fear washes over me, as memories invade my mind. "I remember…that was after he got…raped…shit…"

"Precisely,"Dez answers. "And I need you to help me with something."

"What's that?" I ask, my voice rising higher. "What do you have in mind?"

"Ally's still being an utter blind bitch, isn't she?" he replies- answering my question with a question, which pisses me off.

I sigh. "Yes."

"Bring her to the hospital. I'm gonna try and break Austin- try and get him to crack, and I want you to bring Ally here. Before you object- don't announce your appearance when you get there. Come to where we are- waiting room in the ICU- and hide. Let Ally see and hear Austin's pain. That'll teach her a lesson. That'll show her the true impact her words have had on him. He won't know she's here- and that's the point. You just need to keep her quiet."

My eyes widen. "That's…that's an amazing plan, Dez…"

"I know," he says breathlessly. "I just hope it'll work."

"Austin?"

"It's getting cold out here- you need to come inside. You're exhausted…"

I take a seat next to the broken blonde, my eyes burning with sympathy. He looks so pitiful, and it breaks my heart. I love him like a brother- and seeing him in such a broken state is positively shattering my heart.

"I'm fine," he whispers, and at this point- I don't know whether he's trying to reassure me, or himself. "I'm fine."

"No," I reply. "Austin- no you are not. You're a fucking mess. You need to let me help you. Let us help you. They're so worried about you, love. So goddamn worried. You need to let us in- this cannot become a repeat of last time."

Austin tenses. "I thought I told you to never bring that up."

"The only way I can get through you- is through that. That was fucking scary, bro," I sigh. "Come on."

I pull him onto my lap, ignoring his protests, and running a hand through his messy hair. "I'm taking you inside. I am not gonna let you torture yourself like this, for any longer. I know your chest is getting tighter, and all you want to do is cry. Stop holding it in. It'll just hurt you worse."

Without giving him a chance to answer, I stand up- with his body cradled to my chest- and walk back inside the hospital, back to the ICU waiting room. Once there, my eyes widen.

Rydel is inside, visiting Riker- but Rocky and Ratliff are sitting in the waiting room- the younger sobbing into his oldest brother's shirt. They look up when I enter, and stare with wide eyes, as I walk closer.

Finally, I stop in front of them, and lay Austin on Rocky's lap, making sure to place his legs on Ratliff's thighs. My heart warms, as he instantly reacts, burying himself in Rocky's neck.

I take a seat next to them, and grab one of his hands. "We're here for you, Austin. You just need to let us in."

"Ally, come on. We're going to the hospital."

Trish enters Sonic Boom- business-like and prompt. She walks straight to me, her eyes burning with desire. "Let's go."

I shake my head. "I need to watch the store. And Dallas and I have a date in half an hour."

"Dallas can go fuck himself," Trish retorts. "It's time for you to face reality. I called your dad, and he's got someone coming in to watch the store while you're away. This shouldn't take long- hopefully."

"What if I don't want to?" I mutter, crossing my hands over my chest. "You can't make me do shit."

"I can call the police," Trish says calmly. "And tell them everything you've ever said to Austin. I can get you put in juvie for a long time. And if you don't believe I'll do it- you obviously don't know me as well as I think you do."

"Fine," I grumble. "You didn't need to go that far, for god's sakes."

"Too bad," Trish replies. "Now, come on."

"Alright," Trish mutters, as we walk into the ICU section of the hospital. "You do not talk. You do not make any noise. Just watch and listen. It's time for you to see exactly how badly you've impacted Austin. And one thing's for sure- it isn't pretty."

She taps something into her phone, and sends the text- piquing my interest in seconds. This entire thing has been cryptic- and I know it's just a plan to get me to feel all guilty about what I've done to Austin. Pfft. I doubt this will work. Trish can just watch as this turns out to be a big, hot mess.

She leads me to a corner- we hide behind a wall, where I have full view of Austin, Rocky, Ratliff and Dez.

"What are they here for this time?" I mumble. "It seems like they fucking live here- they're in this wing more than they are their house."

"Riker attempted suicide," Trish says a matter-of-factly. "He's in a coma- missed death by a minute. That's how serious this is. And Riker is the reason Austin didn't kill himself- so this has impacted him the most."

A tingly feeling makes itself present, and I don't know what the hell it is. I just know that I want it to stop- it feels really fucking weird.

"Now, listen," Trish reiterates. "Listen and shut up."

And surprisingly- I do.

"It hurts," Austin says, curling further against Rocky's chest. I see him squeeze Dez's hand harder, as he continues. "I'm so sorry for acting like an asshole, really, I am. I don't know how to conduct myself in these situations- so I just shut down…"

"It's okay," Ratliff says gently. "It's okay." He leans toward Austin, and Austin leans forward to kiss his cheek gently, smiling faintly. "I love you, Aus. Thank you for keeping him alive."

"Didn't know what I was doing," Austin sighs. "M'surprised he didn't bleed out- under my watch."

A ball of guilt rolls in my stomach, as I stare at the scene. Austin looks so…vulnerable. So attached to them- but the attachment is justified. He looks so scared- almost as bad as…when he was raped.

I had almost forgotten about that day- it was so fucking horrid, that I've been tryin to erase it from my memory for so long. He was so broken by the incident, and it had a huge impact on our lives from then on. Staring blankly at the scene in front of me, I continue to let my thoughts race.

"You'll be okay," Rocky reassures. "We'll get through this. Riker's strong- he'll make it."

"I'm not worried about him," Austin says emptily. "I'm worried about me. I don't know if I'll make it through this."

Whoa, hang on. Wait just a fucking second. Did he just say what I thought he said? He's obvious referring to his own suicide. The thought weighs heavily in my stomach, as realization sweeps over me. Just…what exactly, have I done?

"You'll be fine," Dez says firmly. "Have you cut yet today?"

"No," Austin says bitterly. "And it hurts."

"It's four, Aus," Rocky says gently. "You had four opportunities to cut today- and you didn't. Don't you see how strong you are?"

"The only reason I didn't- is because Dez took my fucking blade," Austin mutters. "And I'm still pissed at you for that, by the way."

Dez shakes his head. "I don't care. You can hate me all you want- but if it means you didn't hurt yourself today, I would've done it under any circumstance."

The guilt grows, as I think back to when I triggered him. Seeing him crying, sobbing, barely able to breathe- it didn't occur to me, until now. It didn't occur to me- how much my words alone- have damaged him. I could compare him to a punching bag- I took all my anger out on him, for no goddamn reason. And he's worn out.

I'm a fucking…bitch. What have I done to him? He used to be my goddamn best friend, and now he's withered away into a shell of a person- because of me. I caused this- over my fucking boyfriend. Over my boyfriend, I broke him to the point of no repair. I'm a fucking monster- I don't know what came over me- but…how could I have been so damn ignorant? How could I have laughed at him when he was barely able to breathe? How am I even a person?

Just…what the fuck have I done?

So, there you go. That's what you guys have all been waiting for- I assume? Well- Ally's realized her mistake, but she's left too much emotional scarring on Austin- for him to forgive her, like he did with Trish and Dez. It's gonna take a lot longer. Especially since- Austin and Ally have their first real conversation in the next chapter. And by real conversation- I mean, they actually talk like civilized people, and don't insult each other with every sentence. Thanks for reading- hope you enjoyed.

-Neha