Hi guys! Sorry for all of the slow updates. I just managed to survive finals week, which involved me doing nothing but studying, eating, and minimal sleeping. I have a four-day-weekend, so I'll try to update at least a couple times. C: Once again, I'm too lazy to do review replies, so for now, a big THANK YOU I LOVE YOU YOU'RE ALL WONDERFUL. C:

I'm going to be wrapping this story up soon, within the next few chapters, but I've been thinking... how would you guys like a sequel to this? It would have Mal and Nat's new kid in it, and feature her growing up. Tell me what you think? c:

Anyways, enjoy, and leave some feedback? C:

Chapter Twenty-One - Memories

(two-and-a-half months after Chapter Twenty)

New Years came and went just like another day. Mal and I just stayed home and drank alcohol, watched the ball drop on TV, then went to bed. January and February droned on fairly uneventfully. We started to go out a bit more often; I met with Amy a few days after Christmas to tell her about the pregnancy. She was surprised at first, like Neha, but ended up squealing in delight. I was starting to warm up to the idea of having another kid, too. Nobody could replace Madison, of course, but Neha was right; we needed to move on. We had found out we were having another girl, which initially made my heart drop; but again, after a few weeks, I began to warm up to that idea. By now, I was noticeably pregnant, having passed the stage of others' silent questioning of if I was pregnant, or had simply gained a few pounds.

Whatever progress I had made on 'moving on' seemed to almost reverse itself on March 15th. Yes, the ides of March. Madison's birthday. I had expected I'd cry or be in some state of emotional instability on that day, but I wasn't; quite the opposite, actually. I couldn't feel anything except for emptiness. Mal seemed to understand and feel the same, though we didn't talk about it much. With nothing to do but mope around all day, Mal and I decided it was time.

We slowly walked into Madison's room, looking around at the furniture, toys and other belongings. They sat untouched, just as they were left from months ago. We were almost tip-toeing around, as if something would explode if we tromped around too hard. Since we were having another girl, we figured a lot of this stuff could be re-used for the new girl. But we knew we wanted to put some things away; things that were only Madi's, that would remind us of her. A memory box, of sorts.

I looked around, unsure of where to even start.

"Where do we even start?" Mal asked, voicing my thoughts.

"I was just thinking that," I said with a light laugh. "I have no idea." He surveyed the room for a couple seconds, then slowly walked up to the box of stuffed animals and toys in the corner. He glanced back at me and motioned towards it, and I nodded, silently giving some form of consent. Mal picked the box up and we both sat on the bed, placing the box in between us. As if by some unspoken rule, we automatically took turns pulling one item from the box. I first pulled out a tattered cloth doll in what used to be a pink dress. Memories flooded back like a wave, and I couldn't shake them away.

Mal and I looked down at our six-month-old daughter, smiling broadly as she giggled, reaching towards the brand new doll Mal held in front of her. It had yellow yarn hair and a bright pink dress. The doll looked back at her with stitched eyes, and a cloth mouth smiled back at her. Mal teasingly acted like he was giving it to her, then pulled it away. Madison squealed, reaching farther out for it. I gently tickled her stomach, and she erupted into giggles.

I looked up at Mal and met his eyes, his lips formed into a huge smile, mirroring mine. Mal leaned down slightly and softly kissed me, sliding his arm around me as he pulled back. I felt my heart flutter with happiness. I never wanted that moment to end.

I smiled at the memory, mindlessly twirling one of the tattered pieces of yarn around my finger. I glanced up at Mal, and the same bittersweet smile played on his lips. I knew he remembered, too. I gently set it aside, knowing that was something I didn't want re-used. It might have sounded selfish, but some of these things were parts of Madison's short six years that I didn't want to share with our new child.

Mal reached into the box and pulled out a lap-sized whiteboard. Several different colored markers were snapped into the holders on the side. Another memory was triggered as I gently unsnapped one of the markers, absentmindedly rolling it around in my hand.

"Mommy, spell my name!"

My four-year-old daughter and I sat on the floor of her room, drawing on a whiteboard Mal and I had gotten her for her fourth birthday last month. I was lying on my stomach, watching my daughter draw scribbly pictures in brightly colored markers. Mal sat next to me, silently watching with a smile on his face.

"Do you know what letter your name starts with?" I asked, watching as she thought for a moment. When she didn't answer after a few seconds, I helped her sound it out.

"M-m-m," I gently prompted, smiling as her face lit up in recognition.

"M!" she exclaimed happily, "M like mommy!"

"That's right," I said with a smile. I watched as she tried to draw it, but her hand wouldn't seem to cooperate. I uncapped the marker I was holding, writing a simplified capital 'M' in a bright blue color. I turned the whiteboard around to face her, and she carefully mimicked my writing to the best of her ability. She looked up at me with a smile on her face when she'd finished.

"Good job!" I praised, smiling at her. She looked at Mal, too, and he held out his hand for a high-five. We repeated the process with the rest of the letters; I sounded it out, wrote it for her, then she copied it.

"Look!" she squealed delightedly when she had finished the 'n'. "I'm done!"

"Yay! You did it!" I exclaimed, smiling as her eyes lit up again.

"Great job!" Mal added as he reached out and ruffled her hair. She giggled, looking at us through her tousled hair before going back to writing.

"Brings back a lot of memories," Mal commented with another bittersweet smile. I remembered the countless number of times we had taught her to write on that board; first her own first name, then her middle and last. We taught her how to write 'mommy' and 'daddy', too.

"Yeah," was all I said as he set it aside. As many memories as the board held with Maddie, I knew I'd want to teach our new daughter how to write on that same board as well.

We pulled out a countless number of other toys from various containers around the room: building blocks, coloring books, plastic jewelry and dress-up clothes. Some of them brought up memories, while others were just toys. Mal was going through a pile of stuffed animals, when he stopped suddenly, pulling a stuffed horse from the pile. I stopped, too, suddenly reminded of the dream I had had several months back. It was black with glassy eyes, reminding me of both my childhood horse, and the Midnight creature I had 'met' in my dream. We had bought it for her only a couple months prior to the shooting.

"I want that one!" six-year-old Madison squealed as we walked the aisles of the local toy store. As a reward for being good at the dentist's office, I had promised to take her to the store to buy a new toy. We had been meandering through the stuffed animal section, and I watched as my daughter picked up animal after animal, seeming to scrutinize it before shaking her head and setting it back down.

I was beginning to get impatient, when her little voice resounded off the walls around me, attracting the attention of several shoppers nearby.

"Shh," I said with a laugh, ignoring the glances from the other shoppers. I walked up to where she stood, excitedly pointing to a black stuffed horse that perched on a shelf too high for her to reach.

"Can you get it for me, please?" she asked with a huge smile.

"Of course," I smiled back as I reached out and grabbed it for her. She abruptly hugged it to her, a huge grin still plastered on her face.

"Are you sure you don't want this one?" I teased, picking up a bright pink poodle.

"No!" she exclaimed, frowning at the obnoxiously-pink creature. "This one!"

I laughed and set the poodle back on the shelf as I took my daughter's hand, leading her towards the cash register.

"Well," I said with a smile, "That one it is."

I said nothing as I recalled the day at the store, and neither did Mal; but he gently handed it to me, and I took it. He hadn't been with me when we bought it, but I had snapped a picture on my phone and sent it to him.

Standing up from where we crouched, I sighed audibly, feeling completely exhausted.

"Wanna be done for today?" Mal asked me, just as I was about to open my mouth to ask him the same thing.

"Yeah, I do," I said. I briefly examined the stuffed animal, then looked to Mal. He nodded, then took my hand as we exited the room, closing the door behind us. Some day that room would go to our new child, and Madison's things would have to be cleared; but not today.

Today I allowed myself to take a few steps back from my busy life.

Today was for remembering our first daughter.

Thanks for the memories, Madison.