Chapter 21

Captain Unohana woke me up late that night. It wasn't until she had shaken me awake that I had realized that I had fallen asleep. I must have fallen while Rangiku was still visiting.

"You are making amazing recovery, Captain Hitsugaya." Captain Unohana had said. "But you will need to rest. You broke your spine, and, though I was able to heal it, I could not real your skin all the way. I will not allow you to work for at least another two months. Paperwork is fine after a week of rest, but missions are out." She commanded.

I had asked her what she thought of my spiritual pressure.

"That is the reason I am having you on rest so long. Your spirit pressure was released at such a high and fast rate when it's only used to being conserved. But my guess of why it had spiked so high the first time when with Captain Kurotsuchi and that girl would be because for the first time you had something you wanted to protect more than your own life." And with that she had bid me good night and walked away without another word.

I was not allowed to work for two more months. Wasn't that like a vacation? Had my three-month time just been extended? Was that too much to wish for? But it seemed like that was the only way to explain it.

I had a two-month extension!

I convinced Unohana that I would stay in my house if she released me from the medical wing. She, grudgingly, complied. She had Rangiku's vow that I would not be allowed to go to work or do any paperwork. So I was released before Akira showed up the next day.

I walked home slowly. My bruised back was very painful. I had bruised the muscles as well and I had to use them. It didn't fit well with my nerves. I kept a straight face so I wouldn't alarm anyone.

"You're looking kinda pale there, Capt'n." I whirled around to see called and a searing pain went through me. I felt my muscles shut down in response. Two strong arms wrapped around me.

"Woah! Hold on there! Seems like you haven't really recovered. His arms pressed into my back. I let out a hiss of breath and he immediately moved his hands to under my elbows. I listened to his voice carefully.

"Kenaka?" I looked up. Sure enough Kenaka stared down at me.

"Yeah it's me buddy. You sure ya should be out and about already?" He looked at me, concerned. "Everyone felt that blast. That must have worn ya out."

"I'm fine." I groaned out. I stood on my own. He probably didn't want to help hold up a Captain.

"So that's pretty cool ya are a Capt'n." Kanaka grinned and folded his arms behind his head, totally contradicting what I had just thought.

"What?" I gasped.

"I always wanted what it was like to know a Captain." He grinned at me. "Hell, you could even train me! I'm not very good at the whole hand to hand combat stuff." I started my slow pace, he followed.

"I could do that." I mumbled.

"Yes!" He punched the air.

Another one accepted me. I was on a roll. A warm feeling started where my frozen heart was supposed to be.

"Don't follow me."

"Nah, ya'll miss me!"

Kenaka walked, I mean followed, me home. When I walked slow next to him it was like I was trying to hear what he was saying rather than just trying to remain standing. It made me happier. We didn't receive any more stares than usual. Just the normal people who realized who I was. I was already used to that.

Once I got home I decided to take a cold shower. Kenaka decided he wouldn't leave me alone until I promised to come over later. I did so grudgingly and shoved him out of the house.

I walked to my room and grabbed an extra pair of clothes, a tank top and jeans. I didn't want to wear too much cloth. I walked to the bathroom. I peeled of my shirt and looked at my back in the mirror for the first time.

The skin was a deep purple, almost black, around my lower shoulder blades and it followed all the way down. The edges of the bruise were a deep, healing yellow. It looked awful. I couldn't really say it looked worse than it was. It was pretty much right on the mark. Now it made sense why Unohana was so intent on having me stay in the fourth division.

I got in the shower and let the cold water pelt my bruised back. I didn't shiver, of course. My body welcomed the ice-cold waters. The water kind of hurt when it made contact with my discolored skin, but I didn't care. It was my fault for losing control.

"Feel the pain." I murmured to myself.

I stayed in the cold downpour for hours. The water never changed, for it was already cold to begin with. But eventually I had to get out. I wrapped the towel around my neck and put on only some boxers. I didn't want to put on any clothes to rub against my back just yet.

I walked to the kitchen and got some water and crackers. I hadn't eaten much in the past two days. I could feel a sort of stitch in the middle of my back. Ah, so that's where I snapped my spine. A tiny shiver ran up me at the memory of the pain. It was beyond anything I had ever felt before, and I had been cut up and sliced endlessly. I sighed and went to get dressed.

"EEEEEK! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!"

I looked over to see . . . Akira. Why was it always her? And I wasn't dressed.

"Shi- Sorry!" I yelped. She was trying to cover her blushing face. "Stay! I'll be right back." Her arm suddenly whipped out and the blush on her face was masked with concern. "What?" I asked, my face turning a sickly shade of red. I craned my neck to see her over my shoulder.

"Your back." She whispered. "It's so much worse than I thought." Her eyes flashed in devastation.

"It doesn't hurt as bad as it looks." I lied feebly. The false tone in my voice reached her. She spun me around and looked into my face.

"Why didn't you stay in the infirmary? You're not completely healed! You could have at least told me you got out! I only just heard from Kenaka!" Her eyes shone with angry tears. I stared at her dumbstruck. I couldn't find anything to say. I stared at her.

"Oh." She said suddenly her face falling. I could see some kind of emotion flash before she wiped it away. "You're a Captain." I scrunched my eyebrows together. She knew that. So-? "That means you will have to go back and do missions eventually. You should have been doing them all along . . . You shouldn't have been here this whole time."

"Akira-" I started.

"How long is your vacation?" She said in an oddly flat voice.

"Three months. But-" I answered automatically.

"Then tomorrow is your last day." She cut me off. Had she been counting the days?

"Akira, listen-" she shook her head, not looking at me. Could I be hopeful and think that she was upset for me leaving? She looked at me with a painfully forced smile.

"I'm making stew tonight because winter is starting to come." She said in a cheery voice. "Please, come if you wish!" She turned to leave. I reached out for her instinctively, but caught myself. She ran out the door.

I stood in the doorway for what seemed like minutes, but the clock told me it was over an hour. I sat there in thought about everything. I wasn't a fool. I knew there was really only one way this story would end. Only one logical ending, no fairytales.

I would go back to being a Captain and living in my own provided room in a place only soul reapers could be. And . . . Akira, she would find someone and make her family larger and have someone to support her. She would really be a mother then.

I built my resolve on knowing the end now. I knew what was coming. I was a "child prodigy" after all. I could wrap my head around such an easy thing.

Your head, yes. Your heart? Hyorinmaru said softly inside me. I ignored him. He knew very well that a Captain had to give up things they desired. Oh and how I desired to stay.

I went back to the bathroom to get my jeans and tank top. I also grabbed a light jacket, more of a shall, and wrapped it around me, just in case any of the bruising could still be showing. It slid over me easily and I could barely even feel it. Perfect. I didn't want to shock people with such a thing as discolored skin. I walked out of the door, the sun barely even lighting the sky anymore, and shut it behind me.

The short walk to the house next door seemed too long, for I didn't know what I would say, yet too short for my body was already beginning to ache to look at Akira for as long as it could before I left.

And I planned to look at her as much as I could to bore her smile, eyes, and every kindness into my everlasting memory. I craved her too much to try to forget her. Even a fool wouldn't go that far. I just needed a strong memory of her to satisfy me once I was gone. I just wasn't strong enough to deal without her. I sighed at the impossibility and opened the door to face the people whom I had been lying to for the past three months.

"Captain Hitsugaya." Renji was the first one to speak. All eyes were on me, looking at me in a new light.

"Lieutenant Abarai." I nodded solemnly.

"Captain." Shuuhei nodded to me respectfully, Kohaku attached to his side. Her face told me 'we need to talk'. Never a good sign.

"Lieutenant Hisagi." I nodded again. I had always demanded and wished to be called "Captain", so why did it feel so empty now?

"Hey there, Toshirou!" Ateko came skipping down the stairs. I blinked in shock, all faces turned toward her in the same manner.

"Hey now I can call ya Capt'n Shorty!" Kenaka appeared the same way only moments later.

That broke the ice. Everyone started laughing. I gave a half glare at the taller guy but I was secretly happy he broke the silence. He looked at everyone in question, as if he didn't understand how that could possibly be funny.

"Do and you die." I smiled, but I made sure to show how true the statement was in my eyes.

"Mmm." Takaji purred next to me. "I always loved men with power. He moved closer. I moved away slowly.

"Okay leave the poor guy alone." Aya said in her soft, sweet voice. I nodded to her in thanks.

"Dinner is ready!" Came a faint voice from the other room. No, not a "voice", the voice that my very ears lived for. Everyone piled into the other room. Akira pulled me to the side.

"I'm sorry for earlier. I over reacted. I'm normally always so composed and collected when it comes to things. I don't know what came over me." She ranted. I silenced her.

"Don't." I said sternly. "You had every right to act the way you did. It was all my-"

"Hey, lovebirds!" Kyo yelled, shaking his green hair about angrily. "I'm hungry!" We were pushed into chairs away from each other.

I glanced at Akira the whole night. I barely paid any attention to the food in front of me. Something in Akira's smile pained me. I couldn't place it. It was like the shine was missing, but no one seemed to notice. Was it only me?

After the dinner everyone moved to the living room where we could all fit comfortably. Though, I didn't get to join the rest. In a flash Kohaku had grabbed my wrist and drug me out the front door.

"Okay. Here's how this is going to go." She started. "We-"

"We?" I asked automatically.

"Hello." Aya said from my side. I jumped nearly a foot in the air.

"Don't forget about us." The twin said in union. Make that two feet.

"Yes. We." Kohaku continued briskly. "As I was saying, we will ask the questions. You will answer. Simple enough for you to get, Captain?" I nodded solemnly.

"If you're a Captain that means you have a lot of power right?" Her yellow like eyes shone at me. I simply nodded again.

"Then you caused that blast?" the twin whispered together. I nodded yet again. I couldn't seem to find the words to justify myself. They all just sat there for a minute.

"What happened?" Aya finally spoke for them.

"I-I . . . " I struggled for words. "Akira had run off, remember, and when I found her she was laying underneath Captain Kurotsuchi. He had grabbed her to get to me. And I-I . . . You see, he's the scientist and he wanted to test me. I had originally refused, and the Head Captain respected that. But he . . . he had Akira this time." I looked at them hoping they would understand. Their stiff faces had softened at me.

"And?" Hanna and Lanna whispered.

"And what else could I do?" I said, getting angry at the thought of him bringing Akira into it. "Should I just have let him test on her instead? No. So I had no choice. I had no idea I would lose control like that." I half snapped.

"No one blames you." Aya spoke up for everyone again. I looked at her, not really believing what she was saying.

"Why aren't you going on missions like a Captain should?" Kohaku cleared her throat and started up again.

"Vacation."

"Wait, how long?" She replied.

"Three months. Three month deadline is tomorrow." I didn't mention that I was on leave for my injuries. Why? I don't even know myself.

"Tomorrow?" They all gasped in union. Well Kohaku and Aya gasped but the twins more just sat there and said it.

"Yes."

"Does Akira-?" Aya squeaked out.

"Know?" I interrupted. "Yes."

"No wonder she came running home with that god forsaken smile on her face." Kohaku growled at me.

"I'm not the bad guy here!" I snapped. She couldn't honestly blame me for this.

"You are to us!" Kohaku snapped right back.

"Why the he-" I began.

"You're breaking our girl's heart!" Aya screeched. We all stared at her in pure shock. The quiet girl had just raised her voice?

The silence continued awkwardly. I stared at the trees over the girls' heads. Me? Break Akira's heart? How could you break something you could never even reach?

"I'm sorry." I said. It took all my will power to make my voice strong. Why did I say that? No, why did I actually feel sorry?

" S'okay." Aya murmured, though she sounded just as shocked and confused as I felt.

"So tomorrow-" Lanna started.

"You'll be leaving us?" Hanna finished. I nodded.

Maybe it would be best for them to not see me. They could all lead their lives normally again. I would go back to my normal life as well then too. That was the logical answer. But when did I start to hate logic?

"Why is everyone out here?" Akira's voice came from behind me. I whirled around in fear of her finding out what I was thinking. Stupid. As if she could hear my thoughts.

"Just getting some fresh air." Kohaku said calmly from behind me. "We will be in soon okay, Akira?" She urged. Akira paused for a second. She glanced over everyone until her eyes found me. Then she stiffened and nodded.

"I only have one thing to say to you, Toshirou." Kohaku spoke once Akira was safely inside. "I like you. I like you a lot. You have great aspects that make up such and interesting character. But, whatever you do, don't hurt Akira."

"I-" I started in my defense.

"Shush." She said sternly. "I know you wouldn't do it on purpose, but I'm not sure you think with your heart when so much of it is thinking with your head." I gasped, but for two reasons. She was correct. I did not know how to think with my heart. I never had to learn. But also at the moment a searing hot pain darted through my body from my back. My vision blurred.

"That may be . . . right, but I would never . . . hurt Akira." I paused to catch my breath. I was glad my voice didn't alert them. I wouldn't faint. I couldn't. Not from just standing outside. Yet my vision went in and out.

"Not physically." Aya said softly. I shook my head back and forth. The movements made my sight start to go black. I wouldn't faint. I wouldn't faint.

"Toshirou, are you okay?" Kohaku's voice turned worried. She stepped towards me.

"M'fine." I mumbled.

"Are you sure you look a little funny." She said more sure.

"Pale." Hanna breathed.

"Sweating." Lanna continued.

"M'fine!" I protested. I jerked my head up sharply, causing my back to move. I slammed my eyes shut.

Not going to faint. Not going to faint.

"Maybe you should sit down." Aya squeaked. I shook my head no. I didn't notice a change in vision. My eyes were closed.

"Now." Kohaku ordered. Where was that cheerful, stupid acting girl now?

Not going to faint. Not going to faint.

"I said I'm fine." I growled. I snapped my eyes up to look at them. My sight adjusted just in time to see Kohaku's arm reach out right before her arm pressed right into my shoulder blades, where the bruise was a deep purplish-black. I let out a muffled yell; I was biting my tongue, and blacked out as I fell to the floor.

I was startled awake as hot water collided with my body. I gasped for breath. I had fainted.

"I can't believe you did that!" My eyes rolled around restlessly until they locked on the sight of small Akira yelling up at Kenaka, who was holding a now empty bucket.

"Had to! He wouldn't wake up and she came all the way here to see him!" he whined back. She? I looked around the room and found Matsumoto peeking into the doorway. She seemed to be the only one to notice my consciousness.

I shivered. My body seemed to reject anything to warm when I was in need of healing. The small tremors made my back hit the bed.

"Well you could've let her wait a little bit!" Akira continued.

"No!" Kenaka argued back. "That, right there, is the prettiest woman I have ever seen in this world! She can't be held waiting!" He pointed a long finger at Matsumoto, who was now positively blushing. They both looked at her and followed her gaze to me.

"OH!" Akira exclaimed. "You're up, Captain!" A stab of pain hit my chest when she didn't say my name. "I mean, of course you are! Oh my! You're shivering."

Akira ran over to me and started throwing off the wet blankets and throwing on dry. I continuously shook my head no, but for what I didn't know. I saw Matsumoto and Kenaka sneak out of the room, leaving me alone with Akira.

"They left." I muttered. Akira stopped her fussing and looked toward the now closed door. A light blush started to form on her cheeks.

"So they have." She said simply.

"Let's talk."

Sorry it has taken so long for me to update this. I want every part of this to be perfect because I am coming close to closing this story. Thank you all so much for keeping with me. I know I don't have the best writing style out there, but you are all so supportive. Thank you all so much.