A/N: Hey guys, okay, let me cover a few points here.

First, as usual, I just want to thank everyone for the great support! Please continue reviewing, I know I always forget to reply to most of the reviews, but know that each one means so much to me.
Second, I'm sorry (okay, maybe not that sorry) I left you hanging with that preview but I hope it prepared you for my full-on angst this chapter (and way more in the chapter after this one). This is one of the few chapters I've detailed way before writing the other chapters, so I hope you like it!
Third, since I've gotten a couple messages of people asking, the title of the 18th chapter comes from the song Don't Give Up On Us by The Maine because the lyrics inspired me as I wrote out the conflict. (I see the light in the night when you're fading away/ Trust in us, we're all that you've got these days/Take a look inside these eyes…..Don't give up on us)
And lastly, the title of this chapter is from Awake My Soul - Mumford & Sons, if any of you were wondering :)

So yeah, anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this one :)

The first person to react as I tell Remus that he drank Lily's Veritaserum is James. Shooting up from the floor, he hurries around the table to extend his hand to a very pale-faced Remus. "Come on, Moony," he says, trying to hide the obvious panic in his voice. "You're right, we should get going. You really need your rest."

But Frank cuts in. "Aw, come on, James. Let's have some fun. A little Veritaserum won't kill him. He'll be okay."

"Yeah," Peter pipes up. "You guys should stay for a few more Butterbeers at least. Moony, just relax," he adds as he glances over at Remus, whose mouth is still open and eyes still staring at the small empty bottle in his hand.

I stare at Peter in disbelief. How exactly do you forget that your best mate is a fucking werewolf and that allowing him, while under the influence of a truth serum, to stay with people who don't know isn't exactly the best fucking idea in the world?

"Easy for you to say. It's not exactly relaxing to have your secrets vulnerable to others," I snap at him.

Peter opens his mouth, then closes it, finally understanding. "Oh...right. Yeah. Sorry..." he stutters helplessly as James rolls his eyes at him.

Alice, who is still wrapped in Frank's arms as usual, looks at us curiously. "What are you guys talking about? Relax, Sirius, it's not like we're going to interrogate him or anything. We just want to keep hanging out. We rarely get the Common Room to ourselves," she says, gesturing around the room. "Besides, Lily is already working on the antidote."

I turn around, and sure enough, I see that Alice is right. Lily already has my cauldron in front of her, pouring in ingredients in a trance that's both effortless and focused. Probably feeling my gaze on her, she glances up and returns my smile.

I don't know whether Remus has told her or not, but either way, I know that she's aware of his condition. The fact that she is beyond intelligent and used to be Snape's best friend, gave her enough information to know. I've lost count of how many times she's pretended to not notice us when we leave the Common Room during the full moons or provided a very convincing array of theories I know she doesn't really believe in whenever Aliceasks about our strange behavior. She's never actually talked about it as far as I know, but as her hands develop the familiar swift motion as she tries to create the antidote quicker, I'm sure she's thinking the same thing James and I are. If anyone were to bring up anything about our late night disappearances Remus, with his present lack of control, wouldn't be very discreet about it.

"No," Lily says, though still not taking her eyes off her work. "Sirius is right; you guys go tuck him in. And, pay attention to this Anthony, it might come up in your O.W.L.S."

Alice just shrugs and nestles closer to Frank, but her boyfriend obviously isn't as keen to let Remus get away with it. He squints at us in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"Well, it's just that –"

"Nothing," I interrupt Remus. "There's no problem."

I stand up, hovering over Remus next to James, waiting for the former to stand up with us so we can leave. But Remus is still frozen on the spot.

"Oh come on, what's the cute little club hiding?" Frank persists.

Before James can even smack him for using Lily's nickname for The Marauders, Remus blurts out, "Every month we – mmppph."

Now kneeling next to Remus with my hand plastered over his mouth, I give Frank a strained smile. "Nothing. Just a bit worried he might spill the details of the next prank we're going to test on you," I attempt to kid lightheartedly.

Frank scoffs. "Oh, please. I'm the only person you guys haven't managed to pull a prank on since third year. I have over five years' worth of stored knowledge to know you guys enough to at least be sure that you lot don't have anything up your sleeves that can surprise me."

Lily, who was still stirring away and earning awed looks from Ashwood (who has strangely kept quiet the whole conversation unlike everyone else), snorts at Frank's naive comment.

He raises an eyebrow at her, and ignoring Alice's sleepy groans to just let it go already, turns to Remus. He loses his joking tone and his voice is filled with sincere curiosity now.

"What are you hiding?" he whines, as he leans forward to pry my hand of Remus' mouth.

Before I can swat Frank's hand away and return my grip over Remus' words, he blurts out – "I'm a were – UGH, JAMES, WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Drenched in James' Butterbeer, he stares up at him with a shocked expression.

Frank, not caring about James throwing his drink at Remus, just mutters in frustration, "He's aware? Aware of what? Ugh, I give up on you guys, it's a wonder I even try." He leans back, arms crossed over his chest with a pout on his mouth. But a smirk appears on his face as Alice plants a quick, consoling kiss on his cheek.

I roll my eyes, thinking, Alice should have done that sooner, as James smiles apologetically at Remus. "Sorry, Moony. Accident."

Ashwood, nose still buried in Evans-approved notes, chuckles as Lily and I mumble a sarcastic, "Nice save" at James.

James, ignoring us, just pulls Remus off the floor. "Come on, Moony. Let's get you all dried up and warm in bed, birthday boy," he says, then turns to Lily. "Lils, bring up that antidote when you're done, will you?"

Lily nods. "Sure. Just go get our little drugged one into bed already," she says, grinning. "Happy birthday, Rem," she adds.

Remus, through a mask of dripping Butterbeer, smiles gratefully at her.

James grabs his wrist and starts to drag him off, when Frank, still huddled around a half-asleep Alice, says, "Give the birthday boy a goodnight kiss for me, James."

Lily laughs. "Oh please, he has better standards than Potter for a first kiss, right, Remus?" she jokes, as she examines her potion.

Before I can snicker at her insult and follow them to the dorm, Remus interjects suddenly while walking towards the stairs with James.

"Actually, James is my first kiss. We snogged in third year."

I drop my Butterbeer and the racket the crash makes echoes around the now-silent room.

Remus and James stop in their tracks and tentatively turn around. James, with an expression I know means he's looking for an excuse or a joke to recover from this, and Remus with a horrified look on his face. He opens his mouth, and then closes it again.

Frank and Peter stare at him and they look like they're on the brink of laughter. But their smiles fade, probably as they remember that Remus can't joke with Veritaserum in his system.

Ashwood stares at us with bulging eyes. His gaze shifts nervously around the room. He clears his throat, then turns to a very confused Lily. "I'm gonna head up now, can we continue tomorrow?"

Lily nods slowly, not saying anything as Ashwood hurries off upstairs to his dormitory.

The silence is prolonged for a few more seconds before Peter breaks it.

"You two... snogged," he deadpans. But as soon as he says it, he and Frank double over in laughter, clutching their stomachs.

"Wow, okay, I take it back, looks like you do know how to hide things from me," Frank says in between guffaws, slapping at the arm rest.

"You two don't make a very cute couple, but whatever floats your boat," Peter supplies, his roar subsiding into a fit of chuckles.

"You guys are so immature," Lily chides, glaring at them. Then, her eyes glance at me apprehensively, making me certain that she knows more about this than I thought she did.

Frank and Peter continue snickering, but their laughter fades when I start to storm up the stairs, ignoring Remus calling after me.

I'm pacing back and forth in our room restlessly, rubbing my temples, when I hear a door open.

"Hey," Remus says, a worried hint in his green eyes.

I stop walking around and turn to him with a snap. "What do you want?"

"You seem... upset," he mutters pathetically, trying to subtly avoid looking me straight in the eye.

I let out a bitter chortle. "Very observant of you, Lupin. Is that all?"

A hurt look flashes across his face as he closes the door behind him and takes a step toward me. "Since when were we on a last name basis, Black?"

I cross my arms, looking at him pointedly. "Since when do we keep secrets from each other? Since when do you snog my best mate and agree to not tell me?"

"I've kept more secrets from you than you will ever know," Remus says, the Veritserum taking over again. "And it was one kiss three years ago, I hardly think that matters."

Looking at him disbelievingly, I shake my head. "Wow. Just wow."

"Why does this bother you? Are we really going to have another fight over something stupid?!" he exclaims, narrowing his eyebrows.

And as if I've swallowed some of the potion as well, the truth spills out like unstoppable waves.

"Why does this bother me? Wow, okay, this is why it bothers me. You two kissed. I don't care that you did, and I honestly don't give a single damn that you didn't tell me about it. What's a pile of rubbish is that you snogged and it didn't fucking drop a bomb all over your friendship. You two are still friends. You never had to force yourself to be around him. I was starting to understand why you distanced yourself from me. Of course it's weird to snog your best mate, the awkwardness that follows after that could happen to anyone, but no, apparently you can't deal with it when it's me. And that's what –"

Remus cuts me off, throwing his hands up in frustration. "It was different! I was bloody thirteen, we were actually sober, and he was just helping me out!" he yells at me.

I scoff. "Are you kidding me?"

"What now?!"

"What problem could you have possibly had that could be solved with James snogging you?!"

"I'll admit it wasn't the best method, but you know how James is. He was helping me figure out whether I –"

He suddenly closes his mouth and winces. His trembling lips tell me that he's biting his tongue down, fighting the potion.

"Whether you're what?" I demand.

He looks terrified for a fraction of a second before his scared face dissolves into a look of determination. His jaw relaxes and he opens his mouth. "Whether I'm a fucking queer or not," he says simply, then adds, "And I am."

I feel like someone took a hit at my chest, winding me. My mouth opens in shock and I gape at him, letting my hands fall limp at my sides.

"As in... gay?" I ask, feeling stupid as soon as the question leaves my mouth.

"Yes, Sirius. 'As in gay'," he mimics my clueless tone.

"Oh."

I don't know what to say or what to do. How does one react to the brand new information that their best friend is gay?

How did I even miss this? I'm supposed to be the one who knows Remus the most. I suppose that it isn't exactly unbelievable. Actually, it explains a lot – with him never talking about girls and everything. But I never thought about it. Never considered the prominent possibility.

Before this whole mess, I was the person Remus was most comfortable with. Well, at least, I thought I was. Why did he tell James and not me? Did he not trust me to accept him? I was fine with being friends with a werewolf, did he honestly think that him being gay was something bigger than that? Did he think I couldn't help him figure things out?

Did he even figure things out when James fucking snogged him? Or is he just figuring this out now?

Is this why he can't talk to me? Because he's scared I won't want to be around him if I knew he was gay?

"Please say something," he pipes up, now fiddling with a loose thread in his cardigan.

So I voice out my thoughts. "So this is why you haven't been talking to me and acting weird. Because you're still dealing with figuring things out. You honestly think that I wouldn't want to be your friend because of this... Remus, I accept you no matter..." I trail off, seeing the incredulity in his eyes and head shaking in disbelief.

"Well, that's just great," he mutters sarcastically.

In a migraine-inducing state of confusion and irritation, I stare at him, not knowing what he means. "What now?"

"It's amazing how you can march right up to the point and not notice it," he deadpans.

I raise my eyebrows at him, offended. "What is that supposed to mean?"

I'm uncertain that the rant that pours out of him is because of the potion or his aggravation. "It means that I wouldn't stop talking to you just because I'm gay. I've known which way I swing since I was thirteen, Sirius. So no, that's not why I'm barely talking to you. That's not why I need to distance myself from you at all. I'm acting weird because it's you. Period. Because it's you. Because we kissed. Because of your darling Maggie. Because of –"

My head starts to hurt and before I can resist it, I cut him off. "You're not making any sense, Remus."

"Well fuck you."

"Stop that, will you?!" I snap at him, clenching my fists.

He scoffs, his blank eyes searching mine. "Stop what?"

"Stop lashing out at me without telling me what you really mean! I get it, okay?! I'm clueless. I never get anything right, and all the things I know aren't the things that will lead me to a bloody answer," I say, my voice rising in the most desperate tone I've ever heard myself create. "So stop reminding me. Stop telling me off for it. Otherwise, I will never understand why you're so keen on staying away from someone who used to mean something to you."

His eyes me with an empty expression. "That's the problem. You still mean something to me. Regardless of everything that has happened in the past few months, you still do."

His face doesn't show any emotion and his tone remains unreadable. None of it is even a fraction clearer.

"Get to the point," I beg, my voice rising and my patience withering. "Just get to the fucking point. I'm tired of you making me feel so fucking daft!" I scream, pointing an accusing finger at him. "So, before I go mental, just skip the bullshit, Lupin, because I've got no idea what all this is really about!"

To my surprise, he laughs. A dark, empty laugh as he stares at me.

"Merlin, Sirius, are you really that oblivious?" he questions, glowering at me. "Do I really have to fucking spell it out for you? Fine, let me tell you what all this is really about, you fucking git."

"Go ahead then," I challenge, not showing how scared I am. With Veritaserum involved, I can only imagine how overwhelming his next words will be. "Go ahead and tell me what I did wrong."

"You want to know what you did wrong? Okay then, this is what you did wrong," he starts as he looks at me, and I swear I can see a tinge of fear. But he's so bitter and agitated, that it fades. He takes a deep breath, as if about to take a plunge into dangerous waters that will swallow him whole, then finally opens his mouth, being guided by the truth serum's prompts, and continues.

"Around three years ago, when you barely had any idea about what my condition really meant, you decided to visit me the morning after. The moment you saw that the sky had a hint of light after the full moon, you ran through the passage to the Shrieking Shack and got to me by the time it was on the brink of the sunrise. You were fourteen, a reckless almost-teenager, curious and bright-eyed, and so excited that when you burst through the door, you were expecting me to be like a fictional soldier dramatically emerging from a battle with a proud smile. Instead, you got a barely blanket-clad thirteen-year-old, curled up on the floor in a fit of tears, covered in blood, grime, and as soon as you arrived, shame. A scrawny, vulnerable boy, whimpering in the corner, not even strong enough to get to the bed.

It was around three years ago, and I was scared. I was scared that you would be sickened and disappointed at the sight. I was scared that you wouldn't want to be around someone who was so helpless and weak. I was scared that you would only think of me as either a monster or a pathetic mess. I was so scared because...I didn't even have enough strength to sit up and ask you to leave.

It was around three years ago, when I expected you to look repulsed by the sight of me, you just stared at me for a good five seconds in shock. The kind of shock that showed concern, rather than the disgust I had prepared myself for. Well, those five seconds passed eventually, and you rushed to me. You charmed the blanket to warm me up as you pulled it tighter around me after healing the few wounds that you could. When your attempts to get me up didn't work, you just sat with me, and laid my head on your lap. I told you that you didn't have to stay with me because Pomfrey would be coming down to fetch me in an hour or so. You just smiled and said, 'Well, I can't imagine a better way to spend the next hour-or-so.'

It was around three years ago, and since that was the year we first had Muggle Studies, it was also the year you started asking for more details about the Muggle world – the conversation that caused me to unknowingly drag you into my obsession with The Beatles. So, when we were huddled in that dusty corner, with me lying on your lap, the sun started to rise – the pull of the moon was becoming more distant – and you surprised me by singing Here Comes the Sun. Surprised because I didn't know you'd been borrowing my records and that you had the most amazing voice. You continued to sing as I fell asleep."

I stare at him, now more confused than ever.

Of course, I remember everything he's recounting. That was the first morning I visited him merely minutes after his morning transformation from the wolf. The first morning I took care of him. The first morning I fully understood that his condition wasn't just something to be awed about. I even remember the song, the song that popped into my head the moment the sun started rising and his pain was slowly subsiding. It was one of those memories that will forever imprint on my head.

But the fact that I remember as much as he does doesn't mean that I understand what he's trying to tell me. I open my mouth to ask, but he talks before I can.

He mutters, with a sad look in his eyes, "Around three years ago, at that very moment, you made me fall unconditionally in love with you. That's what you did wrong."

Preview for the next chapter: "No, I get it. What you're saying is that you reckon you can dictate my fucking emotions. Well, that's not how things work and, no matter how bloody inconvenient this is for you, you're going to have to deal with that. "