AARON & JACKSON
-How To Save A Life-
"Reassurance"
The following morning the atmosphere and mood in the house was sombre and that was just from Jackson, he'd been awake a few hours and his fella was still asleep in their bed. The previous night was a late one, they were up till well after one am, neither really spoke except Aaron uttering the words I'm sorry countless times and then Jackson reassuring him that it was okay and that he loved him and he spoke those words from the heart, not for a second did he even consider leaving him, it just wasn't happening.
Jackson had already called Declan to tell him he wouldn't be in work due to unforeseen circumstances and Aaron's revelation certainly came under that category; obviously he didn't tell Declan why but from the way he was speaking he knew Declan knew it was genuine and understood but he knew the man would only be understanding for so long.
It was a grey, dark wet miserable morning, but it didn't seem to stop him standing just out of the doorway in the drizzling rain clutching his cup of tea, he was tired, Aaron would be too when he woke up, even when they got in bed together both were restless but Aaron let himself be held by Jackson. He too had to shun Aaron's idea about touch; he'd certainly bought into the stigma hadn't he? Jackson took a sip of his tea as he remembered it all. The journey they were starting, potentially could be soul destroying and Jackson was well aware of that but he wasn't going to let that happen to himself and especially not Aaron, he had to remain strong just like Jackson had to be. It wasn't going to be easy, he knew that and at times they would probably argue like a married couple but they were strong enough to endure it but if Aaron couldn't be, Jackson would be enough for the both of them.
Of course though he wasn't feeling very strong at the moment, thousands of thoughts, questions and scenarios had plagued his mind since Aaron told him and still were. He closed his eyes tight and rubbed his face as he let out a sigh, then he turned and slowly headed back into the house to hear Aaron crying upstairs. Jackson sighed and shook his head and walked up the stairs.
Aaron was in their room and he heard Jackson coming up and he quickly stopped himself and got to his feet and turned and looked out of the window and looked over the village. He could hear Jackson stop in the doorway. "I erm, I'm sorry you didn't get any sleep Jackson"
"Hey, don't you worry about me"
"But I do"
"I know…I know" he told him softly as he approached him. Seconds later he was stood behind Aaron and he wrapped his arms his waist and held him close.
"The doctor said it isn't a death sentence" Aaron explained as tears ran down his face.
"Course it isn't babe"
"Then why am I so scared Jackson?" Aaron asked quietly and Jackson knew him well enough now to know when he was crying and this was one occasion.
"Because it's going to change your life babe, our life, it's not a small adjustment, it'll be massive, eating healthier, exercise…you know…then when the medication starts it'll be constant, I'm assuming every day, but we'll learn more and get the info we need when that time comes, right now we've just found out we have to let it sink in, I'm getting there, somewhat" Jackson told him with a slight smile before softly kissing Aaron's head gently. "And you will too…I know you're crying babe and it's okay to cry…you're fragile at the minute"
Aaron scoffed. "When am I not, Jackson? It's all I've ever been"
"You're going to stop believing me soon but please try not too okay but it will get better"
Aaron nodded. "I've got you, it has too"
Jackson smiled and turned Aaron around and kissed him passionately "You certainly have, now what do you say to karaoke night at the pub hmm?"
"Ah Jackson I-I…" he sighed and stuttered "I'm not sure"
"We have to carry on as normal, only you are in control of the virus, it isn't and never will be, you can't let it ruin your life, we have to carry on"
"As normal" Aaron finished for him with a nod. "Alright…but I don't wanna go mad cause we have to go to the specialist tomorrow"
"I know I haven't forgotten" Jackson told him with a smile. "What do you wanna do today?"
"Erm…I-I wanna go see my mum, will you come too?"
Jackson grinned. "Course I will, go and get freshened up"
Aaron nodded with a smile. "I love you"
"I know you do, I love you back" he replied with a chuckle.
…
Jackson was already dressed and washed for the day ahead, he had been for hours, he was milling around the house picking bits of Aaron's washing up that was lying around on the landing and the bedroom he was a typical bloke, but he loved him, that fact didn't go a miss with anyone who saw them.
Aaron was standing in front of the sink looking in the mirror as he rubbed shaving foam over his heavily grown stubble. He needed to feel better; he hoped it would help a little at least. When he was ready he started to shave and he could here Jackson singing as he tidied around downstairs, Aaron smirked, he'd never heard him sing before and he was quite impressed actually, he could carry a tune, and the fact that it didn't hurt his ears said a lot. He nodded approvingly; Jackson could sing more often if he wanted too. Aaron however would never sing in front of Jackson even though he knew he wasn't too bad at it, but Jackson was way better. He smiled it was a pleasant welcomed distraction until he saw himself in the mirror, that was the crash back to reality and he remembered instantly. He sighed and whilst holding the razor against his cheek he fell into a daze, thinking about it, thinking about the day before when he'd been told, he'd never forget that day he knew he wouldn't.
Suddenly Jackson walked into the bathroom asking if he'd hurry up and Aaron jumped and the blade cut him, he winced and dropped the razor down into the sink. "Shit!" he cursed loudly.
"I'm sorry Aaron here let me have a look" he suggested as he stepped closer to him.
Aaron's eyes widened when he turned to see Jackson walking to him. "N-No! Don't…" he told him in a panic. "Don't even think about touching me, I need to stop the bleeding"
"Okay" Jackson nodded; Aaron was as panicked as he was before he told Jackson the news the night before. He pulled off some toilet paper from the roll and handed it to him.
"Thanks" Aaron smiled.
"I…I didn't think I'm sorry"
"No don't be Jackson" he told him as he pressed the tissue onto his cheek. "W-we are just going to have to be careful when things like this happen"
"I know" Jackson replied with a nod and he swallowed hard, this was what he meant by changes, well a tiny bit, not being able to touch the man he loved if he'd hurt himself that led to bleeding. He sighed.
"You alright?"
Jackson nodded with a slight frown. "Yeah just…never mind, I'll be downstairs, I'm looking forward to a pint"
"Yeah…me too…" Aaron told him but his words trailed off as Jackson left the bathroom. He didn't need to ask why his boyfriend went weird then, he knew why, it was a big shock to him aswell, he had to quickly remember and for a few seconds he was about to let him touch him. It sounded stupid because it wasn't like Jackson would have put his hand or fingers on the blood but he couldn't take that risk, it was best nobody touched him in situations like that, or worse god forbid.
An hour or so later they arrived at the pub to see Chas and when they walked in the back room she beamed happily. "So…" she said nervously.
"it's alright Chas" Jackson replied. "I know"
"Wow…" she was surprised but mostly proud of her son.
Aaron rolled his eyes. "He had to know, just like you told me and I knew you were right…and…and he's still here" he told her happily with a smile as he slumped down onto the sofa.
Chas made eye contact with Jackson and nodded ever so slightly at him with a look in her eyes he understood immediately and he smiled at her before sitting next to Aaron.
"So you lads look knackered, can't say I'm surprised" she called to them as she walked into the kitchen to fetch them a can of lager each.
"Oh yeah, was a long night" Jackson told her.
"You're telling me…I ended up down here watching those late night game shows on ITV" she chuckled as she walked back in and handed them their cans and noticing Aaron's quietness she ruffled what little hair he had and he looked up at her and she smiled at him, a reassuring smile, it killed her though because she didn't think anything she did or said would reassure him whatsoever and she was sure Jackson felt the same.
"I kept going outside" Jackson admitted and he got a reaction from Aaron, he had turned to look at him, obviously curious. "You think this place is quiet during the day, you could hear a pin drop at night…quite eerie actually but the silence was great"
Chas nodded, she understood.
"I tried counting sheep, was a waste of time" Aaron joined in, his tone depressed and sad.
"It's just the shock love; we'll all sleep better in time"
"Yeah" Jackson smiled. "Course we will"
Aaron sighed quietly and looked across at his mum who was sat opposite them. "You still coming tomorrow mum?"
"Course I am, I told you I'm here every step of the way"
Aaron nodded "But won't Carl notice…"
"If he does, it's tough, I'll have to lie, he won't find out, nobody is going to find out from me"
Jackson squeezed Aaron's hand as Chas spoke, silent reassurance. "Thanks mum"
"No thanks needed…So are you two coming tonight?"
"Yeah course I asked this one this morning"
"I wasn't sure at first though, but if I hide away then people will suspect something…and you know what this place is like"
Chas chuckled. "Oh yes"
"B-But…" he continued with a deep frown. "Will they not just know, straight away?"
"Where'd you get that from?" Jackson asked.
"I-I dunno I just assumed, I'll probably be acting weird, different around people"
"Well yeah until you let yourself adjust" Chas told him.
"Alright, I'm just being stupid, course they won't be able to tell"
"No they won't you dafty" Jackson chuckled and put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him in closer.
"You know" Chas took a breath. "I've never said this but looking at you two now you make a lovely couple" naturally Aaron pulled his nose up at that, it was too mushy for him but Jackson beamed happily and thanked her, then laughed at Aaron.
"Yeah well I wish your mum would say the same…" Aaron said with a sigh while he rubbed his forehead, he was tired and had quite the headache going on, his flu was still clung to him but it was easing a little. Then it dawned on him. "Oh god…"
"No Aaron" Jackson interrupted; he knew what he was going to say. "Don't even think about that, she won't have to know and if she did ever find out hopefully she'll have gotten to know you by then"
"Yeah suppose"
"You just have to let her in first" Jackson added with a smirk and Aaron just blankly looked at his mum, it was the last thing he wanted to do, Chas simply chuckled and shook her head at him. "Sort that out between yourselves I'm staying clear of it"
Jackson smiled and reassured Aaron his mum would be fine but he just had to take that first step, something he was sure Aaron had to build up the courage to do, but not yet, there was too much happening at the moment and he understood that.
"Did you know Jackson could sing mum? He's amazing and I'm not being biased either…" Aaron began.
Jackson scoffed. "Uh but you are"
Aaron turned to Jackson quickly "No I'm not" then back to his mum with a smirk.
…
After spending the rest of the day at home relaxing and catching a well-earned nap in each other's arms on the sofa in front of the TV with the fire going, well it was safe to say it was a good day considering and Aaron hadn't failed to notice how tightly Jackson had his arms wrapped around him, it made him cry a little actually but Jackson never knew, or if he had, he hadn't let on. When they woke up it was time to get ready and Aaron hadn't backtracked on his decision to go to the pub which surprised Jackson, he thought he would have. After quickly showering and getting dressed they were ready and stood outside as Aaron locked the front door. "Here we go" he said quietly.
"It'll be fine babe, I promise" Jackson told him. "You look the same, nothing has changed, and they won't be able to tell okay?"
Aaron smiled as they left the house and headed down the village. "I couldn't miss tonight anyway…"
Jackson frowned. "Why?"
"You'll see"
"Oh god Aaron, what have you done?"
Aaron smirked and shook his head. "Not saying a word"
"Ahh no!" he slapped his forehead. "You've put me up for the karaoke haven't you?"
Aaron burst into laughter. "Yeah, yeah I have"
"Not a chance Aaron!"
"But you have to cause my mum wants to hear you"
"Yeah if it was just her and you then fair enough but it isn't…"
"Well…just look at me then, the entire time"
"Oh alright…but I chose the song"
"Of course" Aaron replied with an exaggerated nod.
"Good, alright then I'll do it if it'll make you happy"
"It would indeed, for a few hours at least" Aaron cursed silently. "I'm sorry, I'll stop doing that, I promise"
Jackson stopped at the doorway of the pub and looked at him thoughtfully. "It'll be okay"
Aaron nodded before they both walked in to the heaving pub filled with familiar faces they both all knew and unfortunately some Aaron wouldn't want to be in the same room with but that of course was unavoidable – Carl King for one. When they stood at the bar Chas quickly walked over with two pints in her hand and she placed them down, they had been waiting for them. They thanked her and Jackson held out a ten pound note to her but she told him no, they were on her. Jackson told her it was fine but she was adamant. "Oh aye what's this then? Gunna give me a free drink aswell?"
"Carl just had to get his pennies worth in didn't he?" Aaron asked Jackson as he glared at Carl.
"Just, ignore him, come on Adam's over there, we'll sit with him"
"Alright lads, looking forward to this, I hear someone's getting up on the karaoke"
Jackson rolled his eyes as he sat down. "How many people has your mum told Aaron?"
"Oh err just Adam….aaannnd him, him her, him-" he smirked as he looked around the pub but stopped quickly when Jackson cut him off.
"Everyone then?" he asked with a raised eyebrow as Chas' voice screeched over the microphone telling everyone the karaoke was ready and whoever wanted to could fill their boots.
"Yeah pretty much" Aaron told him as he shared a knowing cheeky look with Adam.
Jackson groaned. "Well I'm only doing it for you so be grateful"
"Aww I'm sure he will be!" Adam chuckled.
"You know I will be" Aaron told him definitely.
After a few minutes Jackson had nipped off to the loo leaving Aaron and Adam alone. "Sorry I haven't popped in for a while mate it's been crazy at the farm"
"Ah no worries mate, I've had stuff going on too"
"Like?"
"Oh erm…l-listen now isn't the time to say…but you're my best mate and I do want you to know that's all I'm gunna say right now"
"Oh okay" he was definitely intrigued but accepted what Aaron had said. "Whenever you're comfortable mate you know I'm here"
Aaron was grateful to have such a good mate and when he looked around the pub he and his mum looked at each other and she simply gave him a wink with her usual smile, from behind the bar, he couldn't believe he hated her a few days ago, and promising never to speak to her again, he couldn't believe how stupid he'd been, but his diagnosis of being HIV positive had made him forget all that, it wasn't important and Carl King certainly wasn't either, what was though was his mum, he needed her and he was thankful that she hadn't told him to go away just like he had with her many times.
"Alright everyone!" Jackson's voice came out of the speakers all over the pub and both Aaron and Adam looked over at him.
"Must have snuck over" Aaron smirked and Adam agreed. "God I'm looking forward to this" Aaron frowned at his best mate. "I have no idea what song he's going to pick so be warned"
"he's a romantic apparently so I'm betting it's a love song"
Aaron scrunched up his nose. "If he dare-" he was stopped by Jackson speaking again.
"So I was roped into singing tonight cause I stupidly let my loving boyfriend Aaron over there hear didn't I?" he got quite a lot of laughs from that. "And he says I'm amazing but he's just been biased, and I already had this discussion with him and what I say stands alright?"
"Ah shush you and sing!" Aaron shouted over.
"Yeah, right well this isn't a well-known song probably but it's a westlife song, no wait don't judge" he said with a smirk. "There's a reason I've picked this and it'll become clear…" he then looked directly over at the love of his life. "Aaron, this is for you"
"Oh god" Aaron muttered and Adam laughed and squeezed his shoulder as the music began to play, a few piano notes and the pub was silent and watching curiously, waiting for this amazing voice… they didn't have wait long, Jackson started to sing, Aaron waited and watched for people's responses, he noted quite a few mouths falling open and hushed conversation could be heard.
Once in a lifetime,
You look in someone's eyes,
And it feels like the world stops…Turning at once,
Even Aaron's jaw dropped it was even more amazing than earlier, and it was to and for him! He couldn't believe it. Jackson's voice was powerful and steady; he had everyone's attention that was for sure.
Well, that's what it felt like for me,
I knew right away this day would be,
Standing together, believing forever…Is there in our reach,
As love is my witness I swear,
I'll be with you 'til the end,
Nothing can tear this love apart…I'll put my hand upon my heart
This is the promise I make to you…Whatever comes we'll see it through,
Jackson nodded as he sang those words but Aaron began to sob and he couldn't stop it as he kept his tear filled eyes on his boyfriend, and Jackson's were on him, it felt like it was just the two of them in their own world.
Nothing can break it, feeling's too strong…As love is my witness
We've both known sorrow, we have known heartache, he couldn't help but smirk when he sang those words
When our dreams for tomorrow, Seemed so far away,
But that brought us closer! Yeah it brought us together, So that we'd know the real thing,
That's why I can say!
Aaron sat listening in a daze, unaware that his mum and even Hazel who was at the other end of the bar were standing crying their eyes out. It was nearing the end of the song and Jackson hadn't given it his all yet but Aaron knew he would now and he did and he wiped his tears away as Jackson belted out the lyrics with his very powerful and if he said so himself, very sexy voice.
I know whatever comes to be,
Together we'll face the mystery,
Here in my heart, deep in my soul,
Somehow I know, I know!
Nothing can break it, this feeling's too strong,
As love is my witness…
The song slowly ended but before it could and Jackson had stopped singing, the pub exploded with cheers and rounds of applause. Jackson grinned and he nodded. "Uh yeah…wow…cheers…oh and uh…I love you Aaron Livesy, I meant every word…stop those tears eh?" he grinned happily and laughter filled the pub aswell as Aaron but he'd looked away in embarrassment.
Adam was happy to see Aaron and Jackson happy but if they thought he was stupid, they were wrong, it was a very romantic gesture but for Aaron to sob like that right next to him? When it would have been something he would never have allowed himself to do was a bit strange, but then again after everything they'd been through together…he sighed, trying to figure it out, he couldn't but something was going on, and he'd simply have to ask them.
But he couldn't, they were standing next to their table with arms wrapped around each other while they shared a kiss, Adam didn't miss out on the fact that Aaron was still crying. When they sat back down Adam smiled at them. "Everything okay?"
"Um" Aaron grinned. "Yeah"
"You sure? Don't have anything to tell your best mate?"
Aaron put on a frown but panicked inside. "No why?" he asked quickly.
"Ahh come on mate" Jackson jumped in to save him. "We've had a rough six months that's all"
"And that's it?" he wanted to be sure.
Aaron nodded. "Yeah, course mate" he told him with a smile.
"Right okay" Adam relaxed a little. "I just worry about you that's all"
"I know and I appreciate that" he told him as tears filled his eyes again but thankfully Adam wasn't looking right at him and Aaron then looked across the table to Jackson and stopped them, if one tear fell Adam would second guess everything they had both just told him, he felt horrible for lying though but it had to be that way for now.
TBC…