Hello everyone,

I'm back and i hope you are still interested. I took some time out because My pop died and i just didn;t know what to do with myself. But i am back and hoping you guys are still interested. If not i will stop updating for sure. If you are please let me know in a review.

Chapter 21 Castiel

When Dean broke up with me I was broken and beaten. I went into a complete state of shocked that lasted longer then I care to admit. From the moment I read the letter he left me I knew that our break would be different than any other we ever had. We all just graduated and I knew there was no seeing him around or sharing a class with him. Yes we live in a small town but there was ways he could avoid me. Knowing that it destroyed me and sent me into a constant state of shock.

I barley ate, I barley drank, all I did was sit lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. I wished there was a way I could have broken out of it but I couldn't. I was sad, pathetic, broken and only eighteen. I had no idea where I was going. I think that's why when Gabriel came to me at the end of summer and told me about how he arranged for me to go to Cornell. I didn't question it. I was desperate to feel different and Cornell was my Hail Mary. Thanking god and my brother for getting me out of Lawrence I hit the road for upstate New York hoping for a fresh start.

Once I arrived things started happening. I registered for classes, moved into the dorm and started making friends quickly. Things started moving so quickly I barely had time to think about my life before. After my first semester had pasted I stared to feel different. I start to feel like a weight had lifted off my chest. I couldn't be more relived. Even hundreds of miles away I still felt like I couldn't breathe, but once winter break it things started to change.

My first thought was to go home. I never spent the holidays away from my family but then I Had a thought. Dean was also my family. He was the one person I wanted to spend every day of my life with. How could I return to the place where he destroyed that very dream? I know I was eighteen but when you know you know. So I decided to stay in New York, Balthazar decided wasn't that far from me so I tried to spend Christmas with him. Unfortunately he decided to spend his Holiday on some island.

T make a long story short I decided to spend my holiday in the city by myself. After spending Half of Christmas Eve alone in the apartment I would eventually share with my oldest brother watching movies about miracles I head out. I wondered around Manhattan for a while be before I found myself at a bar in where boys like boys. I know it's not ideal but I was feeling lonely, horny, and I just didn't want to be alone.

If only I listened to my mother. She used go around spouting the cliché "Be Careful what you wish for." Out all the things she taught me and my brothers I wished that was the one thing I took to heart. If I had then I would have walked away when I ran into Nick.

Now I know you have been wondering who the hell he is? Well I will finally tell you. Nick was my rebound. I knew him from school but we never talked. I shared a couple classes with him, he lived on my floor in the dorm, and he was the wide receiver on my schools football team. A real ladies man who I admit I found attractive but I never once tried to approach him because I thought he was straight. Of course it turned out he wasn't when I ran into him in Hall of Fame bar.

At first it was awkward for me. For him it wasn't the same. He seem happy to see me and was really eager to talk to me. Of course because he was hot and I was horny I didn't walk away. I stayed and sat with him when he offered to buy me a drinks. At the time it turned out to be the vest decision I had made in a long time. I ended up having a good time with him. We drank and talked the rest of the night. The next day I woke up with him in my arms and spent the entire day with me. We laughed, we drank, we watched corny movies, and we did like a lot. It was a pretty damn good Christmas. You know to this day I still don't know why he never went home. Anyway that one day turned into winter break which is why I was unreachable. Any back to Nick. Nick and I had a great New Years together. We went back to bar we meet and partied the whole night together. At midnight we kissed and by morning and he was once again in my arms.

You know in hindsight it might have been my fault. We talked but we didn't talk about the important stuff, like the fact that I was on rebound and I didn't want a relationship. I should of have told him that. Maybe if I had told him then the events that happen next would have gone differently. Things between us was fine until the semester started back up again.

Once the semester started back up things changed. First I was still hooking up with Nick. Second I met a girl. I forget her name. Don't judge me she was what you call a whore and she doesn't get respect. Anyway this girl let's call her Amy was a blonde bomb shell. She kind of looked like Jo. Just so beautiful and smart and she took a liking to me.

Now me being who I am and being single didn't think of Nick hooked up with her. Of course Nick founded out. Let's just say his reaction wasn't pretty. He cursed me for about three hours before he vowed to make me pay. He swore up and down that I would feel that same pain I made him feel. I didn't take serious. I figured he was hurt and just wanted to feel better.

Knowing what I know now I wish I would have. If I had, I would have more alert on my daily activities. I would have watched my back more.

Three weeks after Nock cursing me, he came through on his threat. I was walking back to my dorm from a party where I just hooked up with another girl whose name I can't remember but I swear if I saw her face I would know her. Anyway I was walking when something hit me hard on the back of my head. To this day I still think it was a rock but I don't know. All I know is something hit me and I went down. By the time I gather my thoughts a group of guys were standing over me with baseball bats.

"This fag tried to fuck me in my ass" I heard a familiar voice yell out.

The voice was Nick and his football buddies. They had attack me. They had all attack me because I rejected him. They beat me for what felt like hours. They started at my feet and worked their way up. They weren't fast about it. Oh no they took their time. The slammed their bat into both of my feet one at a time before they worked their way up. I'll spare you every little detail, but I will tell you this. My knees, my ribs, my chest and face hurt the most.

You would think after they beat me half to death they would leave to die in peace but no they didn't. The worse part hadn't even happen yet. Once they were done, Nick commanded his so called buddies to leave. Few moments later which felt like forever we were alone. He said nothing as he dragged my half dead body from the ground to his car. Soon enough I found myself in the back seat. He said nothing as we drove for a few minutes before he pulled over somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

By this time I was praying god would take me away to be with my mother. I had just been beaten to an inch of my life what else could happen. I curse myself for thinking that because now I am resentful of god or whoever the higher power is.

Nick pulled over. He said nothing as he came around to open the back seat. He opened the back door on the passenger side and said.

"You know Castiel, I liked you. I have liked guys before but before I met you I never had the courage do anything about those feelings."

By now I was scared. I never get scared but the way his blue eyes and blonde hair was glowing in light you would have thought he was a demon. Hell you would have thought he was Lucifer himself.

"Did you know I never came out the closet? Did you know that you are the only person in world to know that I was the g word. I would say but this is post-holiday break. You know Cas. Can I call you Cas. Oh fuck it I'll call you whatever you want. I mean you did call me whatever you wanted when you were inside of me." Nick said as laughed. "It's funny I can only say things like that when I am with you."

"What do you want?" I managed to get out while I was spiting up blood.

"Well what I want is to feel the same way I felt when we first meet but of course you aready screwed that."

"I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea."

"Oh shut up. You're not sorry. You didn't care as long as you had a hole to fill you could care less. You know Cas that is your problem you were so concerned with getting your rocks off you never stopped to think how it would affect people."

"Right that's why you never told me you were in closest."

"I thought it was obvious." He yelled showing a very dark side I never seen in a person. "Doesn't matter any more." He said as he undid my pants. "Tonight you I do to you everything you did to me. The only catch is you might not like it.

That was the last thing he said to me before he picked up the baseball bat sitting on the floor of the back seat.

Once again I'll spare you the details of what happen next. Let's just say I bottomed for the first time for a baseball bat.

It lasted for almost a half hour. Nick came all over my face twice before he cleaned me up and drove me to the hospital. He never came in with me he just dropped me off in front of the emergency room.

I suffer a lot of injuries. I save you the details of my injuries but let's just say I missed the rest of the semester.

I never told anybody what he had done. I mean how I could and who would believe me. I led Nick on only to break his heart.
Add what he did to me on top of Dean breaking my heart and my father dying how could I not be where I am today.

What do you think the gang will say after hearing this

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