||~MY FUCKED UP HEART~||

~Chapter 21~

Blonde Hair

MISAKI's POV

I'm sick of waking up from the similar dreams all the time. Seriously! I never thought that I had the imagination of a pervert until I started to have these weird, over the top dreams, in it was the same man as always—tall, blonde, Japanese. I know it can't be true because Japanese don't really have blonde hair, at least us normal middle class people don't. I snicker as I look in the direction of the blonde goofball sitting next to me. Tora is the only one in our entire college with blonde hair.

But he's not even close to the faceless man that haunts me in my dreams. Damn it, is that man the man of my dreams? That sounds so stupid even in my head, I'd rather never speak of it out loud.

These dreams hadn't started to bother me,

Until yesterday, when I woke up from a sex dream.

My face had heated up from watching all the activities that took place in it. It was vivid and clear—like I was watching, rather—living in free porn. I didn't even want it. It left me shook in ways more than one, and I just wished to be able to see that man's face, but every time I wake up, I forget how it looks.

Sounds like a curse a fairy tale princess would get.

But, my life is no Disney movie. It is far from a fairy tale, which is why I get up to leave. My part-time jobs don't work themselves.

But the thought of the blonde-haired faceless man didn't really leave me for a long time. I realised that I had a thing for men with blonde hair the hard way…

"I have no feelings for you, Igarashi." I tell the asshole and he just gives me a look. We're drinking sake in a college party which I didn't agree to come to, but was dragged in. He snorts as he finishes the contents of his glass and I realise that something bad is going to come out of his rotten mouth the moment he sets the glass down. I look away with an annoyed look on my face when he grabs my wrists to make me look at him.

"Then prove it." He said and I grumbled, I was not up for silly games.

"I don't feel the need to prove anyone anything," I told him with a huff, I was late and drunk for the library.

"Sounds like something you would say." He looked at me, I sighed, "What do I have to do? To prove that I feel nothing for an asshole like you?"

"Kiss me." Tora challenged me. The nerve of that man!

But I felt nothing when I heard that, I was probably expecting it from him. And I saw no harm in doing that, it wasn't as if I was saving my first kiss for someone.

So I kissed him.

I knew I stunned him and myself too when I did that. But I didn't know why everyone was making a big deal out of it. Igarashi kissed girls every day, and I was sure that it must also be the same way around. I just didn't understand why everyone was looking at me in a stunned manner when I pulled away.

"There?" I asked if this was proof enough, but he seemed to be shocked. He didn't move away, or say something. I had to shake him.

"Wow, you really knocked up Igarashi huh…" Some girl said, "He didn't react like this when I kissed him. You must be special."

"I'm not special. I'm just…" I searched for the right words as I looked at my watch, "Late!"

I thought it was nothing, and it had nothing to do with the fact that I dismissed the mere idea of love and relationships. Those two things felt unwanted and useless to me. But Igarashi didn't seem to think so.

Which is why he thought that I wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with him. He started to avoid me as if I was a fan girl. Tch, I didn't even call him a friend, let alone think of him as a lover.

So I confronted him.

"Puts me at ease, the fact that you're not planning on ripping my clothes whenever you see me." He said with a smirk.

"You know that I don't believe in such things, Tora," I said seriously. "I have more important things to focus on, like my career. I have things to figure out, like Suzuna's college and other things… I don't even like the idea of falling in love with someone."

He seemed to have gotten quiet when I said that. He looked at me with sad eyes and gave me a 'hug', telling me that it's going to be alright as if I was the one who got all sad and emotional.

"But falling in love has nothing to do with ripping clothes apart," I had winked at him and he looked at me as if I'd assaulted him right there.

I am brought back to the present day reality when there is a knock on the door. I was supposed to be working on a case, not daydreaming about that blonde haired asshole.

Getting up to open the door, I realise that I am terribly dressed to be entertaining people in my office right now. Moreover, I am wondering why nobody told me I had a visitor.

But it's only Tora when I open the door. He chose to touch the strap of my nightie and put it back on my shoulder instead of saying hi. I can't help but give him a look, "Hello to you too, asshole."

"Wow, someone's being romantic tonight." He says back with a smirk.

"Shut up." I turn back and return back to my chair, and to the case at hand. I have people to put behind bars.

"Aren't you going to ask me how my trip was?" he says as he supports himself on my table, half sitting on it.

"Well, I would, if only you'd get your crotch out of my face." I pull my chair back with a grumble and he's still sitting there smirking. "How did it go?"

"Ehh." He made a face, "Nothing interesting happened."

"Why? Didn't you meet someone in the states?"

"I did, but they weren't you." He smiled, "I like my native things."

"I'm not your native thing. I could sue you for this." I say and he laughs, snatching away my file from my hands. "Look at me once, will you?" He smiled in such a way and I just had to look away in disgust, I can't help but laugh out loud.

"I got you something." He said as his hands went into his pockets, searching for whatever he got me.

"I told you not to go overboard for me," I said in advance.

"Well, they didn't have pills for cranky people, which is what I really wanted to get you." He snickered as if the joke was funny—if at all, and then showed me a box. "So I had to settle for this."

"What's in it? Don't even bother to ask me to marry you, it's a flat out no." I told him as plainly as I could because I know Tora has such tendencies. He was silent for a moment, but then he opened the box to show me a sleek bracelet.

"You think too highly of me." He smirks as he starts to put on that bracelet on me. The bracelet is a sleek chain of rose embellishments.

"I don't think I should take it, do you go insane while shopping for all of your friends?" I emphasise on the last word and give him a look, "Only the ones that come with extra benefits," He winks and I sigh, feeling weird all of a sudden.

"And how many of such friends do you have, Igarashi? Did you make more of such friends overseas while I was away?"

"Nah, there's only one. Sitting in a silk, strappy nightie in front of me, the straps of which, keep falling off." He tells me and gives me a look and I just feel…

"Don't be so cheesy, I'm not drunk enough for this." I tell him and I stand up all of a sudden, taking the bracelet off. He puts his hand on top of me, stopping me from taking the thing off. He's embracing me from back and I can feel his breathe on my neck. I open my mouth to say something but he sighs as he pushes my hair to the side. "Shut up Misaki, don't ruin it."

I rolled my eyes, and pushed him back, letting him fall down on my chair. He's looking at me breathlessly like that. I pretend to clear my throat, "Tora." I started off in a reprimanding tone, but he interrupts me again because my strap fell off again and he's putting it back for me. He lifts up my hand and puts it on top of his head—in his hair.

"You're not always supposed to question such moments Misaki." He said and I swear I saw him smile for a moment when my grip on his hair tightened, just a moment before he kissed me.

And then I kissed him back.

The Walker Mansion

The maids stopped checking on him two hours ago. The office still kept calling him again and again, so he told his secretary to handle things with the help of Vice Chairman and to eat Gerard's head instead.

He was finally alone.

It was a strange turn of events that led Misaki straight to his office that day. He almost wanted to laugh, the one writing the story of his life was a mean, cruel person for sure. His smile vanish when he remembered how she looked that day.

He hadn't looked twice her way, but he the one time he did was more than enough to imprint the image on his brain. She had changed drastically, from dressing up as a tom boy who liked the clothes that were comfortable, she started dressing up as a woman.

The formal business suit fitted her body perfectly, and her hair was so long compared to the last time he had seen her—five years ago. He was glad there was no blood on her body like the last time. He laughed.

"I have developed a sick sense of humour." He told himself as he looked in the mirror.

He wondered if she had changed the course of time though. Did she still have a low tolerance to alcohol and men like before? He wished she did.

If Mia grew her hair longer, they both would look the same.

It was surely a small world, and it seemed like God had run out of faces when he made Mia. Why did they resemble so much?

Why did Mia always remind him that he was a failure?

Why did her face remind him of blood and heartache?

He was sick of being this way, he wished for a simpler life—one in which he wasn't treated like a celebrity, in which he was able to live with the one he loved, in which he didn't have a fucked up family, and a brother like Gerard.

"I should just run away and become a waiter in some restaurant or something." He wondered, and then the thought didn't seem too insane to him.

The only problem was that people would recognize him too quickly, and Gerard would stalk him till the end of the world.

He started laughing out loud. The sound of his laughter echoed through the entire room, it was almost sickening.

He remembered Tora's face all of a sudden. That bastard had promised him that he would take care of everything. It seemed like he didn't do a very good job at that.

Takumi stood up and picked up his jacket. Filled with rage and frustration, he drove straight to Igarashi's office. Tora had been given the charge of the office some time ago, he read. It was time for him to give him a welcoming present.

When he saw Tora's face, everything else blacked out. It was just him and his anger, and Tora's confused face. He seemed to have greeted him with a smile, but that was cleared out the moment his fist landed on Tora's face.

Bastard.

Tora fell back on the floor, and Takumi held him by the collar, panting. "Didn't you say that you and I were to swap roles? I don't see you doing a very good job playing your part?" He asked with a smile as he punched him again. Due to the ruckus created, the bodyguards came inside the office and started to get Takumi off Tora's back. Tora's face bled and he looked scared. "Takumi can you just calm down for a second?!" He yelled as the bodyguards held Takumi by the arms, he resisted and the men started to have a hard time controlling him. Tora sighed as he placed his white handkerchief on his chin, which turned crimson in seconds.

"Close the door." He told his men, who followed. The rest of the office didn't necessarily have to see this happen. Not to mention the hungry media.

After a few minutes, he managed to make Takumi calm enough to have him sit down and talk with him. He looked angry and not in the mood for any jokes, which seemed so unlike him.

He'd changed.

He felt bad looking at the man in front of him. What had he turned into?

"So, how are you?" Tora asked as he patted his cheek with an ice pack. Takumi scowled at that, "What was Misaki doing in Walker Corp.?"

"What do you mean?" Tora asked as he took off his wrist watch and cleaned the blood from his wrist.

"Weren't you too ambitious Igarashi? Telling me that you could take care of her, and keep her away from me that night… Has the passage of five years blurred your memories?" He asked spitefully. Tora couldn't help but feel hurt at the sound of such a vicious voice.

Takumi seemed to have turned into a man like Gerard and his past self.

He didn't like that.

"Look, she doesn't even remember you, okay? In the five years that I have known her, she hasn't even mentioned your name. I bet she didn't even know that you'd be there or that you own Walker Corp. so stop overreacting, okay? She didn't even mention you to me." He tried to reason with him the best he could, but Takumi didn't really feel satisfied.

"So its sheer coincidence that she was assigned a case against Walker Corp?"

"Of course, if it were something, she would have mentioned it to me." Tora reassured him, "Anyway, how have you been?" He asked politely. The bodyguards eyed Takumi, who was comfortably sitting next to Tora, with a glass of whiskey in his hand.

Takumi chuckled, "I didn't come here for small talks. I came here to remind you of the promise that you made."

"I understand that, but why do you have to be so bitter about it?" Tora said he could see a reflection of his past self in Takumi.

"It's just how I am now," Takumi said with a smirk. "Don't like it?"

"Don't you want to know what all happened in the last five years when you were not in her life?" Tora asked and Takumi almost stopped drinking. He stood up abruptly and looked away.

"It doesn't bother me, so why would I want to listen to it? Time is money, and I want to waste neither yours nor mine. Have a nice day, Igarashi."

Tora sighed as he saw Takumi's retreating form. He was like a completely different person altogether now. So bitter, so angry.

"I wish you peace and sanity, Walker." He said quietly to himself as he leaned back and stared at the ceiling.

"Even when you two are poles apart, you both seem to gravitate back towards each other… It's disgusting to watch how your lives are intertwined. After all this time, I still envy you, Takumi." Tora smiled to himself. Even after all the years, all the changes, the alterations in their fate, he realised that he could never truly swap places with Takumi.

Because they both were just meant to be, no matter what.

Misaki found herself standing in front of a medical clinic. The name "Kanou Soutaro" shone bright and she felt happy that her friend became a successful man. She saw many awards and accolades in the waiting lobby.

She suddenly felt like she missed out on a lot of things when she was away from her friends and her family. She still didn't know why she went out of Japan, but ever since that accident, she had started to feel out of place so she just couldn't stay. Little did she realise that that feeling of incompleteness wouldn't abandon her no matter where she moved to or what she did.

"I would like to request an informal appointment with Dr Soutaro. I'm just an old friend, not here for a session or anything." Misaki smiled at the secretary, who nodded and told her to sit.

Misaki took out her phone from her purse while she waited. There were a lot of pending emails that she had to attend to, no matter what. She was thankful for the little waiting time she got, it allowed her to sort through the emails so that she could peacefully reply to them later on.

When Kanou saw Misaki standing in his office, he felt like laughing with all of the Gods that had conspired to arrange such a series of events. Was this a joke?!

He smiled, even when he internally asked himself why he was caught up in all of Misaki and Takumi's business.

It was because of that bastard Gerard, he decided. Yes, everything was his fault.

Kanou felt self-conscious standing in front of Ayuzawa. This woman was the same girl who straightened out all the male population of the high school. She looked pretty in the raven business suit and her hair was held in a tight ponytail.

She had grown out her hair too.

"What brings you by, Misaki-san?" he asked politely.

Misaki smiled as she sat down on the couch, "I was just passing by, so I thought I should come and see you while I was in Japan."

"How long are you here?" he asked as two mugs of coffee was placed on the table by his assistant.

"I don't know, I am working on a few cases here." Kanou flinched when she said that, "But I can't seem to understand the scenario very well." She confessed as she took a sip of her coffee.

"I read that you've worked as a human rights lawyer that brought you a lot of glories." Kanou said with a smile, "I feel very thankful that I got to know such an amazing woman like you." He confessed with a smile.

"So, it seems like you don't have any problems talking to women now?" Misaki said, causing the both of them to laugh.

"Did you find someone yet?" Misaki asked him out of nowhere. Kanou sat up straighter, "Well, there have been some…" Misaki smiled widely at that, "But I don't think I've found the one yet." He finished, "What about you?"

"Oh, me" She chuckled, "Ah, dating is a part of life I didn't pay attention to. I don't really have the time since I'm always travelling." She told him.

"Sounds like an excuse to me." Kanou said with a smirk, Misaki felt cornered, so she laughed it off, "Well, it's just same for me like you—I haven't found the one yet."

Kanou felt saddened when he heard that, she didn't even remember having the "one" to herself and then losing him, just because of some family drama.

"Don't worry, you'll find him someday." Kanou smiled.

When it was time for Misaki to go, she apologized for leaving early, with a promise of meeting him again. She told him that she wanted to talk to him about something later. He felt a rush of mixed emotions as he saw her leave. What had time done to all of them? Everyone looked better with time, but everyone got more fucked up with it as well. He stared at the blue sky, feeling empty.

GERARD's PLACE

"I want to throw a party!" Gerard exclaimed out a sudden as he raised his wine glass up. "A charity event, perhaps?" Gerard smiled as he turned to Mia.

Mia merely rolled her eyes, she was babysitting Gerard again, making sure that he doesn't do anything stupid to fuck things up, and trying to get out some info from him as always.

"You seem to like parties." She said, and he nodded.

"Of course. They're for a good cause, people get to dress up, meet and greet, and there's free alcohol for everyone. This also gives me a chance to see my wife, which I haven't in a long while now." He said, not really minding sharing personal things with Mia.

Mia sighed as she looked around Gerard's lavish hotel suite. "What about the money that goes into planning these things up?"

"Money is never an issue if it is for a good cause. And how about you plan this up?" He smirked, this way he wouldn't have to do anything.

"Me? I have zero experience with these type of things." She said truthfully, not wanting to be the one everyone yells at if something at the party goes wrong.

"Perfect, that'll spice things up. You're planning this event. We'll raise donations for all the charity foundations listed under Walker Corp. I'll share contacts of all the A-listers I know, we'll raise a shit load of money overnight, Mia. Be excited! You need more colour in your cheeks!"

Mia looked Gerard strangely, well this was the most energetic she had seen him. She couldn't help but smile a little, looking at how excited he got.

Gerard smiled as he emptied his glass and picked up his phone, "Cedric, come by, will you? We have a lot to plan~" He rambled on the phone and Mia giggled looking at him, for the first time in a long while, she was able to completely forget about the pain in her heart.

"Now, here's my card, use it for all the shopping that you need to do. All the payments for the arrangements and whatever you need it for, go all out, I don't care. Just make sure it's the best event I've ever been to." He said as he tossed her one of his cards carelessly as he dialled a number on his phone.

Mia caught the card too cautiously, which seemed to glow even in normal light. She had never owned a platinum card, let alone used one. She sighed, looking at Gerard's recklessness, "You're an idiot."

"Excuse me?" Gerard turned and looked at her. He was offended.

Mia gulped, "I mean—Mr Walker, isn't it too careless of you to hand me a platinum card and tell me to go all out? I could empty your pocket for all you know!" She chided him the best she could, without getting on his bad side, of course.

"Ah, you're cute and naïve to think that it is the only card that I own," Gerard said, pointing to a drawer where he kept a bundle of such cards. "And Mia, you can't empty my pocket even if you try—do you even know how much I make?"

"Not much, considering how you're always spending your day drinking and dragging me to your office, not letting me work too."

"Ouch, well, I am earning more than you imagine every second of the day, even if I don't work to show for it." He said with pride and Mia rolled her eyes, "Looks like you throw all the work on your brother's shoulder and get drunk."

Gerard was angry for a moment, but he merely laughed, "You think of me as a freeloader? Well, Mia" He called her in a taunting manner, "I've been working my ass off since I was fourteen, just to maintain the number one spot of the Walker Corp, unlike my pretty brother who spent his high-school and young adult life wandering the streets of Tokyo free-minded, chasing the girl he was in love with as if he was the main character of some romantic manga." He felt his anger rising up, thinking back to those moments,

"While he slept peacefully in his bare apartment, I worked twenty hours a day. If it weren't for my heart condition that time, I still would be doing the same, never letting Takumi even touch the empire I built ever so carefully, with my blood, sweat, and my health. As if I would even let his ungrateful ass belittle the Walker Corporation as he does now. He's been given everything so easily, at what cost? Nothing!"

Mia fell silent when she heard this, she couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for Gerard to be the heir of the Walker Corporation since he was a little child. She felt glad to not be born in a royal family, but at the same time, she felt like the Takumi he talked about was someone else.

"It must have been hard for you, to sacrifice everything for your business."

"Well I love it, I love the Walker Corporation with all my blood and bones, because I was building it when I was supposed to fall in love with someone. It's not my fault and I'm not even sorry for being a bitter man—I know I'm called that" he eyed her, "But it's okay. So what if I didn't fall in love like a romantic fool Takumi was." Mia's heart broke at the mention of Takumi being a romantic fool—she just couldn't imagine that.

"I'm sorry, it's not my place to say anything, but I just feel like you loved your work so much that when you even got the chance to know love, you just chose your work over love."

"Don't say such things when you don't even know how it was," Gerard said.

"Well, I may not know how it was, but it's not like you're spending a lot of time with your wife when you do have the time? If you earn a lot of money every moment now, without even working for it, then why don't you talk to her often?"

Gerard fell silent, "Because there are far more things that I have to tend to, Mia. You won't understand."

"I don't want to understand, damn it." Mia left her cool for a moment, "Get your shit together, Gerard." Gerard's eyes widened at that, "If you love your wife as you proclaim, then go get her. You have to put effort in your relationships the way your put effort in your work. She's not going to know automatically that you love her or you miss her if you're going to sit in this lavish empty room all day and get wasted till you can't remember the responsibilities you're running from!" She panted when she finished, and by the time she looked at him to give him an angry look, Gerard was standing on his feet, with his eyes wide open.

Her eyes widened when she realised she had gone too far, "I don't even feel sorry for saying this, Gerard, but you're lonely. Face it. You searched for a friend in me, which is why you make me sit with you all day, because you know that I'm not clever enough to plan something against you—so you find me harmless. But as a friend, I need to give you a splash of your reality! You're not getting any younger sitting here, so you might as well start working on your relationships—be it your brother or your wife, damn it! I don't want to even see your face if you're just going to sit here and do nothing about your crumbling life when you still have a shot at making things right!"

Mia felt spent and teary when she finished. Gerard looked like nobody had the guts to say this to him before. He was shocked, and Mia was too angry to look at him, so she stormed out of his suite.

He looked at the phone in his hands, wherein a picture of Charlotte smiling lived.

He still had a shot at everything.

He still did.

||READ~REVIEW~FAVOURITE~FOLLOW||

Hey guys, how was the chapter?

I wanted to tell you all that My Fucked Up Heart is about to reach completion. I think it will go till chapter 30. The pace is finally picking up and I know that I just snatched a whole lot of ground from beneath your feet. Did you enjoy the ride this chapter was? I hope you did, because this ride will continue in the next chapter, so see you there!

I'll reply to all reviews collectively in the next chapter.

Can't wait to find out what you guys think!

||MISS~KIREI||